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Social experiment: 40 days of dating

I don’t know how I totally missed this story, but a couple in New York who were already friends decided to date, document their relationship online, and ..well you can imagine how things went, right?  If anyone knows, I know, that blogging about your personal dating life is tricky business.

It is something you should think long and hard about. This couple had the idea to lay some ground rules first:

  1. They would see each other every day for forty days.
  2. They would go on at least three dates a week.
  3. They would see a couples therapist once a week.
  4. They would go on one weekend trip together.
  5. They would fill out the daily questionnaire and document everything.
  6. They would not see, date, hook up, or have sex with anyone else.

I could do 4 and 6 with no problem at all.  1, 2, 3 and 5 seem exhausting and slightly crazy.  Seeing a couples therapist for a new dating relationship?! Seriously??

I won’t tell the complete story in case you want to read it all unfold, but I wondered what the goal of this experiment was.  At any rate, how willing would you be to date someone in such a public way?

I may be feeling all brave since I am newly single, but if I could find a willing participant, I would consider dating and blogging it all with a fellow writer/blogger!

What would you do if the person you were dating wanted to do any of the 6 rules the 40 days couple laid out?

Happy Monday!!!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

278 comments Add your comment

Lee

September 9th, 2013
7:04 am

1, 2, 3 and 5 seems exhausting and slightly crazy. <– I agree with you. Therapist is throwing me for a loop also, that is not the way to start off usually ….did they feel they needed help?

What would you do if the person you were dating wanted to do any of the 6 rules the 40 days couple laid out? I believe things should progress naturally not rushed. Not sure if i would but then again what is it going to hurt if i did–i guess it would have to depend how i was approached

No Happy Monday

Mrs. SexyCool

September 9th, 2013
7:26 am

There is very little about that experiment that works for the course of a real dating relationship, except #4 and #6. All it came down to was a stunt for publicity, marketed to for consumption of the masses, designed to make them some money and create future opportunities for them.

Pish posh on all that.

Oh…and in real relationship news…today is our first anniversary. We’ve gotten the hard part out of the way….um, yeah…right. I do not kid myself. #RelationshipsAintEasy

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
7:58 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

I completely agree with Mrs. SexyCool that the purpose of this “experiment” was for a publicity stunt!!! Oh yeah, HAPPY 1st ANNIVERSARY Mrs. SexyCool and ENJOY the lifetime more to come!!! I absolutely LOVE seeing married couples that are doing a very good job of making it work. I call them my Inspiration Couples! :-D

As far as documenting my dating experience, I do that already in my own personal journal. I wouldn’t share that with the world while it was actually going on. Later down the road, it may make for a good book though. . . ;-)

Reio

September 9th, 2013
8:43 am

Morning all!

“What would you do if the person you were dating wanted to do any of the 6 rules the 40 days couple laid out?”

Well, numbers 1,2,3,and 4 will require somebody to spend money, so they have to keep that in mind. #5 will require some time and effort, which, if it becomes apparent to one of them that this other person is not for them, say, after day 22, well, #5 becomes more of a chore than an accurate depiction of what’s going on. #6 may be a problem for SOME men. 40 days is not a long time to wait, but as a young man, I, at the very least would have required some assurance from her, in her own words, that she would be open to this at some point in a relationship. Either this one or with other men, if this one fizzeled out. In other words, I’ll need to know early(second or third date) that she is not saving herself for a husband, cause if she is, I QUIT!!. Plain and simple. Got know problem with her doing that, but she’ll have to wait while I have moved on. Very few men, or women for that matter, will walk down the aisle with someone they have not slept with.

SlimNu

September 9th, 2013
8:49 am

Good morning and Happy Anni Mrs. SC…..as far as the topic, if i’m just getting to know someone, I would not want to be held to see them EVERY SINGLE DAY for the first 40 days. Don’t you need time apart to reflect and sort of see the forest while not being IN the darn forest? That made me tired just reading that list.

Single & Happy

September 9th, 2013
8:56 am

Hello all

If I’m going to start a relationship, there wouldn’t be any rules, just go with the flow and see where its going. Need them to do things because that’s who they are, not because of some set of rules we laid out.

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
9:01 am

-Slim Glad to read I wasn’t the ONLY one who was getting tired while reading the list. Seriously, unless you have NO kids & absolutely NO other type of LIFE would the entire list work, LOL!!!

Reio

September 9th, 2013
9:02 am

1,2,3,and 4 appears much too time consuming and costly. One would have to rearrange work schedules and free time to do all of this. Frankly, I would get tired of this after a couple of weeks. Cause I can envision a day or two that I won’t call her or stop by to see her. Just Cause I’m not in the mood. And what if I get the sense that she is just not into me? What then? Or, I’m not into her? What if she is clumsy and walks into walls and spills Diet Dr. Pepper on my new shirts that I just bought from JCPenney’s days earlier, two dates in a row? How would I handle that? How SHOULD I handle that? Huh?

Celisea

September 9th, 2013
9:08 am

Umm, don’t like “experimenting.” Trial and error is one thing as in doing the dange thing, test runs and tryouts are another.

Off topic but similiar to today’s challenge….

Went to another wedding Saturday, my neighbor. The couple pretty much been living together (it seems), he’s there when she’s not, (waiting for her), work for the same company, are like two peas in a pod, joined at the hip…..well he seems to follow behind her or follow her around. Wonder how long it will be before they’re burned out? Don’t get me wrong, I’m wishing them all the best. Not sure though that I want to see a person everyday, all day, no time alone or apart. Somebody’s gonna get burned out, I’m thinking. I hope not, but that’s what tends to happen when you’re together ALLLLL the time. They’re both 20 something. I’m guessing in a few months he’s (or she) is gonna wish he could eat her up…literally. Wonder who’s going to seek employment elsewhere first? If they’ll ride in together? Whew buddy this one is a doozie.

In all seriousness, I’m wishing them all the best and a long happy union. Her parents did the dang thing. We’re still eating from our plates “to go.”

Robert

September 9th, 2013
9:16 am

@Wise Diva – “If I could find a willing participant, I would consider dating and blogging it all with a fellow writer/blogger”

Dear Wise Diva,
I read the article you mentioned – “Social experiment:40 days of dating”. I find it interesting and I would consider your proposition if you are serious.

Sincerely,

Robert

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:17 am

good morning! Shame on both of them for creating that insane list and going along with it..lol

I would not agree to do anything on that list. Heck just the notion of seeing any man everyday for 40 days UNLEss he’s my husband is absurb and totally unreasonable.

I read the story and I’m not surprised the experiment flopped…their weekdend trip was Disney Kingdom!!! bwahahahaha

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:22 am

Some ppl like the join at the hip fashion. I don’t, I love love my me time. Already told SO that once we’re married I want my own me time room. He thinks I’m kidding around but I’m serious.

SlimNu

September 9th, 2013
9:22 am

Seriously, unless you have NO kids & absolutely NO other type of LIFE would the entire list work, LOL!!!

Moni – I know…plus with the way folks are spread out in ATL, you’re lucky to date someone that even lives within a 20 minute drive of you. Now I can see going to therapy or counseling if you two are engaged and wanting to ensure you’re both on the same page….but right out the gate? I wouldnt’ even know what to talk about in just the beginning dating stages.

O/T I made some garlic roasted chicken yesterday and it turned out pretty darn good. :-) (harmless plug here) lol

Celisea

September 9th, 2013
9:29 am

Not to mention (the bride) and the painted on smile she wore down the aisle Saturday…that had everybody whispering and talking. Dude seems to be a really geniunely nice guy. Very pleasant. Have taken on a few friendships. Plays ball with the other dudes his age at the church gym on Saturdays. She seems to be the one with the issues. He seems to really like her. All she had to do set the tone (i.e. don’t be sitting outside my house unless it’s a planned visit or something), go home sometimes or at a certain time, etc etc etc. She was NOT the happy camper at church yesterday. She didn’t smile once, she didn’t laugh and talk with the other young folks (as there’s a ton of them). She sort of held her head down. I mean if you didn’t want to or wasn’t ready, you could have and should have easily said so. Just because a dude presents you with a ring does not mean you’re locked in. It means you have options….yes, no or maybe so.

Celisea

September 9th, 2013
9:33 am

Alright, I need coffee! Since I stopped and bought half and half this morning, I’m gonna take a stab at the Keurig machine and the cute little Kcups :)

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
9:40 am

Ok Robert and Button, I’m going to actually READ the article now, LOL!!!

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:41 am

EEEWWWWWWW the hairy butt picture for day 38.

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:42 am

Robert – Wise will eat you up and spit you out,,,j/k

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
9:43 am

-Button He said she should pay more attention to her grooming!!! This is HILARIOUS!!!

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:44 am

Miss Moni – unless I’m missing something, there’s not much to ready until you get to day 39, all that drawing and stuff was a bit childish and I could’nt make out what half was about.

Reio

September 9th, 2013
9:46 am

Celisea – Sounds like that young bride is not into it as much as she should be. The groom sounds like an insecure damn fool. One does not own another person. Following her around won’t stop her from cheating, if she really wants to. And if she does, all he can do is chalk it up to inexperience, lack of commitment, a lack of love, and foolishness on her part and move on. I know several, what I believe to be, good men(I know their parents) tied up with, what I believe to be, bad women. Women that don’t seem to realize what they have, and thus, can’t appreciate them. Know a couple of good young women in the same boat as well. I don’t know them as well as I know their parents, but their parents are good people and have confided in me over the years, so I have a pretty good picture of what their adult, married, children are going through.

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:46 am

Miss Moni -He said she should pay more attention to her grooming!!! —- I wonder is that her hairy butt??

Single & Happy

September 9th, 2013
9:47 am

Button, what’s wrong with going to Disney, if it’s what they like, there are alot of people who go their for their honeymoon. It probably flopped because they never looked at it as a relationship, but more of and experiment.

kimmie

September 9th, 2013
9:48 am

Morning All!! Staying at home to day with my baby girl, she no feel good! It’s cool tho, cause I really was not feeling work today anyway!

On topic – If I were single and had nothing else better going on, I would do it. It’s just an experiment, almost like those 30 Day documentaries like Supersize Me. Plus, they were friends already anyway, it’s not like they were complete strangers.

Now, I don’t see this whole thing being realistic, so that’s why I’m not really taking it serious. But for fellow writers/journalists to do something like this, I don’t see it being a big deal. Shrugs

Happy One Year SCool!!!!

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
9:49 am

Ok, so I skipped straight to Day 40 because I wanted to know how it ended. So he realizes that he loves her, yet he doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with her??? Am I the ONLY one who doesn’t get THIS particular logic???

disco

September 9th, 2013
9:51 am

good morning.

dag – well I got the complete wrong impression from “40 days of dating”. I thought, well it doesn’t matter what I thought. I was way off. lol.

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
9:54 am

-Disco Ok, now I want to know what you thought it was LOL!!!

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:54 am

Single – arrrggghhh! (sigh) I guess so, just not for me.

I sum it us like this: the girl wanted a bbf who would be at her beck and call everyday. She must have abandonment issues and don’t like to be told no and the guy went along for the ride since he knew he would get schex. After the experiment was over he went back to his bachelor lifestyle and she had to come back to reality that finding love is no experiment and it’s natural.

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
9:55 am

-Kimmie Praying your baby girl feels better soon & that you enjoy your day off! :-)

Button

September 9th, 2013
9:57 am

Miss Moni – he loves her but not IN LOVE with her, big difference to men. HA! after the disney trip he completely shut down. Not even talking to her. He was not attracted to her, only saw her as a friend. I assume he never speaks to her again. She probably lost a good friend over this mess.

disco

September 9th, 2013
9:57 am

moni – nothing in particular. I was just thinking it would be more along the lines of “40 dates in 40 days” or “40 ideas to improve your dating life” or “40 things not to do/say on dates”. just something more like that.

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
10:00 am

-Button I agree, a good friendship wasted over a mediocure relationship. Hopefully, both of them will be able to use what they’ve learned to help them in their next relationship. I would love for them to do a “Where Are They Now” after a year.

Button

September 9th, 2013
10:01 am

Kimmie- something is clearly going around. Not sure if your daughter is suffering the same illness, if it is hope she feels better, I’ve been battling this sinus/allergies since last week and still not feeling any better, head is so stuffy and dry at the same darn time. All kinds of head stuff going on with me and a few of my colleagues. Ahcoooo, sniff sniff.
Hope she feels better soon.

Button

September 9th, 2013
10:03 am

even if I had absolutely NOTHING to do for 40 days I would not even entertain that list :lol: :lol: I’d rather go fishing :lol:

kimmie

September 9th, 2013
10:07 am

If any of you have not seen Supersize Me or any of those 30 Day documentaries by Morgan Spurlock, they are really good and interesting. In Supersize Me he ate nothing but McDonalds for every meal, every day for 30 days straight. He did 30 days as a Muslim, 30 days living a gay lifestyle minus the sex. The best one I think though, was when he and his girlfriend lived 30 days each making minimum wage. They moved to a little town in Ohio that supposedly had the median cost of living and got minimum wage jobs. Before you knew it, they were at each other’s throat about little things!

Reio

September 9th, 2013
10:11 am

Just wondering. Did the sponsor pay for these dates and weekend trips? anybody?

kimmie

September 9th, 2013
10:11 am

Thanks Miss Moni & Button, you guys are so sweet! I think it’s a combo of things – allergy issues and even though I serve balanced meals, too much candy and junk eating on the side. Her body is rejecting that mess, like me & her daddy told her it would!

SlimNu

September 9th, 2013
10:11 am

kimmie – I like watching those shows but i didn’t see the one about him living a gay lifestyle. How did that pan out exactly especially if he didn’t go all the way?

Robert

September 9th, 2013
10:12 am

@Button – “Wise will eat you up and spit you out,,,j/k”

I love a good challenge. I’ll bring the “hot sauce” to spice things up a bit. lol…

Leggs

September 9th, 2013
10:12 am

I was a little scared this morning. Couldn’t find this blog anywhere…thought it might have shut down to some people’s delight.

“Seeing a couples therapist for a new dating relationship?! Seriously??” – I thought that a bit much myself.

All this made me think of shows like the bachelor/bachelorette where things are fine and dandy in the glare of the camera but a wreck when the cameras are away (no, I don’t watch those shows). Anyway, to blog about something for the benefit of their readers may take away the necessary time they should spend getting to know each other as a couple who just happened to be great friends. The dynamics of that shift may be more important for them to adjust too emotionally w/o having to write about it online.

Good morning and WHEW!

kimmie

September 9th, 2013
10:14 am

Slim – I didn’t watch the entire episode, but he went to a gay nightclub and I think a gay support group.

Miss Moni

September 9th, 2013
10:14 am

-Disco Yeah, I feel you on that. I think that would have been a little better, “40 Dates in 40 Days”!

-Kimmie You are welcome, too bad she had to learn the hardway about eating that candy and junk. . .

disco

September 9th, 2013
10:16 am

kimmie – I haven’t watched any of those but a couple of my friends call me the “30 day queen” because I’ll do this that or the other for 30 days. currently I haven’t had a drink (and I likes my drank – lol) in 21 days so you know I’m counting down. lol. I’ve done no shopping for 30 days, no sodas, no sweets/snacks. I’ve blocked calls for 30 days. i started off doing the calorie tracker for 30 days but ended up doing 60. lost 10 pounds too. who figured it would work? lol.

Leggs

September 9th, 2013
10:16 am

Happy Anniversary, MrsSexyC!

Celisea

September 9th, 2013
10:16 am

Reio – I agree. The only thing though is I think the dude just really likes her. I could be wrong but I don’t think it’s insecurity on his part. Smothering a bit, but I think (from the outside looking in) she should have pushed back. From afar, it seems she allowed him to believe it was okay, being around all the time. I mean, he’s branched off a bit and tried to create friendship with some of the young men at church…you know, hang out with them some. It doesn’t seem he had many friends before her. He seems “thirsty” but in a good way. I think it was the best opportunity in the world. Of course a young girl wouldn’t know this. But she could have set the tone of getting together a couple of times a week, you know…talk on the phone or message each other when not together. Keeping in contact but not smothering.

I hope they make it though. They have a lifetime ahead of them.

kimmie

September 9th, 2013
10:17 am

I still have not read the article, but sometimes it really is better to keep things as friends. Just cause the two of you lik each other does not mean you’ll make it as a romantic couple.

Leggs

September 9th, 2013
10:17 am

Awww, kimmie, hope she feels better soon and that you don’t catch whatever may be ailing her. Enjoy your day at home as much as you can.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

September 9th, 2013
10:20 am

@Mrs SC

Congrats on the one year!

Celisea

September 9th, 2013
10:21 am

I clicked Diva’s link and hit the browser back button. Didn’t feel like reading it. All this man made romance, spelling everything out, tryna see the end before one get’s there is just crazy.

Gone are the days (for most and those that do “reality stuff”) of nature taking it’s course, spontaniety, the element of surprise, going all in (the both of y’all), etc etc etc. I tend to graze over and past stuff like this. Bet it here (virtual environments), tv, articles, etc. I just know that while most are looking for cookie cutter stuff, the greatest romances comes from folks letting things be and allowing things to do what they do…on it’s/their own.

Single & Happy

September 9th, 2013
10:21 am

I was a little scared this morning. Couldn’t find this blog anywhere…thought it might have shut down to some people’s delight. whacha talking bout LEGGS (LOL)