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Dating: First date hook-ups

One of our readers would like to get some advice about first date behavior.  Specifically, first date sex: cool or desperate? It has been a really long time since a guy has tried to make a move to the bedroom on the first date.   It is not something  I am comfortable with, personally,  but I wonder what men are thinking when they make a move on the first date?

My friend Jay (31 years old) said that he only considers the first date hook up after he gets some kind of sign that the woman is open to the idea.  He can then decide if he wants to make a move.

What do men think of women who are open to hooking up on the first date?  While a lot of my conservative friends scoff at the idea, I actually know many “first date” brides.   Clearly, some men out there don’t take issue with it!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

235 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 31st, 2013
7:12 am

Everyone needs love, do what you want, its no one’s business anyways.

No i can’t blog during the day, its terrible .. i used to sneak once and a while … people keep coming in my room as i enter in here.

Well two more days till the weekend, getting closer :)

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
7:24 am

Hello everyone

You’re grown, do you!!

What do men think of women who are open to hooking up on the first date? It wouldn’t change my view of the woman, because I’m still getting to know her.

Lee, you living for the weekend ;-D

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
8:25 am

Good rainy morning,

I’m not really into first date hook ups but if that’s what moves you at the time, then go for it. Dating for 3 months prior to having sex doesn’t guarantee a relationship or marriage either. You’ll never know unless you try.

Miss Moni

July 31st, 2013
8:36 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!!

As for me, I don’t participate in first date hook ups. I DON’T know you!!! However, if that’s what floats your boat then whatever, just be SAFE and don’t get upset if being the “hook up” is all that you turn out to be.

DreamsMaterialize

July 31st, 2013
8:46 am

Morning
While a lot of my conservative friends scoff at the idea, I actually know many “first date” brides Wisey, it sounds like you also “scoff” at the idea. I don’t even see this as an issue. The problem isn’t having sex on the first date. The problem is people not being honest with others or themselves about what they want out of a situation. This causes problems whether you have sex on date 1 or 100.

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
9:07 am

I hunch on the first date! there, I said it….is that my main objective, absolutely not, but it has happened. And no, I don’t look down on the female that does it…..

for y’all that scoff at the idea…..ok, keep listening to Steve Harvey and that 90 day rule if you want to….find ya ass lonely with a house full of cats!

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
9:14 am

and I shole find it odd that we only have 4-5 pages daily, but all these “readers” have so many questions….dang it, jump in, the water’s nice!

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
9:15 am

2C – Everyone knows hunching is TOTALLY different. lol I can say i’ve actually hunched fully clothed in my adult life. :oops:

disco

July 31st, 2013
9:21 am

good morning.

first date hookups. hmm. me thinks this one is mired in double standards. I’m all for a person doing what they want to do. if a guy made a move on a first date he’d be checked and checked hard. if I made a move on the first date, well, that’s just different. lol.

disco

July 31st, 2013
9:23 am

slim / 2C – is hunching like dry humping? if so, that mess needs to be retired at junior high. after that you are either in or out but quit playing. lol.

2C – why folks always gotta bring cats into this?

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
9:25 am

if I made a move on the first date, well, that’s just different. lol.

why is it different? yes, you stated in your first sentence that it’s a double standard; why does it have to be?

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
9:31 am

Disco, so is it different because you don’t want to with him, what about if he just beat you to it?

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
9:33 am

lonely folks tend to have cats all over the place….

disco

July 31st, 2013
9:36 am

2C – don’t question the double standard. accept it or don’t accept it but don’t question it. lol.

single – he can’t beat me to it. that changes the whole dynamic. it almost becomes a matter of who’s screwing who. lol.

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
9:42 am

disco – Hunching is just an old form of foreplay…why rush? lol

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
9:43 am

disco, you, my dear, are something else!!!! but hey, if it works for you, then who am I……

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
9:46 am

Disco, so if you initiate it, you’re a strong assertive woman who knows what you wants, and is afraid to go for it., but if he initiates it, then you a ho!! (LOL)

MsAtl

July 31st, 2013
9:50 am

Morning All!

I do not have sex on the first date or nearly the first date. However, consenting adults can do whatever they like, it just isn’t for me. Nor do I adhere to Steve’s 90-day rule. Whatever works for me and the person I am dating and whenever we feel the time is right, be it 30 days or 100 days. All in all though, I would prefer that a man not try to have sex with me on the first date.

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
9:50 am

isn’t afraid

disco

July 31st, 2013
9:53 am

slim – if you say so but I put hunching in the childhood games category. right up there with house, doctor and hide and go get it. lol.

single – sort of kind of though I’ll also chalk part of it up to my control issues and my selfish tendencies. it’s one thing for me to get what I want and something else for me to give you what you want. lol.

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
9:57 am

disco – Those childhood games can make for some interesting adult versions. ;-) But whatever tickles your pickle lol

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
9:58 am

Men do you ever hold out on the loving or are ya’ll always done for the horizontal tango?

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
10:00 am

Slim…..Men don’t hold out…….that’s y’all thing….we’ll find other ways to get at you, but that sho ain’t one!

mark

July 31st, 2013
10:01 am

ewww i could never have sex with a lady on a first date. never have never will.

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
10:02 am

sort of kind of though I’ll also chalk part of it up to my control issues and my selfish tendencies. it’s one thing for me to get what I want and something else for me to give you what you want. lol

good luck with that attitude!

kimmie

July 31st, 2013
10:02 am

Morning All!!

On Topic – This is another example of how the whole dating/marriage dynamic in society has changed. It used to be only the girls from “the wrong side of the tracks” did such things. They could forget being seen in the light of day out with a dude, much less married to him after doing such. It was just understood. Now women are more empowered to not only accept it, but initiate it if they want to. There are obviously a lot of open-minded men out here too that don’t hold onto that double standand and don’t hold it against a woman since they themselves were a willing participant in said first date activities.

Those that don’t choose to go that route – the women & men that prefer to wait, those that see it as desperate or a sign of promiscuity or whatever – they have a right to their opinion on it too.

I was never comfortable with the whole thing – I always wanted to get to know a guy better first, I worried he would not think well of me after agreeing to it and I have a tendency to catch feelings after the act. I would feel pretty bad if I went along with it only to have dude kick me to the curb. I have always known my limitations.

I do recognize, however, that sometimes you meet someone and the chemistry is just off the charts the minute you meet them! It may be hard for some to not go ahead and act on it. As long as both parties understand what’s going on and agree – yall grown!

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
10:02 am

Slim, what a silly question (LOL)

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
10:04 am

Slim we can be mad, don’t ever want to see you again, wish you would die, oh wait you want to give me some, okay!!!!

disco

July 31st, 2013
10:06 am

2C – it sounds crazy but there’s something to it. most men are just happy to be getting some. most men think they are putting it down. most men don’t realize there’s a big difference between them doing a woman and a woman doing them. when I say control issues, that’s essentially what I mean. when I’m running the show, I know the show is likely to be better.

hey kimmie!!!

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
10:07 am

you can call us every name under sun, will we bring it up later, sure we will, during the act, not before, don’t want to ruin the mood (LOL)

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
10:08 am

when I’m running the show, I know the show is likely to be better. that’s why we like to LET you run the show (LOL)

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
10:13 am

meant down not done…oops

Slim we can be mad, don’t ever want to see you again, wish you would die, oh wait you want to give me some, okay

SIngle – Good one :lol:

mark – Not to be funny but the ‘ewwwww’ of your post made me want to ask if you like women at all. :???:

disco

July 31st, 2013
10:14 am

single – I love the emphasis on LET. as if it matters to y’all. as long as you get in where you fit in you don’t care if old girl is counting backwards from 100 in her mind. she can have her hands wrapped around your neck and be playing with her cuticles and it would make no never mind. lol.

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
10:15 am

when I’m running the show, I know the show is likely to be better

disco – You mean, it’s likely the show will be better for you? My thinking is if he isn’t tuned into you, you can think you’re a top notch cowgirl and he’s thinking about if he’ll have time to shower before meeting up with another chick to finish him off. lolol

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
10:16 am

Disco, you are so right (LOL)

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
10:16 am

whatever you say disco…..

I’m sorry, I don’t give a damn how good you look, or how fine you are….you ain’t runnin’ sh!t!!!!! and I feel sorry for the chumps that let you get away with that mess…..I mean, do you seek out weak men, or do they just so happen to turn weak in your presence? Because it sounds like you aren’t dealing with anything but “boys”….don’t get me wrong, I can understand catering to your woman, but the sh!t you pullin……..

disco

July 31st, 2013
10:16 am

slim – better in general, better for me? same same. lol.

Single and Happy

July 31st, 2013
10:17 am

Slim, sometimes we’re thinking that even when it’s good (LOL)

disco

July 31st, 2013
10:18 am

2C – huh? what am I pulling? I do things my way, you do things your way. I guess that income tax money is off the table now?

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
10:19 am

I guess that income tax money is off the table now?

hahahahqahahahahahaahah

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
10:23 am

Single – Bad bad boy…lol

2C – I see the smoke off that post (10:16) :shock: :lol:

disco

July 31st, 2013
10:24 am

2C – btw, I don’t do well with weak men at all. I don’t do well with weak women. I don’t even like whiny azz cry baby type kids. lol. at the end of the day, most men are weak when it comes to women. maybe not weak to all women but….

slim – it was a little heated wasn’t it?

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
10:28 am

disco – It seemed a little….did that turn you on his harshness? :oops:

2CPTG©

July 31st, 2013
10:29 am

Slim/disco,

it just comes off as an “I run this,” type attitude; sorta like, you either play by my rules, or don’t play at all….and again, if it works for you, so be it…..and “most men are weak when it comes to women,” I’on know what Earth that happens on, but not here….maybe the ones you know, but damn sho not the ones I deal with…..

Into the Light

July 31st, 2013
10:32 am

Morning, all.

and :lol: @ Tewie.

disco

July 31st, 2013
10:34 am

slim – ??? huh??? turn me on? ha!! if anything I found it comical. lol.

2C – when it comes to what I’m working with, I do run it. no one else can run it but me.

SlimNu

July 31st, 2013
10:35 am

2C – Comere babe, I made you a sammich and got ya nice cold cocacola :-D

Exiled

July 31st, 2013
10:36 am

What do men think of women who are open to hooking up on the first date?

@Good morning MIA….it plans a mental seed!

The problem is not really the hunching itself..the issue, in the man’s mind is,”is she a h o..is this a pattern for her ?? ..and be4 uall ladies wave ur hands in the air shouting “double standard”..thing..us men can hunch errday,evry cootie we meet on a first date..and run we that double standard displayed on our forehead…so let that sleep for a second.

If the young lady can handle the fallout, that is ,either being benched or dude just going ghost after the smash,or the whisper that may emanate after the encounter(since she seems young and dealing with another young one)..if she can hunch like a pro and run with it..dust herself..no negative percetpion on her part..then do it!

But because she is asking questions even,she may not be ready!

She needs to ask herself this,”can she hunch dude,go home and not call him incessantly,daily,adnauseum or Never untill he calls her??

Real female blog playas know whatimtalkingbout! :lol:

Into the Light

July 31st, 2013
10:36 am

@Slim: Don’t you mean co-cola??? :lol: My daddy says that.

Exiled

July 31st, 2013
10:36 am