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Not your competition

Competition on the dating scene is bad enough. What happens when your date wants to compete with you? I have had a guy tell me that he really hoped I didn’t make more money than he did.  I had another guy get super angry after I beat him in  a game of pool.  Why do you think we sometimes get so competitive with our love interests?

Do you believe we go through phases in dating where we jockey for power?  I ask because competition is about winning, so what is the prize when you compete with the one you like or love?

My friend Brooke is an excellent basketball player but she won’t play with a guy she has just started dating.  In fact, she doesn’t even tell them she can ball like that.  She often reminds me that the male ego is fragile and it is part of a woman’s job to let men know that you are not their competition.

What do you think? Can competing against your date be a sexy way to get to know one another? Is it a recipe for dating disaster?  What has been your experience?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

268 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

June 25th, 2013
7:15 am

Hello Everyone

HUH

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
8:08 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

I don’t compete with my dates. In previous relationships, when playing a couples games, such as Spades or Taboo, we’re usually on the same team. Like seriously, aren’t you supposed to be on the same team anyway? I’m not jockeying for power in a relationship. I don’t really know any couples where this is an issue.

Why do you think we sometimes get so competitive with our love interests? IDK, unless you’re on Jeopardy then WHAT is the point???

LeeH1

June 25th, 2013
8:32 am

“I have had a guy tell me that he really hoped I didn’t make more money than he did.”

That’s really dumb. A wealthy woman is an actractive woman.

If the guy has that many problems with his masculinity, then stay away from him. Let him win by staying single, and not contributiong to the gene pool.

Button

June 25th, 2013
8:33 am

Good morning! I think competition is good if it’s done is a playful way. I’ve played card games, basketball, tennis, running and other competitive sports with my mate and we’ve never had a problem, matter of fact we even bet a wager before each game, winner gets special treats! competition doesn’t have to be about negative. It’s how you view things.

Can competing against your date be a sexy way to get to know one another?yes

Is it a recipe for dating disaster? yes if he/she is a sore loser!

Button

June 25th, 2013
8:36 am

I had another guy get super angry after I beat him in a game of pool.—-I hoped you ran far away from this one.

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
8:38 am

-Button You bring up a great point, if you’re dating a sore loser then yeah it’s a recipe for disaster every time they lose, LOL! Some people just don’t know how to be friendly about competition.

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
8:40 am

Oh and typically these are the SAME people who will argue you down that they are right OR will continue to argue until you agree with them. Seriously, such immature people should not be in adult relationships. They just don’t want to cope with the fact that they actually lost at something OR that they are wrong about something.

Penelope

June 25th, 2013
8:46 am

I’m a lover, not a fighter

Penelope

June 25th, 2013
8:47 am

Oh, pardon me, good morning peepyskins!!!

SlimNu

June 25th, 2013
8:49 am

I think competition is good if it’s done is a playful way

Button – I have the same view on this as you do. I’ve played pool or other games with a love interest and I think we were too busy getting our flirty competition on that we didn’t get our panties in a wad over the actual game. I don’t think i’d want to be with a dude that looked for every opp to beat me at something. I want a teammate, not constant opposition.

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2013
8:54 am

Morning
For me it’s all about enjoying myself and the company of the person I’m with. If that means turning on my competitive switch, I can do that. If it means dialing it back some, that’s not a problem either. Got to be versatile. Now don’t push me to be competitive and then be mad if you lose. Sometimes competitive people are the worst losers.

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:04 am

MissMoni – if a guys ego is gigantic then I can’t play any game with him. My cousin is very competitive, he will cause a scene if he loses. I feel so embarrass for his wfe everytime we play spades, he belittles her when she under bids her hand. I learned to pass up offers to play with him after the last incident.

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:09 am

-Button EXACTLY! I tell say all the time that it’s important to know who you’re dealing with. If you already know somebody has a gigantic, super over-the-top ego, then yes it’s probably NOT a good idea to play competitive games with them. I’ve seen people get FIGHTING mad over Spades & guess what, I DON’T play with them, LOL!!!

Leggs

June 25th, 2013
9:09 am

“…the male ego is fragile and it is part of a woman’s job to let men know that you are not their competition.” – I think that’s it in a nutshell. Not only that, I’m dating you, not competing with you and if I should win at something and you get upset, we’re not going to work.

Card games, pool, swimming against each other, etc should be fun, not grounds for drawing pistols for battle at sunset. Come on now….

Good morning!

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:12 am

male ego is fragile —-so is mine! we ALL have egos, some may be biger than others, while others may need stroking a bit more butttttt a the end of the day we all have em!

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:13 am

“I’m dating you, not competing with you and if I should win at something and you get upset, we’re not going to work.”

-Leggs My sentiments EXACTLY!!! :-)

Durty Burd

June 25th, 2013
9:15 am

Good Morning!

I have dated few women who possessed the immaturity trait, they considered losing a game like it was who defined them as a persom. Because they took it so serious I proceeded to whip that butt everytime. I used to date a woman who was so competitive that when she lost she was ready to fight.

I agree with MissMoni if you get upset with losing, then u do not deserve to be in any relationship.
When dating and playing games with an SO, I plan on enjoying myself thoroughly, I am going to talk smack and crack jokes. Let’s have some fun, it’s really not serious too me..

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:20 am

When I’m dealing with a person with a competitive spirit I tread lightly. I sometimes let em win just to keep the peice. Oh and don’t tell em you let them win—then it’s on lol that makes em more upset. lol

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:21 am

oops meant peace not peice…

Durty Burd

June 25th, 2013
9:21 am

Ladies easy with that fragile ish about men. Men take a lot of rejection from women and get back up and keep trying until we get a woman. My ego is not based any woman boosting it or stroking it!

I have learned those who are extreme competitive in every aspect of their lives is not for me…

Durty Burd

June 25th, 2013
9:24 am

Button see that is the problem why do u think that helps a relationship? If your dude is not good at the game, making him a better person. Ladies stop trying problem solve for the men. Just take care of the wants and you will be good to go..

If your dude gets upset over a game, then he problems has issues….

SlimNu

June 25th, 2013
9:27 am

Durty – When I was with the ex we would play Tekken on PS. It was so funny that I really didn’t know what I was doing other than doing different button combinations. I used to tear his butt up in that game. When his friends came over to play me, I’d still have the controller while they had to switch back and forth after every arse whooping. But whenever he’d finally start beating me up, he had to go to the extreme with it almost like payback for winning so many times. :lol:

Leggs

June 25th, 2013
9:28 am

Play a game of bid whist and see how a person handles all that smack talking, putting you on a plane to Boston and see how they react. If you’re jumping up out of your seat kicking the chair to the ground, your behind is toast once the evening is over.

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:29 am

Dutry – I’m lost, what are your referring to @9:24?

kimmie

June 25th, 2013
9:33 am

Good morning Gang!!

So some folks have never learned how to play with others??

And I am SO SICK of hearing about this fragile male ego!! So we gotta tip-toe around some of these dudes cause they might get their wittle bitty feelings hurt! Man Up!! Like Button said, EVERYBODY has an ego!! Get in where you fit in, and if you can’t take the heat, please leave the kitchen! Focus on competing in the workplace. I want my man to knock himself out with THAT kind of competitiness and ambition. That’s where I compete no holds barred. With my man I prefer things more playful, like Button said.

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:33 am

LOL! Leggs NOT kicking the chair to the ground. . . That’s a serious Bid Whist game, LMBO!!!

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:34 am

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:34 am

-Kimmie YES, compete at work and make that MONEY, not with your mate. :-D

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:37 am

My guy is a competitive dancer, everytime we go dancing I have to remind him that we’re out to have a good time and to fall back on the competitive dancing stuff.

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:38 am

Kimmie – I agree keep the competition to work, climb that ladder make that promtion, bonus, show out but when you come home take off that cape!

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2013
9:39 am

And I am SO SICK of hearing about this fragile male ego!!
kimmie Yeah so am I, mostly because it’s a bunch of BS. Who came up with this fragile male ego thing anyway?

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:41 am

Well, well, well, Button you have hit on one of my former competitive areas: DANCING! Yep, I was the person who was NOT going to be outdanced on the dance floor by ANYBODY, LOL!!! Whew, I’m past that now, but please don’t push me or try to show me up, LOL!!!

kimmie

June 25th, 2013
9:42 am

Moni – You got it!

I am so not getting my blood boiling over a stupid card game! It’s supposed to be fun, a game!! Anybody, even friends, that take it that serious I don’t want to play with. Get a little liquor in ya, get the stick out ya behind and enjoy yourself!!LOL!!!

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:43 am

“Get a little liquor in ya, get the stick out ya behind and enjoy yourself!”

-Kimmie Sometimes that liquor is what gets them started. . . It’s all fun & games until someone gets drunk, LOL!!!

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:44 am

MissMoni – way to go! I LOVE dancing, I’ve always wanted to be a professional dancer, ballet, tap you name it I love it and have tried it, but unfortuantely since I fractured my ankle I am unable to do most of the moves.

Leggs

June 25th, 2013
9:45 am

“Who came up with this fragile male ego thing anyway?” – Whoever did was onto something because now it’s called the “wussification” of men. :wink:

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:47 am

-Button Thanks, I always wanted to be a Soul Train dancer! :-)

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2013
9:49 am

I have to remind him that we’re out to have a good time and to fall back on the competitive dancing stuff.

Button: Baby it’s so nice to get out and dance after a long work week.

Crazy Legs (Button’s dude): Yeah you’re right. I’m ready to kick back, relax, mellow out and…hold up, is that the B-boy Breakers crew over there?!? Oh, and I KNOW that ain’t the Chicago Steppers lookin’ at me like that? Ohhhhhhhhhh, and I just KNOW that ain’t the Bankhead Riverdancers right there!!! Oh it’s on…they wanna battle.

Button: (sigh) Baby we’re taking Tango and Waltz lessons! Calm down.

MsAtl

June 25th, 2013
9:50 am

As many comments have been eaten, the Blog monster should be full by now…

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:50 am

LMBO at DM!!!

Penelope

June 25th, 2013
9:50 am

@Durty Burd, You are so informative and so smart. @DreamsMaterialized, you too!!

I LOVE reading you guys!! You both sound like you know EVERYTHING, just EVERYTHING there is to know about all things, especially dating!! Great guys like yourselves are not coupled? I think I’m saying that right, from what I’ve observed. Am I assuming right that neither of you have an SO? If I’m right, that is tragic! Your knowledgeable posts reminds of me the song Someday My Prince Will Come!!

Great job guys!!

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2013
9:51 am

Whoever did was onto something because now it’s called the “wussification” of men.
Leggs They weren’t on to anything…it’s just propaganda.

SlimNu

June 25th, 2013
9:52 am

I partly blame the fact that I’m not really good at spades at the danger factor and level of emotions comes along with it. I’ve always envied folks that slap the cards all hard on the table while talking smack….but how can you slap a card on the table all while renigging too. That’s a sure fire way to get slapped in the forehead with the card :lol:

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:52 am

Dreams – LOL —I love merengue that is one se&xy dance.

kimmie

June 25th, 2013
9:53 am

Moni – LOL!! Okay, well sorry if they can’t hold their likka!!LOL!!

daddy swiss

June 25th, 2013
9:54 am

If you must compete with your date, you should always turn whatever game/competition it is into “Strip ____”. That way, no matter who loses, you both win.

That little nugget is on the house.

lol

MissMoni

June 25th, 2013
9:55 am

-Slim Uh yeah, renigging will get you sent home with the quickness, LOL!!!

kimmie

June 25th, 2013
9:56 am

Slim – Even before I got confident at the game, I slapped the cards and talked smack!!LOL!! I reneged all proud ONE TIME as a college freshman and never did it again!!LOL!!

Button

June 25th, 2013
9:56 am

SlimNu – I’m guilty of slapping the table with my card and talking smack but it’s all in fun. Now for the tough skin they can handle it but the softies well they need not play lol What’s a spade/ bidwhist if there’s not card slapping/talk smacking going on?—old maid that’s what it is lol

MsAtl

June 25th, 2013
9:58 am

Morning All!

I see nothing wrong with a little friendly competition. You just have to know who you are dealing with. My date and I used to make a friendly wager before bowling and the best 2 out of 3 would win (kind of like strip poker). Like Button & Slim said, it can actually be kind of sexy.