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Pressure to settle down

My friend Greg said he is starting now to feel the pressure I felt years ago to settle down.  He said that as a man, even with the option to have children at a later age, he has felt pressure to become a husband.

I rarely hear of men talking about pressure they feel about relationships and  marriage, which probably comes mostly from family.   Is it the same kind of pressure society places on women and how do men handle it?

When men see their friends and peers getting married, do they get the feeling as if they are being left behind?

Ladies, do you think that a man past a certain age that has remain unmarried is still marriage material?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

552 comments Add your comment

Lee

September 4th, 2013
7:08 am

Anything rushed into usually ends up ending just like it started. I have never heard of a man stating he needed to get married from pressure–unless the girl got pregnant <– and those all have ended in divorce or wish they were.

If it is meant to be it will, until then live and enjoy life

The weekend is fast approaching

Miss Moni

September 4th, 2013
7:22 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

YES, I do think that a man past a certain age that has remained unmarried is still marriage material.

Now a man who is past a certain age and is UNEMPLOYED, LIVING with his MAMA, has a bad temper and/or has a basketball team full of kids is NOT marriage material.

Single and Happy

September 4th, 2013
7:45 am

Hello All

No pressure here from anyone. cause it aint non dey bizness :-) I’ll get married when I want too

When men see their friends and peers getting married, do they get the feeling as if they are being left behind? No

MissMoni, you mean I’m not old (whatever would be equivalent to an old maid for a man)

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
8:03 am

When men see their friends and peers getting married, do they get the feeling as if they are being left behind?

Ummm, heck no!! I’m not a man, but I say this with confidence….lol Look, I’ve always said it and I’m sticking to it…..it’s royal being a man. No pressure in any way, from what I can see. Every blue moon you’ll find a dude that got or gets suckered by a woman, into something he don’t reeeallly wanna do, but, from what I can see you won’t make a man do nothing he don’t wanna.

I think most men would live in bachelor bliss til the end of time, if they could…lol Outside of (eventually) needing a pamper changed, I don’t think there’s a REAL need to be under pressure to do anything. :)

J/K/B/N/R lol

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
8:06 am

As it relates to being “bachelor” material after a certain age, meh, I don’t think so. I think men (as do women) become unbearable after so long a time….set in their ways. Nope, I think at that point, the ability to compromise and live or deal with another becomes my way or no way….at all

Miss Moni

September 4th, 2013
8:07 am

-Single You’re only as old as you feel! :-)

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

September 4th, 2013
8:18 am

Your friends getting married does affect a man…in a certain way.

There’s the “milestone” aspect of it, there’s the fear of being the “old man in the clubs”, and there’s (depending on the dude) the down right “being tired” aspect.

Can’t speak for all men, but in my circles of friends those things have been expressed, both by the selectively single and the married guys.

Morning

Button

September 4th, 2013
8:20 am

Parents put pressure on their kids and yes I know I will put the pressure on mine when they become a certain age and they’re not married. Heck it’s just natural for parents to want their kids to be married and have a family. If a son is not married at a certain age me as a mother would want to know what’s wrong, is he you know that way or what gives. I want grand kids, I want the daughter in law that I can’t stand…lol j/k but you know what I mean.

I always look side ways at men that is not married at a certain age. (30ish and beyond) So many questions flow thru my mind. Most men want to be married, it’s society that is telling them that they don’t and that bachelorhood is the boom and they should remain that way. When a man is thru with the streets he will settle down.

Ladies, do you think that a man past a certain age that has remain unmarried is still marriage material? If he’s never been married then I think it’s highly possible he will never marry. I run into these types from time to time and they all say “at this age, no way” but at the same time they usually have a long suffering girlfriend hanging on.

Good morning! :)

Single and Happy

September 4th, 2013
8:22 am

Dan if you don’t want to be the old man in the clubs, don’t go to to clubs (LOL)

MissMoni, then I must be 20 sumin (LOL)

Single and Happy

September 4th, 2013
8:27 am

When a man is thru with the streets he will settle down. WTH what makes you think that settling down means getting married?

but at the same time they usually have a long suffering girlfriend hanging on. what makes you think they are suffering, believe it or not, there are alot of people happy with this situation!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
8:34 am

Pressure to marry, feeling left behind. I hope this isn’t a man thinking he’s out of the loop. It’s admirable for any man who want to become a husband but don’t get squeamish that time is running out. Toughen up and keep living chances remain good you’ll find that lady oneday

Good Morning:

Button

September 4th, 2013
8:38 am

Single – not sure what your definition of settiling down means but I’ve always known it to mean marriage. So what’s your definiton?

Most are suffering bc most want to be Mrs. so they hang on waiting for him to pop the question.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
8:48 am

Hey Button:

If your son doesn’t get marry you view him differently than a married man? I figure society tells men they should marry and have a house with the picket fence.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

September 4th, 2013
8:48 am

Me and my patna’s were talking about this the other day: few married people hang out (together or separately) with single folks. And when we were single, we’en hang out with married people either.

It’s just a different perspective on life. Married people use “we”, “us”, and for the most part, the single dudes is still in streets and talking about that. A wife doesn’t want you hearing those stories (usually), let alone being there for any of ‘em.

I just think it’s a change in life that is for some people and not for others.

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
8:49 am

I do think men are viewed a certain way if they aren’t married by a certain time. I know the old folks, those “old timers” think something is wrong with a man that’s not married, never been married by a certain time. They think he’s “funny” or ghey…lol I wouldn’t say a man is “gay”, but I believe something is wrong too, with a man that wants to run around or in the club or “forever a bachelor” until he dies. Sum’in ain’t rigt….lol

Single and Happy

September 4th, 2013
8:50 am

Button I guess with most folks you’re either running the streets or you’re married (settled down) but after a certain age it seem most of the folks “running the streets” are the married ones who think they are missing something. The single ones are more settled because they know they’re not missing anything.

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
8:50 am

the old folks at my church….

When a dude comes or visits and he’s not been married and he’s past 30, he gets all kinds of side-eyes….lololol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
8:52 am

Cely……..@ 8:03 life is so easy………LOL

Button

September 4th, 2013
8:53 am

Blackfoote – yes I would! I would view him differently on the fact that for one he’s a part of a marrying family. Everybody in my family is married well befor a certain age and for my son not to follow in the same foot steps I would wonder what is really going on with him. I would question him as to why he choose to take that route of living single vs getting married and starting a family. He certainly wasn’t taught that marriage is unsavorable so I would want to know what gives. I know some ppl are wired not to get married and I can accept it if that would be the case for him.

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
8:56 am

When I went to Ludacris’ restaurant (can’t remember the name), I thought it was a sight, seeing some old cat at the bar and hitting on women. A few of my friends and I met there one Friday after work. We sat upstairs and I just happened to be positioned where I could look down over the folks on the bottom level. It was pitiful to watch (and had me wondering what the heck was I doing there…lol). Buddy was “dranking” and tryyyyna mack, tryna holla at everythang moving. What was sad to see was every cute chick he stepped to, some young dude walked over and just took her, took his potential and easily at that. I watched him pretty much the entire time. Up in their ears, grinning like a Chesire Cat, only to get knocked off the box. No way in the world I could put myself through that….ut uh. I left about 11:00, cause I was sleepy and couldn’t hang…lolol And even though we met there to eat and catch up, I was seriously reflecting….and buddy had me by I know 25 years…lololol

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
8:56 am

Blackfoote – Easy breezy, huh? I bet :)

Reio

September 4th, 2013
8:57 am

Morning all!

“I rarely hear of men talking about pressure they feel about relationships and marriage”

That’s because they rarely get pressured. Why do they rerely get pressured? Cause women know(And it’s true), that, the moment a woman starts even asking about marriage, he’s looking to get away. As soon as she brings it up, he shuts down and wants to change the subject. A lot of guys see marriage as a trap. If I walk down the aisle, she’s gonna change, become combative, bossy, unrulely……then I’m stuck. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with her? “She’s crazy”. “The puddy’s good, and that’s about all”. “No way”. Suggesting marriage to many men is a sure way of getting rid of him. Maybe not tomorrow, or next month, or even, next year, but he will bolt at some point, you can rest assured.

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
8:58 am

When I went to Florida last year, I will say….I saw a middle aged white dude with a fine tenda and I ain’t gon lie, buddy was sexy (looking) as heck. He looked to be late 40s. She looked to be early 30s. They had a beautiful baby. Heck yeah….settled, past all the bs, still fine, getting sexy with age….mmm hmmm

Lady~

September 4th, 2013
8:59 am

Morning MIA, Don’t get the feeling of being left behind… Marriage isn’t something to do just cause ur friends are/have done it, no peer pressure there… ;)

Leggs

September 4th, 2013
8:59 am

If he’s feeling pressure then he’s not ready. Those putting pressure on him are ready for him, but he’s not ready. When he is, it will flow and be a beautiful endeavor for him. Right now, it’s coming across as a dead man walking.

Button

September 4th, 2013
9:00 am

Dan – when I was married we didn’t hang out with single folks either but he did have his single friends come by and you better believe I had my ears and eyes wide open to what was being said..lol years age my bbf husband didn’t like her hanging out with me. We soon parted ways which I was kinda alright with since I knew it wasn’t personal he just didn’t want her exposed to what I was into.

I have single friends but most of my friends are married, I rarely hang out with them since they are so busy with their married lives which I hardly fit into but the days are coming when I will be married again.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
9:01 am

I haven’t ran the streets in a loooong time except to travel and I have lots of married friends that come to my house with their wives and I visit their home and we just enjoy each other company. We host single and married there are no rules no one thinks there’s something wrong with somebody or they are having marital problems or if you’re single for extended periods of time. People enjoying people single and married.

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
9:01 am

A lot of guys see marriage as a trap.

I believe this.

Button

September 4th, 2013
9:02 am

Reio – lol you really believe that too huh

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
9:02 am

Lady – Well said…I agree I’m not married, but I like my life. I’ve had the ahem “marriage” conversation here of late, but there’s no pressure there. I’m riding the dang thing…lol :mrgreen:

Lady~

September 4th, 2013
9:05 am

Celisea

September 4th, 2013
9:11 am

If I walk down the aisle, she’s gonna change, become combative, bossy, unrulely……then I’m stuck. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with her? “She’s crazy”. “The puddy’s good, and that’s about all”. “No way”. Suggesting marriage to many men is a sure way of getting rid of him

No this, I’m not so sure about. My boo is the one that talks about and brings it up. Some men might wanna bail, yeah, but not every man. Also, why would you be with anyone and you can’t talk about the things that are on your mind? They don’t have to agree, but to be afraid to broach? Naw that ain’t happening. If he ain’t afraid to broach or go for what he wants, then why would I be in a relatonship where I don’t have the same freedom. If he runs because of any topic, then let him. He’s not meant for you.

Single and Happy

September 4th, 2013
9:16 am

Black, mature secure people can hang out with others without all those rules.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
9:21 am

When we play cards the women are in the other room talking and reminiscing about their single days. We do the same thing we hear them they hear us we laugh out loud they laugh about how some guys treated them in their past versus how they are living now. No pressure from any angle to be no more than who you are. Even gay friends come by and sit talk with the girls we don’t have an issue with that.

Button

September 4th, 2013
9:29 am

Also there isn’t much gained from marriage that is not readily available in single life.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
9:30 am

Single that’s so true. People put hang ups on ourselves for no apparent reason sometimes.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

September 4th, 2013
9:32 am

Nobody said anything about “rules”, it just is what it is (anecdotally).

Reio

September 4th, 2013
9:36 am

Well, think about it this way. Who is the happiest person in the world? Answer, A single male 21 or over. Why? Cause he has no responsibilities other than to himself. If he is in a relationship, gets tired of her, just dump her and replace her. Go out every night, stay out as long as he wants. See’s somebody he wants to “git wit”, holla at her and see what happens. If nothing happens, holla at another one…..Guys that do decide to get married tend to expect things to change, but change in a way that enhances their happiness, not deminish it. Once married, reality sets in, and they realize “I was happier single”. Often not ready for the perceived, deminished happiness, that they are feeling.

disco

September 4th, 2013
9:37 am

good morning. I won’t speak on pressure. outside pressure is for the birds. internal pressure, well, that’s personal. do I think men past a certain age are marriage material? depends on how much baggage they accumulated over the years.

2CPTG©

September 4th, 2013
9:37 am

morning……

disco

September 4th, 2013
9:41 am

moni – BS. you are as old as you are. how you feel is a different topic altogether. lol.

button – re parental pressure to get married. I didn’t experience it from my parents and I know for certain I won’t be pressuring mine into it. if anything I’ll be pressuring him to stall and delay it as long as possible. as it is he’s the master of the “plans”. the 2 year plan, the 5, year plan, the 10 year plan. marriage needs to be in one of the far out plans.

Reio

September 4th, 2013
9:42 am

Celisea/Button – No. I don’t believe this too. Remember, I’m married. Not only that, while single(I’ve mentioned this a number of times on this blog), my whole mission, was to find a wife, believe it or not. Even as a younger man, I had this mentality. I figured, why date if you’re not out to find a life partner. Even in my 20s, I Had this mentality.

disco

September 4th, 2013
9:43 am

blackfoote – time is running out for all of us. oops. that was kind of morbid. sorry. lol.

button – I’m thinking single meant just committing to a long term committed situation of any kind is settling down (depending on the person). heck, I know people who move around a lot and folks say they’ve settled down just because they’ve lived in the same city for a couple of years.

disco

September 4th, 2013
9:46 am

C – it’s the old misery loves company trick. yeah those old timers might have been outwardly clowning the single dude while inwardly envying his freedom.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
9:49 am

Reio believe or not I thought that way too early in my single days, why date if you don’t expect to find the woman you want to marry. Now I didn’t dump them as quickly as you did……….LOL but I knew I was on a mission.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
9:52 am

@disco……..LOL you’re right time is going to catch up with us all, and when it does one better have tried to live their life to the fullest.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 4th, 2013
9:56 am

Reio let me re-phrase my 9:49 I didn’t dump as quickly cause most of them had already dumped me before I got the chance ……….LOL

Single and Happy

September 4th, 2013
9:57 am

Black Reio, I went through that period in my life also. Now I date just to have fun, and whatever happens happens, and so far marriage hasn’t happened.

Disco, once again only insecure folks care what others think. even the old folks. And most of the time those folks are only projecting their insecurities on others.

Button

September 4th, 2013
9:59 am

Reio – what 21 yr old lives like @9:36?
All the single 21 yr old men know is busy working or in college and it’s not that pretty either. Yeah they go out but it’s not every single night and they don’t have a revolvingi door of women in and out of their lives. Oh and they are responsible for more than themselves, the ones I know volunteer their time, one even own a horse. He’s more interested in his horse than anything else. Heck most of them are into video games hanging out with their boys.

kimmie

September 4th, 2013
10:00 am

Morning All!!

We all know the pressure society puts on men to marry is much different that what’s put on women. Some of it has to do with biology, other just society in general. My observation of the pressure on men is more like Dan is speaking of.

But no matter how old a dude gets, if he’s got other aspects of his life in order, like a steady job, car and home, he cleans up well and not diseased or got a football team of kids & baby mama’s, he will still be looked at as marriage material. He’ll be the dude folks will forever be trying to fix up with the “old maid”! Heck, even if he doesn’t have all of the above together, somebody will still have him. That’s just how life is!