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Relationships: First comes love?

When people make the decision to get into a committed relationship, they probably think the next logical step is falling in love, get married, and then have kids.  This is, after all, what is traditional.  The modern day, non-traditional route people take see to skip the love step and go to marriage, to get to the kids stage.

If you ask a lot of older people why they got married, they will tell you to have a family.  I wonder if this intent to marry gives it a longer chance of survival?  I mean, if you didn’t get married for love, you won’t want to give up when the love goes away, or fades.

Sometimes I wonder if we are divorcing more than our parents because we get married for a fairy tale life that never happens.  Obviously, we want to love the person we marry, but is love enough to make  it last?

What do you think, is love the right reason to get married?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

195 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 30th, 2013
7:26 am

What do you think, is love the right reason to get married? No and yes hope there is more than just “i love that person”, i agree some get married for a fairy tale and find out being married is work, understanding, respect, having someones back in the worst of times just not when it the fruitful times.. etc…

I know many that were married due to “baby on board” that are now divorced and some wishing they were divorced.

Life is not easy its a hopefully long road filled with twists turns, hills, valleys, pot holes, blah blah blah
time for work i hate that .. Tuesday only 3 more days until the weekend

Hazel

July 30th, 2013
7:54 am

Love should be the main reason, but there are other factors that apply too. My parents had an arranged marriage and they fell in love after they got married and are still in love after several decades. I married the man I loved. I really don’t know the correct answer.

Miss Moni

July 30th, 2013
8:10 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA! *Work computer CRASHED Friday, IT didn’t fix it until late yesterday!*

I believe that love should be a major component of getting married, however other factors should also come into play such as compatibility, religious beliefs and life goals. The truth is, love doesn’t pay the bills, so you can’t be so blinded that you don’t use your common sense.

Love is enough to make it last because that should be the ROOT/Foundation of the relationship.

SlimNu

July 30th, 2013
8:31 am

Good morning,

Definitely, not excited about being back at work today. Oh well, let this tea w/ginseng kick in…

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
9:09 am

g’morning, blogworld…..

No, love is not the only reason to get married….

welcome back y’all that’s been out….btw, Lee, I rarely see you post throughout the day…..are you at work? tell your boss you need this necessary distraction to stay focused and alert, ok….

Moni, da hell happened with your work ‘puter that it took this long to fix? told you, watching midget porn causes adware!!!!

Slim…..miss you, sugar!

disco

July 30th, 2013
9:10 am

good morning.

I would complain that we are talking about love but I guess I have to accept that this IS a relationship site.

slim – how’s that tea working for you?

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
9:11 am

an arranged marriage? wonder if I could endure something like that…….

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
9:13 am

Love is a positive reason to get married, but it should rest solely on that. Marriage is difficulty and one needs to look at all sides to that crazy institution called marriage. A co-worker was in elevator with me yesterday thanking me for not giving him my number because he wasn’t ready to mingle being separated 2 months. He said he didn’t understand the dynamics of marriage and wished he never did it. I told him, he just married the wrong person. I laughed as I exited that he even thought I was going to email him my number.

O/T: I had the most delicious steak last night. I’m still thinking about how juicy and tender it was.

Good morning!

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
9:19 am

I wonder does “love” even exist anymore……

forever, ever?????

DreamsMaterialize

July 30th, 2013
9:20 am

Morning
I wonder if this intent to marry gives it a longer chance of survival? I mean, if you didn’t get married for love, you won’t want to give up when the love goes away, or fades.
The notion of marrying for love is relatively recent. Most marriages were based on socioeconomics, and love often came later. Many cultures still have arranged marriages, and those marriages seem to last. My grandmother was arranged to be married, but bucked up at the last minute and took the love route instead. Her and my grandfather were married 54 years until he passed. As usual, there isn’t just one way.

disco

July 30th, 2013
9:25 am

2C – I’m with you. forever ever? I don’t know if I can get with that. lol.

dreams – the arranged marriage is essentially built on doing what you are supposed to do (whether you like it or not) and maybe lucking up on a little bit of love or like while that love stuff is based more on doing what you want to do with a dose of responsibility sprinkled in here and there.

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
9:28 am

2C ~ bet if the body is banging and she has skills you’re more likely to endure (lololol)! At least with that start, you might be more inclined to assess the situation and see what needs tuning up to make the marriage last.

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
9:35 am

Leggs, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not marriage material….and I’m cool with that….granted, I’d love to find someone to die with, but, knowing me, ain’t gon’ happen…..long distance4 relationships work well for me….that way, when we see one another, sparks fly, and we have a good time….that’s why soon as I get my income tax I’mma see if I can find disco…..you know, splurge for a hot minute, make it look like I’m doing it….

disco

July 30th, 2013
9:40 am

2C – looking for someone to die with? I’m not even sure how to take that one. lol.

2C – you don’t have to find me at income tax time. just send the money western union with password “disco”. i’ll get it.

Single and Happy

July 30th, 2013
9:40 am

Hello all

Here’s the kind of love I hope to find

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue41h6pD8Xs

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
9:42 am

2C ~ I’ve come to the same conclusion about myself and I am more than fine knowing this about myself.

disco ~ I like how you turned that around. He wants to spend money on you, not flat out give it to you. Yousa mess (rofl)!

Single and Happy

July 30th, 2013
9:43 am

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
9:43 am

Morning All!!

I think love is what keeps you there when the lust fades, when you get on each other’s nerves, when one does something humanly stupid. It’s the glue. People keep trying to compare marriages of yesteryears to those of today & explain the high divorce rate. A lot of marriages were based on reasons that are are not pertinent to today’s society and divorce was either frowned upon or just not looked as as an option. Divorce is not necessarily bad. Most folks reasons for marrying today are not fairytales. Sure, alot may not realize the work involved and may not be as realistic, but they are not living in fairyland either. Having children out of wedlock does not carry the stigma it once did. If the only reason you got married is to have kids or because you got pregnant, what do you have when the kids are grown and gone? I’ve seen folks stay together “just for the kids” and then break up after they leave the nest.

Like Dreams said, there is not just one way and that’s the great thing about today’s society for me. You have a choice and you don’t have to feel shame for taking a different route. Some people cannot handle too many choices though, and I think therein lies the problem.

To me, what can be even more important than love is LIKE in a marriage!

Single and Happy

July 30th, 2013
9:44 am

Leggs, disco just trying to cut off the middle leg,

Single and Happy

July 30th, 2013
9:44 am

I mean cut out the middle man (LOL)

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
9:45 am

That tickled me, Single!

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
9:48 am

disco ~ she wants the money, not the middle leg!!

disco

July 30th, 2013
9:53 am

leggs – is there a difference? lol.

single – what’s up? I need to hear about your next vacation adventure. get some vicarious joy up and through here. where you headed next?

hey kimmie!!!!

Miss Moni

July 30th, 2013
9:55 am

-2C Apparently, an IT person who wasn’t so computer savvy jacked up my operating system (among other things) and it was a downward spiral from there.

-Kimmie Great point, like is another very important component. :-)

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
9:59 am

Moni….tell your company you know this awesome IT person, and he can fix your issues…for a small fee, of course…tell ‘em I can fix it remotely too!!!!

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
10:02 am

Hey Disco!!

2C – I watched “your” movie the other night, Two Can Play That Game, for about the 15th time. One of my favorites!

Raqi

July 30th, 2013
10:05 am

Love is great and very necessary.

But obedience is what keeps you.

Obedience to your own words.

I,take you, to be my (husband/wife)

To have and to hold…

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD…

Your vow to love, honor and cherish…

For better and worse…

Forsake all others…

In sickness and in health…

For richer and poorer…

TILL DEATH DO US PART…

According to God’s Holy Law…

AND THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW.

The problem is people go in not giving real thought or consideration to what it is they are making a vow to do and to whom they are making to before.

Obey the Marriage and not your own selfish desires and wants it will last till death.

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
10:06 am

Kimmie, believe it or not, I still have not seen the movie!!!! it was a catchy name at the time, and I’ve stuck with it ever since……

are you feeling better today, you didn’t have to choke any of your employees did you? that’s one of the few good things about working in IT, you work autonomously…..

Raqi

July 30th, 2013
10:06 am

Be it yesteryear or today, be true to your own words.

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
10:07 am

Miss Moni

July 30th, 2013
10:08 am

Alright now Raqi, very TRUE words indeed and understanding & obeying them are key!!!

disco

July 30th, 2013
10:09 am

2C – I enjoyed that movie initially but it’s not on my list of movies that I can watch over and over again. in fact, that’s one you can get sick of pretty quick. lol.

raqi – plus a lot of us are from the “sike” generation. we were raised up crossing our fingers behind our backs. lol.

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
10:12 am

2C – Yes, today is a much better day! I just had to let folks know what time it was with me. Show me the respect I have EARNED. We all right now!LOL!!

It’s such a fun movie, you really must watch it! Anthony Anderson & Bobby Brown are so funny, they steal the show.

Hey Raqita!!

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
10:15 am

One of my favorite lines is before Bobby Brown’s character gets cleaned up. He has a Jeri curl and jacked up teeth. He says to the lady “You make a brotha wanna SANG to you”!

DreamsMaterialize

July 30th, 2013
10:17 am

To me, what can be even more important than love is LIKE in a marriage!
kimmie You don’t even know how high this is on the list right now. Are you easy to talk to? Are you easy to get along with? Are you reasonable? Fair? Optimistic? Is it easy to be around you? Liking someone goes a long way with me.

Raqi

July 30th, 2013
10:20 am

Yes Toucan.

Hello Kim. How are you and the family?

Disco, in a perfect world marriage should be handled the way a civil lawsuit I just had to go through was handled. The person asked me to borrow money. Signed on the dotted line promising to repay. While I truly believe their intention upon asking was to not repay it however the court held them to their word and a judgment was made in my favor.

Judgments by courts in favor of marriages being held together based on promising made…

LOL

SlimNu

July 30th, 2013
10:23 am

2C – Miss’n you more babes! ;-)

disco – So far I have not had any mishaps with the tea…..this week at least. lol

abc

July 30th, 2013
10:23 am

“Is love the right reason to get married?”

What kind of meds comes up with that?

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
10:33 am

Raqi – All is well, getting the younguns ready to start school next week!

Dreams – All you mentioned about “like” makes things a WHOLE lot easier and bearable when life gets challenging!

disco

July 30th, 2013
10:35 am

kimmie – next week???? dang. that’s messed up. poor kids. remember the staples commercial where the dad was singing “it’s the most wonderful time of the year” and the kids were shooting daggers? lol.

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
10:42 am

Disco – Seems like they have to go back earlier every year. They do get a decent fall break and they get out around Memorial day. I LOVE that Staples commercial!

2CPTG©

July 30th, 2013
10:45 am

Raqi, I see you’re still the romantic……

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
10:49 am

disco ~ looking at, you’re right. They’re one and the same (lol).

Amazing while reading kimmie’s post on “liking” your partner I thought of Raqi because she always said that as well and poof….here she is. Always good to read you!

How’s the chirren doing?

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
10:53 am

plus a lot of us are from the “sike” generation. we were raised up crossing our fingers behind our backs. lol.

OMG, this is so true!

Exiled

July 30th, 2013
10:56 am

make the decision to get into a committed relationship, they probably think the next logical step is falling in love, get married, and then have kids.

@DIVA….this looks like a gold digger thing,the way u arranged the pieces…

how u gon get into a committed relationship first before even falling in luv? I dont get it..barring the arranged marriage ofcourse….how do u do that without loking like a gold digger hjoping to get comfy with the money then luv the person later…

WELL,if this is how you guys do it these days(ladies) then no wonder the divorce rate.

Love first…committed relationship later..then marriage!

Ofcourse u can smash be4 u fall in luv,after u falll in luv and during the process of deciding whether to marry her or not….all this time. the cootie is under siege!! :lol:

If u marry for luv and because u value the concept and institution of marriage(not the luv of the wedding),u have better chances of success. But u both have to have ideas that sync as far as marriage is concerned.

No cheat ulimatums(u cheat, im out..no woman does that!),no pudy rations.. because u just dont want to and because the vjay is yours(the vjay belongs to the marriage!),cater to ur man the way Blue Ivy’s mum does or close to it,keep ur marriage stuff to ur dern selves,no friends in ur business and definately, when u marry,upgrade to married friends(not single friends because u have nothing in common to talk bout) etc..u both need to be moving in tandem. If one is sloppy on that..no marriage success.
hope that helps!
Merning MIA!

daddy swiss

July 30th, 2013
10:59 am

Morning, folks.

Diva — I would suggest that you are confusing love with the initial euphoria over a new relationship (cue abc to explain the science behind it). This euphoria is fleeting, for sure. This euphoria, however, is not love, and if that is your expectation of love then you will surely live a life of disappointment.

You want to know a good way to determine whether you truly love someone? It’s not about when everything is all sunshine and roses. It’s when things get sh!tty (and things always get sh!tty eventually), yet you still wouldn’t want to imagine life without your SO. That’s when you know you’re in love. And that’s the kind of thing worth marrying for, I’d say.

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
11:00 am

Exiled – I admit I thought that was a little backwards too – I thought falling in love is what made you decide to get in a committed relationship! The golddigger part you can keep though!LOL!!

Button

July 30th, 2013
11:04 am

What do you think, is love the right reason to get married? There are many reasons to get married however, love should be the foundation to remain married. In the beginning Eve was a helpmate to Adam. So these days I look at marriage as that, being a helpmate through life. Spouses should love each other just as they love themselves.

Leggs

July 30th, 2013
11:04 am

daddy swiss ~ it should never be about sunshine and roses. A relationship lasts because no valley was too deep to get out of! Your character is the metal that pushes the relationship to new heights.

kimmie

July 30th, 2013
11:08 am

Hey Swiss Beatz!! Great post, as usual!