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Magic Number: Don’t ask, don’t tell

The new relationship is fragile enough without adding extra pressure on it.  For this reason, it when it comes to bringing up your past, you should tread lightly.  Asking about general information is one thing, but asking for an exact number of partners aka your magic number, is a totally different question.

Do you think your date has a right to know the exact number of partners you have had?  Is it a fair question that is necessary to really know?

I can remember my friend Sara was asked her magic number by her new beau.  She trusted him so she gave him all the information he wanted.  He dumped her.  He said it wasn’t because her number bothered him, but she knows that is the real reason.  Why would he ask the question if he wasn’t prepared for the answer?

Do you get asked about your magic number?  Do you think it is fair to ask the question?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

230 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 24th, 2013
7:22 am

I think the better question is “have you been tested for STD’s”? and when was the last time? (saw a report on aids -well all of Atlanta is infected and the surrounding areas now that is truly scary)
I have never had anyone ask me what the magic number is, it isn’t magic its just a fact of life. I do not think it is a fair question since most men get around way more than us ladies. Grow up its 2013 not 1813. lol

Glad the week is almost over.

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
7:39 am

Hey everyone

Don’t ask don’t tell :-) Leave the past in the past.

SlimNu

July 24th, 2013
8:20 am

Just like folks have their registration and insurance info in their car, maybe we need to start carrying our STD test results around. lol

I’ve only had one person ask me that question…it did take me off guard since i’ve never been asked that before. I’m not really too concerned about the number for a guy as I would be any kind of high risk sexual behaviors…like have you been with a prostitute, had sex with strippers, trains, orgies etc.. lol

SlimNu

July 24th, 2013
8:20 am

Single – Are you in the triple digits yet? ;-)

Button

July 24th, 2013
8:23 am

Do you think your date has a right to know the exact number of partners you have had? nope, bc that was before him and I’m just going to lie anyway.

DreamsMaterialize

July 24th, 2013
8:49 am

Morning
Wise do you really know a chick whose guy asked her this? Dudes don’t usually ask, mostly because they don’t want to know. It’s like that Chris Rock skit:

Dude: So, how many dudes you been with?

bc that was before him and I’m just going to lie anyway.
Button And every dude knows this. Thanks for being real. lol
Girl: Two

Dude: Two! TWO!!! Oh lawd! I guess that’s just how you was raised. (shaking head)

DreamsMaterialize

July 24th, 2013
8:50 am

hmmmmm don’t know how my comment got mixed up like that, but Button was not part of the skit. lol

Miss Moni

July 24th, 2013
8:51 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Mexican Potluck Day at work!!!* ;-)

First of all, I’ve NEVER been asked about my “magic number”. I agree with Single, leave the past in the past. Here’s the thing, as long as the person gets tested on a regular basis AND has negative test results, don’t dwell on how many people they’ve been with.

-Slim I agree, they should make a wallet size card that has the results of a person’s STD tests.

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
8:59 am

Slim, I don’t know, I don’t keep count :-)

button, why lie, just say non ya bizness!!

Also if I’m going to be worried about STD’s we’re going to get tested together, that card in your wallet means nothing to me.

MsAtl

July 24th, 2013
9:07 am

Morning All!

I have never had a man ask me that and I would not ask a man that question. As has been said, I am more concerned about your sexual behaviors and your std testing and results.

Miss Moni

July 24th, 2013
9:09 am

-Single Technically, I don’t believe that there’s ever a time you shouldn’t be worried about STD’s unless you’re abstinent.

Button

July 24th, 2013
9:19 am

Dreams – well it’s the truth!

Single – saying non ya bizness is an implied lie

MsAtl

July 24th, 2013
9:20 am

SlimNu- Did you ask if he was in triple digits? :shock: I can’t even imagine.

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
9:21 am

Button saying none of your business is just that, nothing implied about it!

Miss Moni, just because they have a card doesn’t mean they haven’t contracted something after that date. so if we’re going to be worried about it, lets go get tested before having sex.

Button

July 24th, 2013
9:36 am

Single – will you be chanied the that person until the test results come in?

Bluzgirl

July 24th, 2013
9:36 am

Morning!

What happened in the past stays in the past. There is no point in telling your magic number in a new relationship. All it can do is hurt. As long as everyone was safe, then no worries!

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
9:41 am

Button were you chained to them when they got their last results? Also if we’re talking about being in a relationship, if you can’t trust them enough until the results come back, why are you with them?

Button

July 24th, 2013
9:41 am

I see ppl with herpes aka cold sores on their lips. That’s an std. if it’s on the lips sooner of later it will be on the gen!tal when they do lip service down there while they have a flare up.

Button

July 24th, 2013
9:43 am

Sinlge – maybe you should answer your own question buddy.

Miss Moni

July 24th, 2013
9:44 am

-Single So EVERYTIME right before you have sex you want to go get tested? Sounds good in theory, LOL!!! A person can also contract an STD from the time they get tested til the time you actually have sex with them, if it’s not on the same day. Just something to think about.

disco

July 24th, 2013
9:44 am

good morning. magic number whatever. I can’t imagine what’s so magic about it.

button – none of your business is an implied lie? lol. none of your business is as about as truthful as it gets. lol.

random but kind of related. I was watching new york undercover last night and they were playing salt n pepa’s none of your business. “if I want to take a guy, home with me tonight, it’s none of your business”. yeah. nunya is the truth.

Button

July 24th, 2013
9:45 am

Single – you came up with the brillant idea of having a test before the deed, my quesiton to you is what do you do in the meantime until the results come in? will you be chanied to her? A simple question deserves a simple answer.

Miss Moni

July 24th, 2013
9:46 am

-Disco I had that Salt n Pepa cassette tape, LOL!!!

Button

July 24th, 2013
9:47 am

disco – yes, bc if it weren’t then simply telling the truth would be the answer. no of ya business is no an answer to a question. Why not say I’d rather not answe? or I have no comment?

disco

July 24th, 2013
9:49 am

moni – re something to think about. thing is when it comes to getting it on most folks often aren’t thinking about much other than getting it on. folks aren’t thinking about diseases or pregnancies or the other man/woman. folks aren’t thinking what ifs and how comes and maybes. they trying to get it in. all that thinking (might) come later.

moni – yeah. that song sounded pretty good. can’t remember the last time I heard it. lol.

button – because the other answers are too polite and passive aggressive. none of your business is harder, more direct and therefore usually more effective.

Exiled

July 24th, 2013
9:49 am

In my younger , single days, I used to ask!

Usually it was because i had marked the chic not as a serious long term date but a play date…So i wanted to test and see if I was on point.

The responses wld be in two fold:
1) either,she wld just blurt out laughing….”why u think i wld tell u that?”…ofcourse that was a funny,jovial,hilarious way and i wld laugh with her but a good give away.

so i wld just smash cpple of times and leave her alone

2 in other times, i wld get a tongue lashing!
I expected it but it still answered my question…why wld she be so mad if I wasnt angling around the truf? :lol: She wld dismiss me and I get my answer…she been playing in her past but Now she wants to come start a clean slate with me….Not gon happen,i wont take the white lie :lol:

For serious contenters, I never asked the question. :lol:

Good morning MIA!

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
9:54 am

Button I’m not that hung up on STDs and I use protection. Hell we all got to die from something, and it’s not like we have a choice of how or what it’s going to be! In the mean time you wait for the results. If you’re going around having random sex with out protection, then who cares, but if you’re in a relationship, hopefully you’ve had this talk before getting to the intimate stage.

Miss Moni, you can show me a card that’s 3 months old, but you’ve had sex twice since then, so really what good is that card?

They do make home STD kits also :-D

Miss Moni

July 24th, 2013
9:58 am

-Disco I agree most people only have one thing on their mind.

-Single It was just an idea, I didn’t say that all the kinks had already been worked out, LOL!

Something else to think about, some people spend $$$ to buy protective cases and insurance for their cell phones, in case of damage, lost, theft, etc. However they don’t protect themselves from STD’s. My point, people will PROTECT what they VALUE.

Button

July 24th, 2013
10:02 am

Single – see now was it that hard to answer my question to you? Also you can have all the talk you want but that still doesn’t solve or prove anything. we have a hole in our face and can make whatever we want to come out of it. The best answer is to either stay celibate or use protection.

disco – you’re just hardcore! lol

Exiled

July 24th, 2013
10:05 am

Miss Moni..protecting the cell phone and buying insuranace for it vs No protection for the Vjay?

thats a funny comparison Ms Moni,when u think about it…. :lol:

is the Vjay even clean then if she dont care for it like that? :lol:

Hilarious! :lol:

SlimNu

July 24th, 2013
10:06 am

MsAtl – I’m sure someone out there is in the triple numbers….sex addict maybe?

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
10:07 am

Button, like pulling teeth with pliers (LOL) disco, hard core, naw, everything is not everyone’s business.

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
10:11 am

Slim, MsATL if I had sex every 3 months with a different person, over a 30 year period, triple digits would be no problem. and I’ve been having sex since I was 11 or 12, can’t remember back that far (LOL)

DreamsMaterialize

July 24th, 2013
10:19 am

MsAtl – I’m sure someone out there is in the triple numbers….sex addict maybe?
Slim It’s not really that implausible. Think of a guy who’s single, living it up, clubbing 3 or 4 nights a week, always out and meeting people. How many different women do you think he sleeps with in a year? Let’s say 5. At that rate, a 40 year old man who started having sex at 18 would have slept with 110 women. Not that far-fetched in Atlanta.

kimmie

July 24th, 2013
10:22 am

Morning All!!

Hey Disco – I’m agreeing with you, nothing magic about that number. And yeah, folks love to talk about being all safe & going to get tested together and all, la dee dah. That sounds real sunshine and rainbows. Too many are just thinking about getting it on and getting it in, don’t even have to be an actual first date! Let’s be real real about it. Too many dis-eases & unplanned pregnancies since the beginning of time and even after condoms and other forms of protection were invented and readily available. If you get some to agree to at least put on a condom first, you’re doing good.

I only had one guy to ever ask me & I told him off. This was well after we had been dating awhile. He was nosey anyway, My number of partners in the past was not the only “magic” number he was after – wanted salary & savings info too.

It’s too easy to forge stuff now, even medical records.

kimmie

July 24th, 2013
10:24 am

Not that far-fetched in Atlanta.

Dreams – Try not that far-fetched anywhere, especially a major city. Plus, how many did Wilt Chamberlain say he slept with?

MsAtl

July 24th, 2013
10:25 am

It requires some trust. You can go get tested before becoming intimate but there has to be trust that they haven’t contracted anything while waiting for the test results and trust that you two are in a monogamous relationship (if that is what you have decided). You can wait until the results come back or use condoms in the interim and can use condoms even after the results come back.

I am still amazed over the triple digits.

SlimNu

July 24th, 2013
10:25 am

Hell we all got to die from something

My best friends’ husbands father died over the weekend. He was an alcoholic and he actually ended up dying with a drink in his hand. (cirrohsis of the liver (if i spelled that correctly))

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
10:28 am

Slim at least he died doing that he loved

disco

July 24th, 2013
10:29 am

kimmie – not that you said he was nosey anyway. too funny.

slim – well I hope old boy got in a few good last sips. as far as I’m concerned, that’s the way to go. doing what you loved to do.

2CPTG©

July 24th, 2013
10:31 am

g’morning……

so…….what if you found out at some point that the person you’re head over heels for, is the former neighborhood hoe, and that “number” is uncountable???? male or female…..but they’ve changed…..can you swallow that pill?

kimmie

July 24th, 2013
10:34 am

Slim – I’ve got a cousin that has been given less than 3 months to live, from cirrohsis of the liver. It’s sad because she had so much going for herself. She got job offers here but chose to stay in that little town, where there is nothing to do but drink. I think if she had come on up here, with more to occupy her time and more family support, things may have been different. Her brother was on the same road, but he moved away, got into the church & AA and is doing well.

Leggs

July 24th, 2013
10:35 am

If any a topic we usually talk about it’s this one, even when it’s not the topic for the day! My stance is no need to ask the number, no need to tell if asked. Leave it be. If there isn’t a medical issue at hand, just know I had a past, I wasn’t a virgin when we got together, and whatever skill level you find me on, just know I had more than one partner in my lifetime before sexing you. Anything else, check your ego at the door!

Good morning

Miss Moni

July 24th, 2013
10:35 am

-Ex Yeah, it’s funny, but it’s still true, LOL!!!

SlimNu

July 24th, 2013
10:36 am

Dreams – Well damn…welcome to Sexmathematics lol I never thought about it like that. Would you say the average guy probably sleeps with more than 4 chicks a year??

kimmie

July 24th, 2013
10:36 am

2C – I would have to consider the source.

disco

July 24th, 2013
10:37 am

2C – easy. move. lol.

Single and Happy

July 24th, 2013
10:41 am

2C I could, because it’s still in the past!

kimmie

July 24th, 2013
10:41 am

Leggs – Amen!

Leggs

July 24th, 2013
10:42 am

“thats a funny comparison Ms Moni,when u think about it…. ” – Ex, it’s a hysterical comparison! Sad, but true!