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Are friends keeping you single?

I was having a conversation the other day with a woman who was having a conflict with her guy.  He has complained about her intrusive friends since they have become exclusive.  According to him, they are bitter and unhappy women who are trying to sabotage their new relationship.  It is a real challenge when your new guy and your close friends don’t get along.  Eventually you have to make a choice, right?

The young lady admitted that this is not the first time her friends were an issue with her relationship.  I asked her if she ever thought that it was intentional.  Some people truly want their “friends” to stay single because they are.  Should your friends have a say in who you date?  If the person you are dating tells you that your friends are problematic, what do you do?

I know my friend Darren constantly has to play the mediator between his girlfriend and his friends.  They are often pressuring him to engage in his single man behavior, knowing he is in a committed relationship.  Darren just tries to play it in the middle of the road trying to make everyone happy.  He still has not put everyone in their place.

Do you think that friends can be a reason why single people don’t have relationships?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

297 comments Add your comment

Exiled

June 21st, 2013
7:13 am

I am sleepy!

Congratulating Wade,his woman,LeBron and his wife and the entire heat nation.

Atlanta Hawks…Come on mayne! Hope u were watching tho!

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
7:39 am

GOOD Friday Morning MIA!!! :-) *I am SLEEPY too!*

Should your friends have a say in who you date? Absolutely NOT!!!

Seriously, as a mature adult you have to put on your big girl/boy undies and do what’s best for YOU! If your friends are the most important thing to you and you’re NOT interested in having a meaningful relationship then choose your friends every time. Now if you want to have a meaningful relationship you’re going to have to actually spend time with the person you’re in the relationship with, which means sometimes it’s just going to be the two of you, minus the friend squad.

Adults that still seek approval ALL the time from their friends I give a major side eye to. You should KNOW who you are and NOT need your friends to OK EVERYthing that you do. Seriously, GROW UP and make your own decisions. If you think that your friends are purposely sabotaging your relationships then maybe you should reevaluate your friends.

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
7:43 am

For the record, no one can keep YOU single other than YOURSELF.

Hazel

June 21st, 2013
8:50 am

Its Friday!!
Do you think that friends can be a reason why single people don’t have relationships? Yes. Often when one is single, they will want their friend to be in the same boat. So many of my husbands friends turned on him after he wasn’t single anymore. I told him that they weren’t his real friends. My friend too found things wrong with every guy I liked. I didn’t look at it as jealousy, I just felt bad as I wasn’t single and she was trying hard not to be, but was always single.

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
8:58 am

Should your friends have a say in who you date? – Is this a trick question? No, they shouldn’t.

If the person you are dating tells you that your friends are problematic, what do you do? – I would ask what his concerns are, truly listen to what he has to say and if there’s any validity, I will address those concerns. Mind you now, if my friends are constantly in my business then I’m the problem because I’ve allowed them to be there. If, on the other hand, my friends are there to sabatoge my relationship then I would have to let them go because friends do not do that.

You’ve guys been really chatting up a storm this morning so let me go and read all these other posts.

Good morning, and Happy, Happy Friday!!

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
8:59 am

“So many of my husbands friends turned on him after he wasn’t single anymore. I told him that they weren’t his real friends.”

-Hazel BINGO!!! Real friends are happy for you whatever your relationship status and should be even moreso happy for you once you tie the knot with the love of your life.

DreamsMaterialize

June 21st, 2013
9:05 am

Morning
I’m a grown man. So are my friends. What do I look like going to another man to get the A-ok on my lady? As my friend, I always appreciate and expect your candor, but in the end, I date who I choose and you do the same. If the relationship goes sour, we’ll still be friends, same as always.

I will say this though. At every one of my friends’ bachelor party, we said one thing to the cat getting married: “Is this what you really want to do? Any doubts? If this is what you want, then we got your back ’til the end. If not, we can get in the car and ride out right now. What’s it gon’ be?”

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
9:05 am

YES Leggs, HAPPY Friday!!! :-)

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
9:07 am

Happy Friday!!!

Friends shouldn’t have a say in who you date, but you should listen if they have concerns. They may be looking out for your best interest. Now, once you are in a committed relationship, you should not let your friends come between you and your SO. Real friends won’t give you isht for spending time with your new love.

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
9:08 am

-DM Yep you definitely are on your grown man with that post.

MsAtl

June 21st, 2013
9:09 am

Morning All!

No, your friends should not have a say in who you date. Most of my friends did not like my ex, but they had to either respect him or make their presence scarce. Until I was ready to bounce, there was nothing they could say to make me leave. That was a personal decision and my decision alone. If my mate had an issue with my friends, then that is something we can discuss but he would not be picking my friends any more than my friends would pick my mate. I did have a friend express ill feelings when I began dating after my divorce because she felt that he was taking me away from her. I explained to her that we see each other every week and I can balance having friends and a man in my life. I let her have her tantrum and gave her time to get over it.

Darren needs to explain to his friends that he is in a committed relationship and they need to recognize and respect that, regardless to whether they “like” his choice of a mate. They cannot make him engage in single man behavior and he needs to let them know that they need to stop trying. Only Darren can assess whether his friends are friends or frenemies.

MsAtl

June 21st, 2013
9:15 am

Moni- I too am sleepy, lol.

Dreams- “Is this what you really want to do? Any doubts? If this is what you want, then we got your back ’til the end. If not, we can get in the car and ride out right now. What’s it gon’ be?”
I don’t see a problem with you asking this question.

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
9:21 am

DreamsM ~ I figured that’s what’s said at most bachelor parties, and that’s a good thing.

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
9:31 am

-MsAtl Yeah, there’s been a conference going on at my church for the past couple of days and then I stayed up and caught the last few minutes of the game. . . My alarm clock went off this morning and I was like are you serious, LOL!

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 21st, 2013
9:32 am

If you are still single because of intrusive friends, that’s your fault. IMO friends, true friends understand the dynamics and the shift that will likely happen once you become seriously involved. It’s not about being fair weathered nor is it about placing boos above friends or friends above boos. It’s about understanding what happens when you’re trying to solidify something real and something special. Imma feel some kind of way about friends that’s in my ear b & m “trying” to butt in my business. Imma definitely set that straight.

Unless I’m blind, cripple and crazy to some BS coming from a boo (and that ain’t likely gonna happen), my friends aren’t invited in between the two of us. Yes, we can all be friends and jive and mesh and do get-togethers, but I got this. I won’t have friends telling me I’ve neglected them because I’m trying to get my “love” on. I’m respectful of them and their marriages/relationships and I expect the same. Shoot, I get it. I don’t take issue with folks making the shift. It’s not that they’ve put the rest of us (in the circle) on he backburner, neither is it that friendships calls for more time over relationships or vice versa, it’s about knowing which needs what, when it comes to fostering and making/keeping healthy relationships and nurturing and being attentive so that it can thrive. IMO, a friend that’s knows this will understand.

Now, if you’ve got friends that’s never had a good mate, then I guess naturally they don’t or won’t get it.

DreamsMaterialize

June 21st, 2013
9:41 am

I don’t see a problem with you asking this question.
MsAtl Yeah, that was just us looking out for a friend. Basically, we were saying, “sink or swim, man.” lol

I figured that’s what’s said at most bachelor parties, and that’s a good thing.
Leggs Probably. It’s your last chance to get anything off your chest before the big day. I guess it’s our version of “speak now or forever hold your peace.” lol

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
9:46 am

:lol: Exactly, DreamsM. Bet everyone has a full tank of gas just in case the groom to be really wants to run.

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 21st, 2013
9:47 am

I will say this before I jump off of this thing, this vacation was last minute planned and couldn’t have been done any better if we’d planned from the beginning of the year. Soooo beautiful here… :mrgreen:

Anyhoo, I didn’t get a chance to blog, but I skimmed some yesterday’s comments this morning. I agree with Exiled that it’s funny as heck when you’re sort of “reading” rather than blogging. One thing I can say is the “like” comments are hi larious.

“I got a hoola hoop”….”I got one too”
“I ate sushi”….”I ate sushi too”
“I bought a cow”….”Oooo, I have one too”
“I’m sleepy”….”I’m sleepy too”
“I had malt liquor last night”…..”Oooo, I have a hangover, I did too”

I’m only lightly kidding, it is funny though to sit back and read how all the comments mirror…lololol

Leggs – Good job on the hoola hoop contest. I won the hoola hoop contest when I was in the 1st grade. Hoola hooping ain’t easy as it looks when you’re much older. A few years ago, I tried to do it (using one of the kid’s) and I could NOT keep it moving as well as I thought I still could. Guess my hips and hip-moving had gotten a little rusty….lol

Anyhoo, we’re heading out to a day of fun and sun!! I’ll be back home Sunday. You kids have a blast today!! I’ll peek in from my cell, if I can. If not, see y’all Monday!!!

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
9:47 am

What you think of Kim and Kanye’s baby girl’s name?

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
9:50 am

Thanks Celisea. You now added to the “like”. I won the hoola hoop contest and so did you (lolol). Enjoy those blue skies. We have blue skies too, well powder blue over here.

MsAtl

June 21st, 2013
9:52 am

Leggs- I don’t know what the name is. I have heard Kaidence Donda West but I have also heard North West. Kaidence is cute, North is kinda out there. Either way, I don’t have to call the child, so whatever floats their boat.

Celisea- It’s beautiful here too, lol.

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
9:57 am

Leggs – I can’t believe they named her North. I am so hoping that is false information. The name North itself is bad enough, but then combined with the last name West…it’s just lame!!!

On another note – I saw Man of Steel last night and it was great!!! Superman is HOTTTTTT!!!!!

disco

June 21st, 2013
10:00 am

good morning. first things first, to each his or her own and if they are happy more power to them. having said that, if they are my friends (or family) I reserve the right to make whatever comment I want about their relationship. I mentioned more than one person who (in my opinion) is stuck on stupid with her relationship choice. I’m not a fan of moving grown azz unemployed men in your home for the sake of having a man and I’ll tell them as much. now it’s not that I’m generally dipping in their business but they generally bring their problems to me. as far as I’m concerned, get rid of the dead weight and you get rid of the problem.

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:06 am

I can’t believe they named her “North” either.

Bluz ~ Superman is a nice looking man.

Single & Happy

June 21st, 2013
10:08 am

Hey All

Should your friends have a say in who you date? Heck NO

If the person you are dating tells you that your friends are problematic, what do you do? Tell to get some business of their own and stay out of mine!!

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:11 am

Single, you didn’t actually answer the question.

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:12 am

Nevermind, I guess you did.

Single & Happy

June 21st, 2013
10:17 am

Leggs, I’ve never really had that problem. I learned a long time ago to keep my business to myself and solve my own problems.

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
10:19 am

Did everyone take this beautiful day off?

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
10:19 am

-Leggs While I do believe that parents are entitled to name their child whatever they want, some people really need to do a bit more thinking. . . I suppose since she’s born with a silver spoon in her mouth, she won’t have to worry about name profiling on job applications in the future. *Kanye Shrug*

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:20 am

Me too, Single! Me too. Nothing wrong with having a sounding board, but I don’t use my friends as a weekly therapy session spilling my guts out to them about my relationship.

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
10:21 am

Mags texted me again this morning. I’m not gonna respond. He just said he is doing a job in my hood. Weird how he is randomly reaching out to me again. I’m not interested in having him back in my life because he disrespected me one too many times.

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
10:22 am

-Bluzgirl That was so NOT random, he’s wants you to suggest meeting up, LOL!!!

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:22 am

MissMoni ~ I think these celebs are trying to out beat each other when it comes to naming their children. Gwyneth started it with “Apple” (lol). Out of the crazy names out there, I really like Blue Ivy.

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
10:23 am

-Leggs Yeah, Blue Ivy is doable especially since it has such special meaning to the parents. Not sure what Apple, Seven and North mean to the parents, LOL!!!

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
10:23 am

MissMoni – I guess…but, I’m not suggesting anything. Last Friday, he asked me to sit in with his band on bass. I went out of town on Friday, but even if I had been in town, I wouldn’t have done it. He owes me some apologies (and $10)! LOL

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:23 am

Bluz ~ what’s weird is why you haven’t deleted his number since he’s disrespected you one too many times…ijs. Anyway, be an adult and tell him to enjoy his session!

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
10:24 am

I have a friend who named his son Blue. I thought it was odd at first, but it’s grown on me and it’s kind of cute.

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
10:24 am

-Bluzgirl LOL!!! The next time he texts (and he will) randomly bring up when he’s gonna give you your $10 back, LMBO!!!

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
10:24 am

Leggs – I did delete his number. When he texted me last weekend, I asked who it was. I figured it was him.

Hazel

June 21st, 2013
10:24 am

@Disco – now if my friend is doing something wrong in the dating game, I will express it once and thats it. I think its my duty to do so. Then its up to the friend

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
10:25 am

I thought about asking him if he was going to drop $10 in my mailbox since he’s in my hood today! LOL

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:25 am

MissMoni ~ I wish I could remember all that Erykah said when naming her son, but she did say it’s the one number than can’t be divided by ________. Yep, I can’t remember the most important part of her statement.

disco

June 21st, 2013
10:26 am

bluz – he’s probably homeless or close to it and trying to find a place to live. lol. y’all know me. at the very least he’s probably looking to get his D wet.

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:26 am

Gotcha, Bluz. Ok, then don’t respond (lol).

Bluzgirl

June 21st, 2013
10:27 am

disco – you may be right!!! He can go on with his nonsense!

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:28 am

I thought about asking him if he was going to drop $10 in my mailbox since he’s in my hood today! – Nice! He’d probably say yes because he wants to tap see you again.

Leggs

June 21st, 2013
10:28 am

“see you again” wasn’t supposed to be deleted.

MissMoni

June 21st, 2013
10:33 am

-Leggs Erykah is my girl and all, but even with her in depth explanation she went there, but it’s cool because it’s her child. You know in some countries, the government has to APPROVE the name of the child prior to it going on the birth certificate. Talk about things we take for granted. . .