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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Is your relationship baggage local?

Atlanta is a small city – socially speaking. You eventually run into the same circle of people at the same variations of social settings: Nightclubs, lounge parties, networking events, sporting events, music shows, etc. This means that if you happen to have a really bad code of dating ethics, you will soon get a bad wrap that is tough to live down. Can I get a witness??

My friend Frank is new to the city so he is able to clean slate all those bad dating behaviors he had in Houston. Well, at least that is what he thought. One of the women he did REALLY dirty also lives here now. His baggage just became local and it didn’t take long for her to find out he is here. She has already told her circle of really eligible, fabulous women friends that Frank is a player.

Frank became upset with her and wants to know if he should confront her about it. Does he have a right to defend his name if what she said about him is from back in the day? Would you contact an ex who was bad mouthing (read: putting your past on blast) you to ask them to stop?

Have you ever been faced with your relationship past because you have been dating in Atlanta too long? Do you ever worry about your rep?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

333 comments Add your comment

Lee

September 11th, 2013
7:10 am

Aweee poor Frank, Frank ever hear of Karma? And what is Frank going to say “Hey stop telling people what a jerk i was/is”. You even stated which means he confessed he did her “really dirty” I am so sure she is not the only one, and now he wants to cry about his behavior …..pleassee …

People will always talk you cant stop it. If a guy told me another guy said stuff regarding me and could not take my word for it what is what.. then that person is not for me if they have to rely on others to instruct them whom to date or not. I am too old for that nonsense

Happy Wednesday

Single and Happy

September 11th, 2013
7:27 am

You eventually run into the same circle of people at the same variations of social settings: Nightclubs, lounge parties, networking events, sporting events, music shows, etc. man I really need to get out more!

Sounds like Frank lives in a small world, how are your going to move where only one person knows you and bad mouths you to her circle of really eligible, fabulous women friends then you need to confront her? She doesn’t know every fabulous woman in the metro area. Grow up and move on!

Do you ever worry about your rep? Nope, don’t care what other people think about me, they aren’t doing anything for me.

SlimNu

September 11th, 2013
8:16 am

Does he have a right to defend his name if what she said about him is from back in the day?
I think everyone has a right to defend their name if they see fit.

Would you contact an ex who was bad mouthing (read: putting your past on blast) you to ask them to stop? I most certainly would if I felt it was getting out of hand. However, that does not mean they are going to stop. You cannot really control what other folks do and say. In Franks case, maybe he could chat with her, tell her how he realizes he hurt her by what went down, but that he’s a better person now. ??? lol

Have you ever been faced with your relationship past because you have been dating in Atlanta too long? Do you ever worry about your rep?

Nope never had an issue with being in ATL too long….and do not worry about my dating rep, just my blog rep lol j/k

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

September 11th, 2013
8:25 am

Dealing with an ‘-ex’ talking trash is part of the game. Thus the ever prescient “look at the source” is appropriate.

If, like Frank, you’ve done someone dirty, admit it. You could say whatever, but the truth is if you’ve changed as a person or it was an isolated event, then the truth will come out.

If you’re still in that head space, that’ll out too.

Good morning

SlimNu

September 11th, 2013
8:27 am

“She doesn’t know every fabulous woman in the metro area.”

Single – That’s what I was thinking…

Wise – Give us more details about just how dirty Mr. Frank did ole girl. hehehehe

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
8:31 am

Diva, as my mama taught us, do the right thing because your rep will always precede you!!! I sleep well at night knowing I’ve not wronged anyone. I don’t live looking over my shoulder and I definitely don’t worry about gossip or any issues someone else may have if they wanna bad mouth me. I was pegged a “good girl” and every past boyfriend can attest to that (toot toot)! :mrgreen:

Treat women (or men) the way you want to be treated. Don’t go around “wronging” folks and then get scared cause it’s bout to come out. Be man or woman enough to deal with the backlash of the lown down and dirty. Me personally, I wouldn’t give Frank that edge by having ANY conversation about him.That’s how I am. When you show me who you are, please, I don’t waste anymore time on you…period, point blank :) He would be gone, poof, done,not thought of, not spoken of…lol. He wouldn’t be worth the breath it would take to talk about him. Also, I’d be smart enough to know that the low down and dirty will rear it’s head. Frank gon do a good enough job by being his dirty self.

Now, if Frank has truly changed, then he shouldn’t worry about what folks say. Who cares??? If he’s now a good dude, maybe he should try and make amends or something. Sometimes though, you can’t just “wrong” folks and not walk away. If you’re big enough to be bad with it, then be big enough to take the backlash.

And I don’t believe in watering “payback” down by calling it karma….IMO it is what it is. You do folks dirty, God’s gonna getcha!!

Single and Happy

September 11th, 2013
8:31 am

I’m would like to know if Frank just moved here and is able to clean the slate, how did he find out she had bad mouthed him to her friends, without going thru her to get to her friends?? In the 17 years I’ve lived here, I rarely run into anyone that I really knew from home.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
8:35 am

I should add “as my mama taught us in our small humble home.” Not the projects now, but our humble 3 bedroom home, where both my mama and daddy lived with their eight children and led by example :mrgreen:

Single and Happy

September 11th, 2013
8:40 am

Slim most of the time when you defend your name, people see it as you’re doing it because you’re guilty, if you don’t defend it then it must be true or you would defend it. so you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t, so FVCK em

.

YesSheIsCute

September 11th, 2013
9:01 am

Like Single and Happy said she doesn’t know EVERY single woman in the metro area. Also, I’m interested to know how exactly he found out she was bad-mouthing him?

My last boyfriend lives in Decatur so that baggage is local. I dated a dude prior to him that I found out was a friend of one of his friends. The dude called himself confronting me via text about it. My boyfriend never said anything to me about it so I’m guessing he either didn’t know or didn’t care about the past. Other than that mostly every one else is across the ocean and I’m glad about it.

Reio

September 11th, 2013
9:02 am

Morning all!

Well, if Frank meets someone that knows his ex, and his ex tells her that he is no good, Frank should kick this new one to the curb. If she is so concerned about his past, she should ask him, not repeat hearsay from some chick that used to know or date him. Also,if Frank and his ex are both from Houston, then that means his ex can’t proove or have her accusations corroborated by anybody in the new city. Which is still another reason for the new lady to disregard what the ex has said. In addition to this, what’s to stop Frank from lying on the ex? He could say “Yeah, we kicked it for a while back in Houston, but she wanted more, I didn’t, so she got mad, and is now trying to smear my name.” Or any other thing he can think of, to deflect attention away from himself.

Reio

September 11th, 2013
9:15 am

Just thinking here. Can’t remember having to deal with this personally. Seems like I can recall an instance where a young lady I was dating, mentioned that she knew someone that I was involved with previously. And this new lady told me that “She said you were a good looking, nice guy.” Or words to that effect. I can’t recall anything else similar to this, where I was bad-mouthed by an ex.
Now, had this new lady said that she was told by my ex that “You’re are a dirty dog.”, I would have started my ‘kick her to the curb’ proceedings immediately. Didn’t play that. That’s one of the reasons I dumped so many of them during my dating years. They talked too much.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
9:22 am

One of the women he did REALLY dirty also lives here now.

Seems, Frank is guilty….according to this. I get bitter women (men are worse) try and sabatoge your rep, your relationships, your friendships, but again, folks can’t block what’s meant to be, folks can’t block the good in you and the good you do.

Doesn’t seem like he’s innocent…in this case. Again, he could be a changed man, and if so, take the high road. Cause a dude talking about confronting a woman (:shock:) ain’t a pretty look. Now if “his” woman and some shady shady, yeah, but “confronting” seems, meh I dunno, not something a man would do. Of course all in my opinion and experience.

Take the high road….

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
9:25 am

wouldn’t do, not “would do”

disco

September 11th, 2013
9:32 am

good morning. hope I don’t lose my girl card but frank isn’t the problem in this scenario. his obviously still bitter ex is. she moved but obviously didn’t move on. maybe she’s not checking for him but throwing salt in his game is tacky. also, I wouldn’t take much from a woman calling a man a player. most men would like to consider themselves players. very few of them actually have real game. so, old girl could possibly have played herself and hasn’t come to terms with that yet.

Leggs

September 11th, 2013
9:33 am

Dagnabit, my post didn’t post!!!

Reio

September 11th, 2013
9:37 am

Some of you might be thinking “Well, if you dump them for repeating bad things they’ve heard about you, why would you not dump them for repeating good things they’ve heard about you?” Well, it’s simple. Repeating bad things would indicate to me that she, on some level, at the very least, would like to know more about me, but is not willing to ask directly. Repeating bad sh!t is one way to solict comments from someone, by throwing a third person into it, and thereby inquiring indirecty, about something you don’t have the courage to inquire about directly. Which, in my opinion is a cowardly act. Hell, you got something to say, say it. Got a question, ask it. Better now, early, than later. Start out with your concerns on the table. Don’t be shy. Repeating good sh!t about someone, in my opinion, can only be seen as giving the other person a compliment, or letting them know that, I, at least at this point in the relationship, agree with the good sh!t the other person said, without having to say it myself, for fear of being judged as being too forward. Kinda giving herself the opportunity to say later that “You really are a good looking, nice guy. Just like I heard you were.” Some people, particularly early in a relationship, find it difficult to say things like that directly, so they seize the opportunuty to say it indirectly when they can.

Leggs

September 11th, 2013
9:39 am

“…if you happen to have a really bad code of dating ethics, you will soon get a bad wrap that is tough to live down. Can I get a witness??” – NOPE! (LOLOL)

Would you contact an ex who was bad mouthing (read: putting your past on blast) you to ask them to stop? Interesting. I would. My actions are mine and if I treated you badly in the past, we are now ex’s and supposedly have moved on. I have grown, let me make my own impression on the next. If you’re constantly blasting me, apparently you haven’t moved.

Good morning!

Leggs

September 11th, 2013
9:40 am

disco ~ I agree, the ex is the problem not Frank.

Leggs

September 11th, 2013
9:43 am

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
9:48 am

The ex is wrong for badmouthing him, as she should have moved on, but you can’t do folks wrong and expect folks to skip along. Some folks are adult enough to let it go, some are not. Thus the saying, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Sweeping stuff under the rug? Nah, not so much. Like I said, if it were me, I’d be like “Frank who”, and it’s shallow telling folks about him, but Frank is getting what he put out…IMO

Button

September 11th, 2013
9:52 am

blog monster is hungry this morning!

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

September 11th, 2013
9:54 am

Right on Reio

I’d be on the same path as well.

If a young lady was more willing to listen to an ‘ex’ or rumors about me rather than form her own opinion she hasn’t progressed enough in life to be involved with The D no way.

Even if it’s an “I heard x,y,z, about you in the streets/gym/work” then my response is, was, and would be “If you wanna believe it, do so; but consider the source. Also think on what you know about me vs what you heard and proceed accordingly.”

And yes, I do speak that ^^ in real lfe.

Reio

September 11th, 2013
9:58 am

Like I said, if it were me, I’d be like “Frank who”, and it’s shallow telling folks about him, but Frank is getting what he put out…IMO

What did Frank put out? No one knows for sure but Frank and the ex, so what exactly is it that Frank put out? I’m confused.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:00 am

Well, I don’t nor have I ever gone to an ex’s new gf and said, “girrrrl let me tell you…..”, but I have been sitting with gfs over lunch/dinner and laughed about a dude we all know and knew him for… It was no big secret nor a big deal…it was what it was. It was what he put out

Button

September 11th, 2013
10:01 am

Doesn’t that come with the territory? Surely there will be some negative things said since nothing became of the relationship. Bad mouthing is to be expected. I say to Frank tell his ex to kick rocks and live his life. Don’t play into her what seems to be either jealous or bitter ways. If the relationsh ended on his bad behavior then he should apologize and move on esp if he hadn’t already. She should accept it and move on also.

Button

September 11th, 2013
10:02 am

I’ve never experienced anything like that, but I can say that if my ex knew my SO or had access to his ears then I know without a shadow of a doubt he would full his ears with all kinds of things just to cause problems because he’s that kind of guy, he’ll make all kinds of stuff because he’s just messy man.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:02 am

I’m saying according to Diva, he did her wrong? For Diva to have posted this apparently it’s not just he ex that’s privy to his behavior. And we allll know, playas, real playas are know for being playas. Usually we know folks by their actions. Folks have reps…good or bad…it’s what they put out, what they’re known for. If you’re living large and got all the ladies (lol), I don’t think that’s gonna be a big secret. IJS And if you’re a playa, as stated by Diva, no one can “bad mouth” you, you do that yourself. Folks may chat about it, but folks can’t talk about what you don’t show them.

Miss Moni

September 11th, 2013
10:04 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

So Frank is upset that his ex is putting him on blast about his past. IF Frank has truly changed for the better, then he should take the high road and simply keep it moving. His actions will speak louder than her words.

Do I ever worry about my rep in Atlanta? I try my best not to, LOL! I just don’t EVER won’t to get that phone call that someone I have dealt with has the package. Other than that, I’m cool.

disco

September 11th, 2013
10:06 am

way back in the day I met this guy (I’ve mentioned tales of him on here – lol). one day I’m randomly hanging out with some folks and he rides by. now, no one in the group knew I was involved with him and a conversation pursued. “look at old boy. doesn’t he blank. isn’t he messing with blank. didn’t he used to do blank”. long story short I got mad scoop on him including the baby momma that he lived with that he forgot to mention. when I next saw him and casually asked him “who is blank” the look on his face was priceless. lol.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:07 am

She has already told her circle of really eligible, fabulous women friends that Frank is a player. I laughed at this…lololol She’s on a mission!!

Frank became upset with her and wants to know if he should confront her about it. Does he have a right to defend his name if what she said about him is from back in the day? Mmm hmmm, she’s throwing salt in his game…ha ha ha. Some folks ain’t big enough to walk away.

IF Frank has truly changed for the better, then he should take the high road and simply keep it moving. His actions will speak louder than her words

Cosign…this is pretty much what I said…and I’m sticking to it…lol

disco

September 11th, 2013
10:09 am

I was just thinking about players and game. frankly, while I’ll probably never chill with a straight up no holds barred player player type, I do want my man to have some game with him.

Reio

September 11th, 2013
10:09 am

Too many people here appear to be assuming that what the ex said is the truth. Suppose these words, that were spoken about Frank, were all lies? Nobody knows. Why even bother to mention it?
Again, this would be the perfect cue for me to toss this new chick out the back door.

Miss Moni

September 11th, 2013
10:10 am

-Disco I tell folks all the time, 9 times out of 10 you don’t have to ask for the info, the info comes to you. It has happened to me a few times, LOL!

Bluzgirl

September 11th, 2013
10:10 am

Morning everyone!

The only time I bad mouthed an ex to a potential girl was when The Ex’s fiancé reached out to me when she had no business doing so. I said a lot of things about him and then proceeded to block her on Facebook.

Now, The Ex did post some crap about me on Facebook and got a lot of his friends talking isht about me. I did have some people defend me. There was no need for it and it got out of hand. We texted back and forth that day, as well as his fiancé texting me. I told them both that if they contacted me again, I would file a restraining order. I cried to my dad and next thing I know, I’m on the phone with my mom and I hear my dad calling The Ex from his cell phone and leaving him a message telling him that this isht needs to stop and if he needs to have a conversation then he can call him. My daddy would have gone to pay him a visit if he hadn’t removed the post and given me my things back.

Anyway…it really doesn’t matter what other people say about an ex. Everyone has a different ending to a relationship. I didn’t have to badmouth The Ex to people in our circle because they all saw it. His girl doesn’t see it now and that’s on her.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:13 am

Well, I do me and no one else. I can hear what you say and take it with a grain of salt. One thing I know about men, and teach my kid, I don’t care what you do or have done with others, you gon respect me. And if you can’t, poof. When it comes to respect, I believe a good dude, a good brother will respect all women. Then I believe there are those that respect women that require it and for those that don’t set the bar or have standards, they do what they’re allowed….

YesSheIsCute

September 11th, 2013
10:14 am

@Reio you bring up a good point. A lot of what she is saying happened is her perception of what happened. The thing about perception is that it is your view of reality based on your upbringing, your ideas, and your overview on life. Doesn’t mean that’s the situation. Just her view of the situation.

disco

September 11th, 2013
10:14 am

reio – as far as I’m concerned even if frank took old girl through the wringer, wrung her out and then hung her out to dry it’s all said and done. why she’s still whining about it sounds like a personal problem to me. she may call herself being helpful and warning other chicks but if I were on the receiving end I probably wouldn’t take it that way. I’d take it as she was salty and blocking. all in all, it’s not a good look for the ex where I stand.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:15 am

And if there was not a shred of truth to what ole girl is saying, Frank wouldn’t be up in arms.

Bluzgirl

September 11th, 2013
10:17 am

I think the only people I would warn are close friends who might be trying to date my ex. Then again, if they were going after him, they wouldn’t be close friends anymore and deserve what they get! LOL

disco

September 11th, 2013
10:18 am

C – not necessarily. I personally would be more irked by someone lying on me than someone telling the truth on me. might just be me though.

Leggs

September 11th, 2013
10:20 am

“A lot of what she is saying happened is her perception of what happened. The thing about perception is that it is your view of reality based on your upbringing, your ideas, and your overview on life. Doesn’t mean that’s the situation. Just her view of the situation.” – I concur!!! I said something similar in my original post, but the idiotic machine ate it.

disco ~ isn’t that usually the case. Friends don’t know who you’re stepping with and they run their mouth offering up many details you didn’t know. Gotta love it.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:21 am

disco – As I stated earlier (pretty much), I don’t believe you have to defend a or your good name. It speaks for itself. And any person trying to live above the fray and watch how they treat others already know this. Now, if you’re running around with a pooper scooper tryna catch what’s being said, well…..IMO that speaks of itself.

Me? Bump someone tryna bad mouth me. If you believe, then that’s you and if we’re not cool or can’t be booed or friends because of such, good riddance.

I don’t think she’s lying…I think she’s gossiping.

kimmie

September 11th, 2013
10:22 am

Morning all!!

Yeah, what Button said!

Both parties are “the problem” here. Both need to grow up. Cause whatever “dirty” Frank did to the lady, she’s still not over it. She “moved” but still has not moved on. Frank should maybe apologize if he has not already, then take the high road with her and tell her he’s not the same man and life’s too short. Don’t keep sweating it. Find some other interests or places to go. Atlanta is not THAT small socially. There are many pockets of places to go and things to do all over town. I’m a native and my hubs has been here since undergrad but we are constantly discovering new things every day. There are concert venues all over now, not just Phillips & Chastain & the Fox. Let ole girl and her suppossed fabulous friends have all the obvious played-out places!LOL!!

Reio

September 11th, 2013
10:23 am

You know, I’d rather not say much more on this, cause I have never had to deal with it. I would dump women at the drop of a hat. Not proud of it. Not ashamed of it. Just the way I was. Didn’t have many lasting relationships because of it. My fault. Was told on several occasions by my sisters that “She was nice girl.”, or “What’s wrong with you?.” or “You don’t care about nobody, do you?”…..Perhaps I WAS a bit too hasty on a few occasions, but repeating bad sh!t about me, would have gotten you run off in a jiffy.

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:26 am

And if I say something to a friend of a friend, trust me, it ain’t that deep of a friendship and I probably don’t give a happy….lol

That’s that the BBWs do. But me, won’t be no luncheons and dinners to take it out…lol Like Shaunie said, “I stand by that.” lolol

Celisea

September 11th, 2013
10:27 am

disco

September 11th, 2013
10:31 am

no comment and hey kimmie!!!!!!!

2CPTG©

September 11th, 2013
10:31 am

Sons of Anarchy…..

that is all.

Button

September 11th, 2013
10:35 am

SHUCKS I can’t post my rep comment womp womp