accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Ending on good terms

I just had one  of the best break ups.  It was a long time coming so there really was no big surprise.  I guess being old as I am has it benefits when it comes to dating.   There is less fighting, bitterness, or revenge plots!  Ending on good terms is more likely when folks are mature.

I wondered what it would take to have all break ups go this well.  Sometimes the actual break up is just a formality.   When you have already seen the writing on the wall, saying it loud just seems like the natural next step.  I still wonder why some of my exes opted to take the ridiculous route and cause unnecessary pain in breaking up.

Why is it so hard to break up and end on a good note?  Staying calm, deciding to be friends and actually mean it, and wishing each other the best – is that really so hard?

Are you still friends with your exes?  Is ending on good terms normal for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

282 comments Add your comment

Lee

September 3rd, 2013
7:04 am

Are you still friends with your exes? NO, they are all crazy at the end, only one i was friends with you can say but i found out he kept telling everyone we were still together and that was years after the break-up..smh.. Is ending on good terms normal for you? no its kind of sad guys act like big babies. When i was younger i always dated older guys kind of sad age means nothing

Weekend is getting closer…. Maybe this weekend will be as interesting as this one…Cheerriooo

Miss Moni

September 3rd, 2013
7:51 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! *Had a very RELAXING Labor Day Weekend!*

“I just had one of the best break ups.”

-Diva I can honestly say that I’ve NEVER heard that term used before in my life. Good for you, if you’re cool with it, I’m happy for you!

Why is it so hard to break up and end on a good note? Some people are just not mature enough to speak up and not go another further when they are getting less than they deserve. So when the mess hits the fan, they are all upset and full of emotions and it just doesn’t go well. Too many folks are attempting to make temporary people permanent or just simply getting involved with someone they shouldn’t been dealing with in the first place.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
8:02 am

Good deal, Diva….lololol While I consider myself to be “experienced’, I have yet to see folks act like adults when it comes to breaking up. What are you going to accomplish by becoming bitter and vengeful?? You set your own self back, JUST THAT MUCH MORE. After all your get back and coming out of a deficit (from all the hating, vengence and bitterness), you only end up back at the finishining line….THEEEEN do you have to move past that, on to moving ahead on you merry way, getting on with life. And really, bitte folks, that does teh “get back, gonna gitchu, gon’ show you”, blah blah blah, just let the other person know, they must have been digging you awfully much, so much so that they are allowing their slip AND panties to show.

Toughen up chief and move on, should be every person’s mantra that’s experienced the backlash of vengence…lololol

Lady~

September 3rd, 2013
8:14 am

hmmmmmmm @ applicable break-ups………….#smirk but I do understand “its been a long time coming” its not as hard as one think to keep it moving humbly~ #lifegoeson :) Morning Good People! Howdy C!

Let’s knock out September! ;)

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
8:18 am

Hey there Laddddddyd!!

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
8:18 am

Ooops….”Lady” I meant

Button

September 3rd, 2013
8:41 am

Ending on good terms, is possible esp if the writtings already on the wall. You’re already braced for the inevitable but if it’s out of the blue then yes it hurts! not good. What else is not good is when you have your boo’s name tattooed on you and he/she dumps you. not good.

I can’t be friends with an ex. I can be friendly if we were still running in the same circles but if not then I don’t see a need to be friends. I thought I could be friendly to my ex but he kept going down memory lane and we end up doing the blame game so after going thru that mess for some time I decided to cut off all contact with him. Igore the emails/calls all together.

good morning!

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
8:42 am

I guess not “finishing” line, but rather “starting point’ of starting over and moving ahead…but y’all get the point I was making.

I was on the phone with my sister when I made my boo boos….lol That’s how I ended up typing lady’s name wrong. I guess I can’t multi-task too well….lol

Let me get on out of here and to work….

Toodles!

Button

September 3rd, 2013
8:44 am

IT also depends on the reason for the break up. IF it’s cheating then yeah you might get your tires sliced or the windows shattered at your home and car. Count on a bad break up.

disco

September 3rd, 2013
9:02 am

good morning. why is it hard to end on a good note? well to be honest, some folks don’t start on a good note. they don’t live on a good note. the relationship isn’t based on a good note. why should it end on a good note? ijs.

disco

September 3rd, 2013
9:06 am

moni – I don’t know about folks celebrating good break ups in general but I’ve attended more than one divorce party. lol.

all this friends with the ex stuff is a great big who’s on first. folks say you should be friends first. friends before dating, friends before hooking up, friends before marrying. my thing is if you can be friends before (and I mean real friends, not just using the word friend loosely) then you should be able to be friends afterwards. for the most part, friends don’t hurt friends so even if it doesn’t work out, everything and everyone should be all good.

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
9:15 am

Morning….

I’m actually cool with all my exes….’cept one….

Miss Moni

September 3rd, 2013
9:22 am

-Disco HEY!!! I’ve heard of people having a divorce party, but I’ve never attended one. I take it that everyone had a good time???

disco

September 3rd, 2013
9:27 am

2C – for some reason your post made me think of jody in baby boy. “I’m cool with both my baby mommas”. lol.

moni – yep. ex-hubs and ex-wife were cool. they were just divorced and okay with it.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
9:36 am

I always felt too proud to let you “dig” at me or mess with me (my head) like that. I’ve only had a true case of “revenge” once in my life….and that wasn’t even from a bf. Maybe he liked me more than he let on…lol Or, maybe that’s how he’s scared or intimated women…I dunno I think though he met his match. Not so much in going back and forth, not stu’ing that, but in not running, ducking, dodging or hiding. I wonder though, if he knows that I know it was him….lol His “so called” revenge was on the low low. You know folks that’s still laughing and talking with you while holding the knife in your back…

Even to the kid’s dad, he didn’t do no childish mess like a vengeful breakup. He was hard to shake, but he was “too grown” for that, in all his “needing to grow up.” There have been residuals things like folks hanging on too long or still calling but revenge? Who does that but teenagers??? Seriously…smh

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
9:37 am

he not he’s

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
9:50 am

Why is it so hard to break up and end on a good note? – Many do their best to stay clear of any drama that may ensue from the breakup. Breaking up over the phone, over text (although immature) is safer ground for many.

“Staying calm, deciding to be friends and actually mean it, and wishing each other the best – is that really so hard?” – It’s not hard at all, but you must be an “adult” about it and not succumb to cattiness and revenge. I never understood why so many are so bitter and seek havoc on the one who left them behind. All that does is give them power over you and your emotions…grab that isht back and handle yourself and your steps to grow past the wound.

Miss Moni

September 3rd, 2013
9:53 am

-Leggs I don’t get that either in terms of revenge. As an adult you can and will go directly to jail for trying to “get back” at someone. In the modern age of technology, it’s much easier to get caught too, LOL!!!

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
9:55 am

And if I’m too mad to be friends, I’m too mad to do anything let alone trying get back at you. At that point you’re a nonfactor to me…lol

Leggs

September 3rd, 2013
10:00 am

“Are you still friends with your exes? Is ending on good terms normal for you?” – Ending on good terms is normal for ME! Even with my exhub, we are friends. It’s a mindset one must develop especially if children are involved. I made a conscious effort to take the high road and it has benefitted all parties involved, especially our daughter. I see no need in being bitter and spiteful, a lesson he finally learned. It takes too much energy when all you need to do is lick your wounds in private, keep on with your life and do good by your own standards.

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
10:02 am

Good morning! This is a good question. I broke up with my ex in December and I thought by sitting him down as adults and being calm and serene about it and not placing blame but just simply saying we weren’t compatible and that I just didn’t see things working out would make things transition smoothly but he flipped his lid and said he didn’t see it coming and that he can’t understand because things were going so well we weren’t arguing etc etc. I mean there’s nothing to argue about when you don’t care anymore right? Needless to say that break-up was more like a divorce. He actually started the whole that’s not yours, this is mine, I bought this, don’t take this spiel when I was moving out… smh.

Anyway, it is really hard I think if one person feels blindsided by it all or like Miss Moni said, there are unresolved issues that were left festering instead of speaking up. All my exes are across the ocean with the exception of 2… We talk every now and then.

Celisea

September 3rd, 2013
10:06 am

I can’t say I’m friends with folks, but I dang don’t see how it benefits anyone by “getting folks” or “getting back at folks.” If that ain’t the dumbest thing you can be stuck on. I can’t say I didn’t do stuff to my kid’s dad (which is why I was surprised he didn’t try to get back at me), but not since then. I was young and angry all the time…lol So happy happy happy, I’ve learned that letting stuff go is just how to do the dang thing.

It’s just not any one individual’s place to right a person’s wrong, or what they perceive to be wrong, to put them on blast, to oust them, to get back at them, to put sugar in their tank, to sabatoge, blah blah blah….look at yourself and how YOU live and work on YOU. Don’t be wallowing in the dirt your dang self all the while tryna right someone else’s (perceived) wrong. Live YOU life, and quit looking over and judging tryna guage how someone else is living.

The best revenge is living well….no matter how cliched that seems to be. :)

Off topic: Today will no doubt be rough for me. My sinuses, out of the blue, went whacky last night. Around 11:00 ish, got that tickle (that I’ve mentioned), in my right nostril. Not sure what’s going on with that. Went into a sneezing fit, until I was completely congested….and stayed congested until about 4:00 a.m. this moring. Sooo, I was up watching movies and playing Ruzzle…lol It’s gonna hit me in a few hours. I didn’t have any more Mucinex. Won’t do THAT again….being without meds. I always try to keep it handy. Guess I got too comfy seeing I haven’t had problems in a couple of months.

Single and Happy

September 3rd, 2013
10:14 am

Disco, @ your 9:02, you know it’s hard getting some people to understand that, they go straight from phone# to relationship, but be talking bout they were friends first. But I guess that’s why I’m so slow when it comes to relationships.

I’ve can only remember one bad break up, and it was from a rushed relationship. All the rest we either ended as friends, or came back together as friends.

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
10:21 am

are we talkin about football yet?

Miss Moni

September 3rd, 2013
10:21 am

-YesSheIsCute It does help when the ex’s are far, far away!!! :-)

Single and Happy

September 3rd, 2013
10:31 am

Yes, that’s why I don’t shack, (yo $hit is at yo house) (LOL)

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
10:31 am

Morning all!

As SOON as I realized that it wasn’t going to work, I gave them the boot. Almost always not long after the relationship started. My sisters used to get onto me about being “too hasty”, or ” She was a nice girl”, or “Whats wrong with you?”. I figured that I had decided it would end, so why prolong it? “Why don’t you give’em a chance?” They would ask. “I did give’em a chance, but I couldn’t see it getting any better.” No bad breakups though. I guess they were never around long enough to get too attached. A few would call, crying, pleading, begging…….”What did I do wrong?” or “What’s wrong with me?” or “Nobody’s perfect” or “You’re not perfect yourself!”. I felt like Iwas doing us both a favor. Never claimed to be perfect. I’d be the first to admit it. But I knew what I wanted, and none of them seemed to be either able or willing to provide it. I moved on.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
10:33 am

2CPTG© – DAWGS Ain’t shjt!! GO BAMA/AUBURN!!

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
10:40 am

Reio…….Did you see those Seminoles, tho!!!!

Dawgs are overrated this year….gon’ get spanked again this weekend by South Carolina…

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
10:47 am

2CPTG© – Yes!! Jameis Winston is from here. Hueytown is suburb of Birmingham. Just right down the street. Here, there was nothing people could do with him. Couldn’t stop him in high school. Seminoles got a good one. Auburn also has a good one, playing backup, Jeremy Johnson. This guy is spectacular, from another high school right down the street too.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
10:49 am

2CPTG© – I agree. South Carolina is gonna beat the tar and nicotine outta them DAWGS too!

disco

September 3rd, 2013
10:49 am

yes – so you put a new spin on the it’s not you it’s me. lol. oh and I ain’t mad at old boy for claiming his property. it is what it is. lol.

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
10:50 am

@Miss Moni yes but then I don’t have a little black book for those lonely and cold nights lol
@Single and Happy I moved in due to a financial/academic situation and made it clear I was moving back out as soon as I graduated. But when it came time for me to move out he said he wanted me to stay so I stayed. Never again. The moving out was the worst. :/

Button

September 3rd, 2013
10:52 am

Reio- maybe it wasn’t a bad break up from where you stood but for the girls it probably was hence the crying, pleading and begging.

Being the one breaking things off is just as hard as the one recieving the bad news. I know I felt a certian kind of way when I broke things off. I guess it’s not good on either end.

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
10:52 am

I agree Reio….when we landed him last year, I knew we were headed back to our glory years!!! I’m willing to bet he’ll win a Heisman before his career at State is over….

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
10:55 am

@disco the sad thing was it really wasn’t his stuff. He was just doing it out of spite to hurt me and he did. He acted a plum fool on moving day. I was at the apartment complex office crying because he was being such a jerk and it was getting harder and harder to take the high road and not say anything… I didn’t need to take anything that was his and I really didn’t appreciate him accusing me of taking his stuff. If he could have said that any of my clothes were his he would have claimed that too. I realize that he was just having a temper tantrum because he was hurt and didn’t want me to leave but that’s his problem. Maybe if he could express himself like an adult and not toddler I would have been more inclined to stay. Oh well. On to the next.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
10:57 am

YesSheIsCute – I never shacked up. Never wanted to. Too many potential pitfalls. One of them asked me about it(It may have been two, been so long, I don’t remember), but I declined. Can’t remember if she wanted to move in with me or me with her. But it never happened. I used to get bored easily. Didn’t feel like talking or listening. If she is right there, I can’t excape.

Miss Moni

September 3rd, 2013
10:59 am

-YesSheIsCute May I suggest that you light your fireplace & cuddle with your pillow on those cold and lonely nights. No need on settling & waking up with regrets just cause you felt vulnerable at the moment. An ex is an ex for a reason, don’t backtrack, just keep moving forward. :-)

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
11:00 am

2CPTG© – Yes. He and Johnson, both set all kinds of Alabama high school records. Passing, running…..I expect good things form them both,including Heisman!

disco

September 3rd, 2013
11:02 am

moni – sorry but I’m going to have to issue you a blog demerit for advising someone to cozy up to the fireplace with a pillow. I’d have doubled your demerits had you also suggested a good book and a nice cup of tea. da hell??? lol.

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
11:08 am

@Reio I may do an extended stay vacation. Or have someone do an extended stay vacation if I were in a relationship but moving in, I don’t think I’m up for doing that again. I can see why you guys don’t want to do it.

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
11:11 am

I was never friends with them after they got the boot either. And I don’t remember any of them suggesting as much. I certainly didn’t. I made my speech, and wished them well. Never looked back. I guess the fact that I would tell them that I didn’t play games and had very little patience at the beginning(second or third date), maybe prepared them for the boot when it finally came. I don’t know.

Miss Moni

September 3rd, 2013
11:12 am

-Disco It was implied that she would get a good book and tea on her own. Didn’t realize that I had to spell that out her, LOL!!!

YesSheIsCute

September 3rd, 2013
11:22 am

@Miss Moni @disco I have an assortment of teas and my kindle fire. That’s a great idea. I will just make sure not to read any harlequin romance novels during these supposed lonely nights. :D

The Man Formerly know as Dan...Still Superior

September 3rd, 2013
11:22 am

Morning

I’m still friends with the “ex’s” that I keep in contact with, why not be?

Things end how they’re supposed to (i.e. reason, season, lifetime). And utlimately, as long as no one is out putting the whodoo on me, we all good.

We started as adults, let’s end that way

Exiled

September 3rd, 2013
11:23 am

If u smash real good and its sweet,the break up aint gon be easy!

Chururch! :lol:

how was the weekend folks?

Mine was fantab(to borrow from Cel)

My team,Liverpool smashed some pretender…Manchester United.
Can uall say Sweeeeeeet!

Reio

September 3rd, 2013
11:27 am

YesSheIsCute – Years ago, one of my sisters shacked up. Stayed for a while, but finally decided to move out. Only problem was, was that, she was the one renting the apartment. And had lived there for three years before ever meeting him. She had 3 months left on the lease. Called me to help her move out of HER apartment. I asked her why, and she said “He acts crazy sometimes.”, “Well, just tell HIM to leave!”, “He won’t. He’ll just get mad”, “Yea, but it’s your apartment.” , ” I know, but I don’t want to be bothered.” Apparently she worked something out with the landlord. He had left to do his 2 week training for the Army reserve. She moved in with one of my other sisters while he was gone. My back still hurts from all of the lifting.

kimmie

September 3rd, 2013
11:29 am

Morning Gang!

Boy, you out one day & all H breaks loose! Been putting out fires all morning.

I only remained friends with one guy I broke it off with. We were long-distance by that time anyway, so it’s not like we had to run into each other. We were just better friends than lovers. We had a lot of respect for each other and a lot in common. Other than that, while most of my breakups have been cordial, I see no need to be friends unless, like Leggs, you have a child with someone. Or, if you were good friends before the relationship and could see yourselves being friends after. Otherwise, I’ve had good friends in my life already. “Trying” to stay friends with someone after breaking up other than the exceptions I noted before seems a little pathetic, like you’re trying to hold onto something. It used to irritate the heck out of me when a dude tried to do that. If I see you in the street I’ll say hi. Go on with your life & I’ll do the same!

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
11:33 am

So lil Raven-Symone is gay too……(insert long sigh….)

2CPTG©

September 3rd, 2013
11:33 am

I’m sorry, I am sooo not ok with this gay/lesbian sh!t……