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Dating: Dealing with rejection

Imagine the  generation of kids who competed in games where everyone was a winner.  How do you think they will grow up and deal with being told no?   Dealing with rejection is a part of life and a huge part of dating.  There should be a reasonable amount of resilience if anyone hopes to navigate the dating scene.  Not everyone handles rejection well, though.

I can remember watching a guy attempt to get a woman’s phone number.  When she turned him down he went into a tirade about her looks.  Suddenly her rejection instantly made her some kind of troll that he was fine with a mere 30 seconds earlier.

How do you think most people deal with being told no?   In your experience, when you dump someone or shut them down, do they handle it well?

Do you think giving participation awards, sheltering kids from any kind of rejection is a smart way to teach them about the real world?  What happens when they get that harsh reality check from the opposite sex?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

243 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 25th, 2013
7:22 am

In my experience most men do not handle it well–they want to get you back in whatever way they can. I have been verbally attacked– its funny one minute you are great next you are a rotten bich”.. smh

Do you think giving participation awards, sheltering kids from any kind of rejection is a smart way to teach them about the real world? No , I believe they will have a hard time in this world. The same for the parents that give their kids expensive gifts –no one is teaching kids how to work for something ,and when they fail they do not know how to dust yourself off and getting back up to try again. All my cousin kids are at this point worthless unproductive people–not one of their kids works –no college but yet they talk a lot about it — there is no action. They are all over the age of 20, really sad…. We hired some college kids for the summer–only one knew how to fold a letter—its a simple task yet very hard for some… scary times are ahead.

MsAtl

July 25th, 2013
8:26 am

Morning All!

I agree with recognition for participation but not awards for participation. I gave my kids what they needed and some of what they wanted because I wanted them to understand that you don’t get everything you want in life. Unfortunately, I think they still got too much. Because I moved away when my kids were 1 and 7 months, my family would send them both a gift for one of their birthdays and I had to ask them to stop; one child needed to understand that it was the other child’s special day.
I, too, have bee ncalled a bit(h when I didn’t react the way a man expected me to (mostly in cases where they approached like “psst” or “hey mami” and thought it was flattering) Most notably, when I refused to take my ex back, he turned into Satan and I was subjected to some of the most foul texts and emails this side of earth. Despite that he had a child on the way, he expected me to “be there for him” like I had always been. It does a disservice to our children when we don’t teach them that rejection is a part of life. I don’t like being rejected, but hopefully folks don’t d it in an unnecessarily mean way.

Lee- I hear what you are saying about the college kids. I think some of that comes from them using email and text so much that they didn’t write letters. I used to have my kids send handwritten notes and letters just because. I also tell my son to write out words and not use text talk. Speaking and writing seems to be a lost art.

MsAtl

July 25th, 2013
8:33 am

Lee- Classic example of what we are discussing- the if I can’t have you, no one else cn: http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/local/man-accused-slashing-estranged-wife/nY3pZ/

Hey! Where is everyone?

Exiled

July 25th, 2013
8:44 am

Wish u had given 2 examples of a man and woman getting into tirades/tyre slashing after the rejection to make it a lil “fair and balanced”..but I digress…. :lol:

Childhood examples do not apply here because we are talking bout tot kids..as the kids navigate thru school into middle school and high school,they are battling thru rejection a whole lot more,so they shld be ok by the time they are adults.

Men get rejeced a whole lot more patently and publicly than females altho to be honest, I think women get so put down by not being hollerd at(which is rejection in itself) :lol:

Everybody deals with it!

Now they are some who may be desperate,like the dude firing expletives at the chic who refused to give him her number….he was lookiong for a quick bootey perhaps,not a relationship(i think).

Those types will need to grow up,mentally!

Good Morning MIA!

DreamsMaterialize

July 25th, 2013
8:52 am

Dealing with rejection is a part of life and a huge part of dating.
Not really for women in dating. Men take the brunt of the rejection, which we learn early in life to accept as part of the game.

When she turned him down he went into a tirade about her looks.
This has been going on since the beginning of time. I don’t think this generation is any more prone to this than others.

Do you think giving participation awards, sheltering kids from any kind of rejection is a smart way to teach them about the real world?
It depends on the circumstances and your children. As a parent it’s up to you to determine which circumstances provide a valuable learning experience and which are potentially psychologically damaging. Participation awards sometimes have merit. If you sit on the bench for the team that won the Superbowl, you still get a ring (participation award). And there are things in life where merely attempting to do it (even if you don’t succeed/finish) is pretty incredible. Ask SexyC if she deserved a medal for her half marathons even though she didn’t finish first. She ran 13.1 miles…damn right she deserved a medal (participation award). lol

SlimNu

July 25th, 2013
9:09 am

Dang, looks like folks had a lot to say this morning….I don’t. But Good morning anyway ;-)

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
9:13 am

Although playing sports where everyone is a winner does set the stage on why be competitive if you’re going to be awarded with effort or w/o, but I think it’s a small issue. Life will deal harsher realities and how one handles it is up to them and how their parents reared them. Handling rejection first takes place in the home when parents tell the child “no.” Whatever temper tantrum takes place thereafter is a better indicator on how they will handle rejection and change ways as they get older.

Sheltering kids from anything is bad parenting. The real world is harsh and those sheltered will never survive. I’m teaching my child that life can be hard if you don’t work hard to achieve what you want and have a good life. Nothing will be handed to you. Not only that, everyone is not going to swim in your joy!

Good morning! If only I could have slept for one more hour!

2CPTG©

July 25th, 2013
9:16 am

No you shouldn’t get an award for participation! Hell, you made the decision that you wanted to play, so because you didn’t win, you don’t get a consolation prize for showing up! participation awards, consolation prizes, etc……examples of the wussification of america….we’re raising a nation of chumps…you lost, deal with it, and keep it moving!!!!

dating……she won’t give you her number? oh well, her loss……then let her kick herself in the ass when she sees you on TV Monday morning, while the dude she did give the time of day to, she sees him at the Marta stop over in West End…..

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
9:31 am

2C ~ you do realize if she sees him at the Marta stop over in West End, she too must be at the stop over. You can’t see it driving by (lol).

disco

July 25th, 2013
9:37 am

good morning. rejection is always fun. ha ha ha.

ex – in theory kids go through the rejection process a lot more but a lot of this batch of kids are just plain soft and through no fault of their own. the janky azz grown ups are the problem. used to be you got bullied and your parents schooled you and sent you back out to deal with the bully on your own. now the parents are pressing charges against the bully, the bullies parents, the school, the teachers, the bus driver and on and on.

Single & Happy

July 25th, 2013
9:42 am

Hello all,

Do you think giving participation awards, sheltering kids from any kind of rejection is a smart way to teach them about the real world? No it is not, what we experienced as kids is what made us the adults we are today! you just don’t change your behavior over night, it’s cultivated over years. Spoiled kids usually grow up to be spoiled adults!

Most of the time it is just us guys that have to deal with rejection. Some of us know how to move on to the one beside them, :-)

disco

July 25th, 2013
9:43 am

ex – just yesterday a woman was telling me that her adult daughter was attacked by a friend (both females). the daughter did nothing (unless crying counts as something). the woman told me she was angry enough to go get the chick who attacked her daughter. I told her in theory that was all good but if she was going to attack anyone it should have been her daughter who stood by and didn’t even attempt to fight back. just my opinion though.

leggs – you might as well add that life will be hard even if you do work hard to achieve what you want. it’s dog eat dog out here. lol.

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
9:46 am

disco ~ I have. I always tell her “survival of the fitness, it’s a dog eat dog world. Get yours through hard work and lawful means, and never lay on your back to get ahead!

Bluzgirl

July 25th, 2013
9:51 am

Morning everyone! Two more wake ups and I’m beach bound!!! Woot Woot!

I definitely do not agree with the awards just for participating and the idea of everyone is a winner. I played softball growing up and I worked my tail off to get the position I wanted. I tried hard to hit those home runs. I knew I’d be recognized for my talents…not just for showing up. I definitely think we are raising a bunch of wusses!

Rejection sucks no matter what it is. I’ve never had to deal with a guy going crazy because I rejected him. When I’m rejected, I won’t show it to him. I’ll let out the feelings when I get home. We all get rejected and we just have to be grown ups and deal with it.

2CPTG©

July 25th, 2013
9:53 am

“Get yours through hard work and lawful means”

……..is it ever ok to take a shortcut?

Celisea

July 25th, 2013
9:57 am

I have to agree with Lee’s first paragraph. It’s been a “no go” with some dudes and you go from being “alllat” to “yeen all dat no way”, fickle I tell you.

A good ole heaping of rejection is good for everyone, especially during the forming years. It teaches you how to deal with every facet.

I don’t really think dudes being salty can compare to kids expecting to win every time. Well, yeah I do, kids that don’t take too well to rejection or losing turn out to be adults that don’t take rejection too well. It’s not cute on a kid, and it’s even worse for an adult.

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
9:57 am

Sure it is, after you’ve gone through the ringer a few times. You have to appreciate the shortcut!

disco

July 25th, 2013
9:59 am

2C – sure it’s okay if you can find a shortcut. lol.

re participation awards. I’m all for it. what does it really hurt? even little kids know that token award or no token award they still didn’t win. lol.

2CPTG©

July 25th, 2013
10:00 am

Sure it is, after you’ve gone through the ringer a few times. You have to appreciate the shortcut!

this comment gon’ come back and bite you….watch….

Miss Moni

July 25th, 2013
10:02 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Friday Eve!*

Good old rejection, is a natural and normal part of life. Parents should teach their children that they can’t always have their way. When parents fail to do so you end up with adults who have TEMPER TANTRUMS when they can’t get their way or aren’t the center of attention. It really is a disservice to a child if you don’t teach them about how to handle rejection.

In terms of dating, once again it’s a part of life and you should learn to get over it and MOVE ON!!!

disco

July 25th, 2013
10:03 am

random – anyone ever have to poke an extra hole in their belt with scissors or a knife to make it fit? lol. I ask because the ankle strap on my sandal is buckled in the very last hole but this bad boy is too tight. years ago this dude told me my ankles were too big. who’d have thunk it?

Celisea

July 25th, 2013
10:12 am

Just had the “no such thing as shortcuts” speech with my kid. Tis true

Mr_NYC

July 25th, 2013
10:13 am

Good morning
I do wonder though with the older generation being tougher, where are all these sensitive, wussified kids coming from, someone has raised them. Somewhere some folks must have gotten soft and passed it on.

disco – your comment sounds like what my mom told us coming up; threatened us if she ever heard of us allowing some knucklehead to chase up home

Celisea

July 25th, 2013
10:14 am

She was just hired on the spot by a pretty reput able company. Pretty proud of her. She’s doing her paperwork as we speak. Working and schooling is going to slay her…

I’m tryna breed a “gogetta” :mrgreen:

2CPTG©

July 25th, 2013
10:16 am

some say take the shortcut…..and Celisea says no such thing…….

disco

July 25th, 2013
10:18 am

my nyc – I’ll put the blame on the psychologists/psychiatrists/counselors/therapists and such. you know at some point (for some folks) child rearing stopped being instinctual and based on knowledge passed down and became based on what these folks started putting in books. poor babies hungry because they only get 3 ounces of milk every 2 hours. kids not scared of punishment because how painful is a timeout really? lol.

Celisea

July 25th, 2013
10:20 am

Well, 2C I was telling her success on the path of “straight and narrow”, so there’s how we ended up having the speech.

disco

July 25th, 2013
10:21 am

2C – I’m not saying there’s no such thing. I just said if you can find it and I’ll add – and take the shortcut without getting lost. you know some folks can’t make it when they veer off the beaten path. lol.

2CPTG©

July 25th, 2013
10:22 am

I’ll put the blame on the psychologists/psychiatrists/counselors/therapists and such

old folks say this as well…..but not quite in that manner……they say ……integration!!!!!!

SlimNu

July 25th, 2013
10:26 am

I’m already hungry and it isn’t even 11 yet…sheesh.

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
10:26 am

2C ~ I don’t think so. I’m not saying take a shortcut to get to the top. After you’ve done the straight and narrow and you’re established, no sense in reinventing the wheel, you can pivot here, pivot there. All depends on what the shortcut is and where it will lead.

disco ~ I’ve poked many holes in belts, even shoe straps (lol)

2CPTG©

July 25th, 2013
10:29 am

disco, while I believe in the whole “hard work pays off,” mantra, kinda hard to stay on the straight and narrow, when the shortcut/hookup has become the norm; i.e. the majority…..the truth has been blurred……you want me to stay up all night, work my butt off, and read this boring ass book???? while I can pay this lil geek $50, and call it a wrap?

disco

July 25th, 2013
10:34 am

2C – I might agree that the hookup mentality has become the norm but I don’t think everyone is connected enough to get the hookups they desire. they might want to up their hookup game. lol. I know once upon a time – back in the days of the airline buddy pass – I had a hookup. that was one of the best hookups ever. lol. i also had a hotel room hookup and a get in the club free hookup. I think at some point we all had the restaurant/free food hookup. hookups are away of life but they are of the nature that you have to get them while the getting is good.

Single & Happy

July 25th, 2013
10:39 am

Disco, I use to believe in that hook up game, until someone I knew went to prison for it. after that, I’ll tell anyone if it isn’t a legit won’t get you in trouble hook up, that I don’t want it because if you get caught up, I can’t help get you out of it.

MsAtl

July 25th, 2013
10:41 am

Okay, what is y’all take on this grown @$$ woman throwing a tantrum because her husband wouldn’t take her to the lake? He should have kicked her out the truck…
http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh2G2LiFKUX23lhJK7

disco

July 25th, 2013
10:43 am

single – gotcha and I agree. my hookups were legit. friends and family hookups are the lick. lol. now, I won’t front like I never had bootleg cable or nothing like that because I have but I will surely take advantage of someone’s employee discount if I can.

can that be today’s quote – “hook a sistah up”. lol.

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
10:47 am

disco ~ hookups are definitely a part of life. I wish I had more.

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
10:50 am

MsAtl ~ I saw that yesterday. I’ve never seen a grown person act like that. She acted like a 2-year old. She was having an anxiety attack because her sense of entitlement wasn’t being met.

Single & Happy

July 25th, 2013
10:53 am

MsATL once again, spoiled children grow up to be spoiled adults (LOL)

DreamsMaterialize

July 25th, 2013
11:01 am

He should have kicked her out the truck…
MsAtl I think they said he used that video in court as some of the evidence he presented to get a restraining order against her. He did just what he needed to do.

Albert

July 25th, 2013
11:07 am

Getting an award for participation in something can never be compared to being rejected by a woman you’re involved with romantically. The woman isn’t rewarding you, she’s telling you she doesn’t want you, and no award for participation in a sport is ever going to make up for that, unless you’re more into winning awards than having a fulfilling romantic relationship. Rejection hurts, plain and simple, especially if you are emotionally involved (physically, too, for that matter). It hurt 30 years ago, it hurts today, and it will hurt tomorrow.

Albert

July 25th, 2013
11:09 am

And what is this competing in games where everyone was a winner? I certainly never heard of that!

Miss Moni

July 25th, 2013
11:09 am

-Slim I’ve been hungry since my meeting this morning!!!

disco

July 25th, 2013
11:12 am

albert – I don’t think the comparisons were direct comparisons. lol. even so, as far as relationships go, I guess there are plenty of folks out there that rejection aside are pretty darned happy that they at least got to play in the relationship game. who cares that they didn’t win? at least they got some or they can take the attitude that it was fun while it lasted. shrugs.

Leggs

July 25th, 2013
11:12 am

I don’t think he should have kicked her out of the car. That’s not an “adult” thing to do. We live in a digital age and if you need to prove something, he did what he should have done! Him kicking her out meant he too stooped to her level.

Single & Happy

July 25th, 2013
11:16 am

you know the funny thing about it, when we were kids, and you didn’t make the team, or get an award, you didn’t think twice about, you moved on to the next thing.

SlimNu

July 25th, 2013
11:20 am

Moni – We’re all feeling quite hungry and lazy today so we’re ordering delivery, Chineeee.

kimmie

July 25th, 2013
11:26 am

Morning All!!

There are some loose cannons out there, but thankfully I believe the majority of men & women are not gonna go off like dude in the example did. It COULD have been a case where dude was not used to being rejected stemming from childhood. More than likely though, dude is just CRAZY! Yes it would stand to reason that since men do most of the asking they get most of the rejection. One of those double standards that don’t work in their favor, like so many others do.

Yes, rejection is a part of life and I agree if we don’t stop coddling and spoiling kids so much, they will grow up not equiped to handle LIFE. Totally agree Single spoiled kids grow up to be spoiled adults. You are not doing your kids, yourself or the world when you raise them to think they are entitled to something without working for it and that someone “owes” them something or they can just jump to the front of the line all the time without paying their dues. The minute adversity hits, and it most definitely will, they loose it and can’t handle it. No survival skills, no initiative, no ability to hustle. Not good.

My mom used to tell us there are no shortcuts. I found out that of course there are, but you can’t go out thinking you’re gonna shortcut your way thru every aspect of life. Don’t go out ALWAYS expecting a shortcut or “hookup”. If it falls your way, cool. Sometimes working hard on the regular afford you the shortcut or the hookup or perks down the road.

kimmie

July 25th, 2013
11:29 am

you know the funny thing about it, when we were kids, and you didn’t make the team, or get an award, you didn’t think twice about, you moved on to the next thing.

Single – I agree. OR if it was something you really wanted you knew you had to work harder next time.

Miss Moni

July 25th, 2013
11:33 am

-Slim Chinese does sound good. We’re having lunch catered today from Panera Bread.

-Kimmie Exactly, kids just got over it and moved on.