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Can alpha women be traditional?

As if stealing my man, Orlando Bloom away from me wasn’t bad enough, model Miranda Kerr recently commented about only being an alpha woman at work: “I am quite dominant in my career, so what really works for me when I come home, is to relax more into the feminine side. If you’re really an alpha female, you don’t allow [your partner] to have the space to feel like the man in the relationship. Maybe I am too traditional, but men feel important when you ask for their help, instead of thinking you can do it all on your own.” I find it interesting that a “really” alpha female does not allow her man the space to feel like a man.  Oh, also Alpha women are not feminine, either.   She talks as if her definition of alpha female is not very nuanced.  Why can’t a woman manage to find a balance?  Isn’t that the point? I actually get her point about asking men for help, though.  I watch a lot of women struggle with this for many reasons.  My Mother sets the example for me – she is very alpha female in her work and she does not seem to take issue with letting my Father feel important and be the head of the household.  I had this modeled in my home growing up.  What about the young women who were given the opposite message? My friend Jasmine said one of her aunts actually apologized to her for sending her the wrong message as a child.  Jasmine was told to take care of herself and never depend on men for anything.   Her very patient boyfriend  has to remind her that he is there to help her when she needs it.  She had to adjust to that! What do you think about Miranda Kerr’s statement? Do you believe alpha women can be traditional too? By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

320 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

June 26th, 2013
8:03 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Whew, THANKS Diva for officially opening up the blog. I was like UH OH, major technical difficulties this morning. . .

Why can’t a woman manage to find a balance? Personally, I believe that balance is a key necessity to really enjoying your life. So with that being said, I do believe that Alpha women can be traditional too. It’s all a matter of CHOICE, meaning you can be what you need to be when you need to be it, IF you choose to.

Single and Happy

June 26th, 2013
8:37 am

Hey yall

where these women at, hell I could use a break sometimes (LOL)

Leggs

June 26th, 2013
8:58 am

I would think if you’re truly an “alpha” woman, it would be hard to turn it off once you get home. I don’t understand women who don’t let their man be the man or give in him space. But, if you really think about it, those women chose those type of men so she can shine. The itty bitty man on her arms is for show because once behind closed doors, she’s taking his pants off and wearing them!

Good morning!

SlimNu

June 26th, 2013
9:10 am

Morning, Um….where is everybody?

SlimNu

June 26th, 2013
9:11 am

Oh lawd, who done called big brother on us? Is every comment going to be pending until moderation is accepted?? I feel like we’re being baby sat or monitored because we do not know how to act. WOW

Into the Light

June 26th, 2013
9:16 am

Hello???? Where is everyone today?

Leggs

June 26th, 2013
9:18 am

Well, since something is seriously wrong, doubt I’m really first!

Into the Light

June 26th, 2013
9:26 am

Yay!!! The blog is back up! :)

DreamsMaterialize

June 26th, 2013
9:27 am

Testing, testing. Mic check, 1, 2. Hey everyone. My first comment is in moderation too.

Wise Diva

June 26th, 2013
9:28 am

Good morning! Sorry about the technical issues, this is what I get for blogging at 3:00 AM. Ya’ll jump in and discuss! Please keep things civil – if I could invent a function that lets you ignore blog comments that annoy you, believe me I would. Instead, IGNORE people and be the bigger person. The community has lasted this long because of YOU guys. Let’s not let a few folks sully the vibe we got going up in here – Thanks for your cooperation :)

DreamsMaterialize

June 26th, 2013
9:28 am

you don’t allow [your partner] to have the space to feel like the man in the relationship.
More propaganda. Who comes up with this stuff? This isn’t as much the quality of an alpha female as it is the quality of an inadequate man. I don’t need a woman to “allow” me the space to “feel” like a man. I am a man, whether she acquiesces or not.

Jasmine was told to take care of herself and never depend on men for anything.
How about just telling her to take care of herself and not depend on anyone (not just men). I teach my daughter to be proactive and take the lead. She doesn’t have time to be waiting on someone else to lead…she might be waiting forever. If someone comes along and demonstrates that they are a more effective leader than she is, then she won’t have to “allow” them to lead; they’ll simply take the lead. That’s what leaders do.

SlimNu

June 26th, 2013
9:32 am

YAY, we have lift off! :-D

Wise Diva

June 26th, 2013
9:32 am

Preach DreamsMaterialize! My Pops taught me the same. I remember when I got my first car he made me remove ALL the tires on it and put them back on myself. I was MAD at the time, but now, I appreciate the lesson. That reminds me, I need to get AAA, I am getting too old to be changing tires in heels

Wise Diva

June 26th, 2013
9:32 am

LOL @ Slimnu – thanks for being my sunshine this morning, I really needed. :)

disco

June 26th, 2013
9:32 am

good morning. alpha female? oh boy. lol.

my first thought is that jasmine’s aunt doesn’t owe her an apology for giving her good advice. contrary to popular belief, independence isn’t a character flaw. there’s a big difference between accepting help and needing help and an even bigger difference between needing help sometimes and needing help all the daggone time.

I told a guy at a bar once that the only thing I needed a man for was to carry things that were too heavy for me to lift and I could always hire someone to do that.

Leggs

June 26th, 2013
9:34 am

Good to see all of you!

Button

June 26th, 2013
9:36 am

Good morning! I’m def not an alpha woman. I know I’m a lady and how to carry myself accordingly. I do know some alpha woman but they are always single and when they do get a date they run them off bc their personalities are so strong. Always want to be the boss in charge. It’s not a pretty look. The men I know want to feel needed. I’ve had many men say when they feel needed by the woman in his life that it’s the greatest feeling on earth. Who would’ve known something so simple as being needed would set a man’s heart on fire. I guess that’s where the manta of provide, protect and profess comes into mind.

Bluzgirl

June 26th, 2013
9:36 am

Morning everyone!

I don’t understand this whole “let your man be a man.” We are who we are and we get involved with people for who they are. There is no “letting” anyone be anything. You either accept them as they are or you don’t.

kimmie

June 26th, 2013
9:38 am

Knocking down the door with my alpha self!!! :lol:

Good morning Ladies!

Personally I cannot stand the “let a man be a man” phrase! Yes, I get the sentiment behind it, just hate hearing it! Nobody “lets” a grown person do anything. Either you are doing the dang thing or you’re not.

Thing is, folks do what works for them in the relationship. There are some men that are perfectly fine with a woman wearing the pants at home. There are even some women who have mastered the art of deception – the man thinks he’s wearing the pants, when really she is running things!

I don’t think anyone is truly ALL alpha in every aspect of their life. I would say due to my position at work as a manager I have to be alpha. When I get home, in some aspects I am still alpha, but never to the point where it’s a putdown or emasculating to my husband. I think we both have areas we are stronger in so we dominate in those areas. While yes, it was a bit of a challenge to go from independant woman that did it all for herself to now helpmate. I did it on my own because I had no choice – either I did it or it did not get done. Now it is wonderful having help and not having to carry the entire load.

Into the Light

June 26th, 2013
9:39 am

In the words of Phil Robertson, I am now happy, happy, happy. :)

Morning, all.

A friend and I were having this conversation just the other day (about the man being the head of the family, etc….). I think the point people miss in that scripture is that a man is supposed to be a leader and the woman submit BECAUSE THE MAN LOVES HER AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH. In other words, she loves and respects him for the unconditional love he always shows her by his willingness to sacrifice for her.

If a man does that, I don’t have a problem submitting to him.

DreamsMaterialize

June 26th, 2013
9:39 am

Wise How’s it going? Haven’t seen you around these parts in a minute. Hope all is well on your end. Don’t break too many hearts. ;-)

disco

June 26th, 2013
9:41 am

button – hence why I said “oh boy” at alpha female. guess I might just be one though I never thought about it until today. still I will continue to stand strong. all I can say is that I just have to continue to wait on the man that’s stronger than me on his own. I sure as heck can’t play weak so he can feel strong. chumps like that I will chew up and spit out and talk about their momma in the meantime. no can do.

Into the Light

June 26th, 2013
9:45 am

chumps like that I will chew up and spit out and talk about their momma in the meantime. no can do. :shock: and :lol: :lol:

MsAtl

June 26th, 2013
9:45 am

Morning All!

I don’t think it is a matter of “allowing” the man be the man; that’s just a figure of speech. I do agree that men like to feel needed. I don’t have an issue recognizing a man as the head of a household. That said, I will not play Penelope Pitstop or Damsel in Distress to massage a man’s ego. I have had issues giving up control in the past due to things like a car with a $1,600 monthly payment “appearing” in the driveway. A woman with children knows that she has to look out for them so she has to maintain some measure of control.
I will cook, clean, and other traditionally female things, but I will pick up a hammer or screwdriver also.
I recall one time I was replacing an outlet cover and my S/O walked by and said “aww, how cute!” I had to laugh.

Celisea

June 26th, 2013
9:46 am

Alpha woman? Let me think on this.

Leggs

June 26th, 2013
9:46 am

If a woman is 100% alpha, which I doubt really exists, she’s probably a lonely woman because I can’t imagine a man wanting to be dominated by a woman on every level and with every step they take together. Embarrassment has to set in at some point, unless you don’t mind being someone’s puppet.

Single and Happy

June 26th, 2013
9:48 am

there’s a big difference between accepting help and needing help and an even bigger difference between needing help sometimes and needing help all the daggone time.

Dang disco why we always thinking alike. While I really wouldn’t want the full alpha woman. (unless she came with handcuffs and a whip) I really can’t take the helpless princess! it’s alright to let someone else make the decisions sometimes.

Button

June 26th, 2013
9:50 am

disco – lol I know you aint taking nothing off of anybody! I get the I am woman hear me roar, but that’s not me. There’s nothing weak about me and I know when to bring my strength and when to let it ride. I don’t always have to be “on” to prove a darn thing to anybody.

Into the Light

June 26th, 2013
9:53 am

@Stamps: :shock: I didn’t know you were a freak like that……

Single and Happy

June 26th, 2013
9:55 am

ITL where you been (LOL)

disco

June 26th, 2013
9:56 am

button – that’s just it. my aggressive/abrasive personality isn’t me being “on” it’s me being me. some people can take it, some people can’t, some people just plain don’t want to. I get it.

single – I don’t know. great minds perhaps. lol. I know I also can’t stand princess types, children or adults. uggh.

kimmie – not that you came in kicking down the door like cleopatra jones or foxy brown or somebody this morning. lol.

Button

June 26th, 2013
9:57 am

MsAtl – $1,600 monthly car note? are you serious?

Celisea

June 26th, 2013
9:59 am

I would think if you’re truly an “alpha” woman, it would be hard to turn it off once you get home. I don’t understand women who don’t let their man be the man or give in him space

co-sign….

Button

June 26th, 2013
10:02 am

disco – at least you’re not in denial about your personality.

kimmie

June 26th, 2013
10:04 am

I can’t imagine a man wanting to be dominated by a woman on every level and with every step they take together. Embarrassment has to set in at some point, unless you don’t mind being someone’s puppet.

Leggs – You can’t imagine it, but you know there are some guys out there that are more than happy to lay back in the cut. These women that are out here busting their butts while dudes are at home living off them. And BOTH parties are fine with it or they would not be in it. So when she comes home from work and still has to cook dinner, clean & get the kids ready for bed he has the nerve to complain that “she won’t let me be the man”? Somehow I don’t think that’s how its going down, but I might be wrong. If he wanted to truly be the head of household and handle things – he would be doing it, period point blank.

Button

June 26th, 2013
10:06 am

I know some women who are helpless they can’t do a darn thing for themselves. I wonder how they even manage to make it out of the bed every morning yet their husband-S/O treat them like a queen and do everything for them to the point that she doesn’t have to lift a finger.

SlimNu

June 26th, 2013
10:08 am

WiseDiva – No problem. You know I love helping anyway I can. ;-)

Bluzgirl

June 26th, 2013
10:11 am

Over the years, I’ve learned that I don’t “need” anyone…I “want” someone. Since I bought a house, I’ve been learning how to do things. If I don’t know what to do, I call my dad to come over. I will sit there and watch him closely so I can learn. I refuse to be one of those damsel in distresses!

MsAtl

June 26th, 2013
10:11 am

Button- I know a few of those types also; irks me to no end. I was in the Kroger parking lot on Sunday and a woman yelled that someone hit her car- then she STOOD THERE! I walked over and took a note with the hitter’s phone number off of her windshield and handed it to her, told her she could call them, get their insurance information and file a police report for her insurance requirement. She still STOOD THERE, then called her husband (I guess) who came and fussed her out. I was shaking my head- I can’t!

Celisea

June 26th, 2013
10:12 am

I cannot consistently post today cause I’m up to my elbows…ugh

My thoughts around the alpha woman truly are, I don’t really get that. I mean I’ve seen (and am) strong backboned women but I don’t really know what distinguished a woman with backbone from alpha. I don’t really get “alpha” woman not being feminine. I think you can be a strong woman and feminine. And I definitely don’t get “letting” or allowing a man to feel needed. Either you need him for real, or you don’t. I don’t think that’s something you turn on or off. I don’t think you have to be all clingy and stuff or do the damsel in distress thing to “make” him feel needed. I believe a man being a man and fulfilling that role, will command by action the hierarchy in which we fall.

Celisea

June 26th, 2013
10:13 am

distinguishES

disco

June 26th, 2013
10:13 am

kimmie – well you know some men define their manhood by how loud they can get you to scream their name. lol.

I know one couple (married more than 30 years). wife does nothing. barely drives if she has to go more than a few miles away from home. she claims to have never balanced a checkbook, paid a bill, talk to customer service reps or contractors regarding anything to do with the house. in their world hubs does everything. I joked that I hope she dies first.

Celisea

June 26th, 2013
10:15 am

I know of a lady who’s husband passed that did everything. Paid the bills, tended the home, saw about her, filled her tank, all of it…and died. She was out of the loop on all of it. She didn’t know anything about their accounts, she had to have someone help her pump gas, just helpless. I can say, he was a good brother though. Everything was in order. House paid for, bills current. All she had to do was take over the check book. A challenge none the less, but a “not too bad” transition.

SlimNu

June 26th, 2013
10:15 am

Who do ya’ll think would be some Alpha women, celebrity wise? (and other than disco)

SlimNu

June 26th, 2013
10:17 am

Celisea – There is a chick in my office that said she didn’t know how to even write a check until she met her husband.

MissMoni

June 26th, 2013
10:20 am

GOOD Morning again, LOL! Glad to see that everyone is present and accounted for! :-)

MissMoni

June 26th, 2013
10:21 am

So here’s my post from 8:03am:

Why can’t a woman manage to find a balance? Personally, I believe that balance is a key necessity to really enjoying your life. So with that being said, I do believe that Alpha women can be traditional too. It’s all a matter of CHOICE, meaning you can be what you need to be when you need to be it, IF you choose to.

MissMoni

June 26th, 2013
10:24 am

-Slim/Disco/Celisea I sure wouldn’t mind my mate pumping my gas, taking out the trash & all the other stuff that I want a man to do. However, I do know how to do these things myself and until he comes along I’ll just continue to do so. Oh, but make no mistake about it, when he does come along I will GLADLY relinquish those duties and he is more than welcome to handle it.

Celisea

June 26th, 2013
10:25 am

Slim – That’s amazing to me. There are probably more women leading that kind of life that we know of. I’m all for my man doing the dang thing, yeah honey, flex those manly muscles…lol…but I need to jump in there as well.

My sister wasn’t THAT kind of woman, but she was a SAHM. Her hubs did everything…made the money, paid the bills, went shopping twice a year for the kids (and he would buy tons) and no shopping in between, bought the groceries, maintained the house. She kept the house spotless and keep the kids clean and presentable. Aside from that and stuff like homework, she didn’t have to do a thing. She got bored with that though. Finally, he agreed to her working p/t. She said she wanted to earn money for herself and do things independant of him.

They are now divorced.

Robert

June 26th, 2013
10:25 am

“Do you believe alpha women can be traditional too?”

I love a hard working, take no prisoners, submit to my man, “alpha woman” especially when she reaches her “climax” and releases all that bottled-up energy inside on her. I love to masssage her backside while she lay’s on top of me, fast asleep, just like any other traditional woman would do.

The only way to handle a “alpha woman” is with a “alpha man”.