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Dating and attraction

I read somewhere that you people should be careful what they “project” because we attract others by the image we project.  Attraction can be so perplexing at times.  We are drawn to such different people for many different reasons.   Sometimes the person we absolutely should not be attracted to is the same person we feel the most attracted to.

If someone is drawn to bad boys or wild chicks, is that because of attraction?  I don’t believe we can control attraction, but we I think we should be responsible for our actions.

When it comes to who gets our attention first, what does attraction have to do with what we project?  Do you agree with the idea that we attract what we project to others? For instance, if men who are flashy and show off their wealth, should they be surprised when they attract women who like wealthy men?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

143 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 5th, 2013
7:12 am

Wednesday is my friday.. 2 more days…hehehe

I have never figured out what attracts the right person. I think it is luck being in the right place at the right time. idk

I shall read everyone else wisdom later.

Button

August 5th, 2013
8:14 am

if men who are flashy and show off their wealth, should they be surprised when they attract women who like wealthy men? NOPE!

maybe it’s kindred spirit. Not sure what causes ppl to be drawn to each other. Mysterious. Sometimes I wonder what attracted me and my SO to each other. We are polar opposits in most things. It’s like an invisible ban that keeps snapping us back together.

Good Monday Morning!

SlimNu

August 5th, 2013
8:56 am

DreamsMaterialize

August 5th, 2013
9:01 am

Morning

For instance, if men who are flashy and show off their wealth, should they be surprised when they attract women who like wealthy men?
All women like wealthy men. Wealth attracts all variety of women, not just gold diggers. Wealth may not be enough to keep them, but it sure as hell is enough to get them to look twice. If you met two guys who were the exact same in every way, except wealth, which one would you choose?

Hazel

August 5th, 2013
9:16 am

We def do attract what we project to others. A flashy man will attract someone who is attracted to his materialistic life and he can’t blame the lady either. I have heard stories of men hiding their assets just to make sure they attract the right kind of person. I don’t blame them. Yes, we like wealthy men but lets make sure we have something similar to bring to the plate as well. If not in assets, in morals, values etc.
@Dream Materialize – I choose the wealthy guy. : )
@Button – Crazy right? My husband has everything I wanted in a guy and I would always pray to God and knew that I will somehow meet him. Myteriously, it happened. thankfull everyday. And yes, we are opposites in most of the ways

Exiled

August 5th, 2013
9:16 am

Many grammatical errors in this blog!

…seems like Meelo was guest blogging for Diva… on his I-phone…..hope she aint compromised by him…Meelo can potentiallly toe_curl a supposedly woman! :lol:

On topic: Do you agree with the idea that we attract what we project to others?

Yes, I agree altho we can project that which attracts the other party,unintentionally or unwittingly….for example: u are born with the physical attributes that ur mama and daddy genes bequethed on u..u have no control over the shape of ur face,legs or butt which..ahem…when Ex sees those..he gravitates to u to get some digits. U projected it..(unwittingly) and Ex bites! :lol:

In other instances ofcourse, u can project wittingly knowing full well that there are some who are going to bite..for example, when the ladies get those bras that falsely make their tatas look springly and front and center…dudes who like that will want to get a word with the chic….because every dude wants to cop a feel of aa tight set of tatas! :lol: (careful dudes,some of that is waaaaay blown out of reality due to bras that deceive the real form of the tatas..its a mirage…..) same with the silicon butt enhancers…..

…it must be frustrating for u young dudes these days to figure out whats real and whats fake…well,as they say..the taste of the puddy is in the smashing!(no pun) :lol:

and true, a dude could attract a chic that likes money(gol’ digger) by pretending as if he makes money and got his ish together..nice ride,nice jewellery,nice clothes all the time..when in fact mama is subsidising him because he pays no rent and lives in her basement!

…God morning MIA!

Exiled

August 5th, 2013
9:17 am

supposedly grown woman!

SlimNu

August 5th, 2013
9:22 am

Ex – I can say one thing, no one can fault you for staying true to yourself (blog persona) :lol:

Miss Moni

August 5th, 2013
9:31 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA! *My daughter’s 7th B-Day Party was a SUCCESS!*

This is a catch 22 situation. Now I do agree that SOMETIMES people who project that they are “ballin” will attract people who are money hunger or trying to get over (and YES this can be MEN and women)!

However, you can’t control who is attracted to you. You can set your own standards on who you will and won’t date, but you can’t pick and choose who is going to be attracted to you. Now if you project that you are worthless and don’t deserve the best for you, then yes most people will treat you accordingly. Self-esteem is the name of the game.

People should stop entertaining folks just for the sake of having something to do, knowing full well that they have NO real relationship potential. Ain’t nobody got time for that, well at least I don’t. My time is way too valuable for foolishness.

Celisea

August 5th, 2013
9:35 am

Attraction 101 :mrgreen:

I read somewhere that you people should be careful what they “project” because we attract others by the image we project.

Isn’t attraction something natural? Don’t you project the person you are? Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but Diva’s post reads to me like attraction is something you pull on and off, pick up or put down. Attraction is what it is…it’s natural.

Sometimes the person we absolutely should not be attracted to is the same person we feel the most attracted to

Oftentimes yes, just be big about it and K.I.M.

Do you agree with the idea that we attract what we project to others?

???….I think we attract who we attract. Nothing more or less or intentional…

I don’t think you can be “responsible” for who you attract. However, I believe you can be responsible with what you with your attractions…

Celisea

August 5th, 2013
9:45 am

..for example, when the ladies get those bras that falsely make their tatas look springly and front and center

Isn’t it good etiquette to wear bras, not walk around braless? Wouldn’t it make sense to buy the “good ones” that lift and separate? Who buys saggy bras? Would you be deceiving your own self if you assume when the boobs are unleashed that they’ll stand at attention? I mean it’s okay if they do, but shouldn’t you assume that once the bra comes off, likely the boobs won’t remain standing where they are…especially if they’ve had kids or no longer in their prime??

Didn’t you see Mimi get a boob job because she said after her baby they weren’t as ahem, “perky?”

Mmeello, ain’t y’all got several kids? Are you sure you’re married??

I’m just clowning…….. :)

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
10:13 am

Do you agree with the idea that we attract what we project to others? – No, I do not believe this. No doubt people will come up to you and talk on how you project yourself, but one can’t be swayed by everyone who addresses them. People are attracted to others for a plethora of reasons. Some are attracted to people as soon as they open their mouth with their brass and sass. Some are physical, some are intellectual, and some are pure sexual. But, it’s not always how we project because so many see things that sometimes aren’t even there. Same as those who say they know they approached a woman or man out of their league. If the person is out of your league pretty sure they weren’t projecting “hey buddy, me wants you, come sit and talk to me!”

Good morning!

Exiled

August 5th, 2013
10:14 am

Celisea..Al im sayimng is dudes sometimes get presented and attracted to a woman’s physical that dont pan out when they peel off the clothes! :lol:

even some chics’ nether attributes(the tightness or lack there of and lack of fiyaness down there)…will not correlate with what u think when u see her striding along on the pavement,loking fly.. u think, ohhhh damn it, i gotta have it! :lol: …only to have ur feelings sag when ish hits the fan in the covers! :lol: ..u like damn it..i wasted all my time..scolding onesself in the process.

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
10:22 am

“However, you can’t control who is attracted to you. You can set your own standards on who you will and won’t date, but you can’t pick and choose who is going to be attracted to you.”

MissMoni ~ this is what I was trying to say although I went around the mulberry bush to say it.

MsAtl

August 5th, 2013
10:35 am

Morning All!

It’s my birthday! It’s my birthday!
Now, on topic- I don’t necessarily believe that you attract what you project; I think it is more complicated than that. But, you can have an attraction and not act on it and you can choose to deflect someone’s attraction toward you depending on whether you feel anything.
No, a flashy man should not be surprised when he attracts someone who wants his wealth.

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
10:39 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY,\BIRTHDAY♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Celisea

August 5th, 2013
10:42 am

Meelo – I got what you were saying…lol

All I’m saying is a man shouldn’t be too disappointed if he’s familiar with women, their bodies and the aging process. Unless you’re that 40 something dude that’s dating a 20 something year old, you’re gonna get flaws. The aging process happens in men as well as women.

Not saying you do this, but men are sticklers for wanting a “tight” woman and they’ll have all kinds of “no nos” going on. I have to be honest, I haven’t experienced much with “thick ‘ems” type dudes, but I’d be lying if I say I didn’t see some dudes in passing and think, “nuh uh” to their physical appearance. Yet, I know men are much harder on women in this regard. They want you to be and keep with being “all that”, but most have let themselves go.

Women are more forgiving on this kind of stuff. Get there and disrobe and gon head and go through with it…naaaaah, no can do…lol

MsAtl

August 5th, 2013
10:49 am

Leggs- Thank you.

Celisea- True. One of my friends told his pregnant wife that he would leave her if she “got fat.”

Celisea

August 5th, 2013
10:52 am

u think, ohhhh damn it, i gotta have it! …only to have ur feelings sag when ish hits the fan in the covers! ..u like damn it..i wasted all my time..scolding onesself in the process.

Also, (and my last post on this…) I think if you’re just in it to smash, then yeah you’ll be disappointed. But I think if you really “dig” the person and get to know them, then some things you can forgive or overlook or be okay with. Y’all digging each other right? Y’all spending time right? So when you get to where you want to take things to another level and bring in intimacy, you place a kiss on that part that’s “okay” for a 40 something year old… Mmm hmmm, ain’t love grand :mrgreen:

But yeah, if you’re just eyeing and going after a chick cause you comes off as “hawt”, then yeah getting in and out won’t be as fun or tantilizing as you thought it would be…

Celisea

August 5th, 2013
10:53 am

Ms. Atl – In that case (if I were already in it), I’d hold him to the same and see who comes out on top…lol

If a dude starts off with that kind of mentality, I wouldn’t waste my time. You don’t have to get or be fat, but it should be understood that time happens to us all.

MsAtl, that’s VERY shallow in thinking.

MsAtl

August 5th, 2013
11:00 am

Celisea- I told him it was shallow and quite frankly rude to say this to his pregnant wife (who is likely already feeling fat). Haven’t seen them in years, I wonder if they are still together…

Celisea

August 5th, 2013
11:05 am

MsAtl – That was awful and insensitive.

Single and Happy

August 5th, 2013
11:25 am

Hello all

Msatl Happy birthday. I guess ole dude just had bad timing, should have told her before she got pregnant (LOL)

MsAtl

August 5th, 2013
11:29 am

Single- Thanks. Yes, and this was their third kid. :roll:

Single and Happy

August 5th, 2013
11:30 am

Third, aww she was use to him by then (LOL)

kimmie

August 5th, 2013
11:41 am

Morning All!!

Happy Birthday MsATL!!

On topic – While not every time, I do think you attract what you project. We’ve been trying to convince a young cousin(23) of ours of this. She goes out dressed like a complete slut and gets wasted whenever she’s out. Sure, she gets attention and free drinks, but other than the drinks, she complains about the attention she’s getting. The guys that hit on her & her friend treat them accordingly. Her guy cousins have even tried to school her on what she is putting out there, but she’s not listening. One of her friends came thru all sad a few months ago. When I asked her what was wrong, she had just come from a bridal shower for one of her friends. She wondered when it was going to happen for her. I had her to describe her engaged friend. She sounded exactly the opposite of her & little cuz. I told her, like the guy cousins did, that they were attracting guys just out for a good time with their attire and demeanor. No guy worth much was going to look at them and think “future wife and mother of our kids”.

Same with other attributes – if you are a negative person, lack confidence, you may attract those that will prey on that.

Otherwise, I really don’t know why some attract or are attracted to others. One of life’s great mysteries I guess! :)

MsAtl

August 5th, 2013
12:06 pm

Kimmie- Thank you.

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
12:30 pm

All this labored breathing is no good for newcomers to this corner of the World.

Bluzgirl

August 5th, 2013
12:38 pm

Happy birthday MsAtl!!!!!!

I’ve been trying for a long time to figure out why I’m attracted to a certain type of man and why I attract them. I’m working hard to change who I attract. I know that there is something about me that attracts these men and I have to change it. This is why I’m single at the moment…I’m still trying to figure it out because I don’t want the same man that I’ve already had. I want better!

Bluzgirl

August 5th, 2013
12:42 pm

O/T – Don’t you hate it when you have a dream about someone that you do NOT want, but the dream brings them to the front of your mind?

abc

August 5th, 2013
12:47 pm

Wealth attracts gold diggers, pretty obvious. Intelligence attracts intelligence, nice to have someone to talk with instead of the usual dumbazzez. Not so intelligent attracts the like, not so intimidating. Good looks attracts good looks, having an appearance advantage provides opportunity. Wild chicks can attract almost anyone at one point or another, again, opportunity. Much of what you attract has to do with to whom you expose yourself. Learn to recognize where the losers are and don’t go there. The losers are certainly populating the clubs around here. I saw that again last week when I happened to be in a club — it reminded me why I don’t do clubs.

Now, what about all that equals a romance? Not much. That takes a suitable chemical combination.

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
12:51 pm

I’m working hard to change who I attract. – More importantly, don’t worry too much about who you attract just set your standards higher and stop giving into everyone who is attracted to you. Just because they’re attracted to doesn’t mean you have to “bite.”

kimmie

August 5th, 2013
12:56 pm

Leggs – I agree, you don’t owe anyone “a chance” just because they decided they like you!!

That used to really get on my nerves! Folks would be whining about “why don’t you give him a chance?” to every dude that showed an interest in me at a certain point. Attraction should work both ways and I can’t force myself to “like” someone!

Bluzgirl

August 5th, 2013
12:58 pm

Leggs – That’s another reason I’m happy to be single right now…I don’t want give in to someone not right for me just because he’s attracted to me.

MsAtl

August 5th, 2013
1:03 pm

Bluz- Thank you.

abc- I’m not too sure about that intelligence attracts intelligence; I have met some folks where just in talking to them I felt my I.Q. slip a few points…

Bluzgirl

August 5th, 2013
1:09 pm

One thing I can say is that I’m pretty intelligent and all my exes were also very intelligent. Well…I’m intelligent about things other than men! LOL! The Ex was seriously close to genius…he was just such a jerk and wouldn’t apply himself. It really didn’t matter that he was that smart when he wouldn’t use his brain…

kimmie

August 5th, 2013
1:12 pm

Bluz – That’s called having “book sense”, not “common sense”!

SlimNu

August 5th, 2013
1:13 pm

I don’t want give in to someone not right for me just because he’s attracted to me.

Do ya’ll recall the story about a co-worker that recently got her tires slashed at 3am? She had been seeing some dude but when her tires got slashed he said it was probably the gf of his nephew that lived with him…turned out it was a girl that HE was seeing, not the nephew. Well anyhoo, the co-worker has been um…getting around….i heard that she was out with some friends over the weekend and ended up getting wasted. Tell me why she ends up making out with her friends husband that was out with them. She claims she doesn’t remember anything that happened other than the husband following her around that night then her memory fast forwards to the commotion afterwards. I really do not know what all went down but that is just CRAY and disrespectful. Ole girl is newly divorced but this is no way to to get over that. She’s even made little comments about someone elses hubby :shock:

Bluzgirl

August 5th, 2013
1:14 pm

Yes kimmie…my mom has always told me I don’t have much common sense, but it’s getting a little better as I get older! LOL

Durty Burd

August 5th, 2013
1:17 pm

Good Afternoon! :smile:

Happy B-Day MsAtl! :wink:

I agree with you will attract sometimes what you project.. Now what is perplexing to me is when opposites attract. I have found out I really like ladies who have a similiar mindset as I do and similair interests.

Football is season is upon us…I need to get a 2nd job for all this partying I planned on doing…Who’s with me! This is THE NFL…

Bluzgirl

August 5th, 2013
1:21 pm

Dang Slim! That’s some cray cray right there!!! She deserves for the friend to give her a smack down for that one. Drunk or not…you should be able to leave your friend’s husband alone. What was up with him allowing it to happen also? Wow!

SlimNu

August 5th, 2013
1:28 pm

Bluz – The whole thing sounds crazy and to add insult to injury, that couple is/was supposed to be celebrating their 20yr anniversay.

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
1:31 pm

kimmie ~ those who know their “worth,” what they’re seeking, will take those that are attracted to them with a smile and a thank you. It’s not what you’re looking for so you keep doing you. It might happen it might not, but you keep doing you.

kimmie ~ WTH!!! That’s a lot of likka she had in her throwing caution to the wind like that. She probably wasn’t even “attracted” to him, but her emotional pain drove her to belittle herself. Now, why he went along with things since you didn’t say she raped him says alot about him. How did the wife miss this heavy flirtation or did they sneak away and was caught? Who are these people that act like that when out…surely not grownups!

BTW, how here really thought it his nephew’s girl that slashed those tires? Convenient excuses like that are just that…excuses directing the heat from him. I always say, deflection is your answer if you pay attention.

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
1:32 pm

Let’s retype that:

BTW, who here really thought it was his nephew’s girl….

SlimNu

August 5th, 2013
1:38 pm

Leggs – After that happened (tire slashing) the way she found out it wasn’t the nephew was she was supposed to hang out with him the following weekend. He told her he was seeing another girl and he would be with her the whole weekend. :shock:

Durty Burd

August 5th, 2013
1:41 pm

SlimNu I read you comment from last week regarding your ex and the depression he suffers from..Instead of focusing on that perticular issue about him why not examine why that affects you when you do know you can help him at all….See u are letting the ex issues affect your life, now are u up for hanging out with me and having some fun?

SlimNu blame it on the alchol, alchol…..How does this woman look?

BluzGirl….Your intellect is your common sense, I would imagine many times you know what you should do or should have done in a relationship that was failing but you allowed your heart to make the decision… Or libido….. hehehehehehe!

Durty Burd

August 5th, 2013
1:41 pm

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
1:48 pm

“…was she was supposed to hang out with him the following weekend” – Sure since she foolishly accepts him and his shenangins. He’s only doing what she’s allowing by still seeing him. He’s running things whether she wants to admit it or not. He’s the shot caller…

SlimNu

August 5th, 2013
2:00 pm

Durty – You are right, there isn’t anything I can do about it since i’m not a therapist, psychologist or otherwise. I suppose it bothered me greatly that he felt like he could not talk to me. That’s what a partner is supposed to do…be there for the other as best as they can. As far as how this chick looks, um…I’on wanna judge anybody. :lol:

Leggs – Well, she isn’t talking to him anymore…she’s kind of making her rounds, if you can read between those lines. :shock:

Leggs

August 5th, 2013
2:05 pm

Good she’s not speaking to him. I get what you asked earlier. He thought she would be cool with hanging with him and she declined but is now latching on to the wrong people with her triggers being divorce, this lying knucklehead and her lack of respect for self.

Some have to fall before they can even see anything. She took a nice spiral downward.