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Dating traps: Don’t get caught

A reader emailed to ask if we could talk about something he called dating traps. He basically thinks that single people sort of set traps or play the bait and switch dating game. We will say we want to “kick it” with no strings attached but that is not entirely true. We will say we don’t really have feelings for someone but then the moment they start to move on to the next, we get upset.

In his own experiences (32 year old male, never married), he has seen women do a lot of different tricks trying to trap a man in a relationship they clearly don’t want. The nosy side of me wants to know how exactly (be specific) women trap men into relationships??

Do you ever get the feeling the person you are dating is setting you up for something? Are we just paranoid or are there really dating traps that can catch us?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

322 comments Add your comment

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
8:08 am

Now I’m no expert but I’ll give my thoughts. Folks should be honest with themselves. Don’t say you can handle something and you can’t. Don’t say you can roll sans feelings, yet you catch feelings. Sometimes a trap? Maybe. For the most part, as it relates to women, I just feel our emotions get the best of us.

Be straight up. If you want more, admit. If you can’t roll “just kicking it”, then don’t pretend you can.

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
8:24 am

how exactly (be specific) women trap men into relationships?? don’t know, never been trapped :-)

Do you ever get the feeling the person you are dating is setting you up for something? Nope, I just enjoy life as it’s put in front of me, not trying to figure out what other peoples motives are!

Are we just paranoid or are there really dating traps that can catch us? You’re just paranoid!!

Hello all

SlimNu

September 12th, 2013
8:49 am

I can’t say i’m that clever to set a dating trap lol…that’s quite funny though. Anyway, folks act like you are not allowed to change your mind or, God forbid, start to have actual feelings for a person you’re ‘kicking it with’. Just because I say I don’t want pizza on Monday doesn’t mean I don’t eat it 3 days straight the next Monday. lol

Waiting for the weekend

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
9:04 am

I will say, I’ve never felt the person “committed” to me was trying to set me up. Dudes only wanting to kick it? I’ve always felt that pretty much they wanted something for nothing.

Button

September 12th, 2013
9:21 am

Only trap I know is the pregnacy trap on both sides.

Good morning!

SlimNu

September 12th, 2013
9:24 am

Button – Thanks for the idea….No who will be my unsuspecting prospect

SlimNu

September 12th, 2013
9:31 am

Now not no…oops

Bluzgirl

September 12th, 2013
9:32 am

Morning!

I would think that you couldn’t get trapped unless you want to get caught (except for the pregnancy trap).

Slim – I second you on people changing their minds! Ya’ll know it’s happened to me a couple of times! LOL!

It’s my Friday!!!!

Button

September 12th, 2013
9:38 am

SlimNu- :lol: :lol:
Oh then there’s the STD trap. Folks not telling they are infected.

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
9:39 am

that pregnancy trap doesn’t work either :-D

MsAtl

September 12th, 2013
9:40 am

Morning All!

Slim- I agree, I think sometimes people just change their minds or start having feelings for the person even if it didn’t start out that way. Now the pregnancy trap? That one is real. I have seen it more than once. But even that can be avoided; just don’t go in raw and don’t let the trapper have access to the condoms. It ain’t even worth all these games, just play it straight!

SlimNu

September 12th, 2013
9:40 am

Bluz – It seems like it’s Friday already since hardly anyone has made it in yet

kimmie

September 12th, 2013
9:41 am

Morning All, where is everybody??!!!

Button, that’s the first thing that came to my mind, pregnancy trap. And even that doesn’t work like it used to. We are past the point of shotgun weddings. Just cause one gets preggers doesn’t mean he’s gonna stay around for a relationship let alone marriage. You’re tied forever because of the kid, nothing more.

How does one changing their mind about a relationship or not really being honest with themselves constitute a trap?? And say you start out wanting a full-fledged relationship and a few months in decide you really don’t want that and just want to lighten things up and “kick it”? Was that a trap?

How the heck does a grown azz man in 2013 in free America get “trapped’ into being in a relationship??? Either you want to be there, like what yall are doing together or you don’t. Sounds real weak to me!! :shock:

SlimNu

September 12th, 2013
9:41 am

Ms Atl – I know when that Bet movie with Gabrielle Union came on and she suctioned the sperm out of the condom, I almost gagged. lol

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
9:41 am

Umm Button how’s not telling you have an STD going to trap anyone?

Leggs

September 12th, 2013
9:43 am

“…different tricks trying to trap a man in a relationship they clearly don’t want.” – Whatever tricks being used shouldn’t matter if you don’t want the relationship. A person is caught in a trap because they’ve placed themselves there. Point blank period!

If I’m looking for a relationship, it will be known. If I’m looking to “kick it,” it will be known. Just let it be known. Just have to find someone on the same page you’re on.

Good morning!

Button

September 12th, 2013
9:44 am

I read somewhere on another forum where this guy gave his girlfriend (the one telling the story) herpes so she wouldn’t leave him. The sick things ppl will do to keep a person in their life.

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
9:44 am

MsATL it also can be avoided by just paying child support and spending time with your child, you don’t have to have any contact with the other person that doesn’t concern your child.

Robert

September 12th, 2013
9:45 am

“dating traps that can catch us”

Robert’s Rules On Dating – Top 10

1. Everybody loves money$$$. It is the preferred lure in the trap.
2. Cars – Image is everything and driving the right car (SUV, Lexus).
3. Clothes – Dress for success. Classy not trashy.
4. Grooming – Less is best. Less make-up, no tatoos, no fake hair.
5. Hygiene – Take a bath/shower and brush your teeth. Use cologne.
6. Cooking – Prepare a home cooked meal for 2. My favorite lure.
7. Cleaning – Keep a clean house (bathroom, kitchen, bedroom).
8. Shopping – Go to the Mall (jewelry store, etc.). No cheap date.
9. Entertainment – Go to a bar/club, bowling, movie or live show.
10. Spirituality – Go to a Church and worship together. Amen…

Button

September 12th, 2013
9:47 am

Kimmie- I know right, but most of those women think it will work, if no marriage then at least she will get child support for 18 years.

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
9:48 am

Never heard of STD trap….if anything folks would or should run the other way. That’s just nasty anyway…eeewww and yuuuck and uuugggh.

That’s why you better be careful!! “Looking clean” don’t mean a thing to me.

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
9:50 am

Imma be honest though, I have never met anyone that thought along the lines of “trapping” folks…that I know of. Playing games and tryna bamboozle yeah, but that’s for a quick in and out, I’m guessing. But wanting to hold someone forever?? Never met anyone.

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
9:50 am

That STD trap could get you locked up for real.

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
9:52 am

And IMO no such thing as the baby trap. Strap it up and know the chick you’re dealing with. Don’t nothing feel that good, that you end up with a package for the next 18 years.

kimmie

September 12th, 2013
9:54 am

Button – Yeah, that’s the oldest trick in the book. They especially try to go after the wealthy or potentially wealthy.

This dude seems like he’s talking about every day dating. Like some others have said, if he’s there its because he wants to be. Don’t go “ooh, she trapped me in her web”! You like the sex, meals, arm candy, whatever, she’s putting out and it’s keeping you around even though your plan was to hit & run. You got caught up & now your’e mad and trying to blame it on her. Wuss

Button

September 12th, 2013
9:55 am

folks pinch holes in condom….then comes baby.
ladies lying saying they are on the pill…then comes baby.

Robert

September 12th, 2013
9:56 am

“(except for the pregnancy trap)”

Pregnancy trap? In the 21st Century-2013, “spit don’t make no baby”, “swallow it”. Have a nice day…

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
9:57 am

So are we talking about dating traps, or child support traps, the 2 are different.

Button

September 12th, 2013
10:00 am

No one can be trap in dating? or can they? Not sure, I’ quite sure some folks have a bag of tricks.

MsAtl

September 12th, 2013
10:01 am

Slim- I saw that! Funny!

Single- True, but best to avoid it in the first place.

Button- Yuck! That is just sick!

SlimNu

September 12th, 2013
10:01 am

I recently heard a story about a guy that raped a chick….he was later contacted that the victim had AIDS and possibly gave it to him. He had the nerve to be upset by it. :roll: KARMA train

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
10:06 am

I guess overall, take responsibility for your own actions, because IMO, if you get trapped it was you that wasn’t careful. Bring your own condom, put your own condom on, don’t fall “pulling out”, so forth and so on. Honestly no one can trap you unless you sleep on keeping guard.

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
10:08 am

I could be wrong, but it seems men tend to feel like they’re getting trapped more so than women. What would be the scenario of a woman getting of feeling trapped? I’m sure there’s something, but right now I can’t really think of anything. Dude sabotaging a friendship/relationship to clear the path for himself…maybe?

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
10:09 am

Well, pulling out would be one for the ladies

MsAtl

September 12th, 2013
10:09 am

Celisea– I had that conversation with a grown man last month. He said he was trapped and now the female is pregnant; I told him he cannot at his age, say he was trapped because he went in raw. He has to take accountability for his actions.
I tell my sons that any time you have sex without a condom, expect to get a phone call because any unprotected encounter is a potential baby or std.

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
10:11 am

MsAtl – I told him he cannot at his age, say he was trapped because he went in raw. He has to take accountability for his actions.

Exactly!!!!! You can’t blame someone for something you took on, with your eyes wide open

Celisea

September 12th, 2013
10:13 am

Like I said yesteday (lol), I remember being in the what, the 9th grade, in Health Class and the teacher saying “it only takes one time.” I mean my mama told me that, but that speech (from the teacher) was repeated over and over and over again

kimmie

September 12th, 2013
10:14 am

Button – Yeah, that’s what’s confusing me with the topic – dating traps? Really?

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
10:17 am

My oldest sons mother trapped me, us having unprotected sex everyday had nothing to do with it, hell I was only 18 (LOL)

Into the Light

September 12th, 2013
10:18 am

LOL@Kimmie’s 9:54. The wussification of dating. :)

Morning, all.

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
10:20 am

Oh yea and also, I told her I didn’t want any children, how she gone go and get pregnant!! :-D

kimmie

September 12th, 2013
10:25 am

The wussification of dating

Light – LOL!! You got it! Bert would love it too!

Single and Happy

September 12th, 2013
10:28 am

There are people who can be trapped,(or feel they were trapped) just like there are people who can be conned out of their money.

SlimNu

September 12th, 2013
10:28 am

Single – Exactly :lol:

Leggs

September 12th, 2013
10:29 am

SlimNu ~ I read that story and thought if you hadn’t RAPED that woman you wouldn’t be faced with wondering if he contracted the disease or not. I think the results come back this week….sometimes, one’s just dessert is self-inflicted.

Bluzgirl

September 12th, 2013
10:29 am

ITL – Thinking about Darwin’s tonight…

Bluzgirl

September 12th, 2013
10:30 am

Leggs/Slim – I heard about that guy. How can he be upset if he got AIDS from her? He deserved to get it…

YesSheIsCute

September 12th, 2013
10:31 am

Good morning everyone!

I’ll be honest I noticed the opposite in my experience. Men saying they don’t want something and then when you don’t do it, they get “in their feelings” about it, because the men of the millinium apparently have feelings now?? :?

An example, I had a guy tell me he doesn’t like women that need to be on the phone all day calling and texting b/c he is a single dad with three kids and his own business and he is busy. So basically I left the ball in his court to contact me when he had time only hitting him up here and there. He later went off on me saying that I don’t really care because I don’t even call/text him that often. :?

I’ve had similar situations happen it’s like guys say what they don’t want and then get upset when you aren’t like that.

I haven’t noticed any of my friends trapping guys into relationships they don’t want so I can’t say.

Into the Light

September 12th, 2013
10:35 am

Speaking of the Bert Show, did anyone hear the closure call earlier this week? My heart was breaking for that poor guy. To not know why his gf left him and to find out she was pregnant and he now has a 3 year old son????? Too sad

Bluz, I’ll text you.

kimmie

September 12th, 2013
10:35 am

Single – Your 10:20 reminds me of an ex. He said he didn’t want any children, but he had a daughter. He told me even though he found out later after they broke up that his daughter’s mom was actively trying to get pregnant, he took full responsibility because he was 30 years old and knew what he was doing having unprotected sex. He was about to ship out(Air Force) and they had broken up. She called him over the night before he left, one thing led to another and you know the rest. He left the next day. Months down the line he gets a call from one of his buddies that ran into her out one day saying she got a big baby bump! She was not going to tell him! He adores his daughter and went down to see her right after the birth and shares custody, pays the support, the whole nine. But he did not want to be a boyfriend, husband or daddy! He would say all the time he still could not believe he got caught up like that, like it just was not supposed to happen to HIM! He was determined for it not to happen again, either, and planned to get snipped.