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Do friends complicate dating?

You know that saying, “Loose lips sink ships”, right?  Well, this applies to relationSHIPS. There are many of us who have friends that probably make our dating more complicated than it should be.

You have the type that aren’t actually friends at all and don’t want you to be happy.  So they focus on sabotaging your potential relationships.  Then there are the friends that say they are looking out for you and so they point out every single flaw of your suitors.  Why do we let our friends complicate something that can already be a tricky thing to navigate?

Have you ever had a date  or potential relationship ruined by meddling friends? How did you handle it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

156 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 29th, 2013
7:02 am

Have a great monday only four more days until the weekend. The topic does not apply to me if you have friends like stated above you might still be in high school if not then don’t talk about all your business to everyone and they will have nothing to say on the matter.

DreamsMaterialize

July 29th, 2013
8:46 am

Morning

So they focus on sabotaging your potential relationships.
Does anyone really have friends who FOCUS on sabotaging their relationships? Sounds like the plot in a suspense thriller or Lifetime movie.

Have you ever had a date or potential relationship ruined by meddling friends?
What is this, Scooby Doo? My friends don’t “meddle”. They might let me know if something is on their mind, but that’s it.

Sassy Me ;-)

July 29th, 2013
8:53 am

Have you ever had a date or potential relationship ruined by meddling friends?

No, no and NO….my relationship is just that…mine. My friends have a place in my life and it’s NOT in my relationships…

disco

July 29th, 2013
9:13 am

good morning.

lee – somehow that 4 more day comment just sounds mean. lol.

I wonder if I’m the “just looking out” friend. lol. I don’t say I pick out every flaw but I do point out the things that are deal breakers in my eyes. whether or not my friend sees them that way are my friend’s issue. I’m quick to say “but girl he lives with his momma/sister/cousin/whoever” or “child, you know he ain’t got no job right”. or “you know parolees aren’t supposed to cross state lines. do you really want to staycation for the next 5 years”

MsAtl

July 29th, 2013
9:14 am

Morning All!

No, I have not had a date or potential relationship ruined by meddling friends. My friends may give me their opinion on something, but it is not their place to choose my mate. Also, you do not discuss every aspect of your relationship with people.

Dreams- I agree, if a person’s FOCUS is on sabotaging other people’s relationships, then that person is sorry and needs to get a life.

MsAtl

July 29th, 2013
9:16 am

Disco- I really don’t find much wrong with what you posted. I don’t see that as trying to sabotage your friend’s relationship.

disco

July 29th, 2013
9:31 am

atl – I don’t see it as sabotage either. still, some folks subscribe to if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. heck, I talk way too much to let a rule like that hold me back. lol.

disco

July 29th, 2013
9:51 am

ummm. leggs – if you are holding the blog hostage again today please, please, please let me know what the ransom amount is. let my people go.

2CPTG©

July 29th, 2013
10:14 am

disco,

leggs is out running errands…..something I can help you with?

disco

July 29th, 2013
10:20 am

2C – just a little entertainment and Monday morning company is all I seek. I didn’t think that was asking for too much but maybe it is.

2CPTG©

July 29th, 2013
10:26 am

entertainment…..and company……ok…

ok, only if you tell me which “cackalack” you’re from, or residing in….

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
10:26 am

I’ve never been very talkative to my friends about my relationships. It’s ok to say some things, but for the most part, my relationship is between him and I. If I truly need to vent, I have one friend I will go to, but my friends and acquaintances will never know details.

I’m on the other side of the hill (lol) so none of the people in my circle put their noses where it doesn’t belong.

Good morning!

Single & Happy

July 29th, 2013
10:27 am

Hello all

In my younger days I did let friend sabotage my relationships, now I just tell them they need to get their own house in order before trying to straighten out mine! I don’t take relationship advice nor do I give it, unless asked.

MsAtl, Disco, if those folks are grown, and it’s unsolicited opinions, then it’s sabotaging!

2CPTG©

July 29th, 2013
10:28 am

Leggs, you’re back already….. I surely thought you’d be gone for awhile….disco and I were just getting aquainted!!!!

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
10:37 am

disco ~ it ain’t me this time (lol..cute).

MsAtl

July 29th, 2013
10:39 am

Single- If it is as Disco described (pointing out that the person doesn’t have a job or that they can’t cross state lines), then I don’t see that as sabotage; I see it more along the lines of knowing your friend and what they have told you they will not accept. If he points it out to them, they can take it or leave it. If she harps on it then that is a different story- it wouldn’t be her place to harp on it.

kimmie

July 29th, 2013
10:39 am

Morning All!!

Had to walk in the work door swinging today!! You don’t have to like me, but you WILL respect me!!

On topic – I have never been one to meddle & my freinds are like me. Been like that since high school. Other than offering advice when something serious was going down, like I had to do with one friend that was in an abusive relationship, I don’t say anything unless asked. If you can’t see what’s going on right in front of your face – well let’s just say my friends are not that blind. If they are in a mess, they must like it, not my place. This does seem like a problem of the very young tho. I mean, are folks over 25 really having these issues? I guess me & my friends have too much going on in our own houses to have time worrying about someone elses. Shrugs!!

MsAtl

July 29th, 2013
10:39 am

2CPTG©

July 29th, 2013
10:41 am

kimmie, are you a mean boss?

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
10:45 am

2C ~ I sensed mischief in the air. Wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what it was, but something told me to hurry to Blogsville!!!!

2CPTG©

July 29th, 2013
10:48 am

Leggs, as you can see, not much going on over here in these parts……..

go knock on disco’s door, and see if she can come out…..I’on think her mama let boys come over when she at work….

disco

July 29th, 2013
10:49 am

single – well then it’s official. I attempt to sabotage relationships. oh well. lol.

kimmie – what? dukes up early on a Monday morning? just dang.

Single & Happy

July 29th, 2013
10:51 am

Msatl, if they didn’t ask for the advice and it’s a deal breaker for you, then that’s a moot point because you’re not the one dating them. They know what they’re getting into.

Dreams, lifetime is full of drama, it’s more like a Seinfeld episode, very funny (LOL)

Exiled

July 29th, 2013
11:01 am

MsAtl/Disco…if you are offering that “advice” to a same age friend(as yourself) and the friend and the guy are already an item,then u are saboting!

Isnt it obvious that by the time an adult is in a relationship or moving towards it,they ask the pertinent questions about the other party? Now u come in with ur own unsolicited , possibly manless “advice” to another grown chic…that just smells c0rck blocking…

If she decides to date a parolee, aint it her business. Who says parolees cannot get it in?

Thats why dudes dont approach chics in a group set up!

Isnt it ironic Disco wont date a dude that lives with a roommate but she is comfortable hovering over her firiends’ relationships!

Good morning MIA!

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
11:05 am

Had to walk in the work door swinging today!! – I know this isn’t funny, yet I laughed. I can see you now “you mo fos may not like me, but dagnabit you’re gonna respect me now get your black carcasses to work and DO IT RIGHT!!!”

kimmie

July 29th, 2013
11:06 am

Hey Disco!! Yeah girl, got too much to do this Monday for mess!

2C – No I’m not mean, but I think that may be part of the problem I have with SOME. I am rather laid back and no stress, but some have a tendency to take my calm demeanor as weakness. I’m of the “never let them see you sweat” mindset but some folks don’t respect you unless you act the fool once in awhile. I’ve even had well-meaning coworkers to “pull me aside” and try to warn me to “watch my back”. I have to kindly explain to them that I got this, and nothing passes me, I’ve played the game in Corporate America for awhile now. Today, this was a collegue over another group addressing some of my direct reports before discussing it with me! I let her know what time it was & copied my director on it. Both apologized. :cool:

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
11:06 am

Oops, take out the word “black…”

Durty Burd

July 29th, 2013
11:09 am

Good Morning!

I need to interven more often, it would save everyone the trouble of a soon to be fail relationship! :)

Fellas you ever date that crazy woman who tries to tell you a fact about the industry you are an expert in because of what mama, daddy or her crazy uncle told her although they never worked in the industry?
I have met at least 3 women like that!

How about when they make a mistake , they blame everyone but themselves!

disco

July 29th, 2013
11:10 am

Single – upon further consideration, I will not take the title of saboteur. Lol. To sabotage there needs to be intent. Me speaking my mind has nothing to do with the intent to break up their thing. They can have it no matter how raggedy I think it is.

Ex – see my post to single. Thing is, a lot of folks want you to tell them good things all that the time no matter what. Real good thing is, my friends don’t expect that from me. My friends know that I will not put a muzzle on it.

Exiled

July 29th, 2013
11:15 am

Disco..a lot of folks want you to tell them good things all that the time no matter what.

maybe u have a prevalence of 2 left legged friends or u choose those lame types(i can understand the desire to want to be the dominant type) lol… so when you speak on their relationships,unsolicited,they think it is a favor on ur part! :lol:

Single & Happy

July 29th, 2013
11:17 am

Disco, do they ask for your advice? People say the ask for my advice because I’m going to honest. but it’s only when asked for. If they just won’t to vent I let them vent and say okay, cause it aint my problem. I have a friend who’s always venting about her husband, I just say this sounds like the same stuff you were venting about when you started dating him. so deal with it. (LOL)

kimmie

July 29th, 2013
11:24 am

Thinking back, I do have an example of a friend that tried to sabotage what she THOUGHT was a potential relationship for me.

We were a few years out of college and both of us were living in the ATL. A guy we both knew from school was in town and wanted to meet us out for drinks at a club. My car was in the shop and I was waiting on her to pick me up and we meet him together. She kept getting “held up” to the point where we missed meeting up with the guy. Later I learned she was thinking he had the hots for me & I would go for it. She didn’t like him for me and wanted to prevent us from meeting up. Now this dude had a hot body, decent face and was reall good people, but I was not feeling him like that at all, just friends. I think my friend MAY have messed with him back in college and just never told me about it. He was definitely her type. Either way, she was trying to be sure nothing went down with him & I. I told her though she might have prevented us from meeting up that night, if we really wanted to get together nothing she tried would have stopped it! :shock:

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
11:28 am

Single ~ I’m the same, people come to me for advice because they know I will speak the truth. I won’t fluff, but I won’t degrade either. If you ask me, then I will be honest. I don’t purposefully go out putting my two cents where it doesn’t belong (well, not often). A friend admonished me for speaking my mind after she came to me with a perplexing dilemna. I had no idea she wanted to vent and me to sit and listen. Like disco, my friends no I don’t do that well. So, going forward I told her to preface her communication by telling me she’s venting or seeking advice. I don’t always discern the difference in the two.

disco

July 29th, 2013
11:32 am

single – hmm. I’ll say occasionally they’ll ask for advice. usually I get the generic “what do you think”. not sure if that’s the same as seeking advice. I’ll admit that often I just blurt out my random thoughts. let the chips fall where they may.

kimmie – sabotaging and blocking. guess they can be one and the same. lol.

disco

July 29th, 2013
11:35 am

leggs – just last week a friend told me how much she appreciated that I always kept it real with her even if I did hurt her feelings a time or two in the process. she said that she likes knowing that she never has to wonder where things stand with me. this is the chick that I once asked how the heck she had a job, a husband and a boyfriend but no money.

Exiled

July 29th, 2013
11:40 am

she had a job, a husband and a boyfriend but no money.

see! :lol:

i knew it!

Single & Happy

July 29th, 2013
11:41 am

Leggs, I just listen until they ask the magic words, “what do you think”

Disco, when they udder those words, they’re asking for advice!

Durty Burd

July 29th, 2013
11:43 am

Hmmmmm…..How are you going to ask for honesty in a relationship when you have to decide which topics you will be truthful about?

Disco if your friend does not know a parolee cannot cross the state line, please tell her she may not know….

MsAtl

July 29th, 2013
11:45 am

Single/ Exiled- I see a difference between the two, but it’s okay; we can disagree. My friends know that if they ask me something they want the truth and vice versa. Maybe the problem comes in as Diva said a “friend” tries to sabtage; I would not try to sabotage a friend’s relationship or anything else and if they are true friends, they would not try to sabotage mine either. Sabotage is something you do with ill intent; advice or opinion is not.

DreamsMaterialize

July 29th, 2013
11:47 am

So, what if you’re “unsolicited” advice is for the person to forgive or stay with their SO and work it out. Is it still sabotage?

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
11:47 am

“…usually I get the generic “what do you think”. not sure if that’s the same as seeking advice: – for me, it’s the same as asking my opinion. If you don’t want to know what I think, then don’t ask. It’s really that cut and dry (lol).

kimmie ~ that was messed up the way she went about keeping you from meeting up. But, you are right, if it was meant to be, nothing she tried would have stopped you.

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
11:49 am

disco ~ EXACTLY. I’ve been told the same thing. It’s real cool going to a friend you know won’t blow smoke up your arse! I will do my best not to hurt your feelings by being crude and mean, but I will give my opinion because you asked me to.

Leggs

July 29th, 2013
11:54 am

Looking at the subject “Do Friends Complicate Dating” the answer is nequivocally no. You complicate your dating arena by bringing your friends in!

2CPTG©

July 29th, 2013
11:56 am

Celisea

July 29th, 2013
11:57 am

In a few words….mind yo business and nunya business.

I deal with a circle of grown folks. Sabatoging relationships is childish. Can’t say what folks did back in the day or when yonger. I just know, my folks are pretty cool and pretty level-headed. Most seem to know how to deal with whatever issues, if any between them and their mates.

Some years back, I’d always have women wanting my advice. I guess because 1) I’m a straight shooter…too much sometimes and 2) I’ve always been that person with my head on straight. I’ve had a couple of folks to ask for advice and got offended. Well, if you don’t want the truth, then don’t ask me. Then there are those that can appreciate my honesty.

I do have a coworker that’s 10 years my junior and we’ve become pretty cool these last months. We worked in the same department about 6 years ago. Didn’t say much to each other, but always spoke. Well, she started out asking me advice about jobs and postings and how she should approach. From there the conversations just went deeper. On from there she’d ask about getting time in to do lunch. Friday I saw her in the cafe and she said she wanted to talk to me about something “personal” going on with her. She’s been married for 5 years and have hinted around some stuff not being cool between her and hubs, but I don’t really say anything cause she’s not put it out there yet. Just a few minor differences in having kids. He wants them, she’s not ready. Not sure if they talked about this prior to the wedding. Her issue Friday was with her MIL and his side of the family. That discussion was so wild it almost left me speechless. I just kept leaning on “talk with your husband”, you know keeping the lines open and keeping cool with him. I did say they were each other’s first priority. Mama nem takes a back seat to the marriage. But it was the typical scenario, he’s feeling obligated to his mama (who’s playing games) and she’s not feeling that. I did tell her to put his mammie in her place, if he won’t do it. Of course letting him know what his role is, in that whole scenario.

But anyhoo, sabatoging?? Who does that??

Single & Happy

July 29th, 2013
11:57 am

dreams unless they ask, I don’t give any advice whether good or bad.

Msatl, okay we disagree. (LOL)

Leggs, “what do you think” = advice, opinion, it’s all the same here. I just say what I would do, not what they should do.

Celisea

July 29th, 2013
11:59 am

Revision: I said she’s not really put it out there meaning, she’s made remarks but haven’t asked me, so I don’t really comment. Just a “girrrrl” type response.

kimmie

July 29th, 2013
11:59 am

Dang, yall got me thinking hard about this sabotage/block thing. A slip of the lip CAN sink a ship, or at least cripple it a little.

As I’m thinking, it brought back a memory of a friend I had to CHECK on mess she would say around my now husband before we got engaged. I don’t know if she was trying to sabotage because maybe it was just her way and was how she landed her husband, but it was not my way. Whenever she was around she would drop these hints to my man about when he was going to propose to me. I don’t believe in that at all and didn’t want to make him feel pressured or think I was yacking & complaining to my friends about him proposing. We had talked about it and I knew it was just a matter of time. I wanted him to do it when he felt comfortable and not because I pressured him. I guess he was not moving fast enough for my friend though, and she really put him on the spot at my birthday party one year. I checked her REAL quick! It burns me up just thinking about it now!

disco

July 29th, 2013
12:08 pm

single – leave it to me to toss this out there. generally, men don’t run off at the mouth about relationship stuff nearly as much as women. so your guy friends may not be seeking your thoughts/opinions/advice nearly as much as chicks who tend to try to figure out everything. “girl, he smiled and showed his teeth yesterday but today he didn’t open his mouth when he smiled. he just sort of gave a half grin. what do you think that means”. yeah. some chicks will make you tell them some things. lol.

Single & Happy

July 29th, 2013
12:13 pm

Disco, oh yes guys do, they just don’t do it around women! I’ve had several married guys ask me for advice, and I just tell them what i do with my imaginary wife (LOL) but they have to do what’s best for them. I never tell anybody what they should do, only what I would do.