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Fear you won’t ever marry?

Now that I am firmly sitting in the spinster category, I am starting to get the questions about my panic button.  It is the breaking point all single women reach when they realize they have 2 working ovaries left and they have no husband, therefore, no babies.  Of course, this panic button mainly exists in some people’s imagination, but it is enough to warrant a discussion about what happens if you don’t meet the one.

Call me crazy, but I think what happens if you don’t meet the one is the same thing that happens if you do: life goes on.  I am not one to extoll the virtues of living single forever but I also don’t fear it.  That doesn’t stop people from projecting their fear of dying unmarried and alone on to me though.  It’s kind of hilarious when you think about it, though.  A lot of married people want to be single again, yet many attempt to make single people think they are missing out on a great life.

I have always said that if you are miserable single, you will be miserable married.  What I fear is not being happy – single or married.

If you desire to get married one day, do you ever worry that marriage is not in the cards for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

247 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
7:53 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA, it’s Friday Eve!!! :-D

“If you are miserable single, you will be miserable married.”

THIS right here, ain’t nothing but the TRUTH!!! If you don’t know who you are and don’t like being around your own self then how in the world do you expect someone else to want to be married to you???

If you desire to get married one day, do you ever worry that marriage is not in the cards for you?

Yes I do desire to get married and I’m not worried that it’s not in the cards for me. My thing is patiently waiting. . . I don’t want to do anything while I’m single that will damage something in my future marriage (which is why I have chosen to be abstinent until marriage).

In the meantime, I’m enjoying life to the fullest and being the BEST that I can be!

Button

July 18th, 2013
8:20 am

GM, I have miserable single girlfriends and their not miserable because they are single, they are just miserable period! Always negative, nothing sweet to say, just cold and bitter esp when it comes to men. But I still love them bc they are my girls.
I can’t even begin to understand or even imagine what a person goes thru when they desire to get married but it seems unforseeable.
My advice: in the meantime LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!! and if marriage is what you desire then let it be known, also where there’s room for improvement then improve!

Button

July 18th, 2013
8:39 am

Tina Turner is marrying her beau of 27 years! that’s a mighty long time to be a gf, but I guess……

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
8:49 am

-Button I saw the Tina Turner story yesterday and the very 1st thing that came to my mind is there is NO WAY in Hades that I’m going to date a man for 27 years before getting married!!! However, it’s her life and if she’s happy with it then have it, it’s just NOT for me, LOL!!!

“LIVE YOUR LIFE” is one of my FAV slogans!!! :-D

Button

July 18th, 2013
9:00 am

MissMoni- I had a jaw drop moment when I read the caption! I’m with you, no way in hades I would either lol

SlimNu

July 18th, 2013
9:05 am

Good morning,

Honestly, I have questioned whether or not it’s in the cards for me. I definitely want to be happy either way because I’d hate to be in a relationship/marriage that bred unhappiness. Nor would I want to be with someone and still feel alone. At least if i’m by myself I already KNOW i’m alone. lol And as far as being a mother, that has not been a concern until recently because of the age thing. I’m not necessarily gungho about going as far as wanting to consider a sperm bank, but I just don’t want to look up and be in that high risk zone because I waited too long. I’d much rather be married before bringing a kid into the world if I can help it.

I feel like I need to sleep for at least 3 days straight so I can catch up.

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
9:13 am

“I feel like I need to sleep for at least 3 days straight so I can catch up.”

-Slim I still haven’t recovered from my NY trip, LOL!

SlimNu

July 18th, 2013
9:18 am

MissMoni – Yesterday was hectic at work and I didn’t realize just how tired I was. So here I am again on the couch having my Sleepytime tea. Apparently, I dozed off sitting straight up. I wake up in the middle of the night (still on the couch) and my shirt is soaking wet. I guess the tea didn’t have to work too hard to get me relaxed. I used two tea bags and I still can’t find one. Guess the couch ate one. But at least it wasn’t piping hot. LOL! :lol:

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
9:20 am

No, I don’t fear that. If anything back then, I feared I may never become a parent. Done both!

I have always said that if you are miserable single, you will be miserable married. – GOSPEL. If you’re looking for another to make you happy, you’re already coming to the plate damaged. If you’re not happy walking solo, walking with a mate won’t necessarily make you whole. You have to complete yourself before you can complement another…truth.com!

Good morning!

Button

July 18th, 2013
9:21 am

Enter your comments here

Button

July 18th, 2013
9:21 am

I’m sleepy too… I need coffee

Button

July 18th, 2013
9:25 am

SlimNu – the mysterious missing tea bag…hmm

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
9:28 am

-Slim LOL!!! Ok, I’ma need you to just STOP drinking tea on the couch period, LOL!!!

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
9:29 am

“You have to complete yourself before you can complement another…truth.com!”

My sentiments EXACTLY!!! Good morning Leggs!

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
9:32 am

MissMoni re: Tina Turner. I would bet that it was her choice to be a steady gf all those years. She was content with the status quo of their union. Coming from something like her life with Ike would sour most women. She has the financial means, living together with the love of her life and peace. Why legalize it?? I would put money down that he finally had her change after he’s been asking for decades.

SlimNu

July 18th, 2013
9:34 am

Button – I may need to hire a detective lol

MissMoni – I know right!! At least, it wasn’t a cigarette though…which I never could understand how you fall asleep smoking but now I see. lol

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
9:35 am

Yeah SlimNu, stay away from the couch with tea. Drink tea standing up at the kitchen sink then sit on the couch and doze off! You’re not good at doing both (lol).

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
9:37 am

-Leggs Perhaps. . . It’s just that 27 years is a LIFETIME for some people, LOL! One thing is for certain, something cause them to jump the broom after all that time. . . I wish them “Simply the Best”! :-)

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
9:42 am

-Slim My Great Aunt accidentally set her hair on fire with a cigarette while awake, LOL!!! She was sitting in the living (running her mouth) with cigarette in hand and that hand leaning on the side of her head. We smelled smoke and low and behold it was her hair! Awwww, great childhood memories, LMBO!!!

daddy swiss

July 18th, 2013
9:43 am

Slim — Does your CT like tea? lol

GlammourGirl

July 18th, 2013
9:51 am

Leggs – I was thinking the same thing about Tina Turner. I have a friend who wants to do the Oprah/Steadman thing. She’s been there, done that with marriage. Different strokes for different folks.

kimmie

July 18th, 2013
9:51 am

Morning All!!

Leggs – I’m with you on the Tina thing. Personally if I were “Tina” and had all that moolah and went thru what I did with tired behind Ike, I would not have been in a rush, if ever. She’s chillin’, even changed her citizenship, and living the life. In my opinion, she doesn’t count in the “No way in H…” category.

Now if you’re Jane Doe, girlfriend of Joe Blow for 27 years and you WANT to get married, well that’s another story all together.

On topic – I’m the poster child for being patient when it comes to marriage. I did reach a point where I didn’t listen to the naysayers, not that I listened to them much anyway. I always wanted to be married before having a child. Folks told me to “just go on and get pregnant” before my clock ran out. Just could not do it. If I had not met my now husband, I was looking at adopting. And I refused to just settle for any old dude. I figured since I waited that long, I may as well hold out for what I wanted.

We got engaged after 3 years of dating. I had a few to ask me what would I have done if he had not proposed. I said “kept on living”. :shock: My dreams of places I want to go and things I want to do are the same and I will do them. I just have someone to come along now! :)

Dreams – Sorry I left before I saw your post asking about P2P. I will post on my insight of the experience with them later today!

Button

July 18th, 2013
9:56 am

I’m wondering what changed her mind after 27 years of being a girlfriend….hmmmm

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
9:57 am

“I’m the poster child for being patient when it comes to marriage.”

-Kimmie All this time, I thought I was the poster child, LOL! ;-)

kimmie

July 18th, 2013
10:04 am

Moni – Naw hon, my picture is in the dictionary next to the word “wait”!!LOL!!!

SlimNu

July 18th, 2013
10:04 am

Leggs – I’ll need to drink it standing up at the sink with a bib on. lol

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
10:09 am

And with grip like gloves, SlimNu!

SlimNu

July 18th, 2013
10:09 am

Moni – Dang!!!! I can’t say i’ve ever heard of anyone setting their hair on fire while they were awake. That reminds me of when me and a cousin of mine, cut our other cousins hair. We were playing beauty shop. We realized we REALLY effed her head up and hid the hair behind the floor model tv. Boy oh boy did we get our butts tore up!!!

SlimNu

July 18th, 2013
10:13 am

daddyswiss – I don’t know if the CT likes tea but i think it got a good mouthful within the last two days. lol

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
10:13 am

Button ~ I know nothing about Swiss law, but changing her citizenship probably now affords him rights should she pass or become sick. Legally, after being together for 27 years, he now has the “authority” to put her best interests front and center. She’s no longer his “private dancer!” :wink:

kimmie

July 18th, 2013
10:17 am

Leggs – Tina ain’t crazy, she knows exactly what she’s doing! And I’m not mad at her! Go on Miss What’s Love Got To Do With It!

Bluzgirl

July 18th, 2013
10:18 am

Morning everyone! I’m having a hard time getting going today. My alarm went off while I was in a deep sleep and it took a bit to actually get out of bed. Coffee isn’t working! Ugh!

There is a part of me that fears I will never get married. I’m not at the point to say that it will never happen. You never know. When I do feel that way, I think about one of my good friends who didn’t meet her husband until she was in her early 40’s. They are the perfect couple! That gives me hope!!!

I know it will happen one day. I just have to be patient and not rush things with the wrong man. If I’d married any of my exes, I’d be divorced now…

kimmie

July 18th, 2013
10:21 am

If I’d married any of my exes, I’d be divorced now…

Bluz – I feel the same way. I’d be divorced or in jail……..

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
10:22 am

LOL at Kimmie!!!

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
10:23 am

-Slim Now you know ya’ll were wrong for cutting her hair for real, LOL!!!

Button

July 18th, 2013
10:25 am

I have a male friend who fears he’ll never get married. He’s searching with no luck in sight.

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
10:25 am

SlimNu ~ I set my hair on fire here at work during a Thanksgiving feats in, of all places, the mailroom. There were beautiful tall white candles on the table. I had a lot of spritz in my hair back then. I’m fixing my plate of food, walking around the table when someone shots out, “you’re hair is on fire!” People started throwing coca-cola, lemonade, everything at me. Finally started putting the fire out with their hands. You see how short my hair is now, that the was first time I had it shorter than it is now. It was horrible. A section in the handbook at work now states, no lit candles on bday cakes, cupcakes, anywhere. Company paid for hair treatment for the next six months.

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
10:26 am

kimmie ~ exactly! She knows what she’s doing.

Into the Light

July 18th, 2013
10:26 am

Morning, all!

I don’t worry about getting married or not getting married. I concentrate on being the best me I can be, and if there is someone out there who is a good match for me, then God will put him in my path. :) Otherwise, I will keep on keepin’ on.

Go ‘head on, Miss Tina! Just eat that dayum cake, Annie Mae.

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
10:27 am

Excuse me, I didn’t set my hair on fire…my hair caught fire…..

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
10:27 am

ITL~ 3rd reference to Tina Turner songs or sayings. I think you had the best one thus far!

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
10:29 am

-Leggs You know I’m over here HOLLERING at you little mishap. The part that got me is the section being added to the handbook about lit candles. . . HILARIOUS!!!

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
10:32 am

-Bluzgirl If I’d married one of my ex’s I’d be in jail or hell! Things work out just the way they’re supposed to.

Into the Light

July 18th, 2013
10:33 am

Thanks, Leggs! :)

So the company paid for hair treatments for 6 months???? That was nice of them.

kimmie

July 18th, 2013
10:33 am

Leggs – See they had to change the rules cause of you! In all seriousness I know that was scary. I’ve told everyone about the time my hair caught fire from some candles at Chastain during a concert. Luckily, just the ends got a little crispy, but it was frightening seeing a flame so close to my face!

Lawrence Fishburne knows he played the heck out of that Ike Turner role. I will never forget that scene of him in the purple tights, black shorts with suspenders and a mushroom hairstyle!

MissMoni

July 18th, 2013
10:35 am

-Kimmie That is one of my FAV movies, I have it on VHS!!! I will ALWAYS remember L. Fishburne as Ike Turner and Morpheus. I LOVED him as both characters! :-)

Exiled

July 18th, 2013
10:37 am

It’s kind of hilarious when you think about it, though. A lot of married people want to be single again,

Here we go….trying to justify the unjustifiable by looking at other people….

Justify why u are single instead, focusing only on urself…failure or pre-planned?

kimmie

July 18th, 2013
10:37 am

Moni – He’s just a dynamite actor!

SlimNu

July 18th, 2013
10:37 am

Leggs – I remember you telling us about that but I had to excuse my desk just now for crying laughing over here. I think i’m slap happy right now. Oh lawd, help me today! Whew, i haven’t laughed like that in a while. I’m just picturing folks throwing their drinks on your head. i’m so sorry.

Leggs

July 18th, 2013
10:38 am

MissMoni ~ just last night I told Lil Leggs the story. Something we were watching and I asked if she remembered when my hair caught on fire. She didn’t. She laughed and said “lit candles in the mailroom full of paper?” The story is told at most gatherings here at work, especially to new employees.

ITL ~ it wasn’t really nice of them. It was a CYA move. They wanted me to sign papers saying I will not sue. I never signed the papers. I had no intention of suing, but left them thinking I might. I was thankful they paid for treatment.