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Archive for June, 2013

Bad dates

Bad dates happen to good people.  In fact, sometimes there is really no one to blame for a bad date.  Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there.  Sometimes you just don’t connect in a meaningful way.  I have a rule about bad dates.  I have to schedule another date within two weeks.  Sort of like a palate cleansing tactic.  You never want one bad date to drive you back to your sofa and the solitude you have come to love!
My friend Johnny likes to give multiple chances to make sure there really is not a connection.  Even after a bad date, he will keep an open mind.  He always tells me that everyone has an off day.  Would you be open to a second or third date if the first was less than pleasing?
How long does it usually take for you to decide that you want to pursue someone

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Dating a workaholic?

We all live busy lives but we should be able to make time for the people and things that are important to us.  So if you happen to find yourself dating – or attempting to date – a raging workaholic, you should be prepared.  People who are career-driven or supremely focused on work or school tend to neglect their mates.

You have to decide early on what you can and can not handle.  I remember dating one guy just as he was starting his own business.  His phone rang incessantly and he did not know the meaning of  “off” days.  I had to set boundaries!

His work schedule was a real problem at first.  I tried to throw tantrums, give ultimatums, and even staged a sit-in in my man’s office.   If you really care about your workhorse, you should speak up when you are feeling like you are all alone in the relationship.

Have you ever dated someone who was so driven and focused that it was difficult to maintain a relationship?

Are you guilty of neglecting your dating life or your …

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Should you crowdsource dates?

I met a young lady the other day who told me that her entire list of suitors were all referrals from friends.  She decided to crowdsource her dates last year when she found herself in a dating dry spell.  Faced with few prospects, she went to all her friends – married and single, and told them that she was interested in meeting someone nice.

I have to say, I was rather impressed at her courage.  The thought of doing this sort of struck fear in my heart.  It’s not that I am picky or anything.  I am just deeply afraid of what kind of guy my family and friends think I should date!

So far, her experiences have been fairly positive ones.  She expected the type of referrals she has had but there were some pleasant surprises.  She was pleased to know that her neighbor was open-minded enough to introduce her to someone with a different ethnic and religious background.

Maybe more single people should crowdsource our dates! It should be less terrifying than online dating, …

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Dating: Never assume

The hardest lessons learned about dating can really bruise one’s ego.   It happens to most of us, unfortunately, at one time or another.   The reason it is important to know where things stand is to prevent any miscommunication.  This is really important when it comes to your competition.  Never assume you don’t have any.

My friend Linda was seeing a guy and they seemed to spending a lot of their free time together.  It wasn’t until she wanted to attend a concert with him that she found out he already had plans to go with someone else.   She seemed shocked and hurt that there was another woman in the picture.  She figured since they got along so great on their first few dates, he was only seeing her.

Dating lesson: Never assume anything.    She can be disappointed he is splitting his time, but honestly, she should have been doing the same thing.  Unless you both are in agreement that things are exclusive, it is probably best to keep things casual.  The thing is, …

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Is your ex getting married?

I talked to my friend Leo last night who sounded a little down.  I asked him what was up with his melancholy and he was surprisingly candid about why:  The one that got away got married this weekend.   Now, he was the one that wrecked the relationship.   It could have been him at the alter this weekend.  Why is he so bothered that his ex moved on?

I believe there are a lot of men who claim not to be ready to take the big step and settle down.  They think they have more time, better  options, and let’s not forget about all that freedom.  When they are faced with the consequences of all those choices, it still gets to them.  Yes it is hypocritical and nonsensical but that doesn’t mean what they don’t feel is real.

A lot of women run from good men when for the same reasons and then feel bad when those guys move on.  How do you handle it when one of your exes get married?  What if it is the one that you actually thought you would end up with one day?

Have you ever …

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Is revenge really worth it?

After a messy breakup, it can be tempting to exact some kind of revenge on our ex.  I know rejection can hurt but cooking up some evil plan to make you feel better actually won’t make you feel better at all.  In fact, you end up feeling even more miserable.   So why do we try to get back at our ex?

One of my friends is so hurt and angry at her ex.   It seems that his life is continuing on without her and he seems happy.  This is starting to really get to her.  She asked, “Why does he get to move on and be happy after what he put me through?” Nothing I say to her is making her feel better.  She wants to serve up a cold dish of revenge. If you start getting crazy ideas of revenge, it is time to dial a friend or therapist!

Have you ever had such a hard time with a breakup that you wanted some kind of revenge?  Did you come to realize that it wasn’t worth it?

I can remember being very tempted to do some awful things using my ex-boyfriend’s social security number.  I …

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Love thy privacy?

When you are married or in a committed relationship, do you believe that you should be afforded some degree of privacy?  I think some people expect to give up some freedom in a relationship, but what privacy can you keep? Should people in relationships keep secrets?  Is it important to be able to have some things that you can keep to yourself?

I read a really tragic and bizarre story the other day that made me wonder about this.  A married and and his lover drowned in a hotel pool.  His wife had no idea he was on vacation, let alone with another woman!  If he told her some kind of bogus story of his whereabouts, she probably thought he was telling her the truth.  I still wonder how much freedom and privacy a married man gets to have?

If there is full trust, do you believe one should still be required to disclose information? Do you believe it is important to tell your mate everything?

What do you do when you love your privacy, but you love your partner more? Do you give …

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Dating: Do you need titles?

One of our readers is a little upset with her man after he introduced her as a friend to someone.   They have not been dating that long and there actually has not been a talk of exclusivity.  So why would she get mad at the friend title? I will give you one little guess.  Here’s a hint: It starts with s and ends in expectations. Sexpectations!

No, it’s not a real word but it is a real emotion.  It is what happens when a woman sleeps with a guy without a clearly defined relationship.  Sex is added to the mix and suddenly she demands girlfriend status.  At the very least, she does not want to be introduced as a FRIEND.

Do you think it is necessary to have a title in dating?  What do you do when  you have not reached the stage of dating where things are ready to be defined?

Do you think our reader should mention how disappointed she was to her guy? Is that the way the exclusive topic should come up?

Do you think it is silly to call one another boyfriend/girlfriend after …

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Is infidelity human nature?

I can understand why so many people are apprehensive about monogamy.  While many can pledge to be committed to one person, infidelity is something that a lot of people struggle to uphold.   I have heard some men say that it is in a man’s nature to be unfaithful.

The interesting thing about this argument is that it places little focus on the choices people make.  I think it is human nature to be tempted.  I am not sure making the choice to do something about it is a part of it, though.

What do you think?  Is infidelity really something we can’t control?  Do you believe that we are attracted and drawn to people that we shouldn’t be because it is in our nature?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Vacation dating?

Before you board that flight to jet off to some sexy location, you should consider your intent to date on vacation. I have heard so many people whine about the dating prospects in Atlanta who  manage to easily meet other people in other cities. Sometimes in other countries!

Dating on vacation is something to think about.  The likelihood of a long distance relationship is higher.  Would you be willing to contend with distance if you met so someone wonderful while vacationing?

Why do you think we meet and mingle with more success in other cities?  I can remember having a serious dry spell for such a long time. Literally en route to the airport, all kinds of male attention. Was I suddenly more approachable since I was relaxed  and happy to be on vacation? It is possible that I was!

I have met and exchanged numbers with people while I was vacationing in New York, South Africa, and even Jamaica. Vacation dating has its perks! Have you ever tried it?

Some people even turn their …

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