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Dating: If at first you don’t succeed..

First impressions mean a lot.  When you have a first date, I think the only focus should be to have a great time, no expectations, no pressure.   A lot of people push their luck, though, and they try to make a move too soon.  If you see no signs of attraction, why would you go in for the move to have sex?

Attempting to hook up on the first date happens all the time.  The way you both handle it sort of determines how things will unfold after that.   In the words of our modern day poet Jay Z (He dropped the hyphen!), “If at first I don’t succeed, best believe I split” – which is a common reaction.

I know people who claim to want a relationship, yet they will dump someone who isn’t down with the get-down when they are.  Why would you stop pursuing someone because they wouldn’t hook up with you unless that is all you wanted in the first, place?  It’s perplexing and well, annoying.  If people are only interested in no strings attached, why don’t they SAY that upfront?

What do you do if you and your date don’t see eye to eye on when to become physical? Eventually, one of you will join the other person’s time table.  Do you think that is fair?

Have you ever been dumped or broke up with someone because they turned you down?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

144 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 19th, 2013
7:09 am

There are too many girls/boys who say a lot of things that don’t mean them at the end of the day. People say stuff because they believe that is what you want to hear, so to get what they want.

I haven’t been dumped since high school.

tgif

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
7:51 am

GOOD Friday Morning MIA!!! :-)

What do you do if you and your date don’t see eye to eye on when to become physical? If we don’t see eye to eye and he’s not willing to respect my decision to NOT have sex with him, then I simply keep it moving. No need to waste time with a man who has his own agenda and isn’t willing to respect what you have already decided NOT to do. I view it as a way of weeding folks out.

When a person doesn’t get what they want from you but decide to stay anyway, either they’re waiting you out OR they have genuine interest in actually getting to know you.

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2013
8:36 am

Morning
If you see no signs of attraction, why would you go in for the move to have sex? This is an easy one. He knows you’re not really attracted to him anyway, so he goes for broke…he has nothing to lose. You aren’t going to be his girl, there won’t be another date, he’s already spent money for this date…might as well at least try to get some a$$ out of it. At least that’s what I hear! ;-)

either they’re waiting you out OR they have genuine interest in actually getting to know you.
MoniLuv And know that guys can wait you out indefinitely. You know that “friend” you’ve known for 20 years? Give him a shot and see if he doesn’t take it. lol

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
8:51 am

TGIF!

I have not tried to get it on with someone after a first date so I can’t really speak on the topic. As far as already being with someone that has a totally different drive than you really sucks! …especially if it started out one way, then later on down the line one of the parties seems to take no interest in getting it on anymore.

MsAtl

July 19th, 2013
8:56 am

Morning All!

I do not jump in bed with just anyone or on the first date, point blank period! That is my choice and my prerogative. If a man is not willing and able to understand that then he is not the man I am interested in dating. Once I begin dating someone, we can discuss becoming intimate, knowing that either of us are free to walk if we cannot agree with the other’s viewpoint.
One of my girlfriends said a guy told her ‘you know I care about you because I’ve never waited 3 weeks to sleep with anyone!” If I knew how to do blog emoticons, this is where I would insert the stunned look and laughter.

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
9:05 am

MsAtl – I’ll help you out :shock: :???: :lol:

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
9:05 am

Oh and here is the link to our cheat sheet that daddyswiss hooked us up with

http://karaokebus.com/blog_formatting.txt

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
9:10 am

“If you see no signs of attraction, why would you go in for the move to have sex?” – This is funny to me simply because some feel they’re going to try to get something out of an already busted evening. I say it often and many disagree, but puddy has no face. No attraction but still trying….laughable!

Good, good morning!

MsAtl

July 19th, 2013
9:11 am

SlimNu- Thank you- for the appropriate expressions and the cheat sheet!

Leggs- Yes, laughable.

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
9:14 am

DreamsM ~ we’re eye to eye! Might as well go for broke!!!

“What do you do if you and your date don’t see eye to eye on when to become physical?” – I do what I’ve been doing….K.I.M. If we’re not on the same page on something so important, we may not be on one accord on simpler issues.

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
9:15 am

“I do not jump in bed with just anyone or on the first date, point blank period!”

-MsAtl My sentiments EXACTLY, hi five!!!

-Slim I also need a cheat sheet for the emoticons! :-)

-Dreams I actually have one of those guy friends that I’ve known for a while and I KNOW he would be just fine with doing the do. . Go figure LOL!!!

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
9:16 am

Thanks Slim, I’m just now seeing the link!

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
9:19 am

MsAtl/MissMoni – You’re quite welcome! ;-)

Tea Update: You’ll be happy to know that I did not have any hot tea mishaps last night…………….because I didn’t drink any. lol

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
9:20 am

-Slim See that’s the safest way to go for you, just leave the tea alone. ;-)

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2013
9:30 am

Dreams I actually have one of those guy friends that I’ve known for a while and I KNOW he would be just fine with doing the do. . Go figure LOL!!!
MoniLuv I’d venture to say that all women have at least one friend like this. At least you know it though. A lot of women deny it, and it often causes problems in their relationships. Your boyfriend doesn’t like your “friend” hanging around because he KNOWS what that’s all about. And it burns him up to hear you defending him, like “oh it’s not even like that.” “I’ve known him forever.” “he would never do that.” But as men, we know better than that. lol

2CPTG©

July 19th, 2013
9:34 am

morning…..

grown folks gon’ do what grown folks do!!!! there’s plenty of females I’d f&^k, but wouldn’t f&^k with!!!!!!

kimmie

July 19th, 2013
9:40 am

Good morning!!

Agreeing with most – folks go for it cause they feel they have nothing to lose!

Question for the guys – have any of you had a date be a bust, decide to try for the bootay, actually get it – only to have things actually work out and the 2 of you start seeing each other regularly? Just curious. :wink:

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
9:41 am

DreamsM ~ I agree that women definitely have that “diehard” guy that waits in the wings riding the friendship train. Decades can go by, but as long as he’s breathing, he has a shot. I am literally laugh I’m tearing up. You guys know my story. One called earlier today asking about a concert he would like to take me to. It ain’t happening because I know the buster well. He loves dangling carrots but I’ve learned to realize it’s a poisionous carrot (lol). I’m crying…brb

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
9:45 am

Left my desk to compose myself and come back to this → “there’s plenty of females I’d f&^k, but wouldn’t f&^k with!!!!!!” – I feel sorry for those women who don’t recognize this. You guys have me in stitches too early this morning.

Lawdy, lawdy, lawdy, please help me this morning.

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
9:46 am

That’s a great question, kimmie!

kimmie

July 19th, 2013
9:50 am

Dreams – I’m not on that “guys do it too” trip, but I have some girlfriends where their boyfriend had a “friend” waiting in the wings like you describe. They kept telling their girl “oh she’s just a friend” or “if I wanted her I coulda had her long time ago”, you get the picture. They would tell their girl she’s being paranoid or insecure.

Oh and in a few cases, they ended up getting with this “friend” in the end too………….

Yes, it can cause problems either way.

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
9:54 am

Dreams – Your 9:30 is sooo right. The ex-beau would give the side eye whenever I mentioned one of my homeboys. Even after they met and we all hung out he still would be looking at me like mmm huh riiiiight. He was like, you better not talk to him about us at all either. That just makes it easier for a dude to swoop in like a pro because you’ve already told him what bothers you. So it’s like looking at another teams playbook. You know what to do to eventually get Da Draws! lol

2CPTG©

July 19th, 2013
9:57 am

Kimmie, kinda, sorta……

we both came to the conclusion that we weren’t compatible, but the sex was on point……so we ended up hunchin on a regular………hell, my ex-wife and I continued to have sex long after we got divorced….go figure…

kimmie

July 19th, 2013
10:00 am

2C – I can see that and probably happens more that folks realize…..

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
10:04 am

kimmie ~ I thought about it once and quickly dismissed the notion.

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
10:04 am

Leggs – Looks like you caught that laughing bug I had yesterday! lol I was talking to a friend after work trying to tell her what had me so tickled about your fire hair story and I went into hysterics again. I gave up! lolol Oh and your friend asking you out reminds me, a dude I’ve told ya’ll about on here before, I call him Mr. Vain and Mr. I love driving up to my 6000sq ft home guy. Anyway, apparently his engagement fell through recently. He texted me the other day, “Hi babe how was your day.’ I responded, Um my day was fine but I think you texted me in error. lol Then last night I get a text about my day again. I respond: My day was okay and I hope yours was too thanks. (sort of like why?) But he asks me what i’m doing that night and I advise i’m at a friends house. This fool asks me if it’s a male or female friend. — I just text back LOL because it’s none of his business who I’m with. Then he says, I’m in Buckhead, come see me. Um. NO! I simply said, i hope you enjoy the rest of your night. Buddy, you ain’t got it like that over here. Not interested or impressed.

kimmie

July 19th, 2013
10:07 am

Come on Slim, now you know you should have been jumping for joy that he deemed you worthy to be in his presence!!!LOL!!!

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
10:12 am

SlimNu ~ you know I know. Those jokers are just that, IDIOTS!

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
10:14 am

-Slim Now that’s the stuff I don’t like, LOL!!! WHO does he THINK he is??? I’m glad you know his game and wasn’t having any of that!!! The nerve of him, he needs to get his life!!!

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
10:14 am

-Leggs Old buddy just knew that concert would have you at the word go, LOL & SMH!!!

daddy swiss

July 19th, 2013
10:18 am

“have any of you had a date be a bust, decide to try for the bootay, actually get it – only to have things actually work out and the 2 of you start seeing each other regularly?”

Depends on what you mean by “seeing” each other regularly. If by “seeing” you mean f__king, then yes. But if you’re talking about anything serious, then no.

Matter of fact, I never have, and don’t think I ever would get serious with someone who gave it up on the first date. (Yep, I recognize the double standard here, but just being honest).

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
10:19 am

kimmie – I know right! I was supposed to just drop what I was doing and GO see him. WTFE! :roll: That’s why our courtship was short-lived. I just couldn’t take his narcissistic-i’m-all-that-you-could-even-fathom-plus-more attitude. Blech!

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
10:22 am

And, the concert is in October. WHAT???? Please, go find someone who will truly be hyped about this. I can only laugh at his feeble attempt.

SlimNu

July 19th, 2013
10:22 am

Moni – Get his life made me picture Tamar Braxton flipping the hair back going, Na uh, he tried it! :lol:

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
10:28 am

-Slim YES, LOL!!!

kimmie

July 19th, 2013
10:28 am

Dang Leggs & Slim, some of these dudes are funny as hayell!!!!LOL!!!

And before anyone of you dudes chime in trying to defend them, I get that there are desperate chicks out there that will go for that mess. Swim in that pool then. Quit trying to get a bite from the grown-up pool!

I do admit, it makes for some good laughs!LOL!!

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
10:31 am

kimmie ~ it makes for some good laughs, a lot of tsk, tsk, tsking, some SMDH, and more STFU, and a few :shock: :shock: along with some “you have got to be kidding me!”

Ok, I’m done (for now).

Button

July 19th, 2013
10:38 am

What do you do if you and your date don’t see eye to eye on when to become physical? for starters the decision is left up to me whether I want to do the get down. If we are not eye to eye then I simply move on. Secondly, I will not cave into pressure, nope. if anything it’s a complete turn off.

I’ve been “dumped” bc I wouldn’t give it up. Looking back it was no big deal, I just charged it to the game of it wasn’t supposed to be anyway.

Hello Everybody!

Dreams – might as well at least try to get some a$$ out of it.—see this right here is a classic example of entitlement. Just bc you spent some $$ doesn’t mean you can get some a$$.

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
10:44 am

“I’ve been “dumped” bc I wouldn’t give it up. Looking back it was no big deal, I just charged it to the game of it wasn’t supposed to be anyway.” – Same here. What’s even funnier is he came back a few months later asking me to give him a chance because he was going through some things. Hell if you can stop seeing me after a 5 weeks of knowing you and seeing you 3x in those 5 weeks, get mad cuz we hadn’t sexed yet did you really expect me to jump at your offer for another date months later.

Ok, I’m back to laughing.

Exiled

July 19th, 2013
10:50 am

@Ladies..

Uall dont jump into bed with folks on the first date,PERIOD!

..thats what ur suposed to say in Public anyway…….

but we know,the flesh is weak and the Devil is Mighty strong.

Good morning MIA.

I have smashed on a first date and trust me,they werent hookers and wld proly post on MIA just like uall….

hmpffff!

Happpy Friday!

Button

July 19th, 2013
10:53 am

Leggs – LOL

Exiled – LOL…ever heard of no kiss and tell?

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
10:59 am

Come on people, we can do it…we can get off page one!!!!

MsAtl

July 19th, 2013
10:59 am

Exiled- Public/private = same thing.

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
11:00 am

Ex ~ they may not have been hookers, but woman thou art loose.

Kinda kidding. Grown folk can do what they want.

MissMoni

July 19th, 2013
11:01 am

Happy Friday to you too Ex! For the record, in the PAST (around age 21) I did have sex on a first date. You LIVE and LEARN!!! ;-)

Exiled

July 19th, 2013
11:07 am

have any of you had a date be a bust, decide to try for the bootay, actually get it – only to have things actually work out ..

No, not for me and not like that..

I have approached a chic in the past knowing(me) i wanted to smash,not date her and have consistently smashed..but never dated in public….a relationship was never discussed like that and as adults,i think there was telepathy that this was gon be a purely sexual relationship..it worked out…

well,when u consistently go visit a chic in the dark hours,spend 2 hours or so,then drive home..routinely,then she also figures it out…

No saturday afternoon date with her,holding hands, at the ice cream place on a sunny day…NOPE!….
And no jealousy either if we ever crossed paths and the movies etc and another dude was arm in arm with her,dude feeling mighty territorial.. :lol: …wld just smile and muse..”see u at 11:30 pm on tuesday” :lol:

Exiled

July 19th, 2013
11:08 am

at the movies

Button

July 19th, 2013
11:16 am

Ex – that was a physical relationship, obviously she was content with it, some women are ok with this type of arrangement. Not every woman want to be in a relationship with every guy she smash.

Leggs

July 19th, 2013
11:22 am

“And no jealousy either if we ever crossed paths and the movies etc and another dude was arm in arm with her,dude feeling mighty territorial.. …wld just smile and muse..”see u at 11:30 pm on tuesday” – they made a song “B.U.D.D.Y”

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2013
11:25 am

Just bc you spent some $$ doesn’t mean you can get some a$$.
Button I didn’t say he deserved some a$$ because he spent some money. A$$ might not have been on his mind at all, but once he sees that she’s not feeling him and that there will no future dates, then he tries to get whatever he can out of the situation. Not saying it’s right, just offering an explanation to Diva’s question.