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Vetting your dates?

I have to start asking around about the men that I mean.  I feel as if I am reverting back to my naive days when I just assume people are sane,  normal, and gainfully employed.  They are most definitely not always any of of these, so why not vet a person a little bit.  One of the perks of blind dates is having a little intel on someone who you decide to date.

When you don’t have friend referrals or you don’t know anyone family members, is it smart to do a little screening?  Would you actually invest in an internet search or go so far as to hire an investigator?

I know a woman who said she wished she vetted her man before she started dating him.  It turns out he had a criminal record and a history of financial fraud.  Will vetting your date even net results that are useful? Have you ever done it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

270 comments Add your comment

daddy swiss

August 13th, 2013
11:25 am

Of course the past matters, but you have to look at it in its totality. Everyone makes mistakes, true. But there is a big difference between a couple of isolated mistakes and a pattern of past behavior. Mistakes happen, and people can learn from them. Patterns rarely, if ever, change.

Into the Light

August 13th, 2013
11:26 am

co-sign daddy swiss. Well said.

Button

August 13th, 2013
11:27 am

disco – now you know you can’t go changing the meaning of a word to suit your liking.

Sassy – I was LOL at your OKAY!?!?

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:28 am

Whoa..just had a hottie in the lobby (on my floor) for an interview. I’ma hoping he gets the position :mrgreen:

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:29 am

just “saw” a hottie….not “had” a hottie

daddy swiss

August 13th, 2013
11:30 am

Freudian slip there, C? lol

kimmie

August 13th, 2013
11:31 am

But we live in tough times and men have to protect themself from being consumed from their past history which is available at the click of a mouse. I think all men want the same thing regardless of their past history.

Robert – You keep saying MEN. All of the above is true for WOMEN too, do you not agree?

And to answer your questions:

1. Does my past really matter? Yes, it does! All of it, the good, the bad and the ugly is, to varying degrees. It is a part of what you are today. For example, my childhood upbringing is a part of my past. The schools I attended, the places I worked, the people I dated. People seem to always think “bad” when someone mentions the word “past”. I played piano in the past. Yes, if I had done some prison time in the past, it might affect my future, my ability to get a job & thus obtain credit. This could make a difference to a person I meet and possibly affect THEIR future, so at some point I need to come clean. Suppose one wants to enter politics or join the FBI?

2 . Are you ready for a wonderful loving, faithful, respectful man who only wants to love you? Already got that. The minute I hit the dating scene, I wanted those qualities in a man.

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:31 am

Yeah, hurried to fix that…lol

disco

August 13th, 2013
11:36 am

kimmie – hence my post that usually when folks go to harping on the past not being important it’s because they are defending something from it. the parts that are all good rarely come into question.

Durty Burd

August 13th, 2013
11:39 am

Good Morning!

Ah Celisea that was really something doing it in the lobby! What is our next location? lol

The reason we need to check up on folks is because FOLKS LIE TOO DANG MUCH….We need to practice being honest at all times and this would eliminate all this snooping… Ask good questions, be patient, observe patterns of behavior…

The ladies need to be very careful these days, men out here kidnapping and raping.

Robert

August 13th, 2013
11:41 am

I hope my questions (Top 10) have helped someone who may feel compelled to check-out their man using technology (internet, etc.). I thank God everyday for giving me an opportunity to share my stories and hopefully help someone who may be struggling to find a solution to what makes them happy.

Relationships require work and unless you are willing to put in the “sweet equity” you will not find what you are looking for. You can google all you want too. Googling is good for gathering information, but it should not be used to judge another persons character. Just like you credit report, google contains inaccurate information that can hold you back from making intelligent decisions. Buyer beware…

Are you ready for a wonderful loving, faithful, respectful man who only wants to love you?

I got your back…Do you have mines…?

Miss Moni

August 13th, 2013
11:41 am

Speaking of searching, have any of you also checked the National Sex Offenders Registry? These days, you just never know. . .

Durty Burd

August 13th, 2013
11:41 am

Disco—2C is right men really don’t think about doing background checks on possibly dates, usually we are thinking how am I going to get in those panties…hehehehehe!

Speaking of which, I would like to vett/sex some of the blog ladies…. :wink: Who wants to get sex/vetted? lol

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:45 am

Men don’t vett cause there ain’t a need. You just need to have a pulse to smash…lolol That don’t require good credit history, healthy family backgroud, that don’t require passing a lie detector, nor being gainfully employed. Just a pulse and a willingness to go all in ahead of all else…

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

disco

August 13th, 2013
11:46 am

moni – I am not ashamed to admit that on days where I have too much time on my hands I check all kinds of things. arrest records, inmate photos, most wanted lists, parole records.

celisea – right right. meanwhile they smashing but old girl is casing the joint. they come home one day x amount of time later wondering who broke in and stole their stuff. lol.

Single and Happy

August 13th, 2013
11:47 am

Robert, my past history is not available at the click of a mouse. nothing to see here, move along (LOL)

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:48 am

disco – I wouldn’t even be mad at her…LOL As we’ve been saying “do you”, in that case, I guess she did…

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:48 am

Durty – Do you carry an updated laminated health screening??

Durty Burd

August 13th, 2013
11:48 am

Robert google is the ish….So ladies when do you need the full name of the person you are dating?

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:49 am

You might want to consider keeping copy handy…lololol

I kid I kid

kimmie

August 13th, 2013
11:49 am

The reason we need to check up on folks is because FOLKS LIE TOO DANG MUCH

Durty – Thank you!! But Robert says we women now a days won’t give a man the benefit of the doubt!!LOL!!

Disco – You are so right. Yet lies about “good” stuff come up too. One of my good friends (that admittedly rushed to marry this dude, after knowing him a month) found out he lied about having graduated from a major university. She was in the Air Force & so was he. She trusted dude. After they married, found out not only did dude not graduate from said university, he had a GED & had never taken a college course. A kid came up out the woodworks too. All kinds of stuff. Totally unnecessary too, she was not one of these folks that required a dude to be a college grad. They seemed to have a lot in common and he seemed like a nice guy to me, even fixed my car when it broke down.

MsAtl

August 13th, 2013
11:50 am

MissMoni- Yep! I found out my daughter’s orthodontist was on the sex offender registry. :shock:

Robert- “Googling is good for gathering information, but it should not be used to judge another persons character” Yes, this is true and I would not use this to judge a person’s character. I don’t think anyone here is saying that, we are merely talking about being cautious and making sure (to the extent we can) that we don’t end up in someone’s trunk looking for the release latch.

disco

August 13th, 2013
11:51 am

C – I knew some chicks that pulled that hustle every year at a big summer concert that drew large out of town crowds. they’d work the crowds, pick up some suckers (or shall I say get picked up by some suckers) and go back to the room with them. they let the dudes hit but meanwhile they robbed them before leaving the room.

Single and Happy

August 13th, 2013
11:52 am

Disco, your past not mattering was a joke about jail in FL

As far as wondering, I take everything at face value, not trying to figure out what you meant when you said this, or did that. It was exactly as it came out.

disco

August 13th, 2013
11:52 am

kimmie – that’s messed up. did she stay or did she go?

Durty Burd

August 13th, 2013
11:53 am

Yes, I do Celisea call an updated laminated health screening report…I also have my red cross blood donation results as well… Now when can we get together for lernch?

Ladies that is why you take her to the crib at night pull the garage, drive her home in the wee hours of the morning stating, I got work to do….j/k

MsAtl

August 13th, 2013
11:53 am

Durty- So ladies when do you need the full name of the person you are dating?
Ummm, how about before I even date you???

disco

August 13th, 2013
11:53 am

single – oh. hopefully the blog understood that I wasn’t in jail in florida but a chick with the same name was in jail in florida. I’m not trying to start rumors on myself. lol.

Celisea

August 13th, 2013
11:55 am

disco – “Heeeeyyyy big spendaaaa”….

Okay, well dudes getting robbed ain’t in it for that, but in a round about way, still coochie ain’t free…lol

Single and Happy

August 13th, 2013
11:58 am

So if you google yourself and it gives wrong information. say a place you never lived, then you dig deeper and find more information that’s not about you. Why would you think that the information is all true about someone else. If you talk to someone, and just have meaningless conversations about things you will be surprised at how much information you can obtain. But this may take too much time because that means you actually have to get to know them.

That sex offender list can be misleading too, if you don’t know how to read between the lines. There are a lot of people on there who just got caught up, 16 or 17 had sex with a 15 year old.

Single and Happy

August 13th, 2013
11:59 am

Disco, but if Robert googled that, he would think it was you, and you wouldn’t be worthy of knowing his name (LOL)

kimmie

August 13th, 2013
12:00 pm

Disco – She did not leave right away, but yes they are divorced. He quit the AF & became a cop. He started tripping big time. He came & asked her for a divorce while she was in the hospital giving birth to their 2nd child. After she got home, a guy in the condo complex they lived in came to their door. He asked her to tell her husband to stop skrewing his wife……….. :shock:

MsAtl

August 13th, 2013
12:01 pm

Going to training- be back.

kimmie

August 13th, 2013
12:01 pm

There are a lot of people on there who just got caught up, 16 or 17 had sex with a 15 year old.

Single – That is so true & that can ruin their lives!!

Durty Burd

August 13th, 2013
12:06 pm

Disco with your brick throwing ways, you know you drove down from DC nonstop to Florida with a depends diaper on too catch Mr. Thug in action. Once you get there you proceeded to throw a brick thru the bedroom window at Mr. Thug because you thought you saw humping motion, but actually it was the wrong dude, thus the criminal picture from FLORIDA???

MsAtl…Why should any person give out their full name before the first date? What if you did not get an opportunity to talk to each a lot before making the first date?

disco

August 13th, 2013
12:06 pm

kimmie – the plot thickens. that’s messed up and the husband was a punk. how he gone go to the wife instead of stepping to the husband? sucka.

single – I don’t rely on google. don’t think I’ve ever googled anyone other than a celebrity so I could see who someone was talking about. (I had to google hugh jackman – lol). i will get my snoop on plus I’m the type of chick that reads footnotes. just put me on the trail. lol.

kimmie

August 13th, 2013
12:12 pm

Disco – Yep it was all crazy! She got outta that mess, thankfully. Moved back to the A and remarried a really cool guy and had 2 more kids.

Her ex is still trying to get it together……… His mama is one of “those”. When she comes to see the grandkids, she tells my friend “you know he still loves you”!! What the H is my friend supposed to do about that???

Miss Moni

August 13th, 2013
12:13 pm

-Disco Your thoroughness reminds me of what some of my friends say about me: You should work for the FBI, LOL!!!

Into the Light

August 13th, 2013
12:13 pm

@kimmie: That’s so sad. I hope your friend is happy now.

@disco: And obviously the husband of the other woman never heard of post-partum depression. He’s lucky he didn’t walk away with a brick stuck in his scalp. :lol: :lol:

disco

August 13th, 2013
12:18 pm

moni – footnotes can turn you on to some stuff that you might have missed. if I’m reading a decent book and another book is mentioned in footnotes I try to read the other book. I recently read sister carrie because it was mentioned in a footnote. it was written in 1900 and apparently was quite controversial at the time because sister carrie was a woman of “low moral character” who was mistress to two men. hey, she came up. lol.

disco

August 13th, 2013
12:20 pm

ITL – postpartum nothing. that deserved a busting upside the head on GP for being a man-beeyotch.

Durty Burd

August 13th, 2013
12:27 pm

Men of the blog, we have 2 snoop sistas. Disco and MissMoni will vette you for one of the blog ladies..

MissMoni has already vetted 2C and look what happened? Now she is vetting Dreams, Courtside and Robert. MissMoni is vetting Robert because he is kinda out there…ijs…

disco

August 13th, 2013
12:29 pm

durty – well you the one that said folks like to lie too much. I don’t snoop so much as I confirm facts. lol.

Candy Crush

August 13th, 2013
12:29 pm

Any woman who googles me during the dating process and tries to find out about my past, and I find out about it will be let go. The trust has been broken! She obviously didn’t take the time to get to know Me and what I am about (my goals and what I have accomplished). My past does not reflect where I am or where I’m going. Her going to that extreme proves that she is not worthy of anything I would have brought to the table. It also shows me her heart (how cold and unforgiving it is). Take that bitterness somewhere and have a seat away from me! Ain’t nobody got time fo’dat.

Miss Moni

August 13th, 2013
12:35 pm

-Disco I agree, there is so much information available but so many people just don’t want to read.

Speaking of which, Terry McMillan has a new book, I read an excerpt in Essence. The main character is an avid book reader. Terry said she wanted to show that just because a person doesn’t have formal education, that they can still have a love for reading.

disco

August 13th, 2013
12:43 pm

moni – I wasn’t aware she had a new book coming out. i think she’s falling off and selling mostly on name recognition only. I don’t even think that’s a point she needed to attempt to prove though. I think most folks who really enjoy reading have always enjoyed it. they were the corny little kids who would rather read than play or the ones who played hard but got their read on in private. lol.

Willie Dynamite

August 13th, 2013
12:52 pm

Afternoon all,
Robert- something ain’t right with you man. I’m a dude all day long and you creep me out.

Topic- whatever anyone has to do to make themselves feel better is fine by me. Personally the worst isht I’ve done cant be googled and the best of me ain’t online. Show and probe and if that don’t cut it then K.I.M.

Exiled

August 13th, 2013
12:54 pm

He asked her to tell her husband to stop skrewing his wife……….

:lol:

punk azz man!

u dont smash ur wife,some dude will!

SlimNu

August 13th, 2013
12:55 pm

I’m still trying to catch up but an ex of mine admitted to doing a background check on me. lol

Exiled

August 13th, 2013
12:55 pm

I found out my daughter’s orthodontist was on the sex offender registry.

@MsAtl..dont they yank the license after some supposedly proff person does some like that?

damn!!