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Materialism kills dating?

Money can’t buy you love but it definitely can get a lot on the dating scene.  Atlanta is known for its opulence and there are flashy people here  who show off their wealth often.  What I don’t understand is why so many people forget how fun and interesting dating can be when you trim out all the extra.  Do you really need all that materialism to impress each other?

The best fun I have had did not involve loads of money.  When people who are materialistic need to impress and be impressed while overlooking the really important traits about a person.  Why do you think there is so much materialism in Atlanta?

Are you guilty of being impressed by the wealth and material things too much?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

350 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 15th, 2013
7:07 am

Are you guilty of being impressed by the wealth and material things too much? No, wealth and having stuff never impressed me- i have seen those who brag lose it all … and some act like they have money. Its how you act and what you do that impresses me. Say what you mean and do as you say.

I live in rural Ga. small town nearest city is Macon- great for raising kids but not much else. i forget who asked yesterday.

This has been one long week so far. Taking days off from work sometimes is a hassle and not worth it.

Wicked Thursday — Where is Friday… And can the rain stop please i want to finish painting my deck been working on it since June .

Single and Happy

August 15th, 2013
7:42 am

Hello All

Hey Lee

Why do you think there is so much materialism in Atlanta? When we look at these reality shows on TV you never see anyone living an ordinary boring life. With so many based here, people feel they have to keep up the image! So people seem to think that what it takes to feel like you’ve arrived, and what good is having it if you can’t flaunt it.

Hazel

August 15th, 2013
8:25 am

Why do you think there is so much materialism in Atlanta?

Most of the Atlanta money is new money and these money makers came from nothing. So that need to show off is something they can’t help. Also the folks who see such showoffs, they feel like they have to compete and do the same. Old money does not showoff and that’s why its old money. The forefathers saved it, invested it and keep the money growing.

It’s easy to fall in the materialistic trap but smart folks would rather use that money somewhere else.. like in stocks, investments etc and not in that LV or Gucci or the Benz.

Hazel

August 15th, 2013
8:27 am

@Single and Happy – Very true. Those reality shows don’t help either. I knew one of the Atl housewives, who lived an average life but all of sudden she is this person who is all in to the materialistic life.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

August 15th, 2013
8:47 am

Materialism is a function of self esteem, an inverse function at that. Generally, the more people feel the need to show off, the more likely they are using that ’stuff’ to compensate for a lack of something.

Good morning

SlimNu

August 15th, 2013
8:52 am

Not impressed or driven by materialistic things….but I’d venture to say that I agree with what Dan had said. lol ;-)

Exiled

August 15th, 2013
9:10 am

Why do you think there is so much materialism in Atlanta?

@Diva..well,Disco said to me the other day that if u dont have it,u wont smash…..and look..,America is the capital of materialism…….money attracts women..PERIOD!

….maybe the only women with substance are the blog women…i dont know(what can they say when they dont have it? :lol: )..but in real life…if u got it or u present urself like u got it…u get the Premium cootie!

I am not going to feel jealous if a dude that seems to have it pulls the premium female…that is what happens in life..its Real!

and no offense ladies, I mean “Premium” in physical(outside) sense and male mental perception Only….
Certainly,the outwardly phoine looking woman,as per folks’ perception(Halle) does not necessarily have the most premium personality nor premium puddy…..(Halle) :lol: thats why she gets benched so often…..

sorry I digress!

But there u have it…

Money makes the world go round!

Morn MIA!

2CPTG©

August 15th, 2013
9:16 am

morning……

Premium Cootie! there you have it!

disco

August 15th, 2013
9:16 am

good morning.

hazel – because old money is old we don’t know if it showed off back when it was new. I suppose it’s possible though. it showed off, survived the show and then decided low key was the way to go OR started hanging in moneyed circles OR just plain got tired of showing off. every thing gets old sooner or later. lol.

disco

August 15th, 2013
9:17 am

my take on money is it was invented so we can spend it. you can’t take it with you. I’m all for saving and rainy days and the future and all that but bottom line is you are going to die. spend your money on what you want to spend it on. as for inheritances, let the kids earn their own money. that’s why so many sorry so and sos are sitting around waiting on folks to die now.

ex – by the way, there are plenty of women that will screw broke men. just because I’m not one of them doesn’t mean I said something profound. lol.

2CPTG©

August 15th, 2013
9:18 am

Slim ~~~~~>Not impressed or driven by materialistic things….…..that’s why you’re my boo. I mean I have some toys, but that doesn’t move you, so that’s cool….

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

August 15th, 2013
9:24 am

I’m one for ‘learning by watching.’ It’s served me well in life. For an example: when you start a new gig, you watch how long people take for lunch, i.e. do they meander in late, is someone watching/commenting on the time they do come in, are there consequences, and if there are consequences, are they applied to everyone equally (for instance is the old timer getting away with it, or is the boss’ friend the one that gets the pass).

Ultimately, I want to know how to act in a given situation, in this case, how do I act when I get/have money?

My relevant people to watch are the super rich, mainly Jobs, Gates, and Buffet, men who attained great wealth in their lifetime.

None of them are flashy (personally), they live in really large homes, are driven in really nice cars, but they don’t personally display their wealth. That is, you’re not likely to see anyone of them (RIP Jobs) wearing a $300,000 watch.

So for me, personally,I’d rather wear comfortable clothes, live in a nice house, have as little debt as possible, as much savings as possible, and display my wealth in other ways.

disco

August 15th, 2013
9:25 am

2C – while I’m not necessarily impressed by material things I don’t deny there are some material things that I can appreciate. I don’t deny that I enjoy certain creature comforts. I’m not ashamed to say I like nice things. lol.

Celisea

August 15th, 2013
9:27 am

I agree, money does make the world go ’round. You need it to live. You should buy what you want or the things you need. That’s what you work for. For me, that transcend right over into dating. I’m all for simplicity, but I’m not doing home dates and park outings all in the name of humble and lowliness. I want a nice time…sometimes. That takes money.

Frankly, I don’t think having money or “stuff” makes you materialistic, no more than living in Atlanta. IMO “materialistic” is a mindset. There are broke folks just as materialistic, if not more than folks with money.

2CPTG©

August 15th, 2013
9:32 am

disco, I like “stuff” too….but it doesn’t, per se, move me….I’m like the apostle Paul…..I can live abase, and I can live abound….

SlimNu

August 15th, 2013
9:32 am

Celisea

August 15th, 2013
9:32 am

And I don’t ever expect or ask or require my dude to do what I can’t do for myself. I’m not about taking advantage of folks. I’m not gonna be taken advantage of, but I dang sure won’t use someone else.

Celisea

August 15th, 2013
9:34 am

O/T: Where has the time gone? We are getting emails re enrollment for 2014 health coverage.

Time is flying!!

disco

August 15th, 2013
9:43 am

2C – I want/(need) one of these little bomber style jackets that are trending right now but I’m not trying to pay real money for it because I’m not trendy like that plus I really only want it to pimp a couple of outfits. my solution? troll the thrift stores and hope I get lucky. lol. no shame in my game.

2CPTG©

August 15th, 2013
9:49 am

so you want that bomber jacket, eh???? And what’s “real” money? how much do they run?

disco

August 15th, 2013
9:53 am

2C – real money is dept store prices. I’d pay it if it was something I wanted for keeps. it’s something I want to wear maybe 2-3 times therefore I’m trying to get the look for less. (anyone remember that show? I used to like that one). if i don’t find it at a thrift store i’ll hit the cheap stores. i’m sure rainbow or citi trends can hook a sister up. lol.

Single and Happy

August 15th, 2013
9:58 am

Hazel, there’s nothing wrong with buying that benz, lv or gucci, you can still invest too. either way it goes you could loose it all anyway. And as disco stated money is made spend.

Exiled

August 15th, 2013
10:01 am

ex – by the way, there are plenty of women that will screw broke men.

@disco….there are plenty monied women that screw broke men..for novelty sake…

and then there are broke women who smash equally broke men..because they have no choice! :lol:

…but on balance..every broke chic wishes(silently) that a monied man or an up and up man could holla….and evrery broike man wishes he could snag and smash that other phoine chic thats outside of his league..moneywise.

we all want money and what it attracts….but yes we can perch ourselves above the fray and pretend like we wholesome and say things about coulda,woulda,shoulda(if we had it) because we aint got it!

If u didnt have money at all,and somehow u picked up a $20 note and i suddenly asked u for a fiver$..a lot wldnt even share it…. :lol:

kimmie

August 15th, 2013
10:13 am

Morning All!!!

Hey Dan, always great to read ya! And I agree with everything you’ve said. The business titans you mentioned just did/do the dang thang. Not flashy, just bout their business. I want you to “flash” HOW you became successful. Were you a visionary, did you invent things, did you invest smartly, what did you do? Those are the things that impress me.

There are a lot of folks in Atlanta that are doing quite well for themselves and it’s not all new money made off of hip hop music and reality tv shows. They are smart, hard working and humble with theirs. You won’t see them on reality tv because they are not acting a fool and blowing their wealth on gold-plated toilets and mile-long weave. Atlanta has a mix of it all, and is no more flashy or materialistic than any other major city where there are folks that do well.

It also depends on what you mean by “flashing” too. Some folks will say you are showing off just because you rode up in a nice car, basically hating on you. You should not have to apologize for liking nice things and enjoying the fruits of your very hard labor. I found myself doing that a lot, downplaying my already humble self to try to make others comfortable. Later for that. My parents worked hard to give me & my siblings the best opportunities possible to be a success. I’ve taken advantage of those opportunities. I like being able to sleep at night because my bills are paid and I can afford to live in a nice, low crime area. I like being able to walk in a store and get pretty much what I want, within reason and not on credit.

Hey Disco!! Girl, I have found some of my nicest stuff in thrift and consignment stores, especially leather goods like purses and belts. I have some really nice coats too. No shame there at ALL. That’s one of the “old money” secrets too! If you have not already and get a chance, check out this show from the Style channel called Resale Royalty. It’s about an extremely high end consignment store based in St Louis. Stylist go there to dress celebrities for photo shoots and award shows like the Grammys. They show them going to rich folks closets to buy stuff to resell. Regular folks go there too to shop. It’s very interesting.

disco

August 15th, 2013
10:18 am

hey kimmie!!!! I have not seen the show but if I ever happen to catch it I’ll check it out. last year I was hitting a Halloween party and decided to go as Cleopatra jones. you know you couldn’t tell me nothing when I found a fly little faux fur jacket for only $7.

Reio

August 15th, 2013
10:20 am

Mornin all!

Can’t really share much here. I’m here in Birmingham. Atlanta is just right down I-20, but I usually don’t go there unless the lottery jackpot is unusually high. Although I may drop in on my daughter in Marietta from time to time. We don’t have gambling here in Alabama. “Too many hillbillies runnin thangs.” Fake Christians. So, I’m not aware of what happens there day to day. My daughter moved there about 7 years ago cause “There’s nothing in Birmingham.” she says. I guess she fond “something” cause she appears happy and has remained there for 7 years.

Exiled

August 15th, 2013
10:22 am

@thrift and second hand ‘nice’ clothes..
No shame there at ALL..

@Kimmie/Disco….

altho admittedly,u have to wash and rinse some of that used thrift store stuff be4 u put it on..

u aint gon admit that to ur friends, will u?

Leggs

August 15th, 2013
10:23 am

Flaunting your money in front of me doesn’t impress me. Case in point: I was out about 2 weeks ago and there was this one flashy guy showing his wad of money. He complimented me on my blouse and through his semi-drunken state he flashed a wad of money in front of me. He spread his wad like he was spreading the Nile River and told me to take what I wanted in one pick. Told him I didn’t want to take anything. He insisted. Others were looking and laughing. I took off $200 at one time. He looked and laughed and said “baby girl, that ain’t nothing” and walked away. I put in my purse and ordered another drink. I wasn’t impressed, but did have an extra $200. As a matter of fact, he looked thirsty for attention. Saw him the following week and he said he does that all the time but others have usually taken about $20. I told him I’m not like others. Bet he wakes up many mornings counting his losses.

Like someone said earlier, those on reality shows/rappers have now come into money. They didn’t have much before they started and now feel the need to spend boatload of $$ on gold, 3 cars at a time, a plane. Investing their money in jewelry to instantly show they have money is not the way to go. Invest in real estate or businesses. Like Luda said a few weeks ago, he had so much money he had about 40 tvs in his car, even a tv in his gas tank because while he was pumping gas he didn’t want to miss whatever he was watching inside the vehicle…Really, what a waste.

Live below your means and enjoy. Keep your overhead low. No need to flaunt only to find yourself in bankruptcy court a few years down the road.

Good morning.

Leggs

August 15th, 2013
10:24 am

Oops, sorry for the length. May I get a pass on the fine this week??

disco

August 15th, 2013
10:24 am

reio – at the beginning of the summer I got it in my head to take a train trip to Birmingham. I mostly just felt like riding Amtrak and Birmingham was an easy ride during daytime hours so I could see the scenery. I had it all planned out, where to stay, what sites to see and then I didn’t even do it. shame on me.

reio – what do you know about Ozark Alabama?

leggs – I would have taken that jokers money too. lol.

kimmie

August 15th, 2013
10:30 am

Exiled – I’m always very proud of my 2nd hand purchases and tell everyone! I’m also very picky about what I get from them. I mostly get accessories – purses, belts, scarves, jackets & coats. A lot of it still has the original tags on it. I’ve gotten coats that if they didn’t have the original tag, they had the dry cleaner tag on them. I’ve never purchased anything that needed cleaning.

See that “not wanting to tell your friends you got it 2nd hand” is a prideful, ghetto-like mentality that folks who are in the know don’t have! That’s one of the secrets in how the rich get richer and the poor get poorer!

2CPTG©

August 15th, 2013
10:33 am

reio – what do you know about Ozark Alabama?

can I answer?

kimmie

August 15th, 2013
10:35 am

Leggs – I heard Luda talking about that. If I’m not mistakened, he’s come to his senses with all that now.

There is a saying I used to hear alot from older folks about those that flash their wealth. They call it being “not used to anything”.

Reio

August 15th, 2013
10:36 am

2CPTG© – Go ahead. This should be good.

disco

August 15th, 2013
10:37 am

reio / 2C / whoever – have at it.

Sassy Me ;-)

August 15th, 2013
10:43 am

See that “not wanting to tell your friends you got it 2nd hand” is a prideful, ghetto-like mentality that folks who are in the know don’t have! That’s one of the secrets in how the rich get richer and the poor get poorer!

Worth repeating…

I wasn’t impressed, but did have an extra $200.

Leggs~smart move,chica…guys don’t understand that if you start out leading with your wallet to get her, you’ll have to lead with your wallet to keep her.

And then they’re the ones crying about women only wanting them for their money or other material goods…GTFOH I think guys who do that feel as though it’s the only way to get a woman…and that may be true for certain types but definitely not ALL and that’s where the disconnect starts. Since that flashy stuff may get one or two they think it’ll work fon any and everyone.

Leggs

August 15th, 2013
10:48 am

kimmie ~ yes, he did say he has more sense now, he was just wilding out because he could. You know, I love consignment shops. I know some would never wear 2nd had clothing, but I see nothing wrong with it. I have a nice size 4 pantsuit that I offered to a co-worker. I put it in the cleaners and brought it to work. Told her I would leave it at my desk and she can get it at the end of the day. She smiled and said she’ll talk to me later. It quickly dawned on me I never asked if she wanted it, just offered. She pulled me on the side and told me her “people” do not accept nor wear 2nd hand clothes. I said ok, walking away saying “that’s a damn lie” because I gave some of her “people” my daughter’s clothing over the years.

disco ~ to be honest, I sat there thinking WWDD (What Would Disco Do) (lolol). Seriously. I knew the answer (rofl).

2CPTG©

August 15th, 2013
10:48 am

Ozark is a samll town in the middle of nowhere off hwy 431 with a bunch of country bumpkins!!!! however……if you’re just riding thru, and riding in a nice ride, the local country gals will flock to you like flies on sh!t…..and the local dudes will look at you like you’re from outer space…..specially if you don’t look like them and still driving “box chevys!”

Exiled

August 15th, 2013
10:48 am

but u are talking about a semi drunk person Leggs!

Really..?

and the Rappers are ignats for the most part..another bad example.

what is flaunting ur money?

If i have it and i buy things that I can afford nor hide away from plain sight, am I flaunting or Iam jes doing me?

question?

As a side, i was taking my daughter to gerogia tech one morning and i saw this dude driving a masserati, beside me on I-20..and couuldnt help wonder…? non special bout the car…looked like a decent car to me..and was wondering..Really..$500,00..or whetever the price..u still driving on the same bumpy Atl roads as my 2008 truck? :lol:

kinderbabe

August 15th, 2013
10:50 am

Good morning everyone! I definitely am NOT impressed by flash. That’s one of the perks of having the dad I had growing up. He exposed me to many material things including, luxury cars, expensive dinners, comfortable home, vacays and the biggest lesson he taught me was about money management. When I got to be an adult, I wasn’t fazed by guys with stuff. I was asking about mutual funds and stocks LOL. if they didn’t have that, i was thinking….that stuff (nice car, clothes) is all you got??

kinderbabe

August 15th, 2013
10:50 am

Good morning everyone! I definitely am NOT impressed by flash. That’s one of the perks of having the dad I had growing up. He exposed me to many material things including, luxury cars, expensive dinners, comfortable home, vacays and the biggest lesson he taught me was about money management. When I got to be an adult, I wasn’t fazed by guys with stuff. I was asking about mutual funds and stocks LOL. if they didn’t have that, i was thinking….that stuff (nice car, clothes) is all you got??

SlimNu

August 15th, 2013
10:50 am

Leggs – Where does this dude hangout? I could use a few more dollars in my pocket lol

The older dude I told ya’ll about last week called me just a little while ago. OMG I wanted to stab my eyes out on that call. He asked me when my birthday was just so he can go on and on about how he celebrates his bday on the actual time he was born..and how his other brothers were either born at 9am or 1pm blah blah blah. :roll:

Mrs. SexyCool

August 15th, 2013
10:52 am

At this point in my life, I’m over what society and the marketing mavens have deemed proof that a certain level of success has been attained.

Do I want a nicer vehicle? Sure…but not enough to go out and take on the car note that comes along with it. Our paid for 98 Cherokee and 99 Explorer Sport get us from Point A to Point B just fine. And for the three road trips that we have taken in the past year, we rented a vehicle to keep from putting unnecessary highway miles on our everyday transportation.

disco

August 15th, 2013
10:54 am

leggs – WWDD!!! – hilarious.

2C – from looking at the map and a quick peek at Wikipedia I figured as much. believe it or not I know someone who is getting ready to move there. I told her it seemed like the type place no one moved to. you were from there and you stayed or you were from there, moved away, hit hard times and came back. of course this is all speculation on my part.

Celisea

August 15th, 2013
10:59 am

If you’re over 40 and still “impress” with trappings, sum’in ain’t right. You oughtta be use to everything by now. I’m not rich, nowhere near it, but I’m content. I live within my means and buy what I can affort. I don’t need a dude to get the stuff I can’t. If I can’t then I don’t need it. And really, by this time in life, the essence of “living” has nothing to do with what you possess.

kimmie

August 15th, 2013
11:02 am

Scool – I am like you about the cars! No way I’m having a car note rival what my mortgage payment is. I now have my dream car anyway. I mentioned on here I wanted a Beetle, baby blue, convertible. I got just that too!! Everyone that sees it thinks it is a new car. Well it’s new to me! It’s actually a 2006 in excellent condition and had under 50k miles on it when I bought it in March. A brand new one would have cost almost 30k, I got mine for less that half that.

I could have afforded the 30k. I just couldn’t do it.

Mrs. SexyCool

August 15th, 2013
11:04 am

Cel – that 1059a is everything.

Exiled

August 15th, 2013
11:04 am

he essence of “living” has nothing to do with what you possess.

@Celisea..if benze wasnt working guud and ur spare hoopdie was statering and wldnt move….u wldnt strress??

tell me the truf….

the car is one of the most prized possession in the Atl because of the spread of the metropolitan….

tell me ladies,if a dude didnt have a car(money) but he stepped to u with confidence… u wldnt mind his not having a car? …

Mrs. SexyCool

August 15th, 2013
11:04 am

kimmie – I can so “see” you in that car. You are one of the folks that this car was built for.

kimmie

August 15th, 2013
11:10 am

If you’re over 40 and still “impress” with trappings, sum’in ain’t right

Cel – I totally agree. Right now, the thing that would impress me as far as money is concerned is the ability to be able to afford to send my kids to one of the impressive private schools I know of so they can get a strong math & science background. Then be able to send them to a world-class university if they don’t already earn an academic scholarship. I’d also like to do some nice world traveling, with and without the kids. Have a comfortable retirement.

Bump fancy cars & clothes & ish. The dreams I have make that mess look petty and stupid!