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Archive for August, 2013

Dating: I liked you better online

Even if you manage not to get “catfished” while dating online, there is also a another tricky scenario:  They don’t match their online personality!  My friend Saul met a woman through a mutual Facebook friend.  She accepted his friend request and they began communicating through messages.  He was so impressed with her that it did not take long to set up a face to face meeting.

The date was not exactly what he had in mind.  They struggled to keep the conversation going and her personality seemed to be completely different.  How does that happen?

If you meet someone online and you communicate or observe each other through social media outlets, should you be the same offline too?  Is it reasonable to expect the person who you have come to know online to at least resemble the person they are in real life?

Have you ever met someone online and realized they are the opposite of what they projected online?

Happy Friday! Headed out of town for Labor Day but I will be back on Tuesday. …

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Does playing hard to get backfire?

My friend Eve thinks she has had more dating misadventures than she wants to remember.  I think Eve is a great girl but I have warned her about going overboard on playing hard to get.  I know women like to be pursued but we can sometimes forget to slow down and get caught!

Sometimes playing  hard to get backfires because it starts to look a lot like playing games.  I think men, especially smart men, don’t like women who play games.  When men realize that there is no real effort at reciprocity or interest, they move on…quick.  This is why I believe Eve has to figure out how to play hard to get but also know when to be responsive.

Do you ever meet single people who try to play hard to get?  Are you intrigued by it or annoyed by it?  At what point do you call them on it?

Are you guilty of playing hard to get?  Does it work for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Wait for an inmate?

Pardon the cheesy rhyming title, but I have been watching Orange is the New Black, a new Netflix show about women in prison.  The show features a character who is engaged to be married but then gets sent to prison.  Her boyfriend tells her he will wait on her to get out but he does not realize how hard it will be to do this.

I watched a film called, Middle of Nowhere, that also dealt with this very thing.  How much would you have to put your life on hold waiting on someone to get out of prison? Why would anyone agree to this type of commitment?

I don’t know how devoted I could be.  I guess this means I am not your ride or die kind of chick!  Would you wait for an inmate?  What if the jail time was less than 5 years?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Dating dilemma: Propositioned by best friend

If you were dating someone who you really like, what do you do when their close friend or buddy makes a pass at you? Do you ignore it and hope they were kidding? Do you tell them what happened and let the chips fall where they may?

One of our readers is facing this dilemma.  He thinks that if he tells his new romantic interest that her best friend propositioned him, she will get angry at him instead of the best friend.  I have never been in this situation before but I figure telling the full truth is always the best option.

How do you tell someone that their friend ignored your shot at happiness because they were  so focused on getting their own needs met instead?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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What if women paid all the time?

I have a friend Bryce, who left his corporate job to start a non-profit.  He lives life on a very strict budget and he doesn’t spend a lot of money frivolously, but he does manage to date.  He met a woman who he really likes and she is rather wealthy.  This means she is willing and able to pay for everything when they go out.

He admitted to me that it is starting to bother him.  I guess it becomes emasculating at some point always having his woman pay for stuff.   He asked me how to tell her to stop offering to pay for everything without sounding insensitive and ungrateful?  What advice do you have for him?

I wonder now, what it would be like if women paid for everything all the time?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog.

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Dating: Tell them the truth

When you are dating someone new, there is only so much you can share with them in the beginning.  We all have our secrets and spilling them all out at once just doesn’t seem that practical.  There will come a time, though, when the truth will have to come out.   It makes no sense to hide something in hopes that when they find out, they will care too much to leave. You have to tell them the truth – your truth, at some point.

A friend of mine is dating a new man and she has been really excited about him.  When he revealed to her last week that he is still “technically married”  she felt mislead.  Obviously, a spouse is something you can’t hide forever. What are some truths that you definitely should not wait to tell someone?

Do you think a lot of single people lie and mislead in order to get what they want?  This kind of thing can only backfire on you, why do so many do it anyway?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Dating don’t: Pop up visits

My friend Chris has been seeing someone for a couple of weeks.  They have hooked up in the past and did the casual dating thing last year.  This time, she told him that she wanted to “try the couple thing” which means she now has relationship status on her mind.

I have yet to see or hear of any hook up- turned relationship transition that did not result in some kind of misunderstanding, hurt feelings, or major ego blows.  It is pretty common when you try to go from booty call to boyfriend/girlfriend.  It seems as if there will always be some kind of drama.  It’s just the way that it goes!

So far Chris is pleased with how the couple thing is going for them.  He did call a penalty on her for doing a pop up visit to his house.   That is when a woman shows up to his place unannounced, uninvited, and totally unexpected.  MAJOR point deduction, according to Chris.  He did not like the attitude she had when she did a “spot check” on him and he wondered if this is what she is really …

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Dating: Have the right look?

One of our readers wants to get some advice on how to get more dates.   She admits that her look is conservative and it is usually her friends that get the most attention from men.  She doesn’t show a lot of skin and she does not feel comfortable being provocative.  She is worried that she does not have the right look to attract men.

I am not a fan of pretending to be someone that you are not just to attract  someone. Eventually, your true self emerges and the person starts to wonder why you changed things up.  Being authentic and true to who you are is paramount in dating.

I suggest finding people with common interests and similar values so that you are not worried so much about attracting someone based solely on your looks.  What do you think? Do you think that having the right look plays a major role in dating?  If you saw someone you were attracted to, what would you do if they had on the “wrong” clothes or their image was not what you are usually attracted to?

Should we …

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Dating: Do they excite you?

The best part of a new romance is getting all those butterflies in the stomach sensations.   That period of time when a text message or phone call from them can send your heart racing.  When you don’t know too much about someone but you know enough about them that makes you excited to see them again.  Do you know what I’m talking about?

I wish that kind of feeling lasts forever. Alas, it fades away eventually but it is replaced with a deeper connection.  I think that you always want to be excited when you see that special person.  It is that attraction and chemistry that so many of us get hooked by.

What do you do if they don’t excite you, though?  Some people prefer to have a comfortable, practical relationship that doesn’t really get your heart racing.  Is that a smart way to date? Is it safer?

If you are dating someone now, do they excite you?  Do you think they feel the same way about you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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A wedlease? Yes. It is a thing

We live in a world where someone thinks wedleases should exist.  The lawyer who wrote about this is clearly finding new ways to deal with our high divorce rate: You can take a lease out on a marriage with terms and agreements that you feel “comfortable” with and you sign on the dotted line.

Here’s how a marital lease could work: Two people commit themselves to marriage for a period of years — one year, five years, 10 years, whatever term suits them. The marital lease could be renewed at the end of the term however many times a couple likes. It could end up lasting a lifetime if the relationship is good and worth continuing. But if the relationship is bad, the couple could go their separate ways at the end of the term. The messiness of divorce is avoided and the end can be as simple as vacating a rental unit.

I don’t know why this idea bothers me so much.  I guess it is yet another way we want to make marriage less risky and more practical.  I can appreciate practicality, I …

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