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Skeptical about marriage?

My friend Erin really likes the guy she has been dating for the last few months.   She has even managed not to freak out when he started making plans for the holidays.   Things are going so well, in fact, he brought up the M word.  Unfortunately, the discussion did not go as she would have wanted.  Erin’s man is anti-marriage.

She says she understood the point he was making about the divorce rate, unhappy married people doing crazy things to each other, etc.  She had her own phase of being skeptical about marriage, truth be told.  When he said that he had no interest in jumping the broom, she was still very disappointed.  He does not seem to have an issue with committing to one person, though.  He is “nestles” quite naturally with her.  He has been consistent and focused on their relationship. He just let her know that marriage is not a priority for him.

What do you do when you are dating someone who is skeptical about getting married.  If you know for sure that it what you want, should you be willing to wait until they come around to the idea?

Have you ever met someone who is a little skeptical about getting married? Did they ever change their mind?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

233 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 9th, 2013
7:08 am

If you know for sure that it what you want, should you be willing to wait until they come around to the idea? There comes a point in time that you must realize YOU CAN NOT CHANGE A PERSON. He started the conversation to let her know he does not want to get married – could be a cop-out , she is not the one, or he just doesn’t want to. If she waits she could be setting herself up for a fall, and in the end he will say i told you from the start i did not want to get married.

I have been skeptical of marriage my whole life –tried it once — not sure if i will ever do that again since the turn out was not good, i am in no rush to any alter for any reason. And i know men who do not want to get married again — to many crazy in the world — you think the person is this or that, and you get someone else.

hagd ev1

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2013
7:17 am

Hello all

Dating for the last few months and all ready bringing up marriage (lawd help us) does she really even know him, or that he is the one she wants to marry!! But since it’s out there, he’s told her where she stands so she either needs to enjoy the ride, or pull the cord and get off the bus!!

Exiled

July 9th, 2013
7:30 am

So she either needs to enjoy the ride….(he he) or pull the cord and get off…( he he he)

…..no need for her to be thinking this or that…he said it.

and ladies,Never Ever think u can ride a dude so good that u gon change his mind.

U gon ride him until keggels goes outa fashion! :lol:
he ain’t gon change.

Exiled

July 9th, 2013
7:31 am

Or is it Zumba now? :lol:

Button

July 9th, 2013
8:08 am

What do you do when you are dating someone who is skeptical about getting married? move on!

If you know for sure that it what you want, should you be willing to wait until they come around to the idea? a big fat NO!!!

Have you ever met someone who is a little skeptical about getting married? Yes

Did they ever change their mind? One for sure who hasn’t changed his mind is my ex, he said he will never marry and to this day he’s still not married.

Erinn should realise that her guy is not going to marry her! it’s not that he’s anti marriage, maybe he’s anti marrying her. Sad situation, my advice to Erinn is not to invest too much, fall back on her energy with this guy and keep her options open esp if she desires to get married. I’ve learned that when a man says he’s anti marriage, take it for what it’s worth and KIM.

SlimNu

July 9th, 2013
8:47 am

Wow, Mmmm, sounds a little familiar….Its one thing for a person to say they do not want to get married RIGHT NOW, versus them being skeptical and basically saying they don’t see it happening AT ALL.

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
8:48 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Should you be willing to wait until they come around to the idea? My vote is NO!
When a person tells you that they want OR don’t want something, BELIEVE them.

If you feel like your time isn’t valuable and you’re willing to wait for someone to CHANGE their mind, by all means sit around and wait. However, I view my time as precious and valuable and I’m NOT into the mind changing business.

I still believe in good, healthy, loving marriages. :-)

Button

July 9th, 2013
8:50 am

He is “nestles” quite naturally with her—lol I bet he is
dude is selfish, does he even care about her stance on marriage? has she even voice her thoughts on it? or is she going with the flow not disurbing the “nestling”.

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
8:50 am

-Button You nailed it, MOVE ON!!!

Hazel

July 9th, 2013
8:53 am

I have also seen folks who said they would never get married, get engaged to the next person after you and are married not too soon after that. So when someone says that, it could be you they don’t wanna get married to! Wise thing to do would be leaving that person immediately. No one should have time for someone who doesn’t wanna get married, unless that’s what you want.

Button

July 9th, 2013
8:54 am

I’m bewildered by ppl who base marriage on the failure of others. I hear it all the time. The divorce rate this the divorce rate that……. BS…..Marriage isn’t the problem it’s folks who marry for all the wrong reasons that’s the problem. I get it that some ppl don’t want to get married, that’s fine and dandy but don’t blame the failure of others as a reason not to do it.

SlimNu

July 9th, 2013
8:55 am

Some fragganaggle buuuullllllll shhheeeeiiiit is what it is

Button

July 9th, 2013
8:58 am

Hazel – I co-sign. Although I’ve never personally seen it happen, I’ve heard about it all too often. It’s funny how the guy put it out there very smooth and early though, I bet her heart just dropped :(

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2013
8:59 am

Slim why don’t you tell us how you really feel about it (LOL)

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
9:00 am

-Button/Slim/Hazel When a person doesn’t want to do something they will come up with 1,001 excuses as to why it isn’t a good idea. So when he pops off with I don’t wanna get married blah, blah, blah, keep it moving!

Button

July 9th, 2013
9:01 am

SlumNu – you got that right, I bet he’s not opposing the marriage treatment….and I bet he’s down for playing house too. Dude want all the benefits of husband but not the title.

Button

July 9th, 2013
9:01 am

MissMoni :wink: truth!

SlimNu

July 9th, 2013
9:03 am

:lol: I just feel angry today…upfront with mine

Bluzgirl

July 9th, 2013
9:05 am

Hazel – That’s what happened to me.

I wasted 2 years on The Ex and he told me from the beginning he never wanted to get married again because of a bad marriage. I thought he would change his mind, but he never did. Ultimately, that lead to me breaking up with him. I knew he would never give me what I wanted. 4 months later and he’s engaged to the next woman…

Morning everyone! I’ve missed ya’ll!

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
9:05 am

YES Slim, let it OUT. . . RELEASE!!!

2CPTG©

July 9th, 2013
9:06 am

morning….

with the current state of relationships nowadays……tell Erin to just enjoy it while it lasts….as Ex so eloquently put it, you ain’t gon change his mind!

Button

July 9th, 2013
9:08 am

This is a touchy subject for me, bc I’ve been there,,,, I advise any woman or man for that matter who is in a relationship/dating a person who has voiced their opinion on marriage to believe them when they say they are against it. If you love them and you chose to stay it’s your choice knowing that that person may never marry you, and if he does give in and marry you, it’s bc he’s old and fat or sickly and nobody want him anymore.

Hazel

July 9th, 2013
9:11 am

@Bluzgirl – It’s just crazy to me how folks do that. Why are they even trying to waste your time. I’m glad to walked away. Those 2 years were a lesson learned and not time wasted.
@MissMoni – Yes ma’am. Keep it moving. I’m crazy, so marriage was a topic I brought up on the 3rd to 4th date. I always mentioned that my goal for dating was marriage.

SlimNu

July 9th, 2013
9:11 am

I get it that some ppl don’t want to get married, that’s fine and dandy but don’t blame the failure of others as a reason not to do it

Button – AAaaaamen!

MissMoni – I feel like releasing the Kraken up in here. lol Maybe I need a good kick boxing class or something.

Hazel

July 9th, 2013
9:12 am

@Button – You will b shocked to see how often it does happen. I see my husband’s cousins bu**s**ting women all the time and the women fall for it.

SlimNu

July 9th, 2013
9:13 am

Bluz – Since his most recent texts to you, did he happen to reach out to you again over the holiday? Did you ever respond to him?

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
9:16 am

-Hazel YES, I’m all about making what I want KNOWN upfront! I DON’T have time to be with some joker for 2, 3, 4, 5, years and he still don’t know whether or not he wants to get married OR is on the fence about it. My man needs to KNOW for sure that he wants to get married or else, get the heck on!!!

I date with a purpose! ;-)

-Slim Kickboxing would be good or kneading some dough (beating it with the rolling pin), LOL!!! ;-)

Button

July 9th, 2013
9:16 am

Hazel – I have no doubt it happens very often, I just don’t get it and it’s probably best for me not to. Something so simple as dating ppl with the same agenda in life shouldn’t be that hard right? for those who oppose marriage to the left please! now y’all mix and mingle together.

Hazel

July 9th, 2013
9:16 am

@Exiled – Tis Crossfit now. I will stick with my stairmaster though.

Hazel

July 9th, 2013
9:20 am

@missmoni – u r my kinda friend. I know some people think its crazy or even look down at bringing up such serious topics but heyyy.. its wise to do so. That way, we are both on the same page or not on the page at all.
@Button – lol yes. to the left to the left, or put a RING on it. on point

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2013
9:20 am

Okay dude has told her where he stands, if she stays he didn’t waste her time, she knew going in. Anything that happens in this relationship is on her, not him. If it aint what she wants them move on. if not put on her big girl pants and take responsibility for what ever happens.

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
9:25 am

-Single True, Erin definitely has a choice to make.

-Hazel Hi 5!!! ;-)

SlimNu

July 9th, 2013
9:25 am

I need a nap already

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2013
9:29 am

Slim you should try morning workout, release that stress of the day

disco

July 9th, 2013
9:54 am

good morning. in general I agree with the consensus about dipping and not wasting your time. still I’ll say it depends on some things, age in particular. when you are 22 you have plenty of wiggle room. time to play, time to grow, time to whatever. when you are 32/42/52 you need to have some ducks in a row and don’t have time to be lollygagging with some joker.

2CPTG©

July 9th, 2013
9:56 am

lil hint for y’all ladies…..granted, some dudes say they aren’t interested in marriage (as in Bluz case), yet, they end up engaged to the next chic; if marriage is your goal, and you sincerely want to be with “that” guy, don’t pressure him. That’s part of our make-up; if you constantly badger him about it, we feel like you’re calling the shots and giving us an ultimatum…..nah, don’t do that…..let it be known, but don’t persist……and no time table either…..next thing you know, he’ll be poppin the question….

SlimNu

July 9th, 2013
9:56 am

Single – I used to run in the mornings but it really doesn’t work for me. So if I do workout, it’s usually right after work.

Bluzgirl

July 9th, 2013
10:00 am

Slim – that was a different dude. The one texting me was someone I tried to date after The Ex and he ended up being just like The Ex and disrespectful.

And…no…never replied to him and haven’t heard from him since!

Durty Burd

July 9th, 2013
10:02 am

Goooooooooooood Morning!

The ladies are too funny this morning!

I don’t see any problem, dude simply stated where his current mindset is regarding marriage. Also Erin wants it boths ways, Diva stated Erin is also skeptical about marriage, but since she is nestling well with dude I guess she has a change of heart. Get out here with that!

They have only been dating for a few months how in the world does he know if she is the one.

Button…Where do you get he is anti-her if they are nestling well together? Dude is planning vacations with her and she is really liking dude?

SlimNu u should try out a Dirty Burd in the morning, it is like cup of columbia coffee guaranted to pick you up! :)

2CPTG©

July 9th, 2013
10:09 am

Disco…..(after yesterday, I’m interested in your take)….how do you feel about marriage? Or better yet, the Vows, “for richer or poorer”; say your dude lost his ability to provide, would all bets be off?

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
10:15 am

Hey Disco!!! You used one of my FAV words this morning: lollygagging!!! :-)

Exiled

July 9th, 2013
10:16 am

Why do u bother on what reason some men give for not wantiing to get married??

Women are so stuck on “aghh, we so good together, I dont understand why he doesnt want to get married’…… :shock: haa!!?

who said “u so good tgether?..to marry?….if its good for u it dont mean its good for him to marry….

Uall gotta learn to be selfsish…look out for ur own interests…if the interests are not mutual..KIM…..

Dudes do it all the damn time!..

Leggs

July 9th, 2013
10:16 am

“What do you do when you are dating someone who is skeptical about getting married. If you know for sure that it what you want, should you be willing to wait until they come around to the idea?: – I think a fool stays around and wait for something that likely will not change. I have a friend that’s been with her guy for 11 years, even after him writing her a goodbye letter stating that he never wants to get married, having her move out of their home to ward off foreclosure, he then loses the house w/no where to go, moves in with her. He will never marry her because she makes everything too easy for him.

If I want marriage and the person I’m with doesn’t, then I need to move along in the hopes of finding one that wants the same. It’s like women wanting children. Why stay with a guy knowing he never wants to have children. Is it fair to put your desire/want to rest for a man who doesn’t want what you want. I don’t think so. If you can put it to rest w/no regrets, then go for it. Otherwise, it will eat you alive!

Good morning.

disco

July 9th, 2013
10:20 am

2C – why you wanna give me a hard time? I’ve said marriage is personal. between the two folks that are married. period. no one else’s concern. re richer or poorer. my stance remains. I will not support a grown man ever. does that mean I’ll leave a man if he loses his job? nope. but I will leave a man if he loses his job and acts comfortable not having one.

MissMoni

July 9th, 2013
10:22 am

Good Morning Leggs, you made some great points!

Leggs

July 9th, 2013
10:26 am

“Okay dude has told her where he stands, if she stays he didn’t waste her time, she knew going in. Anything that happens in this relationship is on her, not him. If it aint what she wants them move on. if not put on her big girl pants and take responsibility for what ever happens. = AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

Leggs

July 9th, 2013
10:27 am

Good, good morning, MissMoni

Durty Burd

July 9th, 2013
10:29 am

Depending on where dude is in his life, marriage just is not a priority right now. Whatever his reasons are for not wanting get married are his reasons. Hey marriage is not for everyone if you meet that person and you want to get married,then you need to find a person who’s goals, interests and mindset line up with yours. Just because the nestling is great does not mean marriage is the next step…

Ladies some men just want to date first, then during the process get to know you to see if you are the person whom they had in mind regarding marriage. The ladies are also reaping benefits during the dating process.

Button

July 9th, 2013
10:33 am

Durty – where did I say he was anti- her? of course he’s not anti-Erinn henceforth the nestling…lol

Dude is slick and doing things to keep her coming back for more. The planning of future events and such, HA sounds straight out of a book on how to date if you ask me….lol

Exiled – Uall gotta learn to be selfsish–I AGREEEEEEE

Leggs

July 9th, 2013
10:33 am

Durty ~ I get what you’re saying, but that’s not the topic (lol). The topic is ANTI-MARRIAGE.