accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Does playing hard to get backfire?

My friend Eve thinks she has had more dating misadventures than she wants to remember.  I think Eve is a great girl but I have warned her about going overboard on playing hard to get.  I know women like to be pursued but we can sometimes forget to slow down and get caught!

Sometimes playing  hard to get backfires because it starts to look a lot like playing games.  I think men, especially smart men, don’t like women who play games.  When men realize that there is no real effort at reciprocity or interest, they move on…quick.  This is why I believe Eve has to figure out how to play hard to get but also know when to be responsive.

Do you ever meet single people who try to play hard to get?  Are you intrigued by it or annoyed by it?  At what point do you call them on it?

Are you guilty of playing hard to get?  Does it work for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

237 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

August 29th, 2013
6:54 am

Hello all, Hey LEE :-D

When I want to play games, I can go on my computer or my Playstation! When it comes to relationships, to old for those games. Playing hard to get can make you end up playing alone!!

Lee

August 29th, 2013
7:20 am

Sometimes playing hard to get backfires because it starts to look a lot like playing games. <— You are playing games. Now if he asks you out and you all ready have plans with the girls "do not break those plans" (unless he is taking you somewhere fantastic) tell him you are busy — that is not a game that is just bad timing. It also shows you have a life and will not be camped out at his door 24-7.

I woke up late this am… i wanted to write a book oh well
Hi Single
One more day to a lovely 3 day weekend.

Miss Moni

August 29th, 2013
7:25 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! :-)

I don’t chase men, so I wouldn’t know whether or not he’s playing hard to get. I do know how to flirt just enough to get a man’s attention without appearing easy or a pushover.

I don’t know Eve well enough to judge whether or not she’s playing too hard to get. When you have certain standards and refuse to tolerate foolishness then that’s NOT playing games that’s standing your ground!!! All in all, do what works for YOU!

Celisea

August 29th, 2013
7:57 am

There’s a differecet in leaving a little mystery there versus playing games, wanting to know if a man is serious. Ummm, it’s not like men that don’t reaaally want anything are is something rarely seen or experienced. For reasons, there should be a bit of distance there….until it’s shown that there’s a real interest you should tread cautiously. That’s not the same as making a dude chase you endlessly.

We have to clarify this kind of stuff cause we all know, folks want to say it’s okay to have at it, on sight or say something is wrong with you for holding up a standard. Oh, and I’m sure today’s theme will be, “‘play hard to get and mess around and not get gotten.” Any “mature individual understands that you need to dip your toe in the shallow end, make sure no sharks are circling before jumping in.” That’s nowhere near “playing games.”

Celisea

August 29th, 2013
8:10 am

Its not like men NOT serious is NOT rare….is what I meant

Button

August 29th, 2013
8:23 am

Lee –Now if he asks you out and you all ready have plans with the girls “do not break those plans” —–but if you’re interested you can say you’re free next week. If you’re not interested then be busy.

It’s all about balance. Don’t always say yes to everything, it’s ok to say no too. Even if you aren’t busy make yourself busy. Don’t be predictable and always avaliable.

I won’t go as far to say that I played hard to get but I did had a system that worked in my favor sometimes. I used to give em the crumbs effect. teee heee

Do you ever meet single people who try to play hard to get? my sister used to play that way. She’s now sinlge and lonely.

Good morning!

CoolShadow

August 29th, 2013
8:24 am

Playing hard to get may or may not backfire, usually depending on the one being pursued. I understand that playing hard to get is sometimes used as a screening process to separate those with serious intentions vs. the ones running games. However, when the pursued is playing hard to get as a game, then the pursuit becomes a waste of time and meaningless and your interest drops precipitously. It’s no fun to pursue someone who has no intention of getting caught.

YesSheIsCute

August 29th, 2013
8:43 am

For reasons, there should be a bit of distance there….until it’s shown that there’s a real interest you should tread cautiously. That’s not the same as making a dude chase you endlessly.

@ Celisea I agree. I don’t believe in playing games but then when you make things simple and erase all the games, it’s like they lose interest. I love it when a guy says he does not like games but loses interest if you aren’t playing games

Now if he asks you out and you all ready have plans with the girls “do not break those plans” (unless he is taking you somewhere fantastic) tell him you are busy

@Lee I agree with that as well.

Leggs

August 29th, 2013
9:11 am

I don’t play hard to get since I don’t play games. What I won’t do is pursue a man. If you’re interested like you say you are, show me and I will reciprocate. I’m not going to run after you! I’m your graceful gazelle and if you want to catch me, you won’t find me hiding in the bush…I’m right here (lol)!

Good morning, good morning!

disco

August 29th, 2013
9:13 am

good morning.

moni – re standards and not tolerating foolishness, I’m all for it but that doesn’t sound like playing hard to get. just sounds like you don’t want dude period. lol. in my mind, playing hard to get is when you do want him but you stringing him along, waiting for him to prove how much he wants you.

celisea – do you peel bandaids off slowly? lol.

SlimNu

August 29th, 2013
9:13 am

Good morning, not into playing games…that is all.

Exiled

August 29th, 2013
9:14 am

Playstation? :shock:

the wussification of modern day men is real! :lol:

On topic:Do you ever meet single people who try to play hard to get? Are you intrigued by it or annoyed by it?

I used to meet them when i was in the game.
My response to their “play hard to get” act depended on where I slotted her…if I viewed her as a real good candidate for long term, then I tended to be more patient because I thought she deserved the respect of my patience.

If I thought she was a good smash candidate and was really intrigued by the mystery of smashing her, I was prepared to lose money entertaining her so that I could achieve the ultimate objective.

And then there were the jittery,hyper ones that would never seem to give u a chance even when u attempted to holla,nice and respectful but seemingly always busy to move,those I let go after a short spirited chase….. I would just let them alone.

So it pretty much depends on the objectives.

Some of us always hunted with a stash of salt in the pocket! :lol:

disco

August 29th, 2013
9:20 am

ex – what? you are a Wii man? lol.

Reio

August 29th, 2013
9:20 am

Morning all!

I may be a little different than most men. When I dated, I would ask them out. And if the response was anything other than “yes”, I would have walked away and never looked back. I say “would have” because I was never turned down(for whatever reason). I don’t know. I do know, howerver, that had I recieved a response other than “yes”, they would never get an invite from me again. No man or woman is worth chasing, in my opinion. Cause if I have to chase, she must be running. There were a couple of instances, where they said “no”, but immediately followed with ” I’m free next Tuesday.” or “I’m working that night. How about another night?” Which saved them with me, cause without that follow-up statement, I would have never gone out with them. It seems easier to move on, rather than continue a pursuit. That’s just me though. Even had they approached me a day or two later with “About that lunch you mentioned the other day, do you still want to go out?”(or words to that effect), I would have said “no, too late”, and explained why, which would have been, “You had your chance the other day. Sorry.”

Celisea

August 29th, 2013
9:20 am

YSIC – Exactly. If we could only get folks to understand, the more straight you are/come, the easier this whole thing with love and relationships. Women are guarded for reason.

I’m definitely not chasing a man. I’m all about making my interest known, throwing a little something back, but nope, I will not pursue a man….IT AIN’T HAPPENING

Celisea

August 29th, 2013
9:21 am

Thank goodness for old school, well raised, manly men :mrgreen:

Into the Light

August 29th, 2013
9:22 am

Morning, all!

I’m not into playing games. I mean, why be difficult? That’s not a good look.

disco

August 29th, 2013
9:24 am

I believe we all play games. might not play the same games or play by the same rules but we all play games of some sort.

SlimNu

August 29th, 2013
9:27 am

Oh wait, i lied…I do get down on some candy crush

MsAtl

August 29th, 2013
9:31 am

Morning All!

I do not like games. I do believe that playing too hard to get can backfire, but I also do not think that holding back is necessarily playing hard to get. One man was not happy that I would not give him my home address. I explained that I was not comfortable giving him my home address. Instead, he said okay, then I will not give you my address. Okay, fine. But when he was telling me about a situation with his daughter and I asked him a follow up question, he said “you don’t talk about your ex or tell me about your family so I’m not going to tell you about mine.” See, now you’re playing games and I don’t have time for that!

Into the Light

August 29th, 2013
9:31 am

LOL@Slim. I had to give up Candy Crush, it was too addictive.

Funny thing with games, though, pretty soon you get tired of them and move on to another. IJS….

Robert

August 29th, 2013
9:34 am

“Are you intrigued by it or annoyed by it”

Once upon a time a had a relationship with a divorced woman who had 4 children. She played hard-to-get and I was “intrigued” by her actions. My first reaction was how can any woman, divorced or single with kids play hard-to-get? Then I realized what she really wanted was a man who would respect her situation She was still hurting fom her past relationship and this was her way of protecting herself. Once I got over the shock I appreciated and respected her even more. Sometimes playing hard-to-get is the right thing to do.

Exiled

August 29th, 2013
9:42 am

Disco…I dont play games on tv,playstation WiI..PERIOD.

.my kids do tho

I will play a real game of soccer,bball etc if i have to .
Or walk the 2 mile trail,sunday mornings at the park with my Queen.

SlimNu

August 29th, 2013
9:49 am

ITL – I’ve been stuck on level 410 for about two weeks…i’m so annoyed lol

Reio

August 29th, 2013
9:50 am

Robert – While I can agree in theory with what you said, the ” Sometimes playing hard-to-get is the right thing to do.” part would not ring true with me. I would have been a guy with nothing but good intentions, that would have walked away; leaving neither of us with the opportunity to find out what, more than likely, would have been a better understanding of the other, and possibly, a strong, lasting relationship, built on trust, respect, general interest, and companionship. I would have done my part by openly exposing my interest, but by playing hard to get, at least from my perspective, she would have lost out. Sorry.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

August 29th, 2013
9:56 am

I never had a problem with women playing hard to get….

If I valued her as more than a FB, I ‘chased’ (but under the ‘meet me halfway’ condition).

If I didn’t (value her), that usually turned of the playing hard to get move because now she wants to know why I don’t care.

2CPTG©

August 29th, 2013
10:02 am

morning…..

games? lemme see……hide -n – go get, house, mother may I, truth or dare……all those…..

nowadays….it’s called “The game of ‘No Game’”…..only real playas know how this one works….

disco

August 29th, 2013
10:19 am

nobody’s posting? what kind of game y’all playing? marco? lol….

kimmie

August 29th, 2013
10:20 am

Morning Gang!

Well, when I was out there, I didn’t PLAY hard to get, I WAS hard to get, if you want to put it that way. I just had standards, took my time getting to know a dude, and still pursued my life and other interests outside of dating. So no, I was not always available at the drop of a hat because I was genuinely busy. :) Most guys I met understood this. There were a few that did not though, and did not understand why I didn’t drop everything to be with them. Cool, never could deal with possesiveness!

Folks make time for what they want, so while I did not immediately center my life around a man, I managed to send the simple message that I was a woman with a full life but could make room for someone I was interested in. If I could not make time, I was not playing hard to get. I was simply not interested.

Miss Moni

August 29th, 2013
10:21 am

-Disco LOL, because after reading your comment I thought to myself, I’ve never stringed a guy along. If I like him, I like him, if I don’t then I don’t. I don’t hide how I feel, especially with my facial expressions, so if I’m honestly NOT feeling a guy, he will know. My body language tells it all, LOL!!!

Single and Happy

August 29th, 2013
10:21 am

Ex, glad I could lift your self esteem up :-D

Into the Light

August 29th, 2013
10:26 am

LOL@MissMoni. I understand completely….I have THE WORST poker face. What I’m thinking is written all over my face. :)

MsAtl

August 29th, 2013
10:27 am

ITL- I have had folks tell me to fix my face, lol. My secretary pulled me aside one day and told me that I had a crazy wtf look on my face in response to something the supervisor said at a meeting. I am working on that…

Miss Moni

August 29th, 2013
10:29 am

-ITL That’s exactly WHY I don’t play poker, LOL!!! :-)

kimmie

August 29th, 2013
10:30 am

Moni – You sound like me! Girl, I could never fake it! LOL!!

disco

August 29th, 2013
10:35 am

moni – how come I’m not sure if we are on the same page or not? sometimes my comprehension is off.

I will say re the dating song and dance, I’ve never been a play hard to get type no matter how it’s defined. I’m more of a “what’s up with you – what’s up with you” type. put it out there from the gate and see what happens. no pretending to be busy. no counting days between calls. no I can’t call him until after he calls me. none of that.

SlimNu

August 29th, 2013
10:35 am

Today is my Friday, YES!

Miss Moni

August 29th, 2013
10:36 am

Kimmie/MsAtl/ITL That’s also why I don’t entertain conversation with everybody. There are some people who are ALWAYS talking about something crazy and I just can’t tolerate actually listening without making a face like WHAT is wrong with you, LOL!!!

My facial expressions have gotten better but now I’ll ask a question if I feel like being entertained and say: So how did that work out for you? or Did you learn anything from that experience?

disco

August 29th, 2013
10:37 am

is running game the same as playing games?

Robert

August 29th, 2013
10:38 am

Ladies, men play hard-to-get too. I remember when I was in college (Howard Univ) and I wanted to date a pre-med student from Georgia. We both liked each other really well, but she was not the most attractive girl on campus, so I played hard-to-get just to keep her at a distance. Anybody who has ever been on a HBCU campus looks forward to weekend parties (fraternity, etc.). I would go to the parties with my “frat” brothers and meet her afterwards. I had to maintain my high standards of being with the best people on campus and I really did not have time for a relationship with a very smart, intelligent woman who was not pretty enough to hang with the “cool” people on campus. Today she is married with 2 children and is successful practicing medicine in Georgia. I was such a fool.

2CPTG©

August 29th, 2013
10:38 am

is running game the same as playing games?

a resounding NO!

Reio

August 29th, 2013
10:38 am

I can certanly understand how a woman, burned a time or two in the past, can be cautious and guarded. Perhaps even a bit jaded. I get that. But a good man(just like the ‘not so good’ men) understands that he is expected to initiate the relationship(if there is to be one), which, for many of us is a daunting task. Having to expose yourself like that, never knowing if she will reciprocate or laugh in your face, or laugh behind your back. You never know. So, to have this pressure(and ladies, it IS pressure) and encounter women playing hard to get can be truly frustrating from a man’s perspective. So much so, that some guys will relent and start playing games as well. Hell bent on lying and deceiving women long enough to get what they want and move on. Ain’t saying it’s right, but some guys think it’s ok to rataliate by using the next one, or, continuing to pursue this one, with the intention of using and abusing her, simply because she was less than forthright in the very beginning. Some guys are about as low down and dirty as a human can be when it comes to women and relationships.

Miss Moni

August 29th, 2013
10:39 am

-Disco IDK, I was responding to your 9:13, no problem though. I was actually MIA for about an hour or so working on some things in the office.

Celisea

August 29th, 2013
10:40 am

Then I realized what she really wanted was a man who would respect her situation She was still hurting fom her past relationship and this was her way of protecting herself. Once I got over the shock I appreciated and respected her even more

Rob, you still here? Imma have to respect for this. While it’s not an ideal situation and probably one an ole skeezer of a dude would have jumped all over, knowing there was nothing he could do with 4 kids and a single mom, Imma have to respect the fact that you “respecting her situation.”

Celisea

August 29th, 2013
10:43 am

I dunno, there is a way to let a man know you’re digging him, while letting him know he’s not going to run through or over you. There are men that really get this.

Celisea

August 29th, 2013
10:44 am

And for me, the rule of thumb is follow you gut. Doesn’t matter that some dude is belly aching. He’ll live.

Durty Burd

August 29th, 2013
10:44 am

Good Morning!

Celisea you know you pursue me in 2009 after Slicky dump you….hehehehehe!

The games we play, it seems quite a few folks are playing games when it comes to dating..I am not sure why folks just don’t want to be forthright and honest when it comes to the dating games but it make the process a whole lot easier.

WiseDiva quit playing and e-mail I have some game for you playa…lol

It’s funny how the ladies want the dude to pursue and ask them out,but yet some state they make sure they will turn down some dates. Well like Reo stated that will get you ghosted….

Miss Moni

August 29th, 2013
10:46 am

-Robert “If I could turn back the hands of time.” It’s amazing how you look back at things you did then and say to yourself now: WHAT in the world were you thinking? I have 1 situation like that and I’ve come to terms that things work out the way that they should.

disco

August 29th, 2013
10:47 am

2C – just checking.

Reio

August 29th, 2013
10:50 am

Robert – I agree you WERE a fool! And, a stupid one at that! Even during my college years, I never gave a flying rip about a woman’s looks. I was always interested in her inner beauty. Sounds corny, I know, but that’s how I used to look at things, even as a rather young man. The fact that she went on to become a successful MD is immaterial to your display of a lack of maturity at the time. But, you were quite young and, apparently, didn’t have a clue, but you learned. This is good.