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Dating rewind: Dating representative?

Have you ever reached the 90 day mark in a new romance and start to notice a new personality emerging?  Don’t be alarmed! That’s just the representative leaving and the real person showing up. Occasionally you get lucky and the representative closely resembles the real person.

Sadly, there are other times when that “dating representative” may as well have been a paid actor hired to lure you into a false sense of security and relationship bliss.  You then have to make a choice: Do you decide to give the real person a shot or do you bail on the potentially good/bad ride you are about to take?

How do you know when the “real person” is worth the same amount of time and investment you gave their representative?

Do you think that it’s hard to show all your true sides when you first meet someone? Is it possible to date without having that “representative” show up at all?

How real do you get when it comes to letting someone new in your life get to know your authentic self?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

199 comments Add your comment

Lee

September 24th, 2013
7:12 am

Run Run away if the person does a 180 degree turn in personality… I would be gone so fast you would like I was the run runner…. beep beep

I am quite at first — i stay true — when i go out i dress for the occasion –when i am home i wear shorts and a tee shirt doesn’t matter who is coming over I am not getting dressed up to sit in my own house thats crazy.. I am the type of person that tells it like it is, if you really don’t want to know better not ask me.

Hazel

September 24th, 2013
8:16 am

great question. No one is 100% right away. One has to feel comfortable, not feel judged and take time to be who they are on the real. My true side could be being very sensitive …which I will hold back if I’m getting to know you. True side could be having conservative parents, that I act conservative around.. but you don’t need to know that now. It’s impossible to show true sides when meeting someone.

YesSheIsCute

September 24th, 2013
8:40 am

Good morning all!

I agree with Hazel. There are very few if any people that feel like their personality is their best foot forward. I think all people do a little censoring at first because we are trying to feel the person out and not scare them away with their neuroses idiosyncracies.

SlimNu

September 24th, 2013
8:52 am

The representative can wear off at any moment, whether it be 2 weeks, 30 – 90 days or after 3 years…but some folks do change. It’s just a matter of if that change goes along with something you want to stay signed on to.

Do you think that it’s hard to show all your true sides when you first meet someone?

Well the older I get the less likely i care to put on a show for you. What you see is what you get….but of course we don’t want to just air all our flaws to a new suitor. Don’t want to scare away some good bait. lol I try to keep a wrap on all my 38 other personalities. One may get too overwhelmed and confused if they do not meet them over time. :oops:

Just trying to make light of this misty dreary Tuesday!

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
9:16 am

Morning all!

Where did this rain come from? Watching the news last night and they said no rain until tomorrow morning. Ergh!!! Messes up some plans after work if it sticks around.

Anyway…with me, what you see is what you get. Although, The Ex would tell you different. He used to tell me that he fell in love with who he thought I was. I was me the whole time and I never understood where that came from. If he didn’t like who I was, he should have left a hell of a lot sooner. Now, he had a representative that lasted just about a year. He sucked me in with him being a “better man” than he was in the past and how much he changed and appreciates life and love. Yeah…that lasted the first year and then he went back to being the dog he was 12 years ago…

Celisea

September 24th, 2013
9:22 am

I think it’s possible to be who you are right out of the gate. IMO, “representative” or believing in such is something we’ve conditioned ourselves to be is a given….not all the time. At least I don’t believe. Now, if you’re the kind of person that worry about folks and what they think, impressions and scoring, etc etc etc then yeah there’s a strong possibility that you dabble in appearances. However, if you’re looking to do the dang thing, then I believe you don’t waste time, you show the person what they’re working with and who you are. Having said that, I do believe it takes time to see the person’s whole self. I don’t think you’ll get that in one whop, or a few dates….that takes time. But just because you don’t see their entire self, doesn’t mean the part you did see was faking or a representative.

Anyway, “representative” takes too much work. Got no time fa dat!!

Celisea

September 24th, 2013
9:25 am

……representative is something we’ve conditioned ourselves to be a given…..”

is what I meant

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
9:50 am

I’d like to think I’m myself right off the bat, but I do not put all of myself on the table. I have to guage the man in front of me and all my quirkness doesn’t need to be revealed all at once. I’m not going to present myself in a manner that isn’t who I am, but I will hold back.

Good morning! Worst traffic I’ve seen in a long time.

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
9:50 am

Did everyone oversleep or get stuck in traffic this morning?

2CPTG©

September 24th, 2013
9:56 am

Enter your comments here

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
9:57 am

Could be traffic. I didn’t arrive until 9:30.

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
10:07 am

This surprise rain really did a number on traffic this morning. I’m lucky to live 6.5 miles from work, but was still about 10 minutes late.

Exiled

September 24th, 2013
10:11 am

The moment uall smash,that’s when u gwy the real real..even with chics!

She can be queenish,stuck up,fly,ms sophisticate,speak softly type woman when u are still doing the dating motions….

The moment she goes speanish on u,uttering all sorts of delight expletives in the middle of the smash,that’s when u know u got her….

Now she starts cussing in ur presence,she can fart loudly in the bathroom and she won’t even close the door…her hair is now way down.

For dudes,smashing is ur ticket to knowing the real chic.

And some of us dudes bail out once we done smashing.
Now you know that All we wanted! :lol:

I guess she can cuss,’douche’bag’!! :lol:

Good morning MIA!

Exiled

September 24th, 2013
10:14 am

u get the real

SlimNu

September 24th, 2013
10:14 am

Bluz – Surprise rain is right…I had my dress and sandals on and run out to start my car up. I open up the door and was like RAIN? Huh??? I can’t STAND for my feet to get wet but I was already dressed and just sucked it up….not to mention I just curled my hair and this misty rain is not good for a black girls hair…

Single & Happy

September 24th, 2013
10:20 am

Hello all

Now this is the reason I believe in becoming friends, and getting to know the person first. Not into meeting and jumping into relationships. Have had a few say I take to long and they’re not interested any more, but for me, it means you really weren’t interested in the first place! While for others that weren’t interested in the beginning became interested later on.

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
10:21 am

But this surprise rain was just mist, why traffic was a slow crawl. That’s why everything goes haywire with the first snowflake…

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
10:28 am

Leggs – It started really raining here in Norcross on my way in this morning. It made me cold!!! I just hope it clears up this afternoon/evening. I blew off walking my friend’s dog last night because I was really sleepy and said I would come tonight. If I had known it was gonna rain, I would have gone last night no matter how sleepy I was!

Single & Happy

September 24th, 2013
10:29 am

Enter your comments here

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
10:34 am

S/H – I agree that it is important to get to know the person as a friend before developing a relationship. With The Ex, I knew him from the past and jumped in waaaaaayyyy too soon with the relationship. I should have waited and maybe I would have seen all the red flags before I invested my heart!

YesSheIsCute

September 24th, 2013
10:39 am

@SlimNu I feel you this week is spirit week at work. So I stepped out with my color coded dress mask and sandals and was very surprised at this mist/drizzle. It’s ok since I work inside but it did damper my “spirit” for today’s spirit week activities.

@SH I agree with you it is important to get to know the person as a friend before developing a relationship. It took awhile for me to get the understanding what that really means. Only fools rush in.

Single & Happy

September 24th, 2013
10:40 am

bluz, I had an ex a few months ago that wanted to jump back in a relationship. I took my time and remembered why she was an ex!

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
10:43 am

Bluz ~ I started to rephrase my post with “when I left the house this morning it was just a mist.” Wasn’t thinking of those that get out while it’s still dark and may have been raining before I opened my eyes.

Single & Happy

September 24th, 2013
10:45 am

Yes, and when you try to explain this to people they say you’re just being negative and hating (LOL)

YesSheIsCute

September 24th, 2013
10:56 am

@SH don’t get me wrong I’d love to skip to the part where we know each other and I can be free to express myself emotionally, physically etc. However such a partnership is worth the wait of wading through the platonic friendship waters first.

2CPTG©

September 24th, 2013
11:00 am

However such a partnership is worth the wait of wading through the platonic friendship waters first.

that’s the boring part!

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
11:00 am

Leggs – LOL! It was about 8:15 for me. I’m still snoozing when it’s still dark! When I looked at the weather map, nothing even showed up in my area!

YesSheIsCute

September 24th, 2013
11:12 am

@2C boring but necessary.

SlimNu

September 24th, 2013
11:14 am

Yes – Let me see those spirit fingers!!!!!

2CPTG©

September 24th, 2013
11:14 am

@Cutie….not with me tho, right…you and I can skip all the rigamarole, and get right to the good part….

2CPTG©

September 24th, 2013
11:16 am

btw, Leggs, I posted a video for you on my FB page…..

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
11:24 am

btw, 2C – sent you friend request just now

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
11:27 am

2C ~ I saw it this morning when I got to work, but now have to wait until I get home to view it.

YesSheIsCute

September 24th, 2013
11:29 am

@SlimNu lmao! I hope I win any of the spirit contests this week. Me and my spirit fingers! :lol:

YesSheIsCute

September 24th, 2013
11:30 am

@2C how Bluzgirl get to friend request you and I can’t? :?

Mrs. SexyCool

September 24th, 2013
11:32 am

One of the bonuses of *having* to walk the dog – you get a preview of the weather before you actually get dressed in the mornings.

2CPTG©

September 24th, 2013
11:34 am

sh!t, just send a request…….ain’t like you don’t know all my info already….hell, that’s why I said you and I can skip all the ohter nonsense and get to it!

2CPTG©

September 24th, 2013
11:35 am

and Bluz, I thought that was you……”kick ass blues”!!!!

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
11:35 am

Mrs. SexyCool

September 24th, 2013
11:37 am

Sometimes, it can take more than 90 days for a person’s truER nature to be revealed. A person often shows their truest nature in times of conflict, challenge, adversity, crisis (pick a word).

2CPTG©

September 24th, 2013
11:39 am

A person often shows their truest nature in times of conflict, challenge, adversity, crisis (pick a word).

Sexy, I’ll take horny for $200.

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
11:40 am

I’m in one of my moods where I can’t seem to stop eating. It happens every so often and I’m constantly hungry today. Have to be careful!!!

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
11:40 am

Mrs. SexyCool

September 24th, 2013
11:42 am

The young lady whose parents donated the wedding reception to HFTH is in my running group and an FB friend. She really is good people. And it is cool to know good people.

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
11:42 am

It’s nice to be able to a face with a name/personality!

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
11:45 am

*put a face…

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
11:52 am

Bluzgirl

September 24th, 2013
11:57 am

Durty Burd

September 24th, 2013
12:02 pm

Good Morning!

No one can see all of you at the beginning of the relationship, but at least put your true self forward each and every time when you are together. This I donn’t want to scare him off now is BS. Would you rather get dump now because your did not hold back something they might not like or later after you are more emotionally and physically involved.

2C this might be the blog of the flat butt, since not one has answer your question from Friday….hehehehehehe!

Leggs

September 24th, 2013
12:03 pm

Bluz ~ I didn’t even read the story re: Kanye but said basically the same thing. He’s twisted!