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Dating: Have the right look?

One of our readers wants to get some advice on how to get more dates.   She admits that her look is conservative and it is usually her friends that get the most attention from men.  She doesn’t show a lot of skin and she does not feel comfortable being provocative.  She is worried that she does not have the right look to attract men.

I am not a fan of pretending to be someone that you are not just to attract  someone. Eventually, your true self emerges and the person starts to wonder why you changed things up.  Being authentic and true to who you are is paramount in dating.

I suggest finding people with common interests and similar values so that you are not worried so much about attracting someone based solely on your looks.  What do you think? Do you think that having the right look plays a major role in dating?  If you saw someone you were attracted to, what would you do if they had on the “wrong” clothes or their image was not what you are usually attracted to?

Should we even worry about fixing something so superficial as our image to attract dates?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

271 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 21st, 2013
7:11 am

Her friends may attract men but are these men still around or it is revolving door? yes they attract them but are the men good men ? She needs to ask herself these type of questions before acting like someone she is not and attracting men she truly doesn’t want in her life.

I never worry what others think, and I don’t care. Going to be Me all the time. If you don’t like me well there’s the door don’t be afraid to use it If you don’t know how to use the door well i can help with that. lol

I had a wonderful dream yesterday i was wearing a pretty yellow (pale) white dress, i sure hope that means i will be dressing up for a new job.
tootles

Miss Moni

August 21st, 2013
8:20 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Finding people with common interests is a plus. My vote is dress in what makes you comfortable. The reader may need to update their wardrobe if they haven’t been shopping in last few years, but it should still be with clothing that they like. Go to your favorite stores and try on some clothes to see what you like. If the reader isn’t fashion savvy, don’t be afraid to ask fashion forward friends for some advice.

I’m not into the skin tight clothes either, however I wear whatever I wear well. When you have confidence, you can be sexy in jeans and a t-shirt. It’s all about ATTITUDE!!! Trust and believe, someone is ALWAYS watching you, whether you’re interested in them or not is a whole other issue, but KNOW that someone is watching.

Button

August 21st, 2013
8:23 am

I see every day common ppl out dating. Appearantly it’s not about that “lool” I don’t think having the “look” equates to getting dates or more dates. Maybe she’s giving off a bad vibe that is turning men away. It could be a host of things but, the way the reader is protrayed she seem to have poor body image of herself. Maybe she should reinvent herself. Explore different fashion style, it won’t hurt. Change the color of her hair or get a hair cut. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making changes to your appearance. I like watching what not to wear. I’ve even taken a few points from there. Change is good esp when you want positive results. Ever heard of the rose that grew from a concrete?

Button

August 21st, 2013
8:28 am

Miss Moni – I don’t light tight clothing either, I can’t for the life of me see why ppl wear clothing that sucks life of of ya.

Button

August 21st, 2013
8:35 am

When I’m at the mall, I see too many copy cats. everybody dressed like the next one. I mentioned this to my daughter and she said it’s because of instagram or was it tumblr. Can’t remember but one of those engines is where to go to get the latest fashion trend.

Exiled

August 21st, 2013
8:44 am

Should we(women) even worry about fixing something so superficial …image….to win dates?

@Diva and All Women?

But that is what U All do!

How long does the average woman on here spend at the mirror fixing stuff so that you look different that you probably are in real real?

I would say 99% of u here look different at home that u look out on the streets. And to be honest,some of u are a complete act…..pure deception!

So..this chic needs to consider her priorities:a man and switching things up to look more deceptive and attractive to the suitors(laugh!)
or being true to herself by maintaining her conservative,natural look but remaining cobwebed!

It’s a tough choice but she should have no shame in her game if she decides to spend more time in front of the mirror.

Most women are good at that physical deception game! :lol:

It’s tough for u dudes out there! :lol:

Miss Moni

August 21st, 2013
8:46 am

-Button I view a person who dresses EXACTLY like someone else as a person who doesn’t know who they are yet. Some people are simply just more creative than others. People with creative ideas are usually creative dressers. They don’t mind changing traditional color combinations and trying new ideas. When it comes to being an individual, I don’t mind stepping outside of the box. Be who you are and have FUN doing it! :-)

Button

August 21st, 2013
8:53 am

Ex – men do the samething.

some men look like cave men at home but when they step out they are casket sharp!

Hazel

August 21st, 2013
8:55 am

Good morning. While you don’t have to break the bank, please do wear something that is a bit stylish. One has to keep up . I agree with a lot of what Button said. You don’t have to copy anyone either.

Button

August 21st, 2013
9:07 am

Reader – at the end of the day no matter how much you change your style it won’t mean a thing if your attitude isn’t in the right place. If your vibe is negative then you will get negative results. So smile and be pleasant, a smile will get you a long way.

disco

August 21st, 2013
9:11 am

good morning. this here topic should be fun.

moni – re confidence/jeans/tshirts. I’m going to beg to differ on that one. if you aren’t sexy in general a pair of jeans and a tshirt might not help your cause. lol. I’m tickled every time we’re permitted to wear jeans at work. folks love to wear jeans but not everyone looks good in them. that’s not me being mean or negative, that’s me just telling the truth. lol.

Button

August 21st, 2013
9:15 am

disco – are they wearing mommy jeans? lol

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
9:22 am

morning….

So, Diva, these “readers” won’t chime in for the shenanigans, but they’ll ask for the opinions from the asylum??? whatever….

Does she have the right look? probably not….she’en even got her self esteem up to par yet.

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
9:23 am

matta fact….stay in the house gal, and keep reading the blog……live vicariously thru us….

Miss Moni

August 21st, 2013
9:23 am

-Disco That’s the same way I feel about dresses, not all women look good in them. Those maxi dresses are certainly NOT for everyone, neither are mini-skirts, wide-leg pants, or low-rise pants, LOL! A person just needs to know their particular body type and what looks best on them.

disco

August 21st, 2013
9:26 am

button – sometimes it’s the mommy jeans. sometimes it’s the no booty having chicks trying to wear booty jeans. sometimes it’s the super sized chicks squeezing into mini me jeans. I think some folks think jeans are magic.

disco

August 21st, 2013
9:27 am

most of us will agree that men are visual. old girl has to be on her appearance game. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend she change it up. she’s just got recognize that men like what they like (and apparently the ones in her circle don’t like what she’s working with). lol. goodness knows I’ve known men adamant about not dating women with “insert attribute here”. they’re entitled to that. she doesn’t need to change her, she needs to change the company she keeps.

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
9:30 am

she needs to change the company she keeps.

yep….

Button

August 21st, 2013
9:38 am

disco – if she changes the company she keeps, she’ll still have the same daggone issues. LOW BODY IMAGE!!!

disco – yep, jeans is not a one size fit all. I hate hate hate those skinny skin tight leggings. I don’t care how skinny you are put a darn real pants on!

Leggs

August 21st, 2013
9:44 am

I’d say be yourself, stay true to yourself. If your closet has a lot of drab looking clothes, spruce it up with some color. It’s not necessarily the clothes that attract men, but how you own your look. If you’re not a confident person, they can smell that. If your eyes are darting all over the place when you’re out, that’s an insecurity that can also turn men off. Be confident, go out there and CONQUER!

Good morning!

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
9:44 am

Button, I agree…..then, as I stated earlier…..how you gon ask strangers to fix what’s wrong with YOU??? we can give generalizations all day long, but unless that person spills the beans, and tell us what’s really wrong, we’ll just be speculating all day long…..I mean she talkin bout the right “look”, all the comments thus far have been in relation to clothes….for all we know, she could have a mole in the middle of her forehead; or, got one arm longer than the other…..hell, we don’t know…..get off the sideline, get in the game, and then we can evaluate your skill set!

disco

August 21st, 2013
9:47 am

button – I’m not even tripping on her image. I’m going to let her have that. I’m thinking she’s hanging around folks who aren’t attracted to her type. the easy fix to that is to find the folks who are attracted to her type. it’s a much better solution than trying to fit in and be what she’s not.

Durty Burd

August 21st, 2013
9:51 am

Good Morning!

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
9:53 am

what’s up, Durty……

disco, similar to what you said yesterday….I think “readers” are cowards!!!! jump in, the water’s fine!

Durty Burd

August 21st, 2013
9:55 am

Disco u are 100 percent jeans cannot cover-up a body with no bootey or straight shaped! lol with that being said you can find the fashion/clothes/style that will fit you and make you attractive to someone…

Find a style that fits your body type…Jeans probably should not be wor at work, casual Fridays has gone to far. Some folks were their Friday go to the club clothes on Friday….hehhehehe with everything hanging out,then they come your cubicles hitting you with those dangerous objects…

Durty Burd

August 21st, 2013
9:57 am

2CP…. man what are you doing in Panama City? I was there for 5 days and thought I went back in time. Although the condo was extremely nice by the beach, I was like this must be the country….hehehehehe!

disco

August 21st, 2013
9:59 am

a guy friend was just telling me about a relative of his who is 62 years old and dresses “hip hoppy” complete with baggy jeans and jerseys. lol. he said that they kid him about his attire but he could care less. why? because he’s dating a 34 year old woman and those other old jokers ain’t got nothing on him.

Durty Burd

August 21st, 2013
10:00 am

Wisdom Time
Skinny ladies do not wear skinny jeans they will make your flat bootey look flatter…lol

Ladies when you show the good side on a date, make sure you tell him about your brick throwing, temper tandrum, evil in the morning, bad side….lol

Leggs

August 21st, 2013
10:01 am

“When I’m at the mall, I see too many copy cats. everybody dressed like the next one”

MissMoni ~ reminds of something this guy said about women going to the movies. He says everyone has on the same uniform, jeans, pointy boots and a white, beige or red blouse. I hollered.

Celisea

August 21st, 2013
10:02 am

Being authentic and true to who you are is paramount in dating….period

Diva, you hit the nail on the head with this statement. To the reader, don’t sweat other folks and what they’re doing. Do you, and feel good about it. You say your style and preference is classy and chic (I’ll add)? Well, you can’t help it if you don’t subscribe to “cheesy.” Why would you beat yourself up because of such?? In my experience, quality, classy men find a deep apprecation for quality, classy chicks. Head and shoulders, boo, head and shoulders :) Be confident in what God bestowed upon you. Let me tell you, you can be sexy in nearly anything, sans being nearly nekkid. Dress for your body type and dress for what pleases you. Keep with being classy. And know this, for those dudes looking at her, one or two might be on the up and up, but what she’s presenting is what she’s attracting and if she ever changed up, half those dudes won’t get her a second look…either. Just know it more about t & a and what she’s willing to do with them (po thang, she ain’t got a clue) rather than it is finding a solid relationship.

Durty Burd

August 21st, 2013
10:03 am

Disco he is doing what you are doing except in your case age reversal…You go out with the pension receiving, social security receiving, working as a Walmart greeter 65yrs od to 70yrs old dudes. lol

disco

August 21st, 2013
10:04 am

leggs – woohoo!!! I don’t wear the movie uniform. I don’t own any pointy toed shoes at all. I don’t own anything red at all.

DB – believe it or not, I let guys know out the gate that I can have a janky attitude. I’m all for putting the bad right out there with the good. after all, the good is easy to deal with it’s the bad that gets folks hemmed up.

Button

August 21st, 2013
10:04 am

2C – you are right, we can speculate all day but it’s all fruitless unless the reader chim in and clue us into what is really going on with her. Clothes can’t be her only problem unless it’s filthy and wrinkled. She could very well be unattractive or over weight, who knows.

2C/Durty- Panama City is Kuntry! I like the bridge that leads to the beach though, I was too chicken to jog across it.

disco

August 21st, 2013
10:06 am

durty – no it’s not the same because I don’t wear elastic waist pants or orthopedic shoes. I don’t wear button down polyester tops or clip on earrings. lol.

Button

August 21st, 2013
10:07 am

disco – what do you have against red and pointy shoes?

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
10:10 am

Durty/Button….yes, PC is country….that’s been my sentiment all along!!!! don’t come here with some sense of education, style, or machismo, and you’ll stand out like a sore thumb….

Celisea

August 21st, 2013
10:13 am

I tell you, men are funny creatures…. In my experience, only those dudes that wanted to hit and run are the ones that had a problem with me being “covered up.” And I’ll add this, I don’t think I’ve EVER dated a dude that wasn;t the epitome of “the latest” (from cars to clothes to homes to being loaded….all of it) but I’ve never changed a thing, never felt intimidate, never felt the need. For every one of those dudes, at face value they’d be the dude with the half nekked chick, with the clown face. Well, for some reason, there’s was (and is) always an attraction. Me in my suits or classic pieces, simple taste pumps…not peep holes round the t!ts, not everything but the nips showing, or those shoes strapped, snapped and buckled, where it would take Houdini to break free…lol

Don’t be fooled, men know what they’re looking for, if they’re searching and they know it when they see it. Usually, (not all the time), it’s that woman that stands out BECAUSE she’s not like all the others. Something different,

Celisea

August 21st, 2013
10:14 am

Button

August 21st, 2013
10:17 am

2C- maybe you should run for mayor. j/k

Leggs

August 21st, 2013
10:24 am

disco ~ today is jean day at work since we are doing a blood drive. Great day for jeans since its rainy and gloomy. Thank goodness I don’t wear “mommy jeans.” Hope to never wear them (lol).

Leggs

August 21st, 2013
10:26 am

I don’t own anything red at all. – Had to laugh. I love red and all my shoes and boots are pointy. Can’t do round toe…uggh on my feet!

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
10:27 am

Button…..believe it or not, I’ve been contemplating the idea….not this year, but within the next two years…..on my FB page after the Presidential election, I stated as much…..gotta filter thru the good ole boys first tho, and make some political connections, thus the reason for the wait…I’m currently rubbing elbows with the movers and shakers….

Leggs

August 21st, 2013
10:28 am

Button ~ I sit and think why don’t people who poses situations to Diva chime in after they’ve read our responses. Would be nice if they’ve taken any of the advice and told us if it worked for them. All this free therapy and we don’t even get to hear about any of the results. Pro bono sucks….

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
10:28 am

ummmm, what are “Mommy Jeans”?

2CPTG©

August 21st, 2013
10:30 am

All this free therapy and we don’t even get to hear about any of the results.

makes ya wonder if it’s even real…..

Into the Light

August 21st, 2013
10:32 am

Morning, all.

I’ll co-sign the “just be yourself” posts.

And I am sick of rain. Hmph!

Button

August 21st, 2013
10:34 am

Leggs – exactly! I feel the same way. Let us know something – Readers!

Into the Light

August 21st, 2013
10:35 am

A visitor just passed my office and I noticed her suit right away. Classic, but with a feminine edge and very appropriate for our office.

I wonder if it’s true that women dress more for other women than for men.

Durty Burd

August 21st, 2013
10:36 am

Ladies you to get on board right now, who wants to go first?..hehehehehe!

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/study-more-sex-earn-more-191903127.html

Button

August 21st, 2013
10:36 am

2c – well gone now witcha bad self!