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What if women paid all the time?

I have a friend Bryce, who left his corporate job to start a non-profit.  He lives life on a very strict budget and he doesn’t spend a lot of money frivolously, but he does manage to date.  He met a woman who he really likes and she is rather wealthy.  This means she is willing and able to pay for everything when they go out.

He admitted to me that it is starting to bother him.  I guess it becomes emasculating at some point always having his woman pay for stuff.   He asked me how to tell her to stop offering to pay for everything without sounding insensitive and ungrateful?  What advice do you have for him?

I wonder now, what it would be like if women paid for everything all the time?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog.

290 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 26th, 2013
7:08 am

I wonder now, what it would be like if women paid for everything all the time? With that can we turn the tables all around and act like them also???? Now that would be fun….

Lady–sure John i will call you again… baby
(the lady never calls)
John is sitting home crying and eating a pint of ice-cream
LOL

Men could not handle it, they are not that strong. They would fall apart from losing their identity as a man…

LeeH1

August 26th, 2013
8:19 am

The point is not to reverse the sexist roles, but to make them more equal. If women would pony up more for dates, that would be a good start. But dates don’t have to be expensive, and men and women both can spend days out in the fields on nice walks or seeing museums or doing plenty of other things that don’t cost money, only time and consideration.

Men paid for dates when women were expected to stay at home and remain dependent (and obedient) to their fathers, brothers and husbands. Those days are long gone, and so should much of the trash that surrounds the rituals of dating.

Button

August 26th, 2013
8:27 am

So I take it she paid for the first date?

Not sure where they go to eat but when we go out the waitress/waiter place the check on the table and it’s open season to who will pay. He can just grab the check and pay for the meal. EASY!!! it’s nothing to pounder about. IF she insist to pay just say NO I have this, and pay the check.

Bryce need to start reaching for his wallet a little sooner. heck it takes no effort to pull a wallet from a back pocket compared to us reaching down in our pocket book for a wallet thru all our stuff!!!!

Have he heard of online ordering? He can order tickets to events online, there are ways to avoid his situation.

I wonder now, what it would be like if women paid for everything all the time? hush chile! don’t say those words! lol

Good morning!

Into the Light

August 26th, 2013
9:05 am

Morning, all!

I don’t think one person should pay all the time, regardless of gender.

Maybe Bryce should plan a nice (inexpensive) date and tell her he wants her to know how much he appreciates her. *shrugs*

It’s football kickoff week – GO DAWGS!

2CPTG©

August 26th, 2013
9:11 am

g’morning……

ummmm, I wanna see what that be like…..having a chic pay for everything…..I don’t know what to tell him, never been in that situation before!

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
9:24 am

All of this is foreign to me….lol For all the women in the world that’s a replicate of me and how I feel, can we pass a “Bryce” to those girls? LOLOLOLOL Y’all know my mantra, Imma do something nice when I’m ready and when I feel it’s time, and pretty much when you’re my boo, but for the most part, I’m a “Bryce” kinda girl. It ain’t natural paying and taking care of a dude….at least that’s what my mama instilled and that’s what my daddy lived. :mrgreen:

Tell that woman to stop tryna buy herself into that man’s heart…got no time fa dat!!! LOLOLOLOL

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
9:30 am

Sometimes, when catching up with buddies and guy friends over lunch, they’ll pretty much grab the tab. I’ve had a couple to “jokie jokingly” sliiiiide the tab to me and I just “he he and haw haw” and sliiiide it right back to them. Say what, say what??? Not your sponsor. We can split it and I pay for what I ate, but if you run up a tab dranking, don’t pass that to me. Now, let me back up and to be completely honest, ain’t but one dude bff that I will take turns…he treat once, I treat next, so forth and so on. That’s cause we thicker than thieves, have been for years and he knows me, and has my back no matter what, come hell or high water. Further to that, he’s respectful of my pocket. We both have a meal and a beverage. Not ten rounds of beer or the alcoholic beverage of his choice and then hand me the tab!

Just NOT into sponsoring folks like that.

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
9:31 am

And yes, I said “dranking”

Button

August 26th, 2013
9:32 am

I’m well aware there are women out there that pays for everything, that includes bills, car notes and such and I always wonder when did it start and where did they learn that from. It bewilders me how much money some women pay when it comes to dating/relationships.

Button

August 26th, 2013
9:35 am

I’m pretty sure the men who allow women to pay their way is there just for the taking. I’ve never heard of it going anywhere beyond dating, certianly not marriage. I could be wrong but I’ve never heard of it going that route.

MsAtl

August 26th, 2013
9:41 am

Morning All!

If Bryce lives on a very strict budget and doesn’t spend money frivolously, then he can refrain from going out so much or like Button said, grab the check and pay. He can also get creative and plan fun, inexpensive dates. He has a problem with allowing her to pay all the time, yet he allows her to pay all the time. Speak up man!

Leggs

August 26th, 2013
9:46 am

Interesting concept that will take off when we no longer get our bacon from pigs!

If he’s so uncomfortable, has he ever just insisted on paying? It’s not a hard thing to do. Tell her to put her wallet away he’s got the tab and simply pay. If she’s that headstrong and insists she pay, then he has to either go along with it and stop whincing or find someone else who doesn’t make him feel like his balls are in a vice. Perhaps paying for everything makes her feel needy and wanted. It could be how she makes herself feel better.

Morning!

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:04 am

I’m wondering if Bryce is sort of whimpy? It seems to me that’s this is about as simple as they come. He can simply say, “I got it.” Not understanding what’s so difficult about that.

kimmie

August 26th, 2013
10:06 am

Morning All!!!

I think it would take a special kind of man to be comfortable with being “kept” so to speak, by a woman. I respect Bryce’s unease with it. He’s just not used to it, especially since he was a former corporate exec who probably made a lot of money at one time. Money wasn’t a problem cause he had a lot of it, and it was probably “understood” that he was paying. Now he’s not balling like that anymore, but his lady friend is. There are several things at play here. Bryce has not gotten used to his new lifestyle. Even though he’s living on a smaller budget now and manages to fit in money for dates, he has to accept that his dates can’t really be like they were before. He has to learn how to date within HIS means, for his pride’s sake. In the meantime, while his wealthy girlfriend seems fine with paying and thinks she is helping, this is one of those times she needs to, for lack of a better term, let a “man be a man”(I hate that!). Let him plan a nice, inexpensive evening out and allow him to take care of everything. Smile and let him know how much it means to her and how she appreciates it!

I admire his ambition and compassion to give up a comfortable lifestyle to start a nonprofit and help others. He just has to get used to his new lifestyle. Hopefully he can find a nice lady, the rich one or someone else, that can work with him. They could be a power couple!

Button – Plenty out there don’t mind being sponsored by a woman and plenty women that don’t mind doing the sponsoring! They don’t run in MY circles and looks like they don’t run in yours, but plenty are out there! :)

Reio

August 26th, 2013
10:08 am

Morning All!

Never had this happen with any regularity. Don’t have a problem with it. I’m a man, and I know it. Her paying for everything won’t cause me to rethink my position as a man. Seems silly to me. I’ve done about 93% of the paying during my dating years, but I would have been fine had it been the other way around. Big deal.

ITL – DAWGS Ain’t SHEET!!!! Gotta get past ALabama & Auburn!! It’s already over for you guys.

disco

August 26th, 2013
10:08 am

good morning.

lee – crying and eating ice cream is a sign of strength? who knew?

as for Bryce he just needs to hush. I can’t imagine that it is just now starting to bother him. this is the kind of thing that either bothers you or it doesn’t bother you. you don’t start off going along for the ride and then decided halfway down the road that you don’t really like riding. Bryce is full of something. lol.

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:13 am

Two movies comes to mind….

Thin Line….., where ole girl took Martin shopping and told him she would buy him a club so they could be together ALLLLL the time. That’s smothering

and

Cocktail, where the rich chick was sponsoring Tom Cruise…

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:15 am

In both movies, both chicks were cougars, it was just smashing and both men pined for another.

Money can’t buy you love!!

Lady~

August 26th, 2013
10:17 am

Interesting~

disco

August 26th, 2013
10:20 am

C – thing is folks who go out like that often aren’t necessarily looking to buy love. usually they know there is no love involved. they are looking to buy time and companionship and, well, money can buy that. lol.

SlimNu

August 26th, 2013
10:21 am

Good morning and Miley Cyrus……please stop. :shock:

Exiled

August 26th, 2013
10:21 am

He admitted to me that it is starting to bother him.

….he is getting bothered becfause he is used to him paying and also because he has not told the woman that he aint got no money like that!

If he tells the woman his situation and how he spends his money,then it is up to her to continue to date him or not.

Tell the truf becaue if u dont,u get gnawed by the decepetion and other things u aint got control about.
If she knows he is cheap and she happy to spend on him regardless,he got a winner!

Happy Monday MIA

kimmie

August 26th, 2013
10:22 am

Disco/Cel – Actually the first thing that came to my mind was that episode of Martin, when he found out Gina was making more money than him. Word got out all over town and of course, it got twisted up and exaggerated to the point that someone called into Martin’s radio show saying “hey man, I heard your woman is SUPPORTING you!” Of course, Martin freaked out. It was so funny!

Leggs

August 26th, 2013
10:23 am

Laughing at you, SlimNu, but I agree and I didn’t even see the show.

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:23 am

disco – I beg to differ. Honestly, I think most will settle for time and companionship, but I believe most (sponsors), are looking for love.

Lady~

August 26th, 2013
10:23 am

good post Ex~

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:26 am

Kimmie – I remember that episode. Stuff played out like that is true to life. In my circle, I have yet to see a dude that’s cool with this new wave thingy of I buy, you buy. Most are hardworking “traditional” brothers. I love it. Give me a traditional man or nothing at all.

Thankfully, my dude is traditional and have no problem doing any. It’s just wild to me how some men really feel like they’re being “taken” when taking care (not sponsoring…don’t mean that), and some men just do it, about as easy as breathing.

kimmie

August 26th, 2013
10:26 am

Exiled – I thought about you this morning when I was listening to the Strawberry Letter on Steve Harvey. This dude wrote in that had been dating this woman for 2 years and engaged to marry her on Christmas of this year. He’s 40 and in construction and she’s 35 & a nurse. He went out with some of his boys to a strip club and they had some porn on a tv in the club. Guess who was the star of that porn flick? One of his boys was like “hey, isn’t that ya girl”? :shock:

Miss Moni

August 26th, 2013
10:32 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! *First Day of School for my girls!*

Soooo, what IF women paid ALL the time huh. . . Well SOME guys would absolutely LOVE it!!! There are some guys who have absolutely NO problem with their lady paying for everything! Now the guy in this situation Bryce, seems to be the type who wants to hold his own when they go out and she should allow him to do so. A woman can be all that but at the end of the day when in a relationship, allow a man to MAN UP and be the man!!!

-Celisea That movie was on Saturday night on TVOne (Thin Line Between Love & Hate), I know it by heart, LOL!!!

SlimNu

August 26th, 2013
10:33 am

Leggs – Crazy

kimmie – Heyal naw!!! What did Steve say?

MsAtl

August 26th, 2013
10:34 am

SlimNu- I saw a side-by-side poster on FB comparing Miley Cyrus to Jim Carey as Venus de Milo. I have to say it was a good comparison, lol.

Leggs

August 26th, 2013
10:35 am

kimmie ~ I was listening and felt bad for the dude. Like Friday’s topic, her omission was deceitful but she did ask if he watched porn? He thought it an average question asked when getting to know someone. She should have followed it up with more insight giving him the truth on whether he wanted to continue or not. BUT, the shocker is she made her films before knowing him, but made another one while in a relationship with him. That right there tells me she’s not thinking about stopping despite “possibly” getting married on Christmas day. Feels like he’s walking into a hornet’s nest.

MsAtl

August 26th, 2013
10:35 am

Kimmie- Think that film paid for her nursing education?

Button

August 26th, 2013
10:36 am

I wonder if the relationship turn sour will she want all her money back or throw it in his face how much she’s spent on him.

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:40 am

MissMoni – I saw it in the line-up before heading out Saturday. I didn’t dvr it because I’ve seen it a gazillion times.

There’s a short scene in there where Roger Mosley’s daughter was standing next to him. She’s in it a couple of times. She use to six next to me here. She worked here for a short period of time, right out of GT, but moved back home. I NEVER saw her in it until she told me what scene to watch for. She’s a cute girl and apparently favors her mama.

Miss Moni

August 26th, 2013
10:40 am

Off Topic: So I JUST found out that Lamar Odom is on CRACK!!! WHAT in the WORLD?!?!?! I’m too through with him for this one. . .

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:42 am

And no matter how many times I watch TLBLH, I ALWAYS crack up when Martin comes out of the courthouse and his tires and rims are gone, the scene where she throws a brick in his window and where she almost runs over him, coming out of the dry cleaners. I ca-rack every single time from his reactions….lololol

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:43 am

I heard that this morning….guess black do crack….hahahahahaha

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:43 am

Miss Moni

August 26th, 2013
10:45 am

-Celisea That’s one of my FAV scenes, LOL!!!

MsAtl

August 26th, 2013
10:46 am

Kimmie/Leggs- Shirley’s response: “everyone has a past. It may not be as sordid and crazy and nasty as your girl’s past…” I had to laugh. Shirley, which way are you going?

Leggs

August 26th, 2013
10:46 am

MsAtl ~ you mean filmS! I think she made almost a dozen.

SlimNu

August 26th, 2013
10:47 am

MsAtl – My coworker showed me that pic this morning. Another Heyal naw for that pic too. :lol:

MissMoni – Lamar on crack! Wait wait hold up…did you read this in the Enquirer?? lol

Leggs

August 26th, 2013
10:48 am

MsAtl ~ when Shirley said that I laughed and said out loud, “well, you’re keeping it real!” I don’t see it as her past since she’s still doing it. This is her present!

MsAtl

August 26th, 2013
10:49 am

Leggs- I see! I had to go read the letter and it said 15! :shock:

kimmie

August 26th, 2013
10:49 am

Slim – The writer was basically asking should he stay or should he go! Steve said no way could he deal with that, marrying her and having all his boys and everyone knowing what she did. Steve said he needed to go get himself tested too!

Leggs

August 26th, 2013
10:50 am

Lamar is on Crack??? Awww hell no! He too has a lightbulb head. Another one bites the dust or rather smokes the dust.

Bluzgirl

August 26th, 2013
10:50 am

Morning all! Having a hard time getting moving this morning, despite 3 cups of coffee!

As the woman who has paid for everything, let me just say that I will never have that kind of relationship again. I don’t need a man to pay for everything, but would like it to be equal.

Slim – I had to watch the video of Miley this morning and she is just nasty! She thinks she’s hot and she’s just awkward looking! Poor Robin Thick being stuck performing with her and having her grind all on him.

Celisea

August 26th, 2013
10:50 am

Speaking of the saying “black don’t crack” and an “off topic”:

There are always vendors in our building, on the backside, selling stuff. From food, to clothing to accessories, etc etc etc. Well, there was this one woman tryna pitch a sale from some beauty line, whose skin looked like balled Saran Wrap…seriously. I was thinking “hope she ain’t using the products she’s tryna pitch”, lololol She then commented on here her ethnic friends all seem to have the most beautiful skin and commented on mine just the same. I leaned over and told her “black don’t crack.” She thought that was the funniest and have since sent emails and left voicemail wanting to do some sort of lunch/consultation. I told her I’ve never used anything on my skin other than a clean cloth, warm water and a really good lotion.

Leggs

August 26th, 2013
10:52 am

kimmie ~ I turned it off and finished listening to Robin Thicke’s CD. I like the entire CD. Figured someone would advise him on getting tested. 15X, he best go get tested