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Ending on good terms

I just had one  of the best break ups.  It was a long time coming so there really was no big surprise.  I guess being old as I am has it benefits when it comes to dating.   There is less fighting, bitterness, or revenge plots!  Ending on good terms is more likely when folks are mature.

I wondered what it would take to have all break ups go this well.  Sometimes the actual break up is just a formality.   When you have already seen the writing on the wall, saying it loud just seems like the natural next step.  I still wonder why some of my exes opted to take the ridiculous route and cause unnecessary pain in breaking up.

Why is it so hard to break up and end on a good note?  Staying calm, deciding to be friends and actually mean it, and wishing each other the best – is that really so hard?

Are you still friends with your exes?  Is ending on good terms normal for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

282 comments Add your comment

disco

September 3rd, 2013
12:38 pm

yes – it’s not just the child claiming. I have issues with titles. lol. I’m against chicks who call their boyfriends’ parents and siblings their inlaws like they don’t understand a marriage needs to take place before there are inlaws. my son dated a chick with kids and one of my friends got fly and asked me about my “grandbabies”. I had to check her on that. they are not my son’s kids, they are not my grandkids.

C – I bet some folks here are that old. lol.

C – I called home recently and my mom was babysitting. I asked whose baby it was and she named the mother. I immediately blurted out “she’s got a new baby!!! how old is she???” she’s pushing 50. all I could say was that’s messed up. lol.

Durty Burd

September 3rd, 2013
12:40 pm

Disco…Just like 2C has a problem with GAY/Lesbians, you are not comfortable with YES calling the foreign exchange student her daughter. It’s all good..To yes she is assisting, helping taking care of this young lady like she is her mother. Yes is not replacing her mother she is providing motherly support to a young lady…It is all in the actions not the word…

I am not giving anything back, if you gave it to me do not ask for it back…I am a keeper of gifts. One of my ladies bought me a whole whole bunch of stuff, she was wealthy, I could not in good conscience give it back, plus it was a good break-up… :)

disco

September 3rd, 2013
12:44 pm

DB – my issue isn’t with yes in particular, it’s with the situation in general. exchange student or not I would have a problem if my son was calling some other woman mom even if he was staying in her house for 3/6/8 months or whatever. (if/when he gets married I wouldn’t approve of him calling his MIL mom. she’s not his mom. period.) I recognize that this is my issue and simply intended to explain why it’s my issue. everyone else can go around calling each other mom and dad and son and daughter all they want. it’s simply not my thing.

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
12:45 pm

I’ve never gotten anything that needed giving back. Everything was a gift. Nothing was “all that” or expensive either, so I doubt any of my exes would have wanted the stuff back.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
12:45 pm

disco – It was just funny how it read. We say we aren’t spring chickens, but in reality, this is “the right age” blog….IMO

disco – Yeah, that is messed up. As beautiful as my niece is (and she’s beautiful…literally), she ain’t THAT cute. I’m like “y’all come get your baby”…for real I’m surprised I’m still good at diapers and formula, but I ain’t feeling that. I’on get these folks that start families late…on purpose. I can see if it just sort of happened, as folks past 40, still do the dang thing (albeit better and better situated), but slip ups and boo boos and ut ohs will have someone having a stroke.

Kids old enough to start out in life, while you’re young enough to still have a few good years left. We too old for some of the topics, grant it, but it’s a dating blog. Diva can’t really changing up the writing style. And come to think of it, some of what she write still applies to some folks.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
12:46 pm

I suppose I could father children still. But she would have to me much younger. Women in my age group have dried up already( Not a knock against any of you, it’s just biology ). God made it so, that’s all. So, a much younger woman having my baby does not appeal to me at all. Been through that already. When you really love them, and care about them and their future,it’s tough raising kids. If you don’t give a damn, it’s easy, cause you don’t worry or sacrifice for them.

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
12:49 pm

Kids old enough to start out in life, while you’re young enough to still have a few good years left.

That’s how I felt when my son was born…. I was like shiiiid, you’ll be 18 before I turn 40…..we both gon’ party like rockstars!

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
12:52 pm

If you don’t give a damn, it’s easy, cause you don’t worry or sacrifice for them.

on the surface this sounds selfish, but it’s really true….I’ve found it quite hard to give a damn about a g/f’s kid……specially if they’re a teenager and ’bout out the door….

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
12:53 pm

Shoot, that’s how I feel now also. Got some good years back to still enjoy life. Quality of life and living is what counts. No diabietes, high blood pressue, obese…no taking a ton of meds, thankfully

Later for that traveling the world the first 10 -15 years of marriage and theeen tryna do the school age thing. Nuh uh. I have a friend that had his second kid at 40. They cheated though, they have a nanny.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
12:54 pm

I hope I’m fortunate enough to have a SIL….one day. He can call me mom :) I’d see him like my son

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
12:55 pm

@Reio I was thinking the same thing. I was like what should I tell her to call me…? I also felt Ms. S or Aunt S wasn’t fitting for the situation and didn’t want to let her call me by my first name only either. However, when she started calling me mom from the first email I just rolled with that. I felt some type of way at first because we are not that far apart in age and felt like it made me look old, and I know when we are out and about (especially in Stockbridge and McDonough) people are looking at us like MOM?!?!? (because she’s Turkish and I’m black). I’m used to her calling me mom now and I think it just makes us closer. I don’t have a family to offer her. I am all I have to offer so I guess it makes me feel better knowing that even though I’m the only support she has.

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
12:56 pm

I think every person thinking about have children should think of what age they will be when their children turn 20. If you’re going to 70+, you may want to reconsider because you need energy and patience for those toddler, tween years!

I have a friend that gave birth at age 50. Her second child, first daughter. She thinks everything that child does is cute.. “Oh_________, don’t do that (all the while smiling at her). Child has hands on hips (6 yrs) and mommy says “don’t you look cute with your hand on your hip.” Like hell she does. Mommy visits with me and child is ready to go and stands at door basically bellowing “I’m ready Mommy, let’s go. Sit your Mommy not saying anything, just ignoring the child. Me, I want to tell her to sit her narrow a$$ down but can’t. Since mother isn’t saying anything I squat to child’s level and look her in her eyes and tell her it’s impolite to yell at her mother and it’s impolite to dictate when her mother’s visit is over. Told her she doesn’t run things, but I know I’m wrong. But since she’s in my house, she doesn’t run things.

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
12:57 pm

Shoot, that’s how I feel now also. Got some good years back to still enjoy life. Quality of life and living is what counts. No diabietes, high blood pressue, obese…no taking a ton of meds, thankfully

Indeed. That’s exactly how I feel and I don’t take any medications.

disco

September 3rd, 2013
12:59 pm

C – if/when my son marries his wife will have to content herself with calling me by name. I’m not her momma. lol. I have a friend (childhood friend) who has always called my mother “mom”, she calls my aunts “auntie”. heck, she even calls me “sis”. I’ve always side-eyed her for it but that’s her thing. I also figure she does it because she comes from a super small family where I come from a humongous family. guess she’s seeking family and I’ve never been at a shortage so I’m not looking for any extras. lol.

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
1:01 pm

” I felt some type of way at first because we are not that far apart in age…” HUH? I thought you said she was 16?

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
1:04 pm

disco ~ speaking of someone calling you sis and is not your sis, my brother’s exgf (mother of his child) has been texting me (thanks Mama) and calling me sis. I was highly offended since I’ve never like this sneaky, ratchet acting person. I finally had to call her and tell although Mama told her to get in touch we me, we are not sisters please call me by my name. Normally, I may not have said anything, I just don’t like this person and the little hair I do have crawls when I see those words from her. Feels like any moment she’s going to try and scam me.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:04 pm

I have a friend that gave birth at age 50. Her second child, first daughter. She thinks everything that child does is cute.. “Oh_________, don’t do that (all the while smiling at her). Child has hands on hips (6 yrs) and mommy says “don’t you look cute with your hand on your hip.” Like hell she does.

This is my older brother allll day long. He’s dang nearly 60 and have a kid that’s not even ready to graduate….just yet. He thought that mess was cute, while the rest of us was thinking “what is he smoking?” LOL Seriously? I have nothing against that kid but she’s soooo grown that I can’t stomach her too much. And yes, my brother says nothng and thinks it’s cute. Well, it ain’t!!! She had a cell phone at the age of seven!!!!! She’s got a smart mouth, that gets checked when he brings her to visit my mom. I remember my cousin tryna give her to me (a few years ago) at a funeral :shock: ummm, her daddy is over there….I got a kid. What’s sad is my brother don’t see a thing wrong with being some old cat with a kid….looking like chester chester….uggggh and ewwwww

He brought her and some other kid he’s now claiming to see my mom and we all had to go off. He dropped them off real slick. This was when my mom was “transitioning.” She was apt enough to talk and what not, but not apt enough to watch to fast tailed girls. Well, I get there and here we have visitors. So, I take them with me to Macys. I tell them to sit with my mom in the shoe dept and I’d be right back. I come back and I have to go “fiiiind” them. Mind you they were about 10 or so. I was like “if y’all don’t get y’alls behinds back where I told you to stay and with the quickness!!!” One had the nerve to try and say something back. Before I knew it, I was like “lookahere, I don’t care what you do with your dad or you moms (they have different moms), but under my watch, chidren stay in the place and do what they’re told”…..with their little tight pants on….

He’s got me by a few years…a couple more years older and he could have been my daddy….

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
1:05 pm

@Leggs yeah. She’s turning 17 and I just turned 30 last weekend. So we are like 13 years difference. It’s not 5 years but it’s not like 25 either. I honestly didn’t even think they would approve me to take in a kid because of my age. But at least we can still relate to one another more easily. She never says things like mom, you don’t understand because…it wasn’t that long ago.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:06 pm

Breaking up aint that hard unless you’re dramatic people.

Hey Celisea I was married at 22 and had my third child at 24 he’ll be 27 this year, the others were twins and they perished at birth. Not looking to have any more, when my son became of age we hung out in Vegas together that was weird it almost like he was a little brother.

Afternoon:

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:07 pm

disco – I don’t feel the need for “extras” per se, but I’m open to extending…that’s what being family is all about.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:12 pm

Hey there Blackfoote! I couldn’t remember if you mentioned being married before (on here). Ain’t life grand? When you can raise them while you’re still young?? I think though daughters “hanging” with mothers (for me) would feel or feels different than sons hanging with dads…that’s just me though. I can’t imaging talking “man/guy” stuff with her. That’s my personal business…and as it relates to her, if she tells me too much, I go into “lecture” mode…sometimes. lolololol It’s the “mother” in me.

Don’t get me wrong, not knocking anyone that’s in their golden years or broaching their golden years with young kids. Sometimes it happens and wasn’t planned. At that pont, you gotta roll with it. Sometimes folks marry older (as we see happening nowadays). But to be planning a family and y’all both to hit Geritol, IMO (just mine) ain’t real smart.

I agree with Leggs, you should take into consideration how it’s going to be once you start the “aging” process. What’s going to happen to the kid and to the parents, when there are things you can no longer do (too much), but have to do. Unless you gon hire a nanny, then I guess it’s all good…lol

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
1:13 pm

Leggs – With some folks, it doesn’t matter what age they had the kid, they are just not raising them & they are not the best parents. I got into a discussion with hubs over the weekend. I told him to me being a parent is the most important job in the world. Having influence over another person’s life is profound. You are not doing them, yourself or the world any favors by letting them run wild and thinking everything they do is cute.

Durty Burd

September 3rd, 2013
1:18 pm

I am now cool with anyone that I support, assist or mentor considering me as a father figure.
Disco….You seem kinda of bitter in regards to raising your child alone..Do you feel like something was taken from you?

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:18 pm

Off topic: I’ve torn up another badge/id case. I hate to ask our admin for another cause she acts like she bought them. My laptop bag snatched off my band….2nd time happening, 3rd time I’ve asked for a case. I’m bout to order my own…lololol

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:19 pm

Durty – You didn’t answer me. Do you have kids? You don’t have to answer, but yeen gotta igg me either…lololol

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:20 pm

Not to mention my niece is named after a country (as in country) singer. I don’t know the other kid’s name. I know, such a shame. She told me that day, but I haven’t seen her since. That was the only time I saw her.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:21 pm

Like Leggs already stated about her ex, everything can be amicable without the bull fights. Ever since my ex been re-married (16) years we still have a common interest to talk about our son.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:30 pm

Yeah Cely it’s great not having to chase down yougins. For folks that have to it should be a good experience in life especially if it in some ways reminds you of your own youth.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:31 pm

“youngin’s”

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:32 pm

especially if it in some ways reminds you of your own youth.

Usually it does….

Alright, I’m famished…didn’t get breakfast. I need to eat and get to work :)

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
1:36 pm

She never says things like mom, you don’t understand because…it wasn’t that long ago. – I understand, my child never says that because I’m hip! J/k, j/k. I get what you’re saying!

Celisea ~ I can see your face when you had to go “fiiind” those girls and I could see you telling them “under my watch…” I would have said the same thing!

kimmie ~ I agree, I’ve said many times parenting is the most important child and least rewarding job. Too bad so many take the responsibility so lightly! I had to turn from a show yesterday because the parents were accused of killing their 7 wk old baby from brunt force to the head, 3 fractured ribs and other stuff. HTH do you do that? WTH would you do that? Babies cry and if you can’t stomach a constant cry, tie your damn tubes!

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
1:38 pm

most important JOB….

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:41 pm

One more….Leggs, I know you’re feeling me on that…lol

And you’re right about having patience with constant baby cries. That’s enough to work your nerves if you don’t get that’s they only way they can tell you something is wrong. If you don’t get they can’t fend for themselves, if you don’t get that you have to tend to them and their needs first. Can’t get mad if they won’t allow you to sit and do nothing. You have to get up and see about them.

Lazy folks are other folks that shouldn’t have kids.

Durty Burd

September 3rd, 2013
1:42 pm

Celisea folks in the bible had kids when they were old…If you believe you can handle it go ahead and do it…Me I am going to get with a 25 yrs so she can take care of the babies while I am on the golf course…hehehehehe!

Bad Parenting happens at all ages….

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:42 pm

that that’s the only way….is what I meant

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:43 pm

LOL…….@Leggs tie them tubes. Damn Leggs little Leggs is catching up with you, sh’ell be able to hang on your hip again pretty soon.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:44 pm

Durty – You’re being evasive…it’s okay though. :) You don’t have to say…lol Go on and get you a 25 yo then, and go head and play golf. Like I said, I’m not knocking folks that have babies when they’re older, I’m just saying I can’t do it…lolololol

Before I go, would anyone be willing to date or give someone a chance with younger kids, and you’ve already raised your own?

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:45 pm

Or date a younger dude that want kids but you don’t or you’re done?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:47 pm

Durty go head withcho bad self and them 25 year olds………….LOL I think the lowest I could go would be about 35 but still I never can say never to most things.

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
1:48 pm

“Damn Leggs little Leggs is catching up with you, sh’ell be able to hang on your hip again pretty soon.” If that happens, the only thing she will do is break my hip!

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
1:49 pm

Durty – folks in the bible also had handmaidens…lolol The wife nor the husband tended to the child. The nanny did…lolol Um, can I get a handmaiden? Shoot I might consider it then…lol

I’m still here, huh? The cafe closes in 11 minutes…BBL

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
1:50 pm

Celisea ~ I think I would. I love children, but if you say I can’t chastise them or punish them, then we’re not going to work…point blank period!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:52 pm

Cely I think I would, I just wont put my hands on them I’ll let the daddy handle that unless he is deceased. I believe in old fashion whoopings like I recieved, not none of this talk it out stuff that’s suggested in todays time.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:55 pm

Leggs don’t worry Little Leggs will be there to help keep them hips upright and tight.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 3rd, 2013
1:57 pm

Man that’s gone be a sight to see two of y’all walking around looking magnificent.

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
2:03 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: It’s already a sight. :wink:

disco

September 3rd, 2013
2:04 pm

C – yep. extending family (not like family) by traditional age old methods such as birth and marriage.

durty – where did bitter and child rearing come in at?

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:05 pm

Blackfoote/Leggs – I’m talking, but if I loved the person enough, I think I could two, stipulation being I’m done working. I’d have to be a stay at home mom

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
2:06 pm

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
2:07 pm

Cel – I believe I’ve said before I purposely wanted a guy with kids already because I was not sure if I could have any and I didn’t want him being disappointed in case I couldn’t.

Durty – You are so right about the bad parenting at any age. A lot of kids are being raised by their grandparents anyway cause their parents could not or are not up to the job. Or you got kids raising kids and we know how that works out a lot of the times. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to being a good parent. If you’ve got a good support system around you whatever age you have them, that’s half the battle.