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Juggling dates: Should you come clean?

Nora is seeing a couple of really good guys but neither of them have really stood out from the rest.  She thinks she needs more time to spend with each of them to figure the one she thinks is an ideal match.  Juggling dates can be a lot of work, though!  Is it a good idea to date multiple people? When should you tell them that they are one of many?

I remember a guy telling me that I was one of his “all-stars” of his dream team.  Whatever that offensive basketball analogy meant – I didn’t like it.  Call me crazy, but in this particular situation, I think ignorance really is bliss.

Has anyone you dated ever told you that they were juggling dates?  Did it bother you that they were seeing someone else?  Do you usually keep your options open while dating someone who you really like?  When do you cut the ties and focus on the one main romantic interest?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

275 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 16th, 2013
6:54 am

Has anyone you dated ever told you that they were juggling dates? That is not how he said it to me, the answer is yes. Did it bother you that they were seeing someone else? No, I was seeing another also. Do you usually keep your options open while dating someone who you really like? In my 20’s and 30’s i have never dated more than one at a time, when i hit my 40’s i said why not I might miss that great guy while dating he is just so so. When do you cut the ties and focus on the one main romantic interest? When you both agree to that.

Exciting Friday… rain really puts a damper on the weekend.
Hello single

Hazel

August 16th, 2013
7:58 am

Happy Friday.
Yes, I have had people tell me that they were dating other people at the same time. I never saw that person again. I did not like being an option. I think after the 3rd or 4th date, you should know if you want to put more time and effort or not. Also, after the other person is on the same page, is when you cut ties with other interests.

Exiled

August 16th, 2013
8:06 am

Rain puts a damper on thangs?

@Lee? Come on,what were u planning on there in the country.. U can always take it to the house..snuggle with a book,solo or snuggle with a romantic interest…..

On topic!
No coming ‘clean’…u just manage the rotation in a classy way.

If a woman were to tell me that she was juggling me then she wld be the one disappointed because I wld not take her seriously after that. I would be glad that she showed me her naive card!

No guilty conscience with this one after I smash and run…

Off topic..Falcons folks?

I watched the game last nite and I don’t know guys if u saw that new running back dude being interviewed just before half time.
@cba /Durty….did u see dude..Stephen Jackson!?
I doubt he came to Atl for football…I got questions?

Let me know…. :lol:

Lady~

August 16th, 2013
8:48 am

I think…people can openly date other people until they are ready to commit to a monogamous relationship.. hey I can respect a man that’s upfront & honest. That helps me to make a decision on whether or not I want to continue seeing him… and this should work both ways… whats the point of thinking your dating someone & your thinking its going somewhere serious to only find out they still keeping their options open. In my opinion this should help some to stop having sex so quickly. You’ll think twice about getting it in if you knew upfront you were one of many.. *on my soapbox yelling-People don’t know how to date anymore!

SlimNu

August 16th, 2013
8:55 am

Good rainy morning folks….I hope my hair holds up with all this misty rain. BAH HUMBUG!

Button

August 16th, 2013
9:00 am

Good morning! Has anyone you dated ever told you that they were juggling dates? No, but I was wise enough to know that until we AGREED that we were EXCLUSIVE, the both of us was free to date other people. If he said that he wasn’t seeing another woman, I still didn’t buy it. We’re just dating, still seeing if we are compatible and complement each other, it’s a process. I dated other guys while dating, no problem at least with the non possessive/controlling guys.

Reio

August 16th, 2013
9:05 am

Mornin All!

I’ve always been a one woman man. I start from the very beginning making my assesment of her. I tended to be kind of quick on the draw. Once I determined that she was not for me, she was cut loose. No overlap though. Never started one before ending another. If I were told that I was one of two or more(I was never told this, however), I would end it then. That way she would have more time to spend with this other fellow(s). Again, even as a much younger man, my main motivation was matrimony, believe it or not. So, I was anxious to find the right one, and not waste either of our times on the wrong one. It was simple to me. Simple.

disco

August 16th, 2013
9:14 am

good morning. I’m all for juggling. it can be barnum and bailey up in this camp. anyone expecting to be the only one right out the gate is bordering on delusional. everyone talks about getting to know someone. well, in essence, that’s what dating is. sure, you can put all your eggs in one basket if you want to but I can certainly understand if you don’t.

SlimNu

August 16th, 2013
9:21 am

Re: Topic, I can’t really recall a guy saying he was really juggling dates. But when I had a “special friend” i think it was pretty much understood what the deal was. It wasn’t like we were persuing a relationship with each other…we were just having fun.

Button

August 16th, 2013
9:27 am

I remember one guy told me off the bat to let the other guys. In the end I let him go since he didn’t understand the concept of dating. For me dating is not physical but mental, getting to know, LOTS and lots of talking. Seeing where his head is, seeing what he has going for him—morals and values in life. A lot of times the dating is a very short period.

disco

August 16th, 2013
9:30 am

many years ago I was juggling and one guy was taking me out for my bday. the other guy had the nerve to say “gone head and let him wine you and dine you and holler at me when you’re through”. can you hear the screeching of the brakes???? that was it for him. truth be told I don’t even remember his name. heck, I don’t remember the other guys name either. lol.

Button

August 16th, 2013
9:31 am

come to think of it, maybe that guy was a reformed date juggler and wanted to get me out the game too. His tone was too demanding.

Reio

August 16th, 2013
9:36 am

I can’t recall a friend, co-worker, relative, or aquaintence that openly dated more than one person at a time. Those that did, did it secretly. None of the people they were seeing knew about the other(s). It was almost always the men that did this. Very few women. In fact, I only know of only two women that I knew of, that dated multiple men, one of my sisters, and my oldest daughter. I think I mentioned on this blog before, my daughter goes through men like a hot knife through warm butter. There is always overlap with her. Dump one this morning, she has another one before sundown. That’s one thing she didn’t get from me. Heheheh.

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
9:45 am

It’s one thing to juggle dates, but it’s another thing to “juggle dates.” I’ll grant a person the weeding process, as you won’t know out of the gate if that’s “the one.” If they mean to do right by the person, they’ll scale back and narrow down to one…and it won’t take a lifetime to come to this. Now, in the same vein, how will you know if he or she is “the one”, if you got a gang of folks on your rotation?? If you don’t mean to do well or right (by her or him), you won’t narrow it down, cause you’re having too much fun.

I was never one or that woman that will be bothered with a dude that’s got a plethora of chicks in his line up. Naw, Imma get my stuff and go home. I’on like you enough to share, you can’t spend enough to make me share and you ain’t cute enough to make me share. Having said all of this, my mantra remains…do you and what makes you happy :)

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
9:46 am

I think I mentioned on this blog before, my daughter goes through men like a hot knife through warm butter. There is always overlap with her. Dump one this morning, she has another one before sundown.

Reio, if I may….is she sleeping with the cats? That might not be a good look…spoken like a mother and a woman

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
9:47 am

I meant to italicize the cut and paste from Reio’s post.

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
9:52 am

“these cats” not “the cats”…that sounds kuntry…lol

2CPTG©

August 16th, 2013
9:57 am

morning….

hell yeah, I juggle dates….Do I tell ‘em, nope, cause it’s understood……

Button

August 16th, 2013
9:57 am

Reio – I can recall ever hearing someone say that they are dating mulitple ppl other than on the blogs. It’s a given if you are dating. You shouldn’t have to ask or assume that the person is not dating anyone besides you. You should already have a mind set that you are maybe one of two or even three that that person is talking to. jmo.

Button

August 16th, 2013
10:00 am

quite frankly I would be concerned if I met a guy who is not juggling dates, that is if he’s a heathly dude. What’s the problem, even prison dudes got ladies lined up writng letters and such.

disco

August 16th, 2013
10:01 am

button – well, while I do make the assumption I always follow up by asking. not so much who/how many chicks a guy is seeing but I ask how many he’s sleeping with and how recently. I figure you have to be specific. lol.

disco

August 16th, 2013
10:03 am

button – some prison dudes are fine. they just locked up. some of these jokers on the outside, the only thing they got going for them is the fact that they are on the outside. lol. I know, I’m wrong. still, do you ever watch lockup? some of those dudes have me sitting there shaking my head and thinking what a waste.

Reio

August 16th, 2013
10:03 am

My youngest daughter is just the opposite of her sister. One at a time. If she breaks up with one, there was always a lag in time before she dated again. I know this because when she was in high school, she was, of couse, at home. While attending college, she continued to live at home. So, I was able to observe her. When she was in a relationship, she went out often, between relationships, on Friday’s and weekends, she was home. I’d ask why she wasn’t going out, and she would invariably say “Me and whomever broke up”. That’s how I knew she was only seeing one guy at a time. Now, her big sister(two years older), not so much. She went out almost every night, and every weekend. Various guys would come by, some she would introduce, others she would not. Don’t know what that said about her(I didn’t want to know, actually), but she seemed to thrive and do well in college, despite the time she devoted to dating. She’s the one out there in Marietta.

Miss Moni

August 16th, 2013
10:06 am

GOOD Friday Morning MIA!!! :-D

Juggling dates huh. . . I have done it in the past & it is quite time consuming, LOL!!! At this stage in my life I prefer to date 1 on 1, 1 at a time.

disco

August 16th, 2013
10:09 am

reio – it doesn’t have to say anything about her. she could just be a more outgoing type. she could just be better equipped to shake stuff off and move on. she could have the type personality that things don’t get her down or the type that’s strong enough to push on even when she is down. she seems happy and well adjusted so I don’t see a problem with how she’s rolling. by the same token, the younger daughter is just different. neither of them is better, they’re just different.

Button

August 16th, 2013
10:09 am

disco – you know, I’ve never asked, well as far back as I can think lol
for me, it’s a given that I’m not the only one who’s in the picture. and it doesn’t bother me, cos if I’m chosen then it’s all good. Alo I’m not physical so that’s no problem for me. The only problem I have is guys who are in a relationship and still trying to pick up dates/numbers. That I have a problem with.

Reio

August 16th, 2013
10:10 am

Celisea – I wouldn’t know who she is sleeping with. She’s very grown now. Nothing I can do. I am, however, convinced that she just loves to date and go out. Being out and about is big with her. Sleeping around? Well, as her father, I would be absolutely the last person she would tell this to. And even if she did, I would only offer a few choice words of caution, and love and move on, once I got past the embarrassment of hearing this from her.

Reio

August 16th, 2013
10:12 am

disco – Well said. Thank you.

Single & Happy

August 16th, 2013
10:16 am

Hello all,

Now this is another one of those none ya business things!! until we talk about making it exclusive there is nothing needed to say.

Miss Moni

August 16th, 2013
10:17 am

-Disco I agree with Reio, your 10:09 is very well said. As a parent you have to appreciate the differences in your children. :-)

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
10:22 am

Ain’t gon make me believe everybody out there is stand-up and on the up and up…lol We wouldn’t have so many broken and broken hearted women. I’ll be daggone if a dude tells me to hush, “unless we’re exclusive.” Ummmm, not! I’m a grown woman…no way that’s happening. And yep, I would be one to ask…

“Ummm you married? K, cool!” Soooo, you seeing someone or others right now?” Okay, cool!” Maybe it’s the dudes I’ve dated and the places I’ve been, but in my history of dating, not one single dude has ever said, “I’m dating several.” Course, I haven’t dabble too much with dudes and shenanigans. Maybe I’ve been fortunate to attact stand-up dudes…lol :)

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
10:23 am

attract not attact

disco

August 16th, 2013
10:26 am

moni – as a person you have to appreciate the differences in other people. just in general. not saying I don’t crack on folks and that I don’t shake my head here and there wondering what’s wrong with folks because I sure enough do. lol.

MsAtl

August 16th, 2013
10:29 am

Morning All!

No, I have not had anyone tell me that they were juggling dates. I understand that the concept of dating is to find someone with whom you are compatible, but the last I checked there was not “E Pluribus Unum” stamped on my behind. That is why I believe in getting to know a person and having a lot of conversation and an understanding prior to becoming intimate. I will not knowingly bed a man who is bedding multiple women. I do not play well with others; stay out of my sandbox, lol.

disco

August 16th, 2013
10:34 am

atl – I was in a triangle once. dude initially lied but that eventually crumbled when the streets busted him out. I stuck it out though. we all worked different shifts. her first, him second and me third. we had a nice little rotation going for awhile. I moved away, they got married, they got divorced, he and I are still cool. I bet that woman probably hates me to this day. lol.

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
10:40 am

That is why I believe in getting to know a person and having a lot of conversation and an understanding prior to becoming intimate.

Mmm hmmm, agreed. Don’t wanna end up like those chicks and their cra cra from the Bert Show…thankfully I was getting out of the car and couldn’t hear all the call…lol Got women climbing through the doggie door and chicks planning “break-ins” this week, all to delete text messages…just ca-raaaazzzy

and…..

I will not knowingly bed a man who is bedding multiple women. I do not play well with others; stay out of my sandbox

Well said….worth repeating!!

Exiled

August 16th, 2013
10:40 am

disco…so u still in the triangle Disco…. :lol:

Miss Moni

August 16th, 2013
10:46 am

-Disco Very true! We are definitely not all the same, therefore it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to act the same. There are many things that I see and I’m like “WHAT in the world?”.

Prime example, have you seen the 67 year old woman who claims that the San Diego Mayor was sexually harassing her??? Definitely a case of: Things that make you go hmmmm. . . .

disco

August 16th, 2013
10:49 am

ex – ha ha. I’m sure you know the difference between was and am.

moni – I read the headline but didn’t click to read the article.

Miss Moni

August 16th, 2013
10:55 am

-Disco You have to actually SEE this woman!!!

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
11:06 am

Off topic…sort of

I was watching a show the other night (can’t remember the title), but it featured older women dating younger men. Not sure if that was the premise or just featured cougars for that showing, but there was a 53 y.o. in sort of “unofficial” ceremony with a 21 y.o., who BTW played at her home when he was 14 with her kids. Then there was a 73 y.o., “dating around.” :shock: She constantly said, she was dating several and okay with that, but on her 1:1 camera time, she was say “I’m always hoping and excited that this could be the one,” all giddy and stuff, like a school girl. She was at a pool and went straight in for the 25 y.o. at the pool. The way that popped off, the skeptic in me said that was a set up for the camera. Dude rolled with it. Earlier in the show, the showed her with another dude, and she was proud cause he had his hand on her 73 y.o. rump, while in public…she brings a new meaning to “juggling.”

kimmie

August 16th, 2013
11:18 am

Morning All!!

To be real honest, I’ve not dealt with this much. I didn’t date a lot in high school. In college, a few times I had maybe 2 I was trying to choose from, but not for long. It quickly got narrowed down to one. As for the guys I dated, I learned early and the hard way that just because it SEEMED like he was spending the majority of his time with me, it did not mean I was the only one. So the only assumption I made was that there was always a possibility he was seeing someone else until we had the agreement. It saved me a lot of grief and since I was not one to jump into the physical too soon, it worked out.

I’ve never liked dudes that I knew had a big lineup of women. It can be hard enough dealing with the exes that are still hanging out on the sidelines and wondering if they are still dabbling, much less a slew of other women. After a certain age and station in life, that just gets old. One of the things that attracted me to my hubs was that he was too busy working and raising his kids to make being “in the streets” a priority. He also made it clear rather quickly he was interested in exclusivity.

Also to be honest, after college it was just never a problem. It’s not easy lining up ONE dude to date, much less having enough to juggle!

SlimNu

August 16th, 2013
11:20 am

Celisea – I saw a few minutes of that show and got turned off immediately when I saw them kiss. :shock:

disco

August 16th, 2013
11:23 am

hey kimmie!!! – correction: it’s not easy for some of us to line up one dude to date, let alone juggle. as reio’s daughter proves, some chicks just got it like that. I know in my circle of friends, some of us are like where the heck are the men while others didn’t get the memo about the shortage.

Celisea

August 16th, 2013
11:23 am

Slim – It was just “uuughhh” with that show. I turned after she was hamming for that dude at the pool. The 73 y.o. granny was a trip. She made no bones going after dudes.

kimmie

August 16th, 2013
11:32 am

Hey Disco! – Another correction- It was hard for ME to line up ONE dude to date, much less a juggle group!LOL!! Part of it might be that I was picky. I didn’t just go out with any and everyone that asked. I’ve never been hungry enough to just go out for a free meal. But to be honest, even if I was that type, still there were not dudes lined up to feed me!LOL!!

You are right, there are some that just got it like that. Just like some have dudes proposing left and right, after already being married a few times. Where as some have a hard time getting ONE dude to marry them!

disco

August 16th, 2013
11:35 am

kimmie – one of my friends got fly with me once about me not having a man. I had to go there and tell her that if I was homeless and unemployed like she was (living with parents while between jobs) then I wouldn’t have a problem snagging a man either. lol.

Bluzgirl

August 16th, 2013
11:50 am

Morning everyone!

I’ve never had the issue of juggling dates or having men juggle with me. I understand the concept, though. You date to see if you are compatible. If I had the opportunity, I would date more than one person until I settle on one. I’m sure it wouldn’t take me long to figure out who I’m compatible with.

Anyway…looks slow up in here! Anyone have any fun plans on this rainy weekend?

Mrs. SexyCool

August 16th, 2013
11:57 am

I was (kinda) juggling dates when I met M. (lol)

However, that ended really quickly. And by the time we did the lay-down a month or so later, all bets were off.

disco

August 16th, 2013
12:05 pm

hey bluz. no plans other than to check out the butler before the weekend is out.

well I wish I had a few dates to juggle. better yet, wish I had a date to juggle me. a sister could use some tossing up. lol.