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Dating: Proceed with caution

The dating scene can be fun and entertaining but there is always the potential for some drama. A lot of us go into dating relationships with a healthy dose of pessimism while others don’t know how to proceed with caution! Red flags just wave wildly and we get to caught up to notice them.

I think it is great to try and see the good in people, however, if you are getting a bad vibe you should listen to your instinct. I can remember I ignored a red flag as small as treating the waiter poorly. Later on, that same guy proved he was rude and condescending to a lot of people at times.

What kind of red flags do you think people should notice in dating? One guy said a really messy car should have been a clue that his girlfriend was messy. Did you ever miss a red flasg?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

156 comments Add your comment

Lee

September 23rd, 2013
6:58 am

1. How your date treats other people
2. Do they always have a story to tell. Doesnt matter what its about they make a story about everything, these stories happen when you are supposed to be together but not all the time, followed by so what are you doing?
3. Being Late
4. see #1 because one day they will treat you like they treat others…

I don’t see why we have to do this work thing every Monday, Mondays should be optional

Lee

September 23rd, 2013
7:12 am

oh i forgot the “phone” always on it

Exiled

September 23rd, 2013
8:27 am

Depends on at what point in life you are dating…if you are much older(30+),every datee should be a Red flag!

Why would you consider yourself so lucky that every man or woman out there has ‘mussed’ on this man and You,only You just happen to be this lucky one to win the Lotto? :lol:

….my point is,you are meeting someone who has been let go by other numerous men(women)…some second hand etc throw away… :lol:

Proceed with Caution!!

Exiled

September 23rd, 2013
8:28 am

missed not mussed

Reio

September 23rd, 2013
8:52 am

Morning all!

Yeah, you have to proceed with caution, for sure. Everybody tends to be on their best behavior and wants to impress the other one. Pay attention! I can recall many red flags during my dating years that I picked up on, and some that I missed initially, but put two and two together, and had it all make sense later. I met a woman at department store(JCPenney’s)

Reio

September 23rd, 2013
8:57 am

Uh oh, looks like my computer is acting up again, might have to work on it some more, if I get time. This thing makes me sick!

YesSheIsCute

September 23rd, 2013
9:20 am

Good Morning! Yes I’m very quick to “throw a guy away” as one would call it. I am still trying to learn the vantage point between taking heed to a red flag and giving the benefit of the doubt. I think we’ve all missed red flags or let them go and then later realized that it was a red flag but we just didn’t address it at the time. Hindsight is 20/20.

MsAtl

September 23rd, 2013
9:29 am

Morning All!

I agree that you should observe how your date treats other people; it is definitely a red flag if he/she treats others poorly, particularly those who are perceived to be “beneath” them. It is also a red flag if he/she has an excuse for everything or everything gets them hot under the collar (anger issues perhaps?).

SlimNu

September 23rd, 2013
9:45 am

Good morning all…

I think it’s tricky trying to dicipher if something is an actual red flag situation or a ‘benefit of the doubt’ type deal.

Reio

September 23rd, 2013
9:50 am

Continuing my 8:52 post; a salesperson at the store called me to tell me that the shirt that I wanted, in the size that I needed, had come in. The person that called me was a male, but the person that took my name and number was female. I went to pick it up. Couple of days later, the woman that took my number called to check that the shirt fit and everything was ok. Long story short, we went out a couple of times before I realized that she was a scheming heffa from way back. Came by the house unannounced once, and said she wanted to go to Michael’s(a very fancy and expensive restaurant in town). So , I didn’t go out with her again, cause she seemed too pushy and unpredictable. Didn’t really see it in the beginning. Left numerous messages on the answering machine(no cells yet). “I know you’re getting my messages. You could at least return my calls. Say hi or something. Or, are you just too cute to return my calls. I think you’re stuck up?” Various messages like that. She stopped eventually, but that initial phone call at home from her should’ve tipped me off, but it didn’t.

YesSheIsCute

September 23rd, 2013
9:56 am

@Reio omgeez

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
9:56 am

First and foremost, the way he speaks/treats YOU, how he interacts with others, his background, his jokey jokey side and his tone. Also, pay attention to his eyes, they speak volumes if you want to peer into them.

Good morning! Had a real nice weekend. Jazz on the Lawn was a beautiful sound although it was moved inside due to a full day of rain.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
10:12 am

Monday meetings, Monday calls, Monday Monday Monday…..

I don’t think I’ve missed any redflags. Some things just won’t be “known” until you get so far in…. Everything just won’t be revealed day one or right out of the gate. Just won’t. Buuuut, if you pay attention, you’ll eventually see whatever it is you’re needing to see.

Off topic: My great niece is getting so big and looking like a little girl, rather than that sleepy little newborn. She is sooo sweet and soooooo pretty. I hope she’s gonna be a sweetie like her mommie. All that beautiful hair. She fell asleep yesteday, in my lap while leaning sideways on my chest :) Almost hard for me to get her, seeing how everyone is always grabbing for her.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
10:27 am

Also, I sing to her and she laughs!! Out loud!!

I had a little dog, his name was Jack, I tied his tail to the railroad tracks.
The train came along, saying choo choo choo, my little dog says ruuf ruuf ruuf

kimmie

September 23rd, 2013
10:30 am

Good Morning!

Cel, she sounds beautiful. Baby girls are the best!

On topic – In my experience, other than obvious things, the biggest thing I began to watch for was was he true to his word. Did he call when he said he would, was he generally on time for plans we’ve made, was he where he said he would be. If he got delayed, would he call. This might sound simple, but it will show you a whole lot about the person. It shows dependability, consideration, a mature mindset. It shows this person is not likely to think the whole world should revolve around them. It shows a level of seriousness and that the person is likely not a game player.

I learned this thru trial and error. With some men, I thought back to the beginning and realized I let those things slide in the beginning. It was a window into issues we had later on.

Reio

September 23rd, 2013
10:30 am

I don’t want to do this cause it’s way, way, off topic, but I am, cause I’m mad. Went to the men’s room a few minutes ago, walk in and had to do number one. Usual stuff, walk in, approach the urinal, do my thang, wash my hands, leave. No problem. A guy in the stall, was number two-ing. I’m wondering, at what point in one’s growth and development does one learn to FLUSH!? Early and often. I bet this guy had stuff backed up for eleven days, and waited to get to work to let it out. I was starting to see triple as I was washing my hands, my left ear began aching, dizziness set in, my right sock slid down my leg, and both pinky fingers swelled. I think I need a shot or something. What’s wrong with people? Goodness gracious! This ain’t the time or place for this(it never is, really), but I ain’t liking this sh!t. I can’t hold my breath as long as I used to. Sorry. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming. Thank you.

SlimNu

September 23rd, 2013
10:34 am

The weekend was a wash for me…but I did mangag to clean out a closet or two and wash clothes. yay! :roll:

MsAtl

September 23rd, 2013
10:35 am

Reio- “my left ear began aching, dizziness set in, my right sock slid down my leg, and both pinky fingers swelled”
Thank you for that Monday morning laugh!!!

Celisea- Your song raised an eyebrow, lol. On topic- I agree with you and kimmie- a person’s actions will show you what their words rarely can.

YesSheIsCute

September 23rd, 2013
10:37 am

@kimmie I began looking at that keeping their word thing too. If you say you are going to do something and don’t you’re a liar and you have to go. I understand that things come up and that should be explained and evaluated on a case by case basis. But overall if you have no value in your word neither do I.

SlimNu

September 23rd, 2013
10:44 am

Reio – So you’re mad because he didn’t exercise the “COurtesy Flush”?…because last time I checked, the bathroom is where you unleash the Kraken. :lol:

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
10:46 am

Also, pay attention to one’s body language. It too can offer up some red flags.

“…does one learn to FLUSH!? Early and often.” – I learned a few years ago that this was called a “consideration flush.” Makes sense.

I was starting to see triple as I was washing my hands, my left ear began aching, dizziness set in, my right sock slid down my leg, and both pinky fingers swelled – Oh my, that was hysterical, especially the right sock….”

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
10:47 am

Ooops, it’s the “courtesy flush.” I’m typing that saying consideration doesn’t necessarily sound right (lol). I knew it started with a “c.”

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
10:47 am

Kimmie – Thanks, she is and they are the best!!

MsAtl – Really? Why? It was a childhood song for me. Now I just googled and saw a bunch of crass variations….lololol But I keep it clean.

Reio – OOOOOMMMMMGosh….I just ca-racked up at your post…that was funny as heck…lololol

Thanks, needed that laugh.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
10:50 am

kimmie/YSIC ~ I’m a stickler on keeping your word. If you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere at a particular time, I expect you given the “courtesy” of a 15 maybe 20 min grace period. Do what you say and if you can’t, don’t dismiss w/o an explanation…that irks me beyond measure.

MsAtl

September 23rd, 2013
10:51 am

Celisea- I am not familiar with that song but the thought of the poor dog trying to get loose while the train is bearing down on him…

MsAtl

September 23rd, 2013
10:52 am

Oh, and sweet story about your niece. Enjoy holding that baby while you can, they seem to grow so fast.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
10:54 am

I don’t know about “red flags” so much, but I don’t do or deal with men that are mean and mean spirited nor any kind of disrespect. If you come at me at all, even to the slightest hint of, whether outward, blunt or behind the guise of “jokie joke, just kidding”….I’m out. Stick a fork in me cause I’m done, poof, gone, no can do. No explanation heard, warranted or needed. Keep ‘em. I don’t play that mess. Oh, and although I’m too old for this stuff, but younger, I didn’t do the “wrestling, tumbling, playing”, that was too close to “hitting” folks….don’t play that either.

Reio

September 23rd, 2013
10:57 am

SlimNu – Yeah, mad cause he didn’t flush, not cause he had to go. We all go, nature calls. Perfectly understandable. But what if my vision never clears up? Exactly what kind of shot will I need? What if one of my lungs collapses? What caused my right sock to slide down my leg, and not the left? Is my co-worker sick? Does he need help? Should I go back to check on him? Is this attempted murder? Can I sue the company for any out-of-pocket medical expenses? Should I tell others to “Don’t go in there?”….He was wrong, and I don’t appreciate it. Hell, had I known, I would have used one on a different floor!.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
10:58 am

MsAtl – Really? It was a song to a tag game…at least that’s how we played. Everyone sit in a circle and someone skips around while we sing, and at the end….”he wouldn’t bite nobody but Y…..O….U! The person you tagged had to chase/catch you :) :)

And thanks, I really like keeping her. She is just so adorably cute. Haven’t seen a baby that “pretty” since my kid was born. Seriously :mrgreen: Her hair (like my neice’s) laid flat and grew in a spiral until she was about 8 months…then it started to curl into big locks.

Okay, I’m hushing :)

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
10:59 am

My kid’s dad was shot a week or so ago…. I didn’t know, my kid told me :shock:

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:00 am

He was sitting outside (I believe at his mom) and caught a stray bullet. I hear he’s been moved from ICU to a regular floor.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
11:03 am

Oh no, Celisea! I hope he survives. Sad news for your daughter.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
11:04 am

Oh, moved from ICU, wonderful.

SlimNu

September 23rd, 2013
11:04 am

Reio – Maybe you should print out a sign for all the stall’s at the job, “When duty calls there’s no need to blush, just be a gentleman and do a courtesy flush” :oops:

kimmie

September 23rd, 2013
11:05 am

Leggs – If you find one that’s a man of his word, that’s more than half the battle. It is surprising that such a trait in a man can be a rare find!

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:07 am

Thanks, Leggs. I was a bit stunned at the questions she asked me. She asked if I was going to see him. I said no. She then asked if I hoped he died. That was a resounding NO! I told her I felt we grew and went separate ways and I don’t have a desire to see him. And while it was touch and go (from what I hear), I told her I hope he’s made it well with his soul. I asked if she wanted to go see him. She said no, only if you go though. I think she wanted to. I didn’t discourage her, I left it with her to decide.

Reio

September 23rd, 2013
11:09 am

Celisea – Sorry to hear that. I’ll pray for his recovery, and your daughter’s understanding of it all, as best she can.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:09 am

If you find one that’s a man of his word, that’s more than half the battle.

True, so true. And for me the most impressionable trait to have. Not looks, not money, not toys, but being a man of your word. As my uncle use to say, without your word, you have nothing.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:09 am

Reio – Much appreciated. Thanks!

daddy swiss

September 23rd, 2013
11:26 am

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
11:31 am

I think that is a wonderful sign to be be posted inside all stalls.

kimmie ~ so very true. I knew a guy for many years who would plan things to never show up or call until a good week later. He told me he already knew I was mad so why make things worse. He said he would call when he thought I’ve might have calmed down. The last straw was when he asked me out to dinner and a movie two weeks before Thanksgiving one year and when that Friday rolled around, I do not hear from him. Waited until Sunday to call and ask what the deal was. This dumb cluck had the nerve to tell me he wasn’t talking about this past week, but the week coming up. :shock: Who the heck makes a date for two weeks in advance and not say it’s two weeks in advance. I told him I wasn’t stupid and that he was an idiot for thinking I was. Not only that, he wasn’t looking at a calendar because the following week was Thanksgiving, and I knew he had no intention of going out with me that Friday. Of course I didn’t hear from him for that week either. Bottom line is, he got a better offer on our original date and tried to play it off. Plain and simple. It is what it is, but I will not be played. Haven’t seen him since (almost 2 years). He texts saying he wants to take me out and that he misses me, etc. Blah, blah, blah! Who cares!

SlimNu

September 23rd, 2013
11:34 am

daddy swiss – OMG!!! WOW!

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
11:34 am

Celisea ~ I agree, the most impressionable trait is your word. To say crap you have no intention of honoring, on even the basic of levels, is a complete shut down and a turnoff.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:37 am

Leggs – Exactly! And that’s the worse, KNOWING you don’t intend to do any of it….poof, be gone

Leggs

September 23rd, 2013
11:39 am

You haven’t said “poof, be gone” in quite some time (lololol).

MsAtl

September 23rd, 2013
11:40 am

Leggs/Celisea- True. If someone or something is important to you, you keep your word- no lies, no excuses. If you tell me you will be there, be there unless some act of God kept you. My mom used to say ** missed curfew, if he isn’t in the hospital or the morgue, I’m gonna kill him!

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:40 am

Leggs – LOLOLOLOL….haven’t needed to. That’s a fav of mine :)

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:42 am

If you tell me you will be there, be there unless some act of God kept you

MsAtl, exactly…the ONLY excuse my mom would allow.

kimmie

September 23rd, 2013
11:48 am

Leggs/Cel – Yeah, that whole game got to be so transparent with me. I dated one guy who seemed to get a kick out of the idea of having me wait around on him to call or show up. Another one would not make any plans ahead at all to see me, and when I asked why, he said he didn’t believe in making plans because then I would expect him to follow thru! :shock:

See, you don’t even have to worry about who pays or getting to the panties or meeting the family or anything like that. Some can’t even get the basics right first!!LOL!!!

Celisea

September 23rd, 2013
11:53 am

Kimmie – he said he didn’t believe in making plans because then I would expect him to follow thru

This is a dern shame…..

Kimmie – See, you don’t even have to worry about who pays or getting to the panties or meeting the family or anything like that. Some can’t even get the basics right first!!LOL!!!

Okaaay….I know, right…lolol