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Ending on good terms

I just had one  of the best break ups.  It was a long time coming so there really was no big surprise.  I guess being old as I am has it benefits when it comes to dating.   There is less fighting, bitterness, or revenge plots!  Ending on good terms is more likely when folks are mature.

I wondered what it would take to have all break ups go this well.  Sometimes the actual break up is just a formality.   When you have already seen the writing on the wall, saying it loud just seems like the natural next step.  I still wonder why some of my exes opted to take the ridiculous route and cause unnecessary pain in breaking up.

Why is it so hard to break up and end on a good note?  Staying calm, deciding to be friends and actually mean it, and wishing each other the best – is that really so hard?

Are you still friends with your exes?  Is ending on good terms normal for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

282 comments Add your comment

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
2:07 pm

I can imagine that it is.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:11 pm

Kimmie – I can also understand that

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
2:13 pm

“If you’ve got a good support system around you whatever age you have them, that’s half the battle.”

Kimmie couldn’t be said any better.

disco

September 3rd, 2013
2:18 pm

random: so… speaking of kids and support systems. I was at the track yesterday and a group of guys came out for some kind of workout/training. there were several adults, a couple of pre-teens and a toddler. yep. a toddler. this kid appeared to be 2 or 3 years old but he was getting his exercise in. when the group did push ups/situps he did little 2 year old pushups/situps. at one point the group had to run laps and can I tell y’all this little boy ran the entire lap. granted everyone else had done their lap and were on to the next thing. one of the adults ran and caught up with the kid and finished the lap with him. when he made it to the group they all clapped and cheered and gave him high 5s. I was just a casual observer but I remember thinking it was too cute. I also remember thinking the average 2 or 3 year old would have quit or walked across the field or something.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:29 pm

disco – So what do you think on adoption and foster kids, as it relates to “family?” I know folks that have adopted and love those children like they gave birth to them. IMO, it’s all in how far you can open you arms. For me, it wouldn’t have to be my birth or bloodline only.

Like Ruth told Naomi, where you go I will go, you people will be my people and your God my God.

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
2:29 pm

Leggs – That’s sweet. It takes a village!

disco

September 3rd, 2013
2:31 pm

celisea – adopted? you’re legally family. foster kids? well, we all know how that can go. don’t get me wrong. I understand why some people are cool with the idea of calling other people familial titles. I’m just not into it.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:32 pm

disco – I gotcha.

disco

September 3rd, 2013
2:34 pm

C – I had a friend who learned the hard way about the difference between family and like family. apparently when she got married her hubs’ mother said she was her daughter and my girl ate it up. when divorce time came hubs’ momma turned on her with the quickness. she never saw it coming and was whining and crying talking about “she said I was one of her daughters”. naw chick. you ain’t her daughter. you married her son and now you’ve been reduced to the trick that used to be married to her son. lol.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:39 pm

disco – Well, heck immediate family members will turn you out, given a bad enough situation. But while it was all gravy, she was her daughter. :) I think that’s akin to folks wondering how you could still hang out with your boo’s folks/parents and y’all have split.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:41 pm

IMO, it wouldn’t be hard to call someone mom or consider someone your son or daughter that blended well and had the same thoughts and beliefs parallel to yours/the family. IMO, it’s no different than the flip side of the coin….having a kid that you raised well and taught better but decided to live a life that stated otherwise. Do you want to still claim them? Do you want to still leave them an inheritance?

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
2:43 pm

immediate family members will turn you out, given a bad enough situation.

Cel – You ain’t never lied! I’ve had outside folks treat me better than some “blood”! Blood is thicker than water, but don’t bank on it always!!

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
2:44 pm

Blackfoote ~ thank you for the compliment, darling!!

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:45 pm

Kimmie – Me too…esp in my “running the streets” days. And to think, I was “mild” with mine…lol

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
2:46 pm

Celie……I got some fields that need gleaning….you down?

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:47 pm

One thing I can say, my mama and sister (that passed) was there for me, through thick and thin…. Oh, and my daddy….when is say mama, that include daddy….lol There were together on everything, just about.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:47 pm

2Can – Do I get a hubs in the end? lolol

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
2:47 pm

Cel/Disco – We all know biology does not imply an automatic relationship.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:49 pm

Kimmie – You got that right…soo true

2Can – Do I get to “glean for free?” Oh and can my hubs not be an old cat? Can I have my boo waiting on me on the other side of the fields? Ruth got herself booed but he was an old cat…lol

Robert

September 3rd, 2013
2:49 pm

“Ending on good terms”

It is getting close to the holiday season (thanksgiving, christmas, new years eve, etc.)and this is the time of year most guys try to end relationships on good terms until after valentines day-2014. You never want to promise to be somewhere and get caught in a situation you can not handle. It is a fact that most guys have at least 3 women (wife, girlfriend and a freak)so he can not possibly be in 3 places all at once. Guys have to make tough choices this time of year.

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
2:50 pm

Do I get a hubs in the end?

hell yeah!!! specially if I wake up and see you at the foot of my bed!!!!

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:51 pm

2Can – LOLOLOLOL

Robert

September 3rd, 2013
2:59 pm

@Celisea – “Before I go, would anyone be willing to date or give someone a chance with younger kids, and you’ve already raised your own?”

Yes, when are you ready to go on a date? Your kids can call me Mr. Robert. lol

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:00 pm

This is the first time I’ve rated…as in rated….my immediate manager since 2010, as well as my booghie team members. Well, I’ve not rated any of them, but one. Not sure how I got selected this year, but it says “with careful consideration you have been selected…..”

I’m having a hard time putting the words together for my manager. This will go directly to her superior once I’m done…as well as the others. Both managers that will be receiving are executives. As has been well since leaving the ballplayer. I can truly, in good concious say good things :) Just having trouble putting into words.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
3:00 pm

Welcome Leggs

LOL……….@Robert getting that time of year, that’s funny.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:01 pm

Rob – LOLOLOLOL….my kid is grown. What then? Just me and you? No kids? You don’t have young kids do you? Alright now….lololol You know I like getting a bang out of life :)

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:01 pm

Rob – You can’t go dropping me now, in a couple of months…Christmas is coming…lol

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:02 pm

And no, if things weren’t pretty decent, I would still tell the truth.

disco

September 3rd, 2013
3:03 pm

I do not want to date anyone with small children. I do not want to date anyone with adult children who are still treated like they are small children.

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
3:07 pm

I do not want to date anyone with adult children who are still treated like they are small children.

Disco – Okay!! H to the naw!

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
3:07 pm

“It is a fact that most guys have at least 3 women (wife, girlfriend and a freak)…” Glad you said ‘most guys’, cause I was never like that. I would give them the boot, but it was never because of another woman. Even if some other woman, on the surface, appeared to be a better fit for me. I still continued the current relartionship, until I became convinced that its not going to lead to matrimony.

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
3:07 pm

@Celisea you are right about that. There’s been occasion where blood has tried to get my livelihood taken away due to a “bad situation” and water has had my back thick and thin. I also had that happen where my ex family was all we family this and family that. I just gave the side eye because they did a lot of big rim talking but when it came down to it I wasn’t family. I expected it anyway but I just can’t stand people who talk just to hear themselves talk. I appreciate directness and honesty. Especially when I didn’t ask for those lies and inconsistencies you offered it up just because. :S

That’s akin to this “no new friends” my new friends lately have been treating me way better than my “old friends” (who of course I’m no longer friends with).

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:10 pm

YSIC – I can bet it’s something most have experienced.

Robert

September 3rd, 2013
3:10 pm

@Celisea – “You can’t go dropping me now, in a couple of months…Christmas is coming…”

Since you are a new friend it would be easy to keep you around for the holidays. I do not have to take you to meet my mother at thanksgiving, buy you a nice present for christmas or take you out for new years eve. We can just be friends-with-benefits. Afterall you need a place to chill away from family and friends and my house is the perfect place to relax.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
3:14 pm

Never dated anyone with adult children. Dated several with younger kids. Never gave it a second thought. I figured that it was her that I was interested in, and if she was worth a damn, she would never put me above her kids. None of them did. I can respect that.

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
3:17 pm

@Reio so wait are you married or single? I thought from that story you told that kept us on the edge of our seat that you were still married.

Exiled

September 3rd, 2013
3:17 pm

Me and Queen home today watching tv and she calls me upstairs!

Next time I post,my hands maybe a lil slimy. :lol:

Toodles

disco

September 3rd, 2013
3:22 pm

ex – from fixing the toilet. lol.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
3:22 pm

YesSheIsCute – I’m married, and very happily, thank you. I was talking about my dating years(bout 2.2 million years ago). That’s why all of my comments are in past tense. The last woman I dated is my wife.

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
3:28 pm

hell yeah!!! specially if I wake up and see you at the foot of my bed!!!!

HILARIOUS!

Robert ~ I got a call yesterday from someone who wanted to let me know his daughter is back home with her mother now that school is session. He asked to take to dinner and a movie. I thanked him for his offer but told him I was looking for something more substantial than a seasonal relationship. He has already told me when his daughter visits he stops all his relationships no matter how close he is to the person. Why would I even put myself in that position. Poor thing…I’m fine. When she’s a teenager and hanging with her friends he may still be alone if that’s how he’s presently operating.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:31 pm

disco – That 3:22….lololol and “okaaaay”

Mmeello – You funny, using fantab and toodles. I don’t mind tho

Rob, Rob, Rob – We can’t do the FWB, I don’t know how. And yes, you would take me home to meet “moms”, you would buy me a gift and there would be no other women :mrgreen:

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:32 pm

Leggs – That’s where Ruth was sleeping when Boaz awakened….

Ain’t that right 2Can? I’d have to go back and read to be sure.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
3:33 pm

Leggs – Whats wrong with him? Da hell kinda shjt is that? To think he would try and push that kind of hog slop off on you, is laughable. Some guys are dumber than Ronald Reagan was before he croaked.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:33 pm

Ruth was doing the dang thing and putting her bid in, claiming her man….you go girl!!!

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
3:35 pm

look at Robert….he’s a full fledged blogger now!!!

just last week he was writing love lists….now he’s all in!!! go ‘head on, playa!!!!

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
3:36 pm

Leggs – What did he say when you told him you wanted more than seasonal?

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:36 pm

Hey Rob, I can chill at home if I’m getting nothing out of it but chilling. If I’m chilling at your house, trust there will be something in it for me…beside dusting….coochie ain’t free. Y’all better recognize.

I went to Belks at Phipps Saturday, didn’t buy anything for myself really. Underwear and hose. I bought a pair of shoes for my sister though. But, I saw this dress….OOOOMMMMGGG, CK black dress. Plain with short cuffed sleeves, to die for….IT WAS $498.00 on sale for $198.00 That’s out of my range….it sure was a beautiful beautiful dress.

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
3:37 pm

and yes, Celie to your question about Ruth…..Naomi told her, gal, if you want that man, this is what you gotta do!!! He can’t deny you after that!

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
3:39 pm

2Can…I thought so. Ruth said, later for smoozing, I’m going for mine :)

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
3:39 pm

Leggs – That’s where Ruth was sleeping when Boaz awakened….

HILARIOUS!!! STILL……

Reio ~ it is downright laughable, what’s even funnier is someone is going to be willing to accept that semi-relationship over not having one at all. I ain’t the one. When the phone rang I had to search my brain to figure out who he was. Shows you I haven’t spoken to him in a long while. Doesn’t matter, cuz his number now has DNA next to it. HOGWASH I TELL YA…PURE POPPYCOCK (LOLOL)!!!

Robert ~ acquiring a new friend before the holidays still warrant you getting them a little something something other than your weiner! IJS….