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Are you ok with PDA?

What is your opinion on Public Displays of Affection (PDA)? File this under relationship perks: Hand-holding, kissing in public, body part grabbing at a live concert. A lot of people believe that a highlight of being coupled up is letting everyone else know!  Are you cool with someone being touchy feely on a date?  Are you bothered when other people get lovey dovey around you?

One of our readers is dating a woman who has complained that he tends to ignore her cues for affection and public displays of affection.  It is something he has heard women complain about in the past.  He has a bad habit of being distant and standoffish whenever he is out on a date.  While he will do all the polite things gentleman do, showing affection is “not his thing” and it seems to be a problem.

I told him that some women like to know that sex is not the only motivation for a man touching her.  Women dig intimacy, which is not necessarily sex-related.  How important is PDA in your relationships?  Is it something you could live without if your partner was not into it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

610 comments Add your comment

Lee

July 1st, 2013
7:22 am

I do not like being grabbed in public. Holding hands a little kissing is fine. Anything more than that get a room groping in public is not necessary for everyone to know you are a couple.

MissMoni

July 1st, 2013
7:38 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA! *It’s RAINING something serious here!*

Are you cool with someone being touchy feely on a date? Nope, if the relationship is still NEW and I’m still getting to know you, please keep your hands to yourself. I don’t like my personal space violated/invaded unless I’m extremely comfortable with a guy.

Now if we’re serious and we’ve been together for a while then I have no problem holding hands & kissing in public. However, never been a fan of groping in public. I just don’t view that as being classy & ladylike.

Button

July 1st, 2013
8:12 am

Good morning!

MissMoni – I cosign

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
8:40 am

Hello All

Are you cool with someone being touchy feely on a date? sure long as you don’t take it to far

Are you bothered when other people get lovey dovey around you? No because the majority of the time I have a choice to not look at it!

I have no problem with holding hands or a little kiss here and there. She needs to stop playing games with here little cues and take the lead since it’s obvious that he’s not.

MsAtl

July 1st, 2013
9:07 am

Morning All!

Back from a weekend in S.C. “Had a great time!
On topic- I am fine with hand holding and a little kissing if we have been dating a while. Otherwise, I am with MissMoni- keep your hands to yourself if we are just beginning to date. I am not okay with grabbing body parts in public- at a concert or otherwise. I don’t know that it would be a dealbreaker if my partner was not into pda, but I could not deal with an emotionally cold person.

Exiled

July 1st, 2013
9:23 am

No bootey snactching/grabbing at the concert MsAtl? :lol:

WDA said ‘body parts’! I am not even sure myself which body parts on me are game here..he he.
Please, No prostrate massage for me at the concert! :lol:
That wld be fun gone too far!

A bj in the car,after the concert is fine! :lol:
Hello MIA!

Hazel

July 1st, 2013
9:25 am

Good morning. Holding hands, a little smooch is ok. A makeout session is NOT ok. Stay classy and leave extreme PDA to a private place.

MsAtl

July 1st, 2013
9:28 am

Exiled- No Sir! My ex would grab my breat if we were walking by the a group of men in the mall. That irked me, especially since I saw it as a dog marking his territory, not as affection. A man should be more secure than to feel the need to be crass just because other men are around.

Button

July 1st, 2013
9:29 am

How important is PDA in your relationships? pda plays a role, not a huge role but a role. I won’t say that I would not date a guy who was not into pda but it will be nice if he were. My ex bf was not into pda so I never gave it a second thought. Some ppl are not good at publicly expressing themselves. Its foriegn to most ppl. When I’m out I can count on one hand how many couples I see displaying pda, matter of fact I don’t even need one hand bc it’s not a popular thing. My guy is into pda, sometimes we lock pinky fingers while walking, while at other times we’re hand in hand. at the movies he would put his arms around me and smooch me on the cheeks througout the movie. Sometimes I can’t stand it bc I just want to watch the movie. Then sometimes I adore it bc I want to feel close. I just look at it that some ppl are more affectionate than others.

Is it something you could live without if your partner was not into it? yes, my world would not come crashing down if he was not into it.

disco

July 1st, 2013
9:32 am

good morning. speaking of pda. I was at the movies the other night and a couple sat in front of me. old girl got a movie-long foot massage.

MsAtl

July 1st, 2013
9:36 am

Disco- A foot massage? That is certainly different. I hope he wasn’t eating popcorn while doing it. Butter flavored massage oil.

kimmie

July 1st, 2013
9:37 am

Morning Gang!!

I agree with everyone that done in a classy way a little PDA is fine. I’ve never had anyone to cross the line with me. As for others, like Single said, most times I’ve been in a position not to have to look. I took advantage of one couple’s heavy make out session at 6 Flags once. We were a long line for a ride and they were so into it they did not see the line move ahead, or me & my gang get in front of them. Some other folk saw what we did and did it too!!

Now to the opposite extreme….

MsAtl, yes it is no fun dating an emotionally cold person. I was with that guy that was not affectionate at all, in public or otherwise, unless we were in the bed. Period point blank. He was attractive and brought it in bed, but otherwise he was very cold. He did put forth the effort to not be so cold with his little girl, but it was a stretch for him. I’m not about trying to change someone, so that, among other things, led to our demise. I am not a big touchy-feely person, but I’m not cold either.

Leggs

July 1st, 2013
9:42 am

It all depends on the degree of PDA. Making out in public is not cool. Grabbing my butt in public is not cool. Kissing, holding hands, my hand in his back pocket while walking was cool when I was younger.

Good morning.

disco

July 1st, 2013
9:49 am

everyone’s all grown in their pda thoughts now. anyone here get their pda on in front of their locker in high school? on the bleachers at the football game? what about that long, slow, grinding dance at the basement party? lol.

Exiled

July 1st, 2013
9:51 am

MsAtl..grabbing ur lady on cue because there are other dudes looking is def insecure or just showy.

U have described ur ex hubbs previously as pompous etc in the past. I am sure he did as a showy kinda thing/pompous for sure.

The way u described him,he don’t seem insecure.

Some folks are just showy like that.

MsAtl

July 1st, 2013
10:02 am

Exiled- When you try to avoid situations in which you are not the only male or try to make sure that you are the male with the most or feel the need to put down the other men in the room to puff yourself up, you are insecure.

abc

July 1st, 2013
10:05 am

Nobody wants to see extreme PDA. Get a room, please. Holding hands and such hardly qualifies as PDA, to me.

Leggs

July 1st, 2013
10:08 am

disco ~ back in the day, who didn’t grind? I know nothing about locker room PDA nor bleacher PDA, on top of bleacher or under. None of that was ever cool with me.

disco

July 1st, 2013
10:09 am

leggs – who didn’t grind? I’m sure there were some mud ducks that couldn’t get anyone to dance with them. lol.

Exiled

July 1st, 2013
10:18 am

@Leggs,u dont like being fingered not fingering others u are with,we don’t even know what cool with u as of Now! :lol:

Is sex alright? :lol:

Exiled

July 1st, 2013
10:19 am

Leggs

July 1st, 2013
10:21 am

“…we don’t even know what cool with u as of Now!” – And that’s how it should be!

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
10:24 am

When you try to avoid situations in which you are not the only male or try to make sure that you are the male with the most or feel the need to put down the other men in the room to puff yourself up, you are insecure.(LMAO) that doesn’t only apply to men (LOL)

Leggs

July 1st, 2013
10:32 am

It sure doesn’t, Single.

kimmie

July 1st, 2013
10:38 am

But we were talking about a man in this instance. How you gone tell MsAtl about HER ex, Exiled!

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
10:41 am

Kimmie don’t you start (LOL)

Bluzgirl

July 1st, 2013
10:41 am

Morning all!

I’m back after having my mental health day on Friday and so not in the mood to be here today!!!

A small amount of PDA is a good thing…hand holding, a little peck, arms around each other. An all out make out session is not a good thing once you reach the age of 17!!! The Ex was pretty good about PDA…made me feel like I was his while out in public. Mags was stone cold and said he didn’t like any PDA at all…no holding hands or anything. Big turnoff.

kimmie

July 1st, 2013
10:43 am

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
10:46 am

one of those things that make you go HMMMMM (LOL)

Exiled

July 1st, 2013
10:50 am

‘My ex would grab my….’ @msAtl.

That’s a quote! @Kinmie

..then the response at the ex statement

kimmie

July 1st, 2013
10:56 am

I like to see older couples PDA, they are so sweet. Never seen any be unappropriate.

MissMoni

July 1st, 2013
11:01 am

Whew, just got out of a meeting!

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
11:01 am

nothing wrong with seeing people in love, but when they start to get hot and heavy that’s when I know it’s time to mind my own business :-D

kimmie

July 1st, 2013
11:03 am

Exiled – I was talking about you defining whether or not her exes behavior was a sign of insecurity.

To me, showy can equal insecure unless you are an entertainer. Otherwise, what you are should speak for itself. And it’s rather sad when folks feel they have to puff themselves up to be noticed or to get other’s approval.

But that’s my humble opinion.

MissMoni

July 1st, 2013
11:05 am

-Bluzgirl I agree, absolutely NO PDA is a turnoff, especially if you’re really into each other.

disco

July 1st, 2013
11:09 am

moni / bluz – surprise surprise but no pda doesn’t turn me off. lol.

kimmie – that’s because the old folks got their inappropriate out of the way a long time ago. maybe they done used it all up. lol.

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
11:10 am

Bluz correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t he just your FWB,

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
11:12 am

Disco, old folks are still getting it in, :-D

Bluzgirl

July 1st, 2013
11:15 am

S/H – Well, we did try to “date” for about a week and a half! LOL!

I did have a boyfriend in the past who had to get used to a little PDA. He wouldn’t want to show any affection in public, but I broke him of that.

disco

July 1st, 2013
11:15 am

single – yeah. they still getting it in. they just don’t feel the need to still be putting it on display. they don’t have to front or show off for anyone or prove anything to each other. they good. that’s all I’m saying.

disco

July 1st, 2013
11:17 am

question: for the folks who feel that they have to have some level of pda. what’s the deal? why do you want/need it? does it makes you feel better? feel wanted? feel confirmed? what? on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is it?

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
11:17 am

Okay disco, so they feel secure (LOL)

Bluz a whole week in a half (LMAO)

Single & Happy

July 1st, 2013
11:20 am

Also – Women does the man have to initiate it, and if so why?

MissMoni

July 1st, 2013
11:21 am

You’re right Disco, I’m not surprised, LOL!!!

Leggs

July 1st, 2013
11:23 am

disco ~ affection doesn’t have to be reserved for just behind closed doors. We have a relationship in public as well as in private and affirmation done behind closed doors why not when the door is open (public). Holding hands, a peck on the cheek, holding her around her waist are just signs that in public you still like her (lol).

Exiled

July 1st, 2013
11:24 am

Kimmie…most women want to hold their man’s hand while in public..
If u are just starting the dating thing,she maybe coy holding the man’s hand.

The moment he smashes,she’s extending her lil hands to hold him. :lol:

I wonder if that’s being insecure,showy or just compulsive female behavior.

Most dudes wldnt care either way.

Bluzgirl

July 1st, 2013
11:24 am

I co-sign Leggs…

S/H – I think it was that he told me right off the bat that he didn’t “do” PDA. I tried to put my arms around him when we went out once and he basically pushed me off him and told me that he doesn’t like any kind of PDA at all. Didn’t sit well with me…

MissMoni

July 1st, 2013
11:27 am

-Leggs I too agree with your 11:23.

-Disco I’m a hugger, especially of someone that I love & really care for, so it would bother me if my guy didn’t like hugging at all.

disco

July 1st, 2013
11:29 am

leggs – I’m not judging. just questioning what the draw is for the folks who favor it. if I know we cool, I’m cool with that knowledge. don’t need the pda’s to confirm it.

moni – re hugging. I feel trapped when I’m “forced” into a hug situation. lol. I swear if I could go through life with a chin nod and a “you good?” I’d be content.

Leggs

July 1st, 2013
11:31 am

Single ~ that’s funny because I was leaning toward the woman initiating more than the man would. To answer your question, no, he doesn’t have to.