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Archive for September, 2013

First impression: Think it’s good?

Andrew said that he met a woman at a Braves game recently and some flirting started happening. He was impressed by her so much that they exchanged phone numbers early in the evening. After a couple of innings, things had changed. The woman became a little obnoxious and rude as the Braves started to lose. At some point, he said she yelled and nearly got into an altercation.

Clearly he wished he was not so proactive in giving her his digits because now she was drunk texting him. Ah, first impressions. They aren’t always so great, are they?

Have you ever met someone and thought you made a pretty good impression? Did you later find out that you didn’t?

I think single people judge one another too harshly and too fast sometimes, though. What about second impressions?

The last time you approached someone that caught your eye, what kind of impression do you think you made on them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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Can she be trusted?

Relationships are hard enough sometimes without adding a layer of distrust to the mix. So what do you do when you are dating or in a relationship with someone who has proven to be untrustworthy? When we talked earlier this week about proceeding with caution, a male reader emailed me about his situation.

He is 32 and has been seeing a 28 year old graduate student. In the short time that they have been exclusive, he still doesn’t quite trust her fully. You’re probably asking the same question I did, “So why are you still with her?” and so I asked him! His response? Well he cares about her and thinks that over time he can learn to trust her more. It usually takes him a long time to get to that point.

I guess it is good to recognize an issue that you have and try to work on it. I just find it strange that a guy has dated someone for six months but he does not feel comfortable leaving her alone at his house. Maybe the issue is not with her, it is with him?

To be fair, he …

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300 sandwiches away from a ring!

I have never in my life made a man a sandwich. Apparently, this could be why I am not married. Well, the interwebs buzzed about the sandwich lady yesterday and when I finally read about who she was, I could only smile and blog about it!

In a nutshell: A woman living in NY was anonymously (until now!) writing about her boyfriend Eric and his love of sandwiches. When she made him a sandwich one day, Eric commented that she was 300 more sandwiches away from a proposal. This motivated her because she obviously wanted a husband more than anything, so what is a few hundred sandwiches to get one right????

I have my opinions about this story but I am dying to hear yours first. I ask you dear readers, does the old adage about winning a man’s heart through his stomach still rings true? Is is really so simple as sandwich making that can lead men to drop on one knee and propose marriage?

To wit, Eric the sandwich lover told Ms. Sandwich: “You women read all these magazines to get …

Continue reading 300 sandwiches away from a ring! »

Do women have to smile all the time?

My buddy Damon Young recently wrote about how he “stopped telling women to smile” because he realized how it can be perceived as street harassment. Ah yes, I wish I had a dollar for every time a random dude on the street decided my face wasn’t happy enough. I’d be a very rich and highly annoyed woman.

The thing about “Hey, why don’t you smile” approach to speaking to women, a lot of men think this is charming. Of course, if women walked around smiling like medicated mental patients, we wouldn’t have to worry about hearing this sort of a thing, right? I honestly don’t ever know how to respond when men say this to me. If I am not smiling, it is probably because I don’t freaking want to and so what’s it to you?? Then I become the rude and bitter female that can’t take a compliment, or something.

So I have to ask, why do men feel the need to see every woman they encounter smile? Why do you feel compelled to ask that she change her entire demeanor and mood so you feel better …

Continue reading Do women have to smile all the time? »

Dating rewind: Dating representative?

Have you ever reached the 90 day mark in a new romance and start to notice a new personality emerging?  Don’t be alarmed! That’s just the representative leaving and the real person showing up. Occasionally you get lucky and the representative closely resembles the real person.

Sadly, there are other times when that “dating representative” may as well have been a paid actor hired to lure you into a false sense of security and relationship bliss.  You then have to make a choice: Do you decide to give the real person a shot or do you bail on the potentially good/bad ride you are about to take?

How do you know when the “real person” is worth the same amount of time and investment you gave their representative?

Do you think that it’s hard to show all your true sides when you first meet someone? Is it possible to date without having that “representative” show up at all?

How real do you get when it comes to letting someone new in your life get to know your authentic self?

By Wise …

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Dating: Proceed with caution

The dating scene can be fun and entertaining but there is always the potential for some drama. A lot of us go into dating relationships with a healthy dose of pessimism while others don’t know how to proceed with caution! Red flags just wave wildly and we get to caught up to notice them.

I think it is great to try and see the good in people, however, if you are getting a bad vibe you should listen to your instinct. I can remember I ignored a red flag as small as treating the waiter poorly. Later on, that same guy proved he was rude and condescending to a lot of people at times.

What kind of red flags do you think people should notice in dating? One guy said a really messy car should have been a clue that his girlfriend was messy. Did you ever miss a red flasg?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Dating: Proceed with caution »

Dating don’t: Ultimatums

I’m no relationship expert but I have made a disaster out of enough relationships to know a little about what not to do. I feel pretty qualified to say this: never, ever, EVER give a guy an ultimatum. It’s the quickest way to torpedo your future with him – unless, of course that’s your cowardly way of ending things.

I have seen/heard just about every dating/relationship ultimatum you could name: Commitment phobe ultimatum  (Marry me or I will split), the Porn Ultimatum (Don’t even think of touching me until your stash is gone), even the Pet Ultimatum! She actually wanted him to choose her over “man’s best friend”.

Ultimatums are like emotional traps set to back a person into a corner. You are unfairly forcing them to make a decision. No good can come from it. When it backfires, you try to be the victim when you are actually the opposite. At least that has been my experience.

Have ultimatums ever worked for you? Why do women seem to try this approach so much?

By Wise Diva, …

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Cute or crazy?

I was watching a new daytime show, Bethenny the other day and she had a man panel to answer questions about dating and relationships. One topic that came up was how do men know when the woman they are seeing has cute, quirky characteristics or if she is just crazy?

One of the men stated that men are notorious for spending too much time with crazy women. Somehow they are drawn to their wild behavior even if all signs point to psycho chick ahead DANGER.

I have to admit that man of my seemingly smart and well-adjusted guy friends allow many unstable women to occupy their lives. They know she is unstable but they don’t distance themselves from her. Why IS that?

They often get on to me for loving the bad boy type, but they say it is perfectly fine for them to date “cray cray” because they are men. My friend Darren even said he can handle his crazy chick better than I could manage a bad boy.

Do you ever notice the behavior of your date and wonder if it is cute or crazy? …

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Dating: Expect something for the date?

I received an email from a recently divorced woman who is back on the dating scene. She said that after a date, a guy kind of implied that because of the amount of money he spent, he deserved something from her. He was probably joking but she did not like the implication at all. Why does he expect something from her for a date besides her time and attention?

I have certainly met that guy before, though. He feels some kind of entitlement because he invested some money and believed he was owed …something. In a lot of ways, dating can feel like some sort of transaction. I don’t know if it is a good idea to start putting some kind of expectations of getting an instant return on your investment, though.

Do you believe you should receive something in return after a date? If someone spends a lot of money on you, does it feel romantic or do you just feel obligated to give or do something?

If someone told you they wanted a ROI on their “investment” in your date, wouldn’t that …

Continue reading Dating: Expect something for the date? »

Too many guy friends?

A reader wants some advice about his new girlfriend. He seems a bit worried that she has virtually no friends who are women. In the beginning, he didn’t even notice the lack of girls she hung out with. Then he slowly realized that all her friends were guys. Why does too many guy friends have to be a red flag, though?

I actually think that her having guy friends can benefit him. When my guy friends give me perspective about what men think and the reason they do what they do, I am less inclined to freak out over silly stuff. They teach me a lot about the male perspective!

Ladies, would it bother you if the guy you were dating had a lot of women friends?

Guys, why is it problematic for a woman to have many male friends?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

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