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Love. Cherish. Obey?

An engaged couple is undergoing premarital counseling.  They are at the point where they start to see the reality of marriage, not just the idea of marriage.   The topic of obeying your mate is a sensitive one.   The idea of being a submissive wife isn’t sitting well with the bride-to-be.

I believe the word obey is left out of a lot of vows these days.   I can’t even remember the last time I heard it at a friend’s wedding.  A lot of people thing it is old-fashioned, unnecessary, and patriarchal.

Do we get hung up on obeying our partners?  Do you think that single people  struggle with this because  we are not used to answering to someone else? I think the word obey gets a bad rap, though.   Why do people think that it means you have no say at all?

Would you use obey in your wedding vows?  What if you are a heterosexual couple and only the bride uses obey in her vows?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

93 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 22nd, 2013
7:31 am

I think the biggest thing isn’t obey but to respect what your wife/husband has to say, whether right or wrong one must acknowledge the other person that their opinion is meaningful to them, and not to just shrug it off.

I am running late –i hate that.

MissMoni

July 22nd, 2013
7:58 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

If the bride-to-be has an issue with obeying/submitting to her husband then maybe she should rethink getting married. It’s not about losing your voice as the wife, it’s about respecting that the husband is/should be the head of the household. Respect is mutual and honestly I believe the bride-to-be in this situation is getting caught up on semantics and being slightly over dramatic.

It’s amazing how some women have issues obeying their husband but have absolutely NO problems obeying a boss at work or anyone in a supervisor position. The husband is/should be his wife’s covering, to protect her and look out for her best interest. Knowing and understanding the role of the husband and wife is Step 1.

Exiled

July 22nd, 2013
8:20 am

If she don’t want to obey she can stay single!

Or marry a lame.
There are a lot of useless ‘men’ out there. Take your pick sister!

And as Diva alluded,a lot of females cannot obey no wonder the divorce rate. They don’t know what marriage means.

And ofcourse,fellas are just happy,milking the cow,dranking the milk and leaving the cow in the kraal. :lol:

It’s a proven winning strategy.

Good morning MIA!

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
9:02 am

Good morning,

So far I’m co-signing Lee & Moni’s post put together.

Mr_NYC

July 22nd, 2013
9:09 am

Practically since there are only 2 people involved, it cannot be a 50-50 deal when a decision needs to be made. One party needs to have the say to make the decision and the other party the willingness to support and back it, of course feeling confident that their input and wishes are given due consideration.
If one wants to tie scripture into the arrangement, somewhere in Ephesians after calling for wifely submission there is the directive to submit to one another. And then husbands are called to submit to Christ. So everyone at some point is obeying someone.

DreamsMaterialize

July 22nd, 2013
9:11 am

Morning
Looka here. Women better get it together. Bow down, be obedient, and eat the cake! And while you’re at it, grab me a brew and make me a sammich. A little mustard, lots of mayo, and you betta not forget to cut my sammich diagonally. You know what it is! Now git to gittin!

2CPTG©

July 22nd, 2013
9:12 am

morning……

umm yeah, if you have a problem with obeying, then you have a problem with the wole concept of marriage!!!! akin to them folks who only wanna believe parts of the bible…it’s all of nothing!!!!

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
9:18 am

Dreams – I just love comic relief early in the morning…Brah didn’t just specify diagonally did he?! :lol: You want me to cut the crusts off too?

MissMoni

July 22nd, 2013
9:29 am

-Slim I too am LOL at Dreams post!!!

MsAtl

July 22nd, 2013
9:30 am

Morning All!

I would not have an issue including the word “obey” in my wedding vows. It is just a word and is in the traditional vow. If I were writing my own vow I wouldn’t include it, but that is just because the vows would be personalized. A lot is made of the whole submissive/obey issue. I think a lot of folks misconstrue the term “submissive.” I have no issue recognizing the man as the head of the household and the family and will willingly play VP to his P. For me the issue comes in when there is a lack of respect. There has to be mutual respect and not the idea that I am the man and what I say goes, no questions asked. If the man is truly leading and making decisions in OUR best interests instead of selfishly, then go ahead man, do your thing. If I’m hiking the ball to you and you keep missing it, then we have a problem.
*Ride or die? Where we riding to and why I got to die?

Dreams- You are a mess this morning!

MissMoni

July 22nd, 2013
9:40 am

“Ride or die? Where we riding to and why I got to die?”

-MsAtl Now this is HILARIOUS, good question but HILARIOUS none the less, LMBO!!!

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
9:51 am

WAAAAAAKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! (in my Spike Lee voice)

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
9:51 am

“…see the reality of marriage, not just the idea of marriage” – So many marriages can be saved knowing this, and others won’t even take place knowing this!

“Do we get hung up on obeying our partners? ” – No, if people would stop looking at the word “obey” and start looking at doing what needs to be done to help and sustain the marriage, things would be done happily and willingly.

What I think a lot of people get hung up on when living together, whether it’s marriage or shacking up, is “checking in” with each other. From what I’ve heard, seems many feel they’ve given up too much of their freedom by having to call/text where they are and what they’re doing or how long before they get home.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
9:52 am

In essence, stop trying to be his equal. You have a lane and he has a lane and our lane is to be submissive while he’s the head of the household. If you don’t like the way he heads up the household, perhaps you shouldn’t have married him. IJS….

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
10:03 am

Leggs – So women can’t stand the ‘obey’ term and men hate the ‘checking in’ factor. lol

Hazel

July 22nd, 2013
10:15 am

Its a give and take. It should be ok to obey as long its coming from a valid place on the other hand. I obey my husband almost all of the time and he respects my wishes and does the same. It is a give and take. If you only give and cannot take then it will hard for the marriage to work.

DuShawn

July 22nd, 2013
10:30 am

Finding a woman that will sumbit and obey is as difficult as finding one that can cook and clean.
The only place they exist is on this blog.

kimmie

July 22nd, 2013
10:35 am

Morning All!!

Wow, this one has not come up in awhile, the ole “obey/submission” debate! Well it was not an issue at my wedding, love-honor-cherish, that’s it, what’s the big deal? The Bible speaks of the wife submission & the man being the head of household, but the actual wedding vows are not in the Bible. So it is possible to have a traditional marriage and not utter the word obey. Now I have absolutely no issue with respecting my husband being head of household & making the finale decision on some things. He proved himself worthy of that before I married him though. A lot of guys want the title, but fall short in living up to it. That’s where I would have a problem. Oh, and yes I have a big problem with the word obey. I’m your helpmate(which is how the BIble describes a wife), not your child. So no, it was not in our wedding vows, but best believe I have down pat what my role is as a wife. I got into a debate years ago with a past boyfriend and some of his friends about the HOH role. They were boasting about how when they got married, they were gonna RUN THINGS, run their house. I told them by all means, make sure you do so. It’s so much more to running that house than barking out orders and beating your chest. Make sure you are able to walk the walk, not just talk. I got pretty much dead silence. :shock:

MissMoni, it’s not amazing that some women have no problem “obeying” their boss at work – they are getting paid to!

I went to a wedding where the pastor explained beautifully the concepts of wifely submission & helpmate & HOH. He said when God created Eve, he took a rib from Adam’s side. Not something from his HEAD, so she would be OVER him, or his FEET, so she would be UNDER him. His SIDE, so she’s right by his side, a helpmate.

kimmie

July 22nd, 2013
10:37 am

Dushawn, – Yeah, it’s tough finding a guy that’s up to being head of houshold too!!!

DreamsMaterialize

July 22nd, 2013
10:53 am

I’m your helpmate
kimmie You can help me by getting that sammich I asked for. Go on now!

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
10:54 am

“The only place they exist is on this blog.” – Since we are real since ghosts can’t type (except in The Conjuring), you know there are others in the real world (lol).

Whatever can be said that women are lacking in, remember some equally as important can be said for men. You just have to find the one that’s your missing puzzle piece. It’s hard, but not impossible.

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
10:54 am

kimmie – Yes, helpmate is how I always thought of it….team work ;-)

MissMoni

July 22nd, 2013
10:56 am

-Kimmie That’s a very good analysis! :-)

kimmie

July 22nd, 2013
11:00 am

Dreams – Getcha own damn sammich!! I gotta do errthang! I had to do the asking, pay for the first date, all dat!! You broke! You spose to be “running thangs”, getcha own!!!

LOL!!!

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
11:02 am

The saying on my calendar for July is “TEAMWORK: Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society woork, a civilization work”

kimmie

July 22nd, 2013
11:03 am

Miss Moni – You could not get more traditional Baptist than the folks at that church & that wedding. But that pastor broke it down! That was at least 20 years ago, but I have never forgotten it.

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
11:03 am

Leggs – And speaking of The Conjuring, I did see it over the weekend and it wasn’t that bad. I only had one creepy feeling at home alone that night. Could’ve sworn I saw someone standing in the corner by the window :shock: :lol:

MissMoni

July 22nd, 2013
11:08 am

-Kimmie The pastor broke it down so that it could be understood and see 20 years later you still remember, so he did well! :-)

-Slim Ok, here we go, I’ma need you to leave those horror films alone, LOL!!! Did you check to see if someone was really there OR did you hide under your covers?

kimmie

July 22nd, 2013
11:08 am

Slim/Leggs – Conjuring was the number 1 movie this past weekend.

Have any of you seen The Call? Didn’t you say you saw it Leggs? Can’t remember. Anyway, we watched it Sat, and enjoyed it. Full of suspense.

MsAtl

July 22nd, 2013
11:14 am

Dushawn- I disagree. I only know one woman that can not cook and she does clean- obsessively.

Kimmie- I finally saw The Call last weekend. It was good. I didn’t see the ending coming. Also, good explanation!

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
11:14 am

SlimNu ~ the movie made $45M.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
11:17 am

kimmie ~ I saw The Call and really liked it. I thought the paint was an excellent idea (not that everyone would have that available), but that guy following was a full blown idiot.

DreamsMaterialize

July 22nd, 2013
11:25 am

You broke!
kimmie Oh now I’m broke. Why you always gotta bring that up? You know I can’t work cuz of this bum knee I got playing high school football. lol

MsAtl

July 22nd, 2013
11:25 am

Leggs- I forgot about the paint part. Yes, that was good. And as far as the idiot following him, I found myself yelling at the guy, lol.

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
11:27 am

Moni – I grabbed my cell phone flashlight and shunned the light in the corner about 3 times LOL! After that I laughed at myself and tried to go to sleep.

MissMoni

July 22nd, 2013
11:38 am

-Slim LOL, I knew you had to make sure that no one was actually there!

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
11:51 am

Moni – My parepheral vision was playing tricks on me . lol

2CPTG©

July 22nd, 2013
11:55 am

still on page one, I see……

and after perusing the page, I gotta agree with DuShawn, all the perfect women are on the blog!!!!

Single and Happy

July 22nd, 2013
11:57 am

Hello all,

Hmmm now if you’re having problems with the vows, it can only get better after you’re married.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
12:00 pm

SlimNu ~ you know those spirits are lighting quick. They were gone before you hit the switch to turn the light on (lolol).. Did the family the movie was based upon have cameos??

“…it’s not amazing that some women have no problem “obeying” their boss at work – they are getting paid to!” – Women should carry that mentality into their households as well. Their pay is far better than that monetary paychec they collect bi-weekly. The longevity, respectful knowing when to bow down (yeah, cuz that’s we do at work), even toned voice (again, that’s what we try to do at work) should be the payment a man and woman seeks. If we can be even tempered at work, watch our words when we want to cuss our bosses/co-workers out, why can’t we be mindful enough and do the same in our homes with the mate we’re really co-existing with???

2CPTG©

July 22nd, 2013
12:00 pm

Does Diva even blog anymore? Or does she just throw out a topic and let y’all have at it?

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
12:10 pm

Single ~ did you mean it “can’t” get better after the marriage???

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
12:15 pm

We have free will (to a certain extent). Have you noticed now she doesn’t even change the topic on the front page showing blog topic? Topic from July 16th still shows.

2CPTG©

July 22nd, 2013
12:18 pm

Leggs….schedule me a meeting with Mrs. Cox-Chambers this afternoon around 3; Need to discuss some things…..

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
12:23 pm

Ummm, ummm, hell no!

2CPTG©

July 22nd, 2013
12:25 pm

excuse me????

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
12:31 pm

I’m sorry, I forgot my lane. I quit…

Leggs

July 22nd, 2013
12:32 pm

Note to self: stay even tempered, stay even tempered…whoosah!

Next stop, Hookah Bar!

SlimNu

July 22nd, 2013
12:37 pm

Leggs – There weren’t any cameos but they did show black & whtie pics of the real family members and ghost hunters at the end.

2C – The only time Diva jumps on during the day is if she has to repremand us for not knowing how to ack or treat each other. lol She’s like that parent that let’s tv & video games raise the kids…but the minute she hears someone break something, jumps up threatening to whoop our butts :lol:

Diva – Just messing…no ban needed. :oops: lol

Mrs. SexyCool

July 22nd, 2013
12:40 pm

I honestly cannot remember which one was in my vows. My @ss was completely zoned out. I was just repeating and waiting for the “I do.” line. I will have to go back and look. I do remember that there was a line about all his worldly possessions being mine. (lol)

But…yeah…I’m of the old school. So, there ya’ have it.