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Men move on faster?

My friend Hannah has been taking her break up very hard.  To make matters worse, she Facebook stalked looked up her ex-boyfriend and found that he is engaged to be married. They ended their relationship less than a year ago and she has yet to even focus on a new romance.  She wondered how it was even possible that he not only got over her, but found someone else, fell in love, and moved on to getting engaged!

I had to break it to her that it is likely that he was seeing this woman while they were still together.  The overlap of relationships is common practice among men who like to keep their options open while keeping a “main chick”.   Women do this, too.

Then I also said that a lot of times, men seem to move on to new romances faster than women. We are the “emotional creatures” who get our hearts invested in relationships. Women are resilient but it does take us time to move on and get ready for someone new.

Why does it seem as though men can move on to the next so insanely fast?  How do they manage that?  Don’t they need  time to process and refocus too?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

293 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 14th, 2013
7:12 am

I believe before they actually breakup happens that person has been done with you–so it seems they just moved on faster. By the time i was divorced in my head i was done almost a year before that so it was easy to move on and start dating. And some people just make the whole process of moving on so much easier….

Personally i haven’t dated since Jan of this year.. decided i just don’t have time for jerks right now. Going back to school with the hopes of starting a new career sooner i hope than later, then i want to sell my house –so been painting and doing stuff to have my house more marketable in this down turn of our economy. Its hard to meet new people in my small country town so i hope to move somewhere hipper lol where there is lots of people and choices not just toothless farmer brown and the best place to eat is DQ. lol

Exiled

August 14th, 2013
7:25 am

What does it matter to her when,how long,etc her ex has been seeing this new lady? How does that affect her own future and happyness?

So what if he was seeing this new lady while he had his other foot partially deep in a relationship with your friend? That is history!

Hannah’s happiness or none thereof is Not dependent on her ex current situation or future situation nor past relationship with her(well,unless he donated her a communicable,non curable disease!)

Move on and Don’t look back!!

Hello MIA!
Hunching day! :lol:

Miss Moni

August 14th, 2013
8:14 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Yep, SOME men have absolutely no problem dating/messing with someone else before ending the current relationship. Some of these same men have absolutely no problem becoming engaged or actually getting married SHORTLY after ending the previous relationship. Hannah, should pull herself together and move on. No need sulking and replaying the why’s and why nots in her mind when he has clearly moved on with his life.

I’ve experienced a very similiar situation a couple of years ago and what I can say is this, things are not always what they APPEAR to be. She now has absolutely nothing to do with the decision he made and she should remember that for future reference. Don’t entertain ANY discussion with him about his new engagement, be it good, bad or indifferent. Everything happens for a reason and the truth is that some things are just NOT meant to be. Hopefully, Hannah will find the GOOD in goodbye!!!

SlimNu

August 14th, 2013
8:32 am

Moni – That happened to me as well some years ago and it hurt like heyal…especially since we had been together for a significant amount of time. Then fast forward some time after he married where he texted me out of the blue asking if we could ‘get in some trouble’ together. I told him he should go get in trouble with his WIFE. lol The nerve of some folks. :roll:

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
8:37 am

Hello all

Since I’m not the type to rush into relationships, most of my exes move on long before I do. But for me, I chalk it up to life, and move on with mine.

Reio

August 14th, 2013
8:49 am

Mornin all!
I never started a new relationship before endindg another. Out of respect for her, myself and the new woman. Just never did. Never wanted to. Don’t know why I never wanted to. I always told the truth, so to start a new romance, while in another, would have required me to lie to both of them. No way I could do that. However, I did drop a few, and never looked back. Everyone of my ex’s can say I was a nice, caring, and considerate man. Just didn’t work out. Primarily because I was so quick to kick them to the curb, that they didn’t have a lot of time to get too attached. Once I became convinced that she was not for me, I cut her loose. Seems easy. Better now than later.

Lady~

August 14th, 2013
8:55 am

Morning good people! I have to agree that men do move on faster~ ;)

MsAtl

August 14th, 2013
9:15 am

Morning All!

I think it is because they were gone already, whether mentally, physically or both. Like it has been said, they were likely already seeing someone else at the time. Sometimes men force themselves to move on faster because they do not want to be alone and/or don’t know how to or don’t want to take care of themselves.

2CPTG©

August 14th, 2013
9:19 am

Why does it seem as though men can move on to the next so insanely fast? How do they manage that? Don’t they need time to process and refocus too?

look…..how many times I gotta say it…..by the time we’re at the “break-up” stage, all the crying has been done….tried to tell ya to get yo sh!t together, but nah, ye’en wanna listen….so, I’m out!

process, and refocus? on what????

2CPTG©

August 14th, 2013
9:31 am

MsAtl, can you elaborate on this ~~~~~> don’t know how to or don’t want to take care of themselves.

what does moving on have to do with a man being able to take care of themselves? Just because he moved on doesn’t mean he’s moved in with a chic, and needs a caregiver!

Exiled

August 14th, 2013
9:34 am

men force themselves to move on faster …ha?

@MsAtl

We move faster because we aint cry babies!
ur azz can be replaced! :lol:

kimmie

August 14th, 2013
9:39 am

Morning All!!

Moni/Slim- Count me among those this has happened to also! It somewhat jaded me too. That’s why I’m a big proponent of not hanging around trying to be friends, staying friends with his mama, all that ish. You just look desperate. Cut that ish off cold-turkey and keep it moving! If I were Hannah, I be damned if I would be moping around pitiful!

Exiled – I’m with you – what does it matter? Bottom line, he’s moved on and she has not.

I have learned that sure, many men may move on physically faster, but not mentally if there was really any feelings or connection there on his part. Even if he jumps up & gets married. Yes, I agree alot of times it’s “over” before it’s officially over. And believe it or not, it’s not always that dude was seeing someone else before the breakup either. I have seen a dude hem and haw and try to figure out and decide and get ready and shack with one lady for 10 years until she finally kicks him to the curb. Then he gets out, meets someone else and marries them in the next 6 months. This other woman just did it for him. He & the perpetual girlfriend just were not meant to be.

Stuff like this is just one of the things that can happen in life when you decide to take a chance on love. It sucks. Life ain’t always fair.

kimmie

August 14th, 2013
9:44 am

2C – It may not happen as much with the younger generation, but I’ve seen older men whose wives pass away to remarry before the dirt is cold on his wife’s grave. It’s not that they didn’t love their wife, they are just used to being married and having someone there.

Reio

August 14th, 2013
9:45 am

Exiled – “Replaced” is exactly the word I used to use, back in the day. Nothing personal, but I moved on. “Replaced” this one, with another one. Simple. Wasn’t always easy, but always do-able. So, I did.

2CPTG©

August 14th, 2013
9:47 am

kimmie, I understand your sentiment, just MsAtl threw me for one, when she said “take care of themselves;” like we Need y’all…….as opposed to wanting y’all…….

Celisea

August 14th, 2013
9:47 am

I understand where Diva’s friend is coming from, I’ll grant her that because IMO, it’s how women are built. What I don’t agree with is giving it too much power. Be hurt, but stop with the oh why why whys, or peeking/checking up on what he’s doing so forth and so on, you’re dropping salt into the wound. Sometimes you gotta fake it til you make it. Get through it, then put it to rest.

I’ve come to realize there are certain “behaviors” men have or do, that I’d have to be a man to understand. And seeing I’m not a man, I no longer try and dig too deep in their psyche. That’s self inflicted pain…IMO. The majority of the time, folks are doing what they wanna do, simply put. If they want to chaulk it up to “it’s what men do”, then Imma take their word for it, as in “if you say so and K.I.M. Go the other way with it, don’t do, act or respond in the way they expect. You got better things to do.

Pain is real and hurt is real. Outside of that, stop with all the extras. No pondering the whys, spying on him, so forth and so on, that just prolongs the grieving process and getcha pegged as carrying baggage…lolol

Celisea

August 14th, 2013
9:49 am

Hey Lady…if you’re still here :)

kimmie

August 14th, 2013
9:52 am

Really, why does this topic matter? Who cares if one moves on quicker than the other? People do things at their own pace and do what works for them.

I don’t want to seem heartless. Sometimes even the hardest person can be softened, or deeply affected, by someone. They might have been able to shake all the others off, but that last one really got to them. Might take them a little time. Don’t wallow in self pity and make everyone else around you miserable, but take a little time to get yourself together if you need to.

MsAtl

August 14th, 2013
9:53 am

2C- I based my response on personal experience and opinion, so obviously I do not apply this to all men (which is why I said sometimes). Specifically, my ex did not want to split up and when I divorced him, he remarried a month after his girlfriend’s husband divorced her. He had previously informed me that he had a fear of being alone. Not to mention, I did too much for him, including managing his business affairs as well as personal (putting clothes together, etc).

Reio

August 14th, 2013
9:54 am

MsAtl – “I think it is because they were gone already, whether mentally, physically or both.”

Yes, for me, it was never a snap decision. Matrimony was my goal,believe it or not, so, if I started to see or not see things that bothered me, I’d often mention them. But even then, it was pretty much decided that she was on her way to the curb. I would even ask them to speak up, if I said, didn’t say, something, or, did, didn’t do, something that bothered them. Please let me know. They rarely did.

SlimNu

August 14th, 2013
9:58 am

Moni/kimmie – It’s all a process and ole girl is in the Ego-struck part of the process. It makes you feel like, well dayum was our r’ship a lie? Did he not really love & care about me the way he said he did if he can just up and propose to some new chick? You mean he isn’t sad and pondering on what a good woman he let get away? We always want to be that prize, that one he couldn’t live without lol

kimmie

August 14th, 2013
10:05 am

Slim – I feel ya, and that’s one of the worse parts of the process to me!

It’s precisely this notion of men moving on quickly that prompted me early on to not hang around after a breakup and cut all ties. The notion of some other chick already being in the picture was too much for MY ego to handle!

Reio

August 14th, 2013
10:06 am

I’ve always been of the opinion, that I can be with anyone. What I need in arelationship is zero foolishness and and illogical behavior. I have no patience for this. Wouldn’t tolerate it. Probably got rid of several otherwise wonderful women by doing this, but I didn’t care. Still don’t.

Reio

August 14th, 2013
10:12 am

My grandfather used to say “gulls gon be gulls. Jes gotta tolarate’em” Hehehe…..

Exiled

August 14th, 2013
10:14 am

well dayum was our r’ship a lie? Did he not really love & care about me the way he said he did if he can just up and propose to some new chick?

@Slim….but if consider that there are so many phoine, manles women aout there who can potentially get ur ex, u will understand.

And to be honest,for any worthy man,like ur ex..all it takes is for a him to get to an event,place,gathering,public place etc and spot some phoine long back chic with a round bootey and she strolling elegantly across and he figures he can solicit a greeting…,holla and smile at her and she obliges with the digits and its game on…..men pick up themselves so quickly the moment they smell another “kill”….the last thing on his mind at that point is the “ex”….once she is on board entertaining him….ex is now toast for real fo real… :lol:

SlimNu

August 14th, 2013
10:18 am

Ex – I suppose soo…i guess closing in on another ‘kill’ as you put it, is all the pickup ya’ll need to get back in the game & over …what’s that chicks name I used to talk to again? :roll:

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
10:18 am

If men move on faster, why does it seem to be more news reports of men, doing drastic things than women? I’ve known 3 to take their lives and one that took a life. and for a while it seems like it was one on the news everyday, and that’s not counting all the crazy stalkers hiding in the bushes! Women may seem to harp on it longer, where men do something stupid.

MsAtl

August 14th, 2013
10:20 am

Exiled- “We move faster because we aint cry babies! ur azz can be replaced!”
Dear sweet Ex, I can never be replaced, lol. Sure, you can get someone else, a lot of someone elses, but it would not be the same.

Kimmie- I agree. sometimes you just go back to what you know and they were used to being married.

Lady~

August 14th, 2013
10:20 am

Hey C~ Present & Accounted for~ I am back :)

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
10:22 am

Kimmie, it’s till death do you part, not 1 day, or 1 year after death do you part.

Reio

August 14th, 2013
10:23 am

Single and Happy – There are crazy fools all over the place. Men are not immune to this. But, by and large, when it comes to breakups, we not only move on, we stop giving a damn about you as well. Why we can do this so easily, I don’t know, but we do. Not all, but the vast majority of us can, and do.

kimmie

August 14th, 2013
10:27 am

Single – Your 10;18, that always seems lost when folks get into these type of discussions.

A woman may lay around and cry over a dude, and it might take awhile, even years. That’s a whole lot easier to deal with than some crazed “If I can’t have you, no one else will” mess!!

Hazel

August 14th, 2013
10:29 am

Why does it seem as though men can move on to the next so insanely fast? How do they manage that? Don’t they need time to process and refocus too?

Men are not as emotionally invested as the women are. Also men are not programmed to think like us women. While we are at home eating that big bowl of icecream, homeboy is already on the next woman. This In my opinion does not mean that he was already dating the lady he is engaged to. We have discussed this before. He didn’t propose to MIA’s friend because he just wasn’t into her.

MsAtl

August 14th, 2013
10:30 am

Kimmie- I know that’s right! Please just go! Hell, I will help you find someone else if that’s what you need to stay sane, lol. It ain’t worth a life, especially mine.

Miss Moni

August 14th, 2013
10:31 am

-Slim/Kimmie They usually come back, either to apologize OR to see if they can still get some OR sometimes both. My answer is always the same, you made your choice now deal with it! Nip that mess in the bud as soon as they start to double back. As Kimmie said, life isn’t always fair and Hannah needs to pick up the pieces and get her life.

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
10:31 am

Reio, so do the a lot of women. Men stop giving a damn (lmao) you may, but trust me the vast majority don’t. Most of the time we will put on that front until we see she has moved on, and it doesn’t make any difference where we are in our relationships. And I’m not talking just about me, going by what I’ve seen.

kimmie

August 14th, 2013
10:32 am

Single – I get its until death, or when the judge says the ink is dry on the divorce decree. I’m talking about why some men marry quickly after. Not just go get someone to warm their bed, but marry. It’s the why of it all I was trying to make sense for some folks. And like I said, it’s more the older generations I’ve seen do that. Nowadays, many are getting all they need without the papers (or buying the cow), so you don’t see it happening as much.

Reio

August 14th, 2013
10:36 am

Single – Maybe I’m in the minority on this. I don’t know. But, once I leave, I’m gone for good. Never looked back. Never wanted to look back. Cause her new guy will see what I saw. If he wants to put up with it, more power to him.

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
10:36 am

And don’t let children be involved, We can date anyone we want to, but let her start! We go plum crazy.

MsAtl

August 14th, 2013
10:40 am

Single- Dind! Ding! Ding! Give the man a doughnut!

kimmie

August 14th, 2013
10:40 am

And don’t let children be involved, We can date anyone we want to, but let her start! We go plum crazy

Single – Preach!

disco

August 14th, 2013
10:40 am

good morning. I can only imagine the fun y’all are having with this one. before reading posts I’ll agree that in general women tend to be more emotional. I’ll also agree that often there is some juggling/overlap going on but it’s not always the case. I’ll also contend that it’s a numbers game. there are just so many more suitable women available than men. men know this and women know this. I think the numbers issue is sometimes what pushes men forward and what holds women back.

now I’ll get caught up and see what the masses think.

Reio

August 14th, 2013
10:41 am

If there are children involved, she can date whomever she wants. Can’t stop her. Wouldn’t if I could. As long as he doesn’t put his hands on my baby/babies, I’m good. Touch them,and I’ll go to a maximum security prison for the sheet I’d do to him. Just sayin.

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
10:44 am

Kimmie, some just move on faster than others, I’ve fell into both categories, no rhyme or reason for either. But I’ve always felt that if death was involved, it would be easier to move on because she’s gone, not a chance of getting back together.

disco

August 14th, 2013
10:48 am

lee – dag. where you live?

ex – 9:34 – well alrighty then. lol.

single – re men taking their lives and their exes sometimes. it’s not that they can’t move on faster. it’s that they don’t want to move on. they are the ones who mean it when they say if I can’t have you no one can.

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
10:49 am

I’ve seen the hardest men break down. maybe it’s because I’m easier to talk too.

Reio, I see your kids would have a ball with you (LOL)

SlimNu

August 14th, 2013
10:50 am

Some folks just don’t give a dayum…I need to work at being that way too. ;-)

disco

August 14th, 2013
10:53 am

reio – I hear you and feel you but what if you have some bad azz blatantly disrespectful kids. maybe that’s not how they are all the time but that’s how they decide to be with your new woman and their momma’s new man. can the new folks not have a hand in regulating behavior?

Single and Happy

August 14th, 2013
10:54 am

Disco, so wouldn’t that fit in to the same category as women who keep hanging on.

Reio

August 14th, 2013
10:56 am

disco – I wouldn’t touch them. I’d tell her to get control of them, or I walk. I would tell her this only ONCE! Never again.