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Relationships: Lending money a bad idea?

My friend Brent has this really bad habit of becoming a personal loan company with the women he dates.  I have not figured out why he is drawn to women with poor money habits.  I also don’t think he sees his pattern of behavior when it comes to this sort of thing.  I worry that women will take advantage of his kindness.  He is happy to help when he can.

Do you think bringing money into a new relationship is worth the risk?  If sex can change a relationship dynamic, what does money do to it?

Have you ever dated someone who asked for money?  Did it change how you looked at them? Do you believe that loaning money to the people you date or are romantically interested in a bad idea?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

337 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 16th, 2013
7:14 am

Its a bad idea to loan money to any one.

Never loan money unless you never need it back.

They most likely they will not pay you back and get an attitude with you when asking for it back.

So as a rule don’t do it..
Counting down to my vacation 3 more weeks can’t wait, just me and white sand
Hagd

Single and Happy

July 16th, 2013
7:31 am

Hey All

I’ve giving money and I’ve loaned money in a relationship, and I must say all the money I’ve loaned I’ve been paid back. It has never changed the way I looked at the person, I just have to make up my mind is it something I’m willing to deal with and move on!

My opinion of Brent, hell it’s his dang money, he can do whatever he wants to with it!!

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
7:39 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! *Heard Couple of Forevers on the way in & my thoughts are now in another place.*

If sex can change a relationship dynamic, what does money do to it? Money has the ability to change the dynamic as well. It all depends on the mindset of the person and the amount of money. If the person pays you back when they say they are then usually there’s no problem. However, if they have NO intentions on ever repaying the debt then typically that’s where the rift occurs.

My school of thought on lending money: Don’t lend what you can’t afford to give.

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
7:43 am

-Single Great point, if Brent likes spending/loaning HIS money on/to the women he dates then let him have at it. Apparently he doesn’t have a problem with it. Should it ever bother him too much, he’ll pull back.

Hazel

July 16th, 2013
7:59 am

It’s a bad idea. Personally, I would look at the guy different and not in a good way. The fact that he has to ask for money is a red flag

Button

July 16th, 2013
8:38 am

Enter your comments here

Button

July 16th, 2013
8:40 am

Good morning! I don’t, won’t, shall not lend money to someone I’m dating nor will I ask for a loan from my date! That’s what banks and lending institutions are for.

Single/MissMomi- I agree, it’s his money, he can do with it however he please!

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2013
8:44 am

Morning
I’ve never asked any chick for money…ever. I’ve only had one woman I’ve ever dated to ask me for money. Funny that the women who I’d feel comfortable lending money to are the ones who would never ask for it.

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
8:47 am

-Button I also think it’s not a good idea to tell people how to spend THEIR money. Unless they directly ask you for your input, just leave it alone.

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
8:48 am

“I’ve never asked any chick for money…ever.”

-Dreams That’s a very good plus for you! :-)

Leggs

July 16th, 2013
9:00 am

“I worry that women will take advantage of his kindness.” – You can’t take advantage of someone who is happy to give when they can. It’s his personal decision and he’s willingly doing it. If it doesn’t bother him, why should it bother you.

I don’t loan money, anymore (to my friends). I don’t ask men for money and I don’t expect one to ask me.

Good morning.

2CPTG©

July 16th, 2013
9:12 am

g’morning…..

is lending money a bad idea? yep. But what kills me, is the chics dating dudes and they don’t ask him for money, they wanna come ask me!!! I’m like, weren’t you just on facebook talkin bout ya new boo? go ask that clown!

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:12 am

“You can’t take advantage of someone who is happy to give when they can.”

BINGO!!! Good Morning Leggs!

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:13 am

-2C Too funny, but I’ve seen that happen before LOL!!!

2CPTG©

July 16th, 2013
9:21 am

Moni, yes it happens!!! and all too often……that’s why I respect “women of leisure” at leat they’re gettin paid, and there are no misconceptions about what time it is….you know up front!!!!

flip the script……should you be dating if you’re broke?

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:28 am

“Should you be dating if you’re broke?”

Dating while broke is like buying Jordan’s while you have NO job, it just doesn’t make good sense!!! Focus on getting on your grind/get your money up and make sure that you are straight financially before going out into the dating pool for real.

Leggs

July 16th, 2013
9:29 am

Good morning, MissMoni.

2C ~ if you’re broke, you shouldn’t be dating. Sure, there’s a lot of things you can do for free, but if you can’t refill your gas tank for work the next week, pay for parking to free venue, dating in your backyard is not very desirable. There’s a way to get around some things, but you still a few dollars. If it’s a problem, then wait until our financial means are a little more manageable.

2CPTG©

July 16th, 2013
9:30 am

“Focus on getting on your grind/get your money up and make sure that you are straight financially before going out into the dating pool for real.”

For which sex? Men???? I’m sure; but is it ok for women to date if they’re broke?

Button

July 16th, 2013
9:31 am

Fortunately I’ve never been in a situation where I had to ask for a loan from anyone I’ve dated or in a relationship with. What kind of money are we talking about? hundreds, thousands? or a few measly bucks… 20 here 20 there? I know that life happens and sometimes we get into a bind and also some ppl are not keen on saving money for unexpected bills. I would say loan what you can stand to lose. That way if the loan is not repaid which will most likely be the case, a friendship won’t be tarnished.

I would also take into consideration of how long you’be been dating. Also what the money is needed for.

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:33 am

-2C My comment was for both men and women.

disco

July 16th, 2013
9:34 am

this is a double standard that leans in favor of the woman. women getting money from men? acceptable. men getting money from women? so not acceptable. lol.

2C – amen to that post. I just took issue with a friend over the weekend. she doing A, B and C for some dude who just played the heck out of her and calling me up Saturday morning asking me to do what she should have had the good sense to be asking him to do. she got me stuck. lol.

2CPTG©

July 16th, 2013
9:34 am

” My comment was for both men and women.”

leggs?

Button

July 16th, 2013
9:35 am

2- Dating while broke—is that for a man or a woman? just curious. since the brunt of expense is placed on the man in the first few initial dates.

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:35 am

-Disco I’m sure you told her about herself, LOL! Do you think she got the wake up call???

disco

July 16th, 2013
9:37 am

I met a guy a few years back. the one who called me. hung up with me. called right back and said “what’s up pretty tonya” when my name isn’t tonya. lol. anyway, a couple weeks into knowing him he calls me at like 6 in the morning talking about he needed a favor. I’m thinking a 6am favor is his car won’t start and he needs a right to work. this fool asked me could he borrow $500. HA!!! in retrospect I wonder if he thought he had a better chance if he caught me sleepy. lol.

Leggs

July 16th, 2013
9:37 am

Mine too.

Button ~ if someone asks you for a loan, do you always have to know what they need it for? I do realize you may not know a person 100%, but if they’re a friend, you should know their character and perhaps even their struggle. Will you always ask what the loan is for?

Button

July 16th, 2013
9:38 am

I know plenty of women that date while broke lol

disco

July 16th, 2013
9:40 am

moni – actually I didn’t say anything other than I’ll call you back. it was too early and I just wasn’t in the mood. the next day (Sunday) I kicked it with her and she told me that her sister told her the same thing that I had intended to tell her. saved me the lecture because I get tired of always being the one. lol. will she learn? probably not yet. she let a guy borrow $100 a few years back and then the next week was $100 short on her own rent. smdh.

2CPTG©

July 16th, 2013
9:41 am

“since the brunt of expense is placed on the man in the first few initial dates.”

like Eddie Long….watch this, watch this……ok, so if we’re both “capable” of paying, why last week when the topic came up, it’s the dude’s job to foot the bill? isn’t the concensus that men and women alike should be financially able to date? If so, then why I gotta juggle GA Power, and Verizon, just to take you out, while you sittin’ on stacks?

Button

July 16th, 2013
9:42 am

LEggs – yep, just like the loan company and bank asks what you need the money for so will I. What’s wrong with that? You ask me for my money and I’m supposed to hand it over all willy nilly without asking why? lol I’m also going to ask when will I get my money back too. you have to hold the person accountable for your money you are lending them. I probably will go as far as to have them sign a paper too. I’ve watched enough Judge Mathis and Judge Judy to know to never lend money blindly to anyone even family members. I causes too much grief!

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2013
9:52 am

Dreams That’s a very good plus for you!
MoniLiv Is that out of the ordinary? lol

disco

July 16th, 2013
9:52 am

if someone asks me to borrow money I think it’s just second nature for me to ask “what for”. granted there are some people that if they just told me it was important or whatever I would respect their privacy and give them the benefit of the doubt but there are other people that I just plain know better. lol.

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:53 am

-Disco I feel you on that. It does save you the time and energy when another friend or family member gives them the talk before you do, LOL!!!

Single and Happy

July 16th, 2013
9:54 am

If so, then why I gotta juggle GA Power, and Verizon, just to take you out, while you sittin’ on stacks? cause she got to get he haair and nails done (LOL)

Dang agreeing with button, if you asking for my money, then you need to fill out some loan papers (LOL)

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:54 am

-Dreams Not at all, just making a formal blog note of it, LOL! :-)

Button

July 16th, 2013
9:55 am

2C- my setiments will always be the same…men pay for the dates, at least the first few initial dates and I’m being easy by sayng the first few initial dates. I really feel he should pay for all of them but I can bend just a little bit. Every man I’ve ever dated paid for all the dates. Once we’re in an exclusive relationship then I will start paying for dates.

Button

July 16th, 2013
9:57 am

my sentiments….

Single – lmao…was it that hard to agree? lol

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
9:59 am

-Single/Button/2C Now we all know that people have different priorities. If someone is short on cash then it’s their right to choose not to date if that means they would have to sacrifice in another area. Then you have those that would let cousin KiKi do her hair for free so she could use that money to buy a cheap outfit from Rainbow to wear to the club and get there while they’re still letting ladies in for free and then FIND somebody to by them a drink. Then be on the prowl the whole night looking for a sugar daddy to help them out of their current financial situation.

So my point is, some broke people, will purposely PROWL/date looking for the come up.

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2013
10:01 am

For which sex? Men???? I’m sure; but is it ok for women to date if they’re broke?
2C Being broke and dating are mutually exclusive for most women. One has nothing to do with the other because they aren’t paying.

Shoot I was broke with no job or car in college and grad school. Glad those women didn’t hold my brokeness against me.

disco

July 16th, 2013
10:01 am

moni – you right and I’m okay with that – FOR WOMEN. lol. broke men should be taken out to pasture. lol.

Bluzgirl

July 16th, 2013
10:01 am

Morning everyone!

I wouldn’t loan money to someone I was just dating. I have loaned money to a serious boyfriend and was paid back. He still owed me a few hundred dollars after we broke up and he sent me a check each month until it was paid off. I trusted him to pay me back.

Now, with The Ex, I made a mistake and paid for a bus ticket for him when he was traveling and it took him a long time to get the money back to me. As a matter of fact, he gave me money that his mom gave him for Christmas. She said that she wasn’t giving gifts…she was paying of debts. BUT…when he came in to cash the check (at my credit union), my friend told me that it said in the memo line “for Ex and Bluzgirl.” I think she was trying to give us both money for Christmas and he just used it as paying me back.

Robert

July 16th, 2013
10:03 am

“Do you believe that loaning money to the people you date or are romantically interested in a bad idea?”

Good morning to all. I had a great vacation!!!…I think that when you are in a relationship, everything is on the table. I hope one of us is good with handling money (paying bills, saving, etc.). I hope we have enough confidence to trust that whatever challenges life gives us (kids, family, home, car, etc.) we can meet the needs financially. I would not want to be in a selfish relationship (mines & yours).

Today, when a man meets a woman and falls in love she may have obligations (kids, divorce, etc.)that require him to offer his assistance (money, etc.) in order for his woman to satisfy her obligations and to meet her needs. That’s what I will do for my woman.

Leggs

July 16th, 2013
10:06 am

2C ~ when the topic came up last week, I spoke on reciprocity and that both should pay for a date out at some point. Some said a year into or more, some said a few weeks. It all depends on the person. I don’t feel a man has to always pay for the date out. It’s cool with a woman calls up and asks him out, dime on her.

Button ~ just wanted your take. And, if anyone loans money and not ask when repayment will be, they’re the fool. I don’t loan and I don’t borrow.

disco ~ that’s my stance as well, some you definitely need to ask while others not so much.

MsAtl

July 16th, 2013
10:09 am

Morning All!

It would depend on the circumstances and on how serious we were. Also, it would not, could not be a habit; once or twice, if anything. I have loaned money to family members and have had to change my policy to not loaning anything I was not willing to give because that is what it ended up being- loans!

kimmie

July 16th, 2013
10:16 am

Morning All!!

I agree with everyone that it’s Brent’s money to do what he wants. I’m assuming he’s a grown A man. I’m not worrying about a grown A man being taken advantage of, even if it was my brother. Nope, he knows exactly what he’s doing, not my business.

Yes I would totally look at a dude different if he wanted to borrow money.

2C – Actually I understand your friend not asking her new boyfriend to borrow money and instead looking to her friends. When I was dating my man was the last person I would ask to borrow money from. It was a pride thing and I never wanted any of them to think I was “that girl”. My financial troubles were not his concern because we were not married. It went with my belief of not getting into any financial intanglements with someone I’m not married to. And yes, like sex, it would bring a different dynamic to the relationship – one I did not want.

Shoot I was broke with no job or car in college and grad school. Glad those women didn’t hold my brokeness against me.

Dreams – You were at a totally different stage in your life, you were a student. All students are broke. You could still play the “potential” card. You cannot play that card anymore!LOL!!

SlimNu

July 16th, 2013
10:16 am

Morning lovelies,

Lemme hold summin’ ;-)

disco

July 16th, 2013
10:17 am

as for boyfriends/guys I date. I don’t ask to borrow. I only deal with the kind of men who make sure to offer. the kind that anticipate that I must want or need something. lol.

as for friends, acquaintances don’t get real loans. I’ll pick up a meal here or there or whatever but real money exchanging hands isn’t likely to happen. real friends I’ll do what I can to help. they only get one time to do me wrong though and I’ll never help again.

as for family, it’s situational. some I know are truly good for it. others I know it’s a gift if/when I give it to them.

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
10:20 am

-Kimmie I totally agree with your statement to Dreams in reference to all students being broke. . . unless your last name is Rockefeller, LOL!!!

MissMoni

July 16th, 2013
10:21 am

-Disco It’s something about a broke man purposely attempting to get over on a woman that irritates me!!!

2CPTG©

July 16th, 2013
10:22 am

“as for boyfriends/guys I date. I don’t ask to borrow. I only deal with the kind of men who make sure to offer. the kind that anticipate that I must want or need something. lol.”

like calling to “hint” there’s a new CD out that you like…..or one of your girlfriends wants to go to Miami for a weekend….you just caually hint at it…..gotchu! What if he doesn’t offer?