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Why is chivalry important?

A young lady asked me recently if chivalry  was still important or even necessary.  I actually had to stop and really think about it.  I suppose the art of courtesy and politeness can appear to be evasive, but that does not mean it isn’t needed.

I remember watching a guy watch a woman struggle with putting a large item in her SUV…while trying to get her number.   Like it did not occur to him to offer a hand if he was truly interested in her? I don’t get it.  Chivalry is such a simple and easy way to appear more attractive – especially when it is genuine with no strings attached!

What do you think, though? Are today’s singles deprived of old school chivalry?  How do we bring it back and make it sexy again?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

288 comments Add your comment

Lee

August 1st, 2013
7:28 am

Its hard to think of others when you are brought up only thinking of yourself and manners were never taught.

One more day! One more day til Friday… :)

LeeH1

August 1st, 2013
8:28 am

Chivalry was between gentlemen, and uh, ladies. Ladies are the ones who killed chivalry by insisting on being equal and sneering at chivalry as being patronizing and overly protective. Besides, it is sexist to expect men to interfer because they have greater strength, and for women to use them only for their physical attributes.

As to courtesy, few people actually have any. It is great to come across someone who was well brought up, but they can’t be expected to be around everywhere. Class is rare among people.

SlimNu

August 1st, 2013
8:33 am

Morning….on mo’ day. Yay..

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
8:41 am

Hello all

so slim you living for the weekend :-)

SlimNu

August 1st, 2013
8:58 am

Single – I guess I am…especially after dipping out to Orlando this past weekend. I was not ready to come back. I need about 3 months off just to vacation but my pockets cannot equip such a lifestyel. I’m holding out for the lottery like everyone else. lol

Jeff

August 1st, 2013
9:04 am

Well said Lee.

MsAtl

August 1st, 2013
9:14 am

Morning All!

Women killed chivalry? Had to laugh at that one.

Based upon some of the experiences I have had, observed, or discussed, there seems to be a plethora of men who don’t know or don’t care to treat women with respect, which goes back to what Lee said. Yes, I know that there are some women who don’t respect themselves and that is a whole nother issue, however, I am referring to the men who act like they were raised by wolves and do not exhibit even basic respect. There are men who will either try to slip through the door when a woman opens it for herself or will open the door, go through and let it close on a woman behind him. men who invite women on dates and buy only their own ticket, do not open car doors, approach women roughly, etc. I don’t have time for any of that; I expect a certain level of respect and treatment and I give respect as well.

Leggs

August 1st, 2013
9:16 am

Chivalry is important to me and it’s definitely alive. Perhaps people don’t see it as much as they used to, but of course it exists. Unfortunately, while riding the train for the first time in many years to the Trayvon Rally, I noticed not many men giving up their seats. However, I saw many women giving up their seats. That surprised me and bothered me.

Lee ~ I definitely understand your stance that women killed chivalry in terms of demanding to be treated equal and feeling they’re being patronized. However, I would go further and say men are also killing chivalry because they lack manners and respect of the fairer sex. Not talking about women with brawn, beauty and brains, just the mere fact that they are women. Long ago, men would tip their hats in the presence of a woman simply because they were women. Politeness and manners are taught at home. Look around you, look at all the shiftless men and women walking amongst us. That’s what aided in the slow demise of chivalry = shiftlessness and selfishness. It warms me when I see a man still hold a door open for strangers, ask to carry an item she may be struggling with (not trying to steal it), give up his seat, hold her chair to be seated then seat himself. It still exists.

Good morning.

Leggs

August 1st, 2013
9:19 am

MsAtl ~ I chuckled too.

2CPTG©

August 1st, 2013
9:20 am

morning…..

3 months vacation? Is that what you want? I got you.

2CPTG©

August 1st, 2013
9:21 am

as far as chivalry……’pends where you go….down south, it’s alive and well; “up top” not so much.

Miss Moni

August 1st, 2013
9:21 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA! *It’s Friday Eve* :-D

Chivalry is important to me. When you have standards you will either deal with someone who shows it OR you don’t.

“Its hard to think of others when you are brought up only thinking of yourself and manners were never taught.”

-Lee BINGO!!! However, when a person learns better they should do better.

disco

August 1st, 2013
9:25 am

good morning.

I think chivalry is mostly a romantic notion. if you get it, cool. if you don’t, oh well. it’s not the end of the world. is it important? that’s personal. for some people it’s the be all, end all. I watch a lot of westerns (and other old movies) and many a time I find myself perturbed at the chivalry shown to janky scandalous think they are supposed to be on a pedestal women.

MsAtl

August 1st, 2013
9:27 am

Leggs- I am assuming that you are referring to LeeH1, not Lee? I laughed at this- (not trying to steal it).

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
9:31 am

Slim, did you have fun?

Celisea

August 1st, 2013
9:33 am

Ladies are the ones who killed chivalry by insisting on being equal and sneering at chivalry as being patronizing and overly protective.

First off, chivalry is not dead. There are plenty of men raised with manners, to lead and protect their women. I too, have encountered a few knuckleheads…encountered, not endured, but I won’t lump the entire sect of men in there, because of where someone else lacks. Saying ladies killed chilvary is a bit broadstroking

Besides, it is sexist to expect men to interfer because they have greater strength, and for women to use them only for their physical attributes.

Not for me it isn’t. Man’s got the brawn and women have the beauty. It is what it is. I LOOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE, “needing” my dude in the physical sense….and I LOOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE, even more, that he needs me…in the physical sense. Nothing wrong with that :mrgreen:

Nope, chilvary is not dead. It’s alive and well. It matters and is a requirement for me. Most definitely!!

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
9:36 am

chivalry aint dead, nor is it any less than it’s always been, all men have never been created equal, there have always been, and will always be self centered aholes in the world.

SlimNu

August 1st, 2013
9:39 am

Leggs – Women were giving up their seats to whom? Men? Older people? kids?

2C – I think I need to hit up a beach or two now. I’m so tired of all this dayum rain.

Single – I did enjoy myself…I needed to getaway and you won’t believe that I actually got some freaking sleep! :-D

Celisea

August 1st, 2013
9:40 am

And when I see a dude that lack manners and respect, I simply think “somebody didn’t show or teach him.” I don’t think though that it’s a result of having displayed manners and decency time and time again and some woman just couldn’t appreciate. Thereby causing him to kill it altogether.

I don’t know if it’s men that “don’t like women” or just wasn’t raised, but the longer we live, the worse it seems to get. But, all is not lost, there are some still good brothers doing the dang thing.

Leggs

August 1st, 2013
9:40 am

Yes, I meant LeeH1.

‘I think chivalry is mostly a romantic notion” – really? I look at it as simply having manners. Nothing romantic to me. We’re always talking about the lane a woman should be in and the lane a man should be in. He’s the head, follow him (if he has demonstrated himself to in fact be a man), he’s the hunter and we’re the gazelles (in a positive way). How can you hunt your prey (for lack of a softer phrase), show interest, love and respect and not be chivalrous?

Leggs

August 1st, 2013
9:42 am

SlimNu ~ women (3) were giving their seats up to (1) an elderly man, (2) a woman with two little ones and (3) a woman that just looked tired.

2CPTG©

August 1st, 2013
9:43 am

2C – I think I need to hit up a beach or two now. I’m so tired of all this dayum rain.

ummmm, you do know where I am, right? but it’s raining here too….

MsAtl

August 1st, 2013
9:45 am

SlimNu- Oh yes! I don’t think I have ever seen this much rain in a year. If this is going to follow with Winter having snow like this, I need to figure out how to move to a different planet!

disco

August 1st, 2013
9:45 am

leggs – I don’t think chivalry and manners are really the same. manners are basic, across the board, same rules apply to everyone. chivalry is between men and women. men aren’t sweating whether other men are chivalrous or not (lol – well not in general. maybe gay men but that’s something else). yet men may comment on another man’s manners or lack thereof. I think the whole male/female aspect of chivalry is what leads me to put it in the romantic notion category.

disco

August 1st, 2013
9:46 am

atl – a different planet? that’s deep. I thought you were going to say a different city, different state but different planet. dang. lol.

kimmie

August 1st, 2013
9:46 am

Morning All!!

To me, chivalry is just good manners. Either you were taught them AND put them into practice or you were not/don’t. You should practice good manners whether you are trying to mack or not. That dude that watched the lady struggle – never mind he was trying to get her number. What happened to just helping your fellow man/woman? I’m not overboard with it, but I expect good manners from everyone, not just my husband. I will hold a door for another woman, help her if she’s struggling with packages or small kids. I’ve given up my seat to pregnant women or elderly women & men. I’m teaching good manners to my children – my son holds the door for all of us and helps his sister in and out of the car. They say please and thank you. They write thank you notes when someone gives them a gift. It’s not that hard and will take them a long way in this world.

And sure, some women take it too far in rejecting when a dude is just being polite, but since when did women wanting to be treated equal in society, like being respected enough to hold certain jobs and get paid the same as any man – how did that somehow get men off the hook from being polite? I really don’t get it. What I DO know is that dudes that try to throw up that excuse “well you all wanted to be equal” to get out of using good manners or paying for a date – miss me with that, you are wack!

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
9:46 am

Slim love the rain, can’t wait to get back to the beach :-)

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
9:49 am

MsAtl where are you from, this was our normal rain pattern when I was younger, rather have the rain than the drought we’ve had for the past years. Everything looks so much better green than brown.

MsAtl

August 1st, 2013
9:50 am

Single- I am from NY. I haven’t seen this much rain here since I moved here. Can we have a happy medium???

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
9:52 am

Disco, I agree, because I will hold the door open for anybody, will help anybody that I see struggling, gender doesn’t matter. When you don’t do it for someone you’re not in a relationship, or trying to get with, it is look at as manners. IE home training!!

Leggs

August 1st, 2013
9:52 am

disco ~ I understand what you’re saying but I think they go hand in hand. Having manners lends one to being chivalrous. I don’t think you can have one w/o the other. It’s like having candied yams w/o sugar.

Sorry, not sure why that popped in my head.

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
9:53 am

Msatl, there is no such thing as a happy medium, that’s not life (LOL) how long have you lived here?

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
9:56 am

Leggs, you don’t like sweet potatoes :-D

kimmie

August 1st, 2013
9:56 am

I don’t think though that it’s a result of having displayed manners and decency time and time again and some woman just couldn’t appreciate. Thereby causing him to kill it altogether.

Cel – I don’t believe this either. If so, you’re not much of a man or have much character if you allow other’s bad behavior to dictate your own. You didn’t have it in you to begin with.

Hey Disco!!! I get your definition of chivalry versus manners, and agree somewhat.

Celisea

August 1st, 2013
9:57 am

well you all wanted to be equal” to get out of using good manners or paying for a date – you are wack!

Kimmie – Well said and a Standing O….well not “that” O I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but danggit that had “bitter” all over it.

Celisea

August 1st, 2013
9:57 am

If so, you’re not much of a man or have much character if you allow other’s bad behavior to dictate your own. You didn’t have it in you to begin with.

Kimmie – Exactly, you hit the nail on the head.

Leggs

August 1st, 2013
10:00 am

Single ~ love sweet potatoes. Heck mine are downright restaurant worthy!

daddy swiss

August 1st, 2013
10:02 am

“this was our normal rain pattern when I was younger”

Single — Dang, how old are you, dude? (J/K) lol MsAtl, don’t let Single fool you. This year’s rainfall has been waaaaaay above normal. We’re already almost at our 30-year average rainfall total for a full year — and we’ve still got 6 months to go.

http://www.srh.noaa.gov/ffc/?n=rainfall_scorecard

disco

August 1st, 2013
10:02 am

hey kimmie!!!!

single – someone was just telling me about a spot that has sweet potato cupcakes and sweet potato milkshakes. I thought I was doing something with a sweet potato biscuit.

leggs – yep the manners aspect is one and the same. the word (you know I play the semantics card every now and again) is where the difference lies.

lol. imagine two guys on a rainy day both going “no. let me lay my jacket down in the puddle for you”. lol.

SlimNu

August 1st, 2013
10:06 am

MsAtl – I was acutally pondering about moving to Florida since they get little bouts of rain that don’t last long. When it rains here it’s like all day!

Single – More rain means more times to cut the grass….oh wait, you pay someone to do that huh?

Celisea

August 1st, 2013
10:12 am

Off topic:

I am sooooooooo sleepy. I didn’t get to bed until after 3:00 and was back up at 6:30. I’on know how Imma make it. I’m covering for a teammate that’s gone to Finland for two weeks and it has been rough!!

Lawd help me!!

1st time: BBL :mrgreen:

MsAtl

August 1st, 2013
10:13 am

Single- I’ve been in Georgia for 11 years.

Dreams- Thanks, I knew I wasn’t just imagining all the rain, lol.

SlimNu- More grass cutting! My son goes back to college in a few weeks, so I am going to be cutting the grass. :cry:

kimmie

August 1st, 2013
10:18 am

Disco – Years ago I ran across a really good sweet potato biscuit recipe and I used to make them all the time. I need to look for it. The family LOVES sweet potato and they will love those biscuits!

2CPTG©

August 1st, 2013
10:19 am

I was acutally pondering about moving to Florida since they get little bouts of rain that don’t last long. When it rains here it’s like all day

au contraire…….that’s what I was saying Slim…. I live on the beach; Panama City, and it has rained every day for the entire month of July, and today…..but ummm, come on down, we can be “roommates” til you get on your feet :)

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
10:30 am

Slim, no I don’t pay, I cut my own, 1/2 acre with a push mower!! Have to cut it twice a week, just like I did when I was growing up, it

MsAtl that drought we had was longer than 11 years

Swiss, I’m 51, which is why I don’t mind the rain, there were very few things that the rain stopped us from doing in my younger days.

Leggs, restaurant worthy, the one time i had sweet potatoes at a restaurant they weren’t home worthy (LOL)

2CPTG©

August 1st, 2013
10:32 am

Single…..51, and still cutting your own yard, and 1/2 acre with a push mower? That’s whats up!!!!!

disco

August 1st, 2013
10:34 am

single – you mean you didn’t mind getting your hair wet? lol.

MsAtl

August 1st, 2013
10:36 am

Way off topic! Gasoline to treat head lice? I have never heard of that. And wow!- 25 with 5 children. http://www.ajc.com/news/news/national/mom-sets-daughters-head-fire-trying-treat-head-lic/nY9Kk/

disco

August 1st, 2013
10:39 am

atl – I’d heard of using kerosene. guess it’s kind of the same.

Single and Happy

August 1st, 2013
10:41 am

2c have to get that exercise, and I have a riding lawn mower also (LOL)