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Dating don’t: Pop up visits

My friend Chris has been seeing someone for a couple of weeks.  They have hooked up in the past and did the casual dating thing last year.  This time, she told him that she wanted to “try the couple thing” which means she now has relationship status on her mind.

I have yet to see or hear of any hook up- turned relationship transition that did not result in some kind of misunderstanding, hurt feelings, or major ego blows.  It is pretty common when you try to go from booty call to boyfriend/girlfriend.  It seems as if there will always be some kind of drama.  It’s just the way that it goes!

So far Chris is pleased with how the couple thing is going for them.  He did call a penalty on her for doing a pop up visit to his house.   That is when a woman shows up to his place unannounced, uninvited, and totally unexpected.  MAJOR point deduction, according to Chris.  He did not like the attitude she had when she did a “spot check” on him and he wondered if this is what she is really like in a relationship (Um. YES).  He wondered if she has some kind of trust issues.  I wonder if HE has trust issues, though.

What is wrong with the woman you are seeing coming by unannounced?  How comfortable do you have to be with someone before you are cool with a pop up visit from them?

I mean, if you have nothing to hide, what’s the problem?

What do you think? Do pop up visits to your house, friend’s house, or known hang out spots bother you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

352 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 22nd, 2013
6:08 am

If you are in a relationship i do not see the problem of a your love coming to visit without a call, shouldn’t you be glad for the surprise?!

Now if we are just dating, smashing, hangouts, “friends” , etc and you show up at my door I will be mad and you are unwelcome from just showing up, and do not do the drive by , hell don’t turn down my street unless it is scheduled time LOL
tomorrow is friday something to look forward to. goodygumdrops

Button

August 22nd, 2013
8:18 am

I wonder when did the pop up visits become a no no? hmmm Is it an unwritten rule of thumb or something? I don’t see pop up visits being a problem if we are in a relationship. If we are not in a relationship and just dating then a call will be suffice.

Doing a spot check whether it’s a scheduled visit or not is a major NO in my book. I don’t need anybody being inspector gadget at my house!

There seems to be major trust issues on the gf part. Maybe he should really give this relationship thing a second thought or at least talk to her to see what’s really going on unless she was always doing spot checks, if not I would look at it as a HUGE red flag.

Men do pop ups too!

Good morning!

DurtyBurd

August 22nd, 2013
9:00 am

Good Morning!

Ummm No, No and a Big No…If you are my SO u need to call or text me before you come over, none of this I was in the neighborhood stuff. I might be busy and don’t have time for you…So call first and see if I can fit you in, BluzGirl might be over! j/k

O.K. this is a topic that requires a serious discussion ladies..Since we have the pro-gay movement and more and more men are expressing there gayness. Plus disease, jail, famimine, and stupidity from there is going to be a shortage of good men available to th blog ladies. Therefore I am proposing we start a healthy clean sharing program..No one needs to see someone everyday, you will get an even 3-1/2 day split…

What say you ladies.. This will be the SHARED MEN PROGRAM…THE Mormons have it right!!!! hehehehehehe!

DurtyBurd

August 22nd, 2013
9:02 am

Good Morning!

Ummm No, No and a Big No…If you are my SO u need to call or text me before you come over, none of this I was in the neighborhood stuff. I might be busy and don’t have time for you…So call first and see if I can fit you in, BluzGirl might be over! j/k

SlimNu

August 22nd, 2013
9:03 am

Button – You are right, men do pop ups too! BUt let the “perfect blog men” (lol) tell it, they would never do such a moist thing right? :roll:

Hi all!

Button

August 22nd, 2013
9:07 am

SlimNu – lol —I can name two Exlied and Durty. Single would say it to just to follow fashion.

Reio

August 22nd, 2013
9:09 am

Morning all!

Been out of the office the last couple of days. In the same bulding, but in another part of it. Couldn’t check in.

Anyway, during my dating years, I didn’t mind pop-ups. Always been a one woman man, so there was nothing to hide or be concerned about. And there were a few pop-ups. Never any real problems. There was on instance when I was home and a young lady showed up out of the blue and found another woman there. This woman brought her car over for me to repair. Years ago, I had no problem popping the hood and repairing cars, no matter what the problem was. Well, as it turned out, she inquired as to who this woman was. One of my sisters. Later on she said that she was uneasy about it, mainly because she had not met my sisters, and “She doesn’t look like you”. I told her that I was not in the mood to prove anything to her, and if she felt that I was trying to run a game on her, that she should “leave and don’t come back”. That fixed it. She eventually met that sister again at a small family gathering, but I took care of that situation that day, by letting her know that “I don’t play and I tell the truth” No matter what the consequences.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

August 22nd, 2013
9:13 am

I followed the old Kast rule and “call b4 I come” personally.

Even if it was “hey, I’m literally in your area, chu doing?”

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
9:15 am

g’morning…..

If you’re my lady I’m coming by when I want to!!! and using MY key! what?

SlimNu

August 22nd, 2013
9:20 am

2C – Well, finally someone willing to admit theirs….my ex certaintly came by when he wanted.

I think it’s really only a problem if they are just coming by to see what you’re up to..or if I tell you i’m having some girlfriends over and you stop by. Basically, you’re just trying to check me to see if what I’m telling you is the truth.

Button

August 22nd, 2013
9:22 am

2C – since you’d be using your key I take it that you pay the bills there too?

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
9:23 am

Slim, back in the days, I’d come to “check”…..but now, I’m coming by to play house……

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
9:26 am

Button…..not all of ‘em……but I’m not a stingy dude….If you’re my lady, we’re in this thing together….I don’t believe in shacking, so of course we’re going to have our own spots, and I’mma come by your spot to take care of the man stuff; likewise, I’mma expect her to come by mine to handle some stuff too!

MsAtl

August 22nd, 2013
9:27 am

Morning All!

Personally, I would call before I came. That said, I see nothing wrong with stopping by occasionally if you are in a relationship (but not to check up on the person), otherwise if you are merely butt buddies, you should not just pop up, you run the risk of seeing another butt there…

Reio

August 22nd, 2013
9:28 am

The only woman I was dating that I ever popped in on,eventually became my wife. She told me, fairly early in the relationship, that I can “Come over whenever you like, now that you know where I live”. So, I did, a time or two. No big deal.

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2013
9:28 am

Morning, all.

I’m not a fan of the pop up, giving or receiving. I don’t have anything to hide, but it’s just common courtesy to call before you come by.

SlimNu

August 22nd, 2013
9:32 am

Button – I had the key to Mr. Officer’s crib and didn’t pay any bills there. ;-)

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
9:40 am

Light, and all y’all others…..of course if you’re single the proper thing to do would be to call first….

Button

August 22nd, 2013
9:40 am

2C – that’s what I’m talking bout :wink:

SlimNu- when I had a key to mr mr’s place, I didn’t pay any bills but I did use it as a second home. He used to all ways tease me saying he’s going to start handing some bills over since most of my stuff was there and received phone calls there too. I basically had full range to his house.

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2013
9:42 am

2CPTG, not in the mood for your lip today. IJS….

Button

August 22nd, 2013
9:43 am

I don’t like pop up visits when I’m napping, eating, or in the bathroom.

Reio

August 22nd, 2013
9:49 am

A friend of mine told me that his girl popped in on him bout 5 mins. after he finished playing with his thang. Funny.

Durty Burd

August 22nd, 2013
9:49 am

Good Afternoon!

You are Darn Skippy, do not pop-up at my place with-out calling you will get your feeling hurt..No, No, and triple No have I ever just pop up over and SO house with-out calling…I am not into wasting time and gas, u may not be home.. Besides you need to call just in case BluzGirl is over for some training…J/K hehehehehehe!

Durty Burd

August 22nd, 2013
9:51 am

SlimNu did you give back the extra keys you made to the ex? lol

Button

August 22nd, 2013
9:56 am

Living here in Atlanta, it would be fruitless to do pop up visits unless you live in the same neighborhood or you have telepathic powers and know that person will be home. Gas is too dayum high to take a chance driving across town.

Durty Burd

August 22nd, 2013
9:56 am

Lets see possible stalkers.

SLimNu
LEE
ITL
Button were you a mistress with Mr, Mr?
Leggs
MissMoni
BluzGirl
Celisea
Wise Diva

Did I miss anyone? lol

Exiled

August 22nd, 2013
9:59 am

If u are in a realtionship and ur lady just comes without telling you,Ofcourse she is insecure!

Now, I wldnt have a problem with it because she my one and only steady :lol: (even when i got a side chic and cheating) but being the guy that I am, it gives me a read into her brain.

In any case,even if u are cheating but she comes in and u aint busted, u just play it cool like it dont matter that much..”why u didnt call me huneeey..muaaaaah’(on the cheek be4 she responds.

Thats the way, it is,it should not matter but if ur chic does it on the regular..just for the sake…u must know,she is insecure!

Exiled

August 22nd, 2013
10:00 am

God morning MIA!

APOLOGIES

Celisea

August 22nd, 2013
10:01 am

Durty, some of the folks you listed ain’t women….lololol BTW, it’s sitll morning and thanks for listing me 2nd from the bottom :mrgreen:

I basically had full range to his house.

I don’t know why, but I found this funny as heck. I mean no harm, just funny to read because if y’all are smashing no one shouldn’t be confined to any one specific room. Shoot you ought to be able to run free, wash clothes, take a bath, brush your teeth, cook, bbq…..

j/k j/k :)

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
10:03 am

2CPTG, not in the mood for your lip today. IJS….

so!…….you prolly wish somebody would pop up!!! yo ass the one dreamin bout random rendezvous!

SlimNu

August 22nd, 2013
10:03 am

Button – That was my second home too. When I’d talk to my friends or mom, they would be like, you heading to your 1st or 2nd home today? lol

O/T I just heard the 911 call between of the administrator that worked at the most recent school shooting fiasco. WOW! It gave me chills how calm she was and how she spoke to him in a humanly fashion. Commendable

Miss Moni

August 22nd, 2013
10:05 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Friday Eve* :-D

“I don’t need anybody being inspector gadget at my house!”

-Button, this pretty much sums up how I feel on this particular topic!

I’ve had a stalker before so I absolutely DON’T do pop-up visits!!! The common courtesy is to call to see if it’s ok for you to come over.

I’ve never had a key to any boyfriends’s house. The ONLY time a bf had the key was he lived with me & that was a lesson well learned and is the reasonwhy I’m NOT an advocate of shacking or cohabitating without being married.

I enjoy my privacy and don’t want it invaded all willie nillie by anyone. Allow me to share my world with you, not you just come and take over.

Button

August 22nd, 2013
10:07 am

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2013
10:10 am

yo ass the one dreamin bout random rendezvous!

Perhaps. But you are no where in said dreams, so it’s really none of your concern is it????

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
10:12 am

But you are no where in said dreams, so it’s really none of your concern is it????

hell naw, I don’t wanna be in your dreams……and if you put it out here, then whomever reads it, is their concern….gal, go play!

disco

August 22nd, 2013
10:14 am

good morning. first things first, it doesn’t sound like they are transitioning from booty call to couple. sounds like they did their thing, had some time apart and are back at it with a whole new mindset. what’s the problem?

as far as pop up visits, to me it’s not about comfort level. it’s about respect. you don’t just show up at people’s houses unannounced. sure some folks are okay with it and even encourage it. “oh just stop by any time” but I always call first. heck, when I’m in my hometown, I call my momma and tell her I’m on my way over.

hrh

August 22nd, 2013
10:14 am

Hi All – I had a situation where I was on the phone with the S/O – doing the semi-phone sex thing, he said he was about to watch a movie then go to sleep, so I got the bright idea to do a pop-up and finish what we started – lo and behold he was nowhere in sight when I got there – and was mad as heck at me! We were in a relationship for 9 months. Did I do something wrong?

Miss Moni

August 22nd, 2013
10:17 am

-Disco Speaking of calling your mama before coming over. . . My mama and sister did a pop-up/SURPRISE for my daughter’s birthday party earlier this month. They drove from GA to NC without telling me NOTHING, LOL!!! I was expecting my yard man to come pick up his money & here is my mama & sister standing on my front porch yelling surprise! I laughed and told them, ya’ll KNOW I don’t open my door when I’m not expecting anybody, LOL!!!

disco

August 22nd, 2013
10:19 am

2C – you really getting fly with a key and all. gone head with your bad self. lol. I do not do the key exchange thing. well, I’ll take someone’s key but they are not getting mine. uhn uhn.

MsAtl

August 22nd, 2013
10:22 am

I called myself surprising my mom by flying to NY & ringing her bell unannounced. She gave me the what-for and told me the next time I did that she was going to “beat me.” As grown as I am and she’s going to beat me? Lol.

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
10:22 am

disco…..I get keys, cause I’m a man about mine…..of course this doesn’t happen right out the gate, but after time….

or the one I like…..”Babe, I’m comin over……..ok, the door’s open….” you get there, and she’s casually in the shower waiting….she done timed it perfectly!

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2013
10:23 am

@2C: Thank you so much for putting me in my place. I don’t know how I’ve gotten by this long without your guidance and wisdom.

@hrh: So….umm….where was he???

Miss Moni

August 22nd, 2013
10:24 am

-MsAtl You definitely have to be careful with WHO you “SURPRISE” with out of town visits, even if it is a relative, LOL!!!

-Disco I’m definitely NOT passing out house keys or car keys! I look at some people like WHY in the world would you do that???

disco

August 22nd, 2013
10:25 am

2C – well have at it. I know lots of folks that are loose with their keys like that. I’m just not one of them. I’ve had folks stay with me temporarily who got the “you are welcome to stay here but you can’t have a key” treatment.

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
10:26 am

dang……I had a key to Mama’s house too…..maybe it’s a southern thang…..Mama was always happy to see her baby-boy, whether planned or not….

hrh

August 22nd, 2013
10:29 am

@itl – he never said – just tried to play reverse psychology and tell me how wrong I was for popping-up

Bluzgirl

August 22nd, 2013
10:30 am

Morning everyone! It’s my Friday!!! Yay!!!

I’m not a fan of pop ups at all. I had to talk to my parents about popping up at my house. I think they got it when they came over one time and I wasn’t there. I don’t think I’d have a problem if we are in a serious relationship, but in the beginning…no way! I could be napping, having private time, taking care of some trimming/shaving. Heck…I could have greasy hair because I didn’t want to shower and wearing my ugly pajamas! LOL! Please call first!!!

Durty – you starting with me already this morning? ;-)

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2013
10:30 am

you are welcome to stay here but you can’t have a key

LOL@disco. So what if they needed to go out while you were at work??? Did they just leave the house unlocked?

2CPTG©

August 22nd, 2013
10:31 am

hrh – are you leaving out some pertinent details???? cause if y’all were having phone sex, as you stated, then you decided to follow thru on it, and he was gone by the time you got there, lemme ask you this…..how far was the drive, and was he really at home while y’all were talking….

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2013
10:31 am

@hrh: That is so wrong. He got caught and tried to blame his carelessness on you???? So, was that the end of the relationship?