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Is offering to pay a big deal?

My old trainer, Travis, has been dating a young lady for over 6 weeks now.  He has paid for everything on their dates so far and he is noticing that she has yet to offer to pay.  He told me that it is bothering him that she doesn’t even reach for the bill.

Just the other day, some random guy on Twitter tweeted something about how women should not expect men to spend money just to spend time with them.  So, this has me wondering if it really means that much for a woman to offer to pay?

If a guy is pursuing a woman, he will put time, money, and effort in.  At what point does this become so problematic that men feel taken for granted?  I ask because, a lot of women have no problem whatsoever being courted without reciprocity.  They don’t feel compelled to show appreciation, offer to pay, or even think the man deserves praise because it is what a man is “supposed” to do.  These are the women that men chase after a lot, partly due in part to what we discussed yesterday, a woman’s looks and appearance has value.  Why do men get upset when they pick the woman they want to pursue?

Gentleman, help us out, here. How do we figure out if the guy we are dating wants us to offer to pay?  Is it insulting or impolite to offer to pay?  Do we have to be concerned with emasculating a man when we do this?   Is it best to start to pay or offer to pay after real interests are established?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

298 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

July 11th, 2013
3:32 pm

disco – I wouldn’t say i’m grouchy in the morning but more so just quiet and don’t really want to talk. lolol

disco

July 11th, 2013
3:32 pm

leggs – I repeat, sometimes it just be like that. lol. naw, I get what you are saying. lol.

I’m reminded of eve’s bayou when megan good told Samuel L that the women were mad at him. he peeked in the room and said “them? they always mad”. lol.

DuShawn

July 11th, 2013
3:33 pm

I see yall really skrugglin for content today.

Bluzgirl

July 11th, 2013
3:34 pm

I’m definitely moody first thing in the morning, but can snap out of that maybe 95% of the time! These days, it’s even harder since I hate coming to work! LOL

disco

July 11th, 2013
3:34 pm

dreams – re keeping your bad mood to yourself. I’m perfectly content doing just that. I have one guy who is always whining when I’m getting my Tasmanian devil on. talking about whatever it is don’t take it out on him. meanwhile, he’s the one all up in my face. I’m not the one all up in his face. you don’t like my stank azz attitude then get the eff away from me. lol.

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
3:36 pm

I used be moody in the morning, co-workers knew not to talk to me until 9:00, haven’t been that way since I started working out in the morning.

DreamsMaterialize

July 11th, 2013
3:39 pm

I’m reminded of eve’s bayou when megan good told Samuel L that the women were mad at him
disco One of my favorite movies…way underrated.

As far as bad moods, that’s ol’ boy’s fault for still coming around. I’ll holla at you when you feeling more amicable. lol

disco

July 11th, 2013
3:40 pm

I have one friend. she’s all nice and sweet and soft spoken. never yells, always takes the path of least resistance and she’s always suffering from severe migraines and complaining about headaches. I tell her she’s holding too much crap in. lol.

Leggs

July 11th, 2013
3:44 pm

I’m definitely an all day person. I jam coming into work, radio blasting, chair dancing and singing.

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
3:44 pm

Dang disco, we even have friends alike (LOL) maybe we’re the same person (LOL)

disco

July 11th, 2013
3:46 pm

dreams – I like that movie too. when jurnee flew down those stairs hollering “cicely’s trying to kill me” I was too through. plus she know she wasn’t no good telling old girl’s husband that she guess mattie wasn’t the lonesome type. lol.

single – I have hair. lol. (in reference to our previous short, fat, bald discussions). lol.

SlimNu

July 11th, 2013
3:46 pm

disco – I get headaches often and migraines every now and then…so I need to just start cussing folks out from now on? lol

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
3:47 pm

I have hair to disco, I just chose to cut it off (LOL) so I see you owning short and fat also (LOL)

Leggs

July 11th, 2013
3:48 pm

Yes, you have to let that stuff out else it will eat at your innards, ulcers, migraines, stomach aches, pimples, etc.

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
3:49 pm

Slim, are you a person who people say what they want to too, but you hold back because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

disco

July 11th, 2013
3:52 pm

single – yep. I’m owning short. no denying that one. as for fat, I’m using your excuse/reason too. the BMI chart wasn’t designed for us/me. lol.

slim – a good cussing out is quite therapeutic. if that’s not your style at the very least you got to get out some good words. after you hang up with someone say “your momma” in the phone or something. lol.

Bluzgirl

July 11th, 2013
3:52 pm

I’m feeling a little moody today because I’m just completely wiped out! I’ve had things to do after work every day this week. Having my BFF in town has kept me busy! I hope it rains so I can get out of walking my friend’s dog and go home and collapse!

DuShawn

July 11th, 2013
3:53 pm

“you don’t like my stank azz attitude ……” I typically tell women that behave like this that they have the attitude of a sphincter……….stank and shiddy……get the hell on, ole sour pus azz.

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
3:57 pm

Disco, the BMI chart says 140 is my ideal weight, hell I’ll look like a booble head if I got down that far (LOL)

2CPTG©

July 11th, 2013
4:00 pm

disco, send me a picture……

SlimNu

July 11th, 2013
4:00 pm

Single – No people don’t just say what they want to me, at least not in a negative way. So if you think i’m sitting here taking the brunt of everybodies tongue lashing, then that’s not the case. I am an outspoken person but I say what i need to say with a bit of tact. I can probably count only a few instances where I was all No holds barred with it lol But either way, i’m not out to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings

get the hell on, ole sour pus azz.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
4:05 pm

Slim it’s not even to the extent of tongue lashings. sometimes it’s just people asking for things and won’t take no for an answer, and doing things you don’t want to do because they’re your family, or your friends, and the worst culprits of all, the church.

disco

July 11th, 2013
4:05 pm

2C – umm. I don’t now you like that. I gave a description once. the rest is up to your good old imagination. lol.

2CPTG©

July 11th, 2013
4:07 pm

seriously, I missed the description….so…….short, go ‘head, finish!!!!!

Leggs

July 11th, 2013
4:18 pm

2CPTG©

July 11th, 2013
4:23 pm

Leggs, what you laughin at????

SlimNu

July 11th, 2013
4:26 pm

Single – I tell folks no but there are times I shuck it up and do it, depending on what it is.

Leggs

July 11th, 2013
4:26 pm

What’s that saying….only a hit dog will holla. Seriously, I’m laughing because you sound like Ex!

SlimNu

July 11th, 2013
4:30 pm

Single – I’m a giver and I like doing things for people. I just don’t like when folks turn my niceness into an EXPECTATION of something I SHOULD do for them. Does that make sense? lol

Durty Burd

July 11th, 2013
4:32 pm

Take that moody ish and kept it to yourself…Sometimes these moody ladies will wake you up in the morning and ride you real good. then get off and will not say anything about the good dizzle you gave her! lol

2CP…Disco is a cutie pie 5ft4 150lbs, works out and is thick with it! That is why all those senior citzens are trying to chase her down! lol

disco

July 11th, 2013
4:34 pm

2C – I’m short, fat and have hair. lol.

disco

July 11th, 2013
4:35 pm

DB – close. I’m shorter than that and a tad bit heavier than that but real, real close. lol.

2CPTG©

July 11th, 2013
4:36 pm

“2C – I’m short, fat and have hair. lol.”

…..long as you know how to work it…..

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
4:40 pm

Slim that’s what usually happens to givers, they get taken advantage of, thus the headaches and other things, feel bad when you say no, come up with rational reasons why you should do it, when it’s not your problem.

Into the Light

July 11th, 2013
4:41 pm

@DB: Moody, schmoody. Y’all don’t need us to validate you and tell you it was good. Either it was or it wasn’t.

Into the Light

July 11th, 2013
4:42 pm

@Single: The ex used to preach that to me all the time…..of course, he never complained when the stuff I was doing was for him, though……

SlimNu

July 11th, 2013
4:43 pm

Single – I like to figure out what’s in folks minds, what makes them do what they do, why they behave the way they do. I have no idea what i’d do with the info if I ever figured it out lolol But I guess I just want to understand folks

Bluzgirl

July 11th, 2013
4:43 pm

Looks like the rain is through for the evening, so I’ll be dog walking after work. Ugh! I shouldn’t complain…it’s the first time in two weeks that I’ve been able to do it. She was out of town last week and then we’ve had rain or I’ve had plans this week…

Durty Burd

July 11th, 2013
4:48 pm

@ITL how was your meeting with the VP, did u let one out! lol

@ITL I be the judge of that if its good or not! I think I need to meet you one on one for some personal training so I can make sure you are cherry in the morning (everyday) peepskins, hehehehehe!

Into the Light

July 11th, 2013
4:52 pm

LOL@DB. I did not, thankfully. :)

Personal training? I guess a girl’s gotta get her cardio in…. But I hope you’re not gonna expect me to say mess like peepskins. That sounds like a condom.

MsAtl

July 11th, 2013
4:54 pm

ITL- Yes, it does. Like a condom with a peep toe or a window or something.

SlimNu

July 11th, 2013
4:59 pm

Ya’ll be easy….going to get these toes derrrrn..

Bluzgirl

July 11th, 2013
4:59 pm

Good evening everyone! “See” you tomorrow!

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
4:59 pm

I like to figure out what’s in folks minds, what makes them do what they do, why they behave the way they do. not that’s really a headache in the making (LOL)

ITL most want you to stop doing it so you can do more for them. I have a friend who you can say I’m her Steve Urkel ( I’m wearing her down (LOL)) she needs to stop because it stresses her out. She doesn’t have a problem telling me no (LOL) Just everybody else.

Into the Light

July 11th, 2013
5:06 pm

LOL@MsAtl. Why did I picture one with a porthole style window? :lol: :lol:

@Stamps: Did YOU do that????? :lol: :lol:

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
5:07 pm

ITL, I’m trying to do that (LOL)

Into the Light

July 11th, 2013
5:10 pm

LOL@Stamps. Maybe you should let her chase you for awhile.

Single & Happy

July 11th, 2013
5:38 pm

ITL I wish (LOL)