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Do you believe in second chances?

I met a guy hanging out at Leon’s in Decatur recently.  He was telling me about his own misadventures on Atlanta’s dating scene. Yes, apparently random strangers want to talk to me about dating too! After much frustration and disappointment, he was considering reuniting with his ex.

He asked me if he should give his ex a second chance.  Since his girlfriend never changed her bad behavior, they have had an on again – off again, kind of pattern for two years. Now that she has resurfaced and appears to have finally made life changes, he wonders  if he should give it a try.

I suppose your willingness to give second chances depends on whether or not you believe people can really change.  Do you think that we are who we are and we rarely change  our personality or behavior?

Have you ever decided to give someone from your past a second chance at  a romance?  Do you regret that decision or did things turn out for the best?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

301 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 2nd, 2013
7:02 am

From my experience it always ends the same as it did the first time, it might even get worse since they believe they could get away with the behavior over and over again. I have regret should of kept moving along and not looked back. You live and you learn.

Going to try and paint my porch started it two months ago with all this rain i haven’t been able to finish. ugh

Zero days … haha tgif

Hazel

August 2nd, 2013
7:49 am

TGIF yea
I believe in second chances, since nothing is granting anyways. Why not? Saying this, second chances depend on why you two broke up initially.

Button

August 2nd, 2013
8:41 am

YAY it’s Friday!
the ever resufacing ex! lol

I personally will not go that route or even give it a second thought.
The guy at the bar should gve himself a break from dating and rehew his senses. Running around from lover to lover is not good for your spirit. It’s like he’s gotta have it!

MsAtl

August 2nd, 2013
8:50 am

Morning All!

I believe that people can change undesirable behaviors, but I don’t know that I believe in drastic transformations. As far as second chances, it would depend on the circumstances and why we parted in the first place. The only second (and third…) chance I gave was in my marriage. I realize I should have left long before I did, but it is what it is; I have made peace with it.

2CPTG©

August 2nd, 2013
9:12 am

morning…..

of course y’all believe in second chances!!!!!

that’s why yo baby and that other girl baby ain’t but 1 month apart, and y’all still shackin up….

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
9:16 am

Morning all!
No. If I kick you to the curb, there you will stay. Won’t look back. Far too many fish in the sea.

Button

August 2nd, 2013
9:18 am

2C –LOL not project twins! lol

Single & Happy

August 2nd, 2013
9:19 am

Hello everyone

I would give second chances, and third chances. you only live once so what the hell. If you still have feelings for the person. why not?

Hazel

August 2nd, 2013
9:21 am

MsAtl. – Exactly my thoughts.

Bluzgirl

August 2nd, 2013
9:22 am

Morning everyone!

I gave The Ex a second chance, thinking he’d changed his ways from a decade ago. Obviously, it didn’t work. He only changed his ways for a little while, then slipped back to his old self. Lesson learned. No reason to give another chance. That’s why I’m being so strong about staying away from Mags…

Button

August 2nd, 2013
9:25 am

the guy has had an on again off again pattern with the ex…. well looks like they’re headed to be on again. They both are co-dependant on each other.

My cousin was doing the samething, he has 2 babies, one for the on/off again girl and an other for the one he met while he was in the off again period.

disco

August 2nd, 2013
9:27 am

good morning.

first thought. shalamar – second time around.

Button

August 2nd, 2013
9:28 am

Single – I see you are ok with letting a woman running in and out of your life.

SlimNu

August 2nd, 2013
9:29 am

Morning and Definitely TGIF!

I wish I had not done the back and forth thing for 10yrs with the ex…that’s a decade I cannot get back in my life. But I really loved him so I wanted to do all I could to make it work. We are cool now and he is going through a recent break up. From what I’ve heard, they had some of the same issues we did plus some other stuff. I just don’t feel the same for him at this point, so I find it hard to imagine going down that road again. His family and friends alll want us to get back together but Slim is not feeling it AT ALL.

MsAtl

August 2nd, 2013
9:29 am

Button- I have never heard the term “project twins.”

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
9:31 am

Hell, I can remember my dating days(bout 4,2 million years ago). Back then, I would not give a second chance to a woman that I asked out, or for her number, and she refused. Although, I must say, that I never had to do this, cause every time I ask someone out or asked for their number, I got it. I was not about to get rejected and ask again. No way. I was fortunate in that regard. I was never dumped either. All relationships ended cause I ended them. I was nothing special, I don’t think, It just worked out that way for me.

disco

August 2nd, 2013
9:32 am

re dating and second chances. I’m all for it. if it’s what the two people want to do they can have at it. sometime folks are with each other at the wrong time. the second time might be the right time. I’ve heard of folks who re-married a person they previously divorced. it is what it is.

I think the term “second chance” has a slight negative connotation. like someone did something wrong and then you are wrong for accepting their wrong. breakups aren’t always about someone being wronged.

MsAtl

August 2nd, 2013
9:36 am

Disco- That is exactly why I said it would depend on the circumstances. It could be that someone was headed to college or any other number of reasons. I also agree that the term has a negative connotation.

2CPTG©

August 2nd, 2013
9:36 am

Button….yes, this scenario plays out everyday in America….somewhere….

chic be like, “hell naw I ain’t takin his punk ass back…..next thing you know, you go ya mama house, and there he is, going over the whole story, and gettin ya mama to feel sorry for him…..then she be like….baby, just talk to him….he made a mistake……”

Button

August 2nd, 2013
9:38 am

MsAtl- project tiwns = when a dude has two different women pregnant at the same time. If he has three different women pregnant at the same time they are project triplets.

Leggs

August 2nd, 2013
9:39 am

“Do you think that we are who we are and we rarely change our personality or behavior?” – I believe we are who we are and if one’s personality should change it’s just a mask. You can change behavior but not personality…it’s embedded in who you are.

Nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance, just go in not bringing up past behavior and really give it a second go. Looking in the rearview mirror will only have you crashing because your eyes aren’t one what’s in front of you.

Good Morning…it’s not Thursday!!

Single & Happy

August 2nd, 2013
9:40 am

Button, yep, cause I know what I’m getting into. enjoy while it’s good. and don’t worry about it when it’s bad. Like disco said sometimes the timing just isn’t right, doesn’t mean you write them off forever.

Leggs

August 2nd, 2013
9:41 am

Button ~ I too never heard project twins, but I get it. BUT, why can’t they live in the surburbs (lol).

Button

August 2nd, 2013
9:43 am

Reio – every time I ask someone out or asked for their number, I got it. — :lol:

Single & Happy

August 2nd, 2013
9:45 am

disco, I thought of Champagne, Maybe we can try again

The thing about getting back together is, you also have to look at yourself, what have you changed, are you bringing the same ole you back to the relationship. maybe that’s why you’re still getting the same results!

Button

August 2nd, 2013
9:46 am

Single – that seems like pure torture.

Leggs – I first heard that term years ago, and like you I said the samething lol

Single & Happy

August 2nd, 2013
9:47 am

Leggs, you know button is boogie, folks in the burbs would never do anything like that (LOL)

MsAtl

August 2nd, 2013
9:48 am

Leggs- That’s what I wanna know.

Single & Happy

August 2nd, 2013
9:48 am

MsAtl

August 2nd, 2013
9:49 am

Gotta run to court. Will check in later.
It’s Friday; Friday!

disco

August 2nd, 2013
9:52 am

single – sure they would. they would just hire nannies to raise the kids. lol.

single – now that’s the song me and my momma ain’t heard in awhile. lol.

Exiled

August 2nd, 2013
9:53 am

From what I’ve heard, they had some of the same issues we did plus some other stuff

@Slim….that statement is the reason soome of uall never advance,relatiosnhipwise…

why even keep up with the lyfe of an ex..whats the interest if ual have broken up..why do u care?

I here this on this blog from the single ladies…”Ray Ray and i broke up and he married bla blah and it didnt work out blah blah AND I was good to him and he didnt recognize it blah blah”" …..how do u know all that and why??…just a bunch of hogwash!!

Move on fo real fo real and be gone and dont look back and dont care if he “succeeds”(in ur eyes of course) or does not!!!

….. Now if u keep poking to find out howw Ray Ray is living and what his new girl is doing with him blah blah…u truly aint moved on….

U STUCK!! :lol: hmpffff!

geeeed merning!!!!

Exiled

August 2nd, 2013
9:53 am

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
9:57 am

Button – “every time I ask someone out or asked for their number, I got it.”
Well, it’s true. I was never rejected. One woman, when asked if she’d like to attend a mutual friend’s birthday party with me, said that she would not be able to. The only thing that saved her with me was, she immediately followed that by saying that she would like to see me on another day, which let me know that she had some interest, otherwise, I would have never asked out again. And had she contacted me the next day or even 5 mins. later with a change of heart, and wanted to go with me, i would have turned the tables on her and refused to go with her, just cause she was given a chance 5 mins. earlier and miss the opportunity. I used to cold.

Durty Burd

August 2nd, 2013
9:57 am

Good Morning!

Leggs excellent point about personality and behavior…Can lying about anything that makes you look good or bad a personality disorder or behavior disorder?

2nd chances are not usually my style, but now that I am older, if given the opportunity I would revisit some of the ladies that dumped me, if they got divorce first…hehehehehe

That Reio was a playa back in the 50’s. lol

Leggs there plenty of dudes from the Burbs who are the same predicament!

Leggs

August 2nd, 2013
9:59 am

“I here this on this blog from the single ladies…”Ray Ray and i broke up and he married bla blah and it didnt work out blah blah AND I was good to him and he didnt recognize it blah blah”” – I must be reading a different blog because I don’t recall reading that. Maybe Bluz posted something along those lines, but that’s all “I” recall.

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
9:59 am

I used to be cold. Fo Sho.

Durty Burd

August 2nd, 2013
10:01 am

Me thinks DISCO is yearning for that THUG luvin! lol

disco

August 2nd, 2013
10:03 am

reio – did you hear the tom joyner bit this morning re “old players, new technology”? lol. how’re your skills keeping up with the times?

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
10:04 am

Leggs – I think Exiled was posting on what he has read here in the aggregate. A summary of what he has read here over time. I tend to agree.

disco

August 2nd, 2013
10:07 am

reio / ex – while I don’t want to agree (and I certainly don’t know what ex speaks of in particular) I will admit that I think most women are just naturally more forgiving and therefore more apt to try to work things out. most women are generally more emotionally invested in the relationship than the man is. I think for most women, breakups are more personal. they understand they happen but are more likely to question what they did wrong. in that regard, I’ll go ahead and agree. lol.

2CPTG©

August 2nd, 2013
10:07 am

Me thinks DISCO is yearning for that THUG luvin! lol

Durty…..I got this…..

Reio…..welcome to the blog….nice to see/read some new faces….stick around and drop some of that old school knowledge on these gals…..

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
10:09 am

disco – I’m a one woman man. Always was. So, once I found my wife, then my girlfriend, I had no skills to display. Didn’t need skills after meeting her, and certainly not after marrying her. No, I didn’t her Tom Joyner this morning. Had Marvin Gaye’s “What’s going on” CD blasting all the way in to work. Sorry.

Durty Burd

August 2nd, 2013
10:12 am

I think for most women, breakups are more personal. they understand they happen but are more likely to question what they did wrong. in that regard, I’ll go ahead and agree. lol

Interpretation—–How can Eddie Lee give up all of this to go and be with the witch? How could Muhammed cheat on me when I gave him all my money… Yep women usually are confused about the reality of a relationship…

SlimNu

August 2nd, 2013
10:12 am

Ex – I didn’t personally say that I was sooo good to him but he didn’t recognize it. And I do not go seeking to know what’s going on with him. I thought i went over this before. His mother still calls me, plus the ex and I have mutual friends. Anyway, i’m not holding onto anything as far as that goes. OVER it. ;-D

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
10:12 am

2CPTG© – Thank you. Although the ladies here can tell you I’m not new. Been around several years, just had some medical issues lately, which prevented me from checking in. People here know me. Glad to hear you as well. Thanks again.

Reio

August 2nd, 2013
10:21 am

disco – Yes, I agree, “I think most women are just naturally more forgiving…” I guess it’s just genetics.
I could drop them, and ask her sister out, the same day. Never did, but I would have had no problem with it. She would have, of course, and the sister probably would not have gone along with it either, but I was not above doing that. Didn’t care. Still don’t. Once we’re done, we’re done. Period.

Durty Burd

August 2nd, 2013
10:25 am

Ex you don’t have to worry SlimNu going back to the ex, she is going to be my baby, I am just waiting/giving her some time, I don’t want to be the rebound guyt, where she sex me up and down until I say UNCLE….Oh wait maybe I do want to be the rebound guy….lol

Exiled

August 2nd, 2013
10:26 am

Thank you Reio!!

Exiled

August 2nd, 2013
10:29 am

in that regard, I’ll go ahead and agree. lol.

@Thnk you Disco! :lol:

i know u sing from a new refreshing and unencumbered(by female blog kumbaya) hymn! :lol: