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Is your approach is all wrong?

I was riding Marta to the airport and noticed a guy trying to get someone’s phone number.   It was hard to tell at first because his approach was rather odd. He started talking to her about his love language.  No really, he wanted her to know what his love language is.  While I commended him for originality, I wondered if this approach was working for him.  Are there women out there that are impressed if a man start’s randomly quoting love/self-help books?

My friend Lana complains about the way men approach her.   She is in her 20s and believes that men her age don’t know how to talk to women.  They are either incredibly aggressive, wholly inappropriate, or flat out comical.  Whose job is it to teach people how to approach someone on the dating scene?  Apparently, they have epically failed to teach the masses about basic dating etiquette.  Don’t stare at her boobs.  Don’t ask how much money he makes.  You get the idea, right?

Have you ever been approached by someone who used a really awful pick up line?  Do you think those awful pick up lines work with some people? When you spot someone you are interested in approaching, how do you step to them?  Do you feel confident in the way you approach a potential date? By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

260 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
7:16 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Friday Eve* :-)

Have you ever been approached by someone who used a really awful pick up line? Yes.

Do you think those awful pick up lines work with some people? Apparently so, because there are droves of people in relationships, LOL!

Really interested to hear what the fellas have to say about this topic. :-D

Lee

June 20th, 2013
7:27 am

Have you ever been approached by someone who used a really awful pick up line? Yes

ditto what missmoni said.

Exiled

June 20th, 2013
7:27 am

Don’t stare at her boobs?
Are u kidding me…if the boobs are hoist up there and seemingly being flaunted..We look. Period.
Don’t worry,it is admiration. :lol:

On topic:

I don’t think there really is a problem. Men who want women will get them and women who are competitive and prime and early in their quest will find men.

But is hard for women who find themselves in the fourth drafts and down.

Everyone for herself and God for us All…

Good morning MIA!

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
7:33 am

Honestly, it’s just not that hard. If you be yourself, don’t say what you think a person wants to hear, if they find you interesting as well, everything will fall into place. If a person isn’t necessarily interested, then not much of anything you say will work. In my experience, when there’s been an awkward moment, it’s been when someone was trying too hard. You don’t have to do that. Again, be yourself. If there’s equal interest (which is definitely necessary), it’ll happen!!

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
7:39 am

But is hard for women who find themselves in the fourth drafts and down.

Exiled – Boooy, if you’re some single early 40 year old dude, Imma be shaking my head at you…lololol On a blog, you can be king, cantcha??? Mmm hmmm I still say I wanna see pics of you AND queen. Until then, I’m not buying ;) I’m still tryna get over you being married and loving sex, but don’t like going down…THAT DON’T ADD UP, MAYNE!!!

I KID I KID

You kids enjoy the rest of your day!!

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
7:44 am

Paula Deen secretly a racist??? Ut oh

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
7:47 am

-Lee What it do? “Sup Miss Lady?” Is a classic often heard line.

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
7:50 am

-Celisea In reference to Paula Deen, it’s all fun and games until you get caught. . .

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
7:53 am

MissMoni – Yep. I was listening to GMA and they said she even hired black servers to make them dress up and serve whites (or at some event), reminiscent of slavery times…or something like that. WTHeck??? She admitted to using the “N” word but said it’s been a long time. Honestly I’m shocked. There are a bunch of folks that feel a certain way but too cowardice to bring it to the forefront. Usually someone has to strike nerve or step on a toe to get it out. I’m not buying America or the world is just that loving melting pot we’ve become.

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
7:58 am

I’m NOT shocked…is what I meant

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
8:00 am

James Gandolfini dead at the age of 51

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
8:02 am

Yeah Celisea, I’m not shocked either. . .

Exiled

June 20th, 2013
8:27 am

Is oral ‘allowed’ in the bible?

@Celisea

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
8:31 am

LOL…Ex, boy stop! I believe it says in marriage the bed is undefiled. :mrgreen:

Button

June 20th, 2013
8:33 am

Whose job is it to teach people how to approach someone on the dating scene? the parents, we taught ours.

Are there women out there that are impressed if a man start’s randomly quoting love/self-help books? Nope! it’s not genuine, or orginal. I hate when men sound like a quote from a book….esp women are from mars and men are from venus.
Have you ever been approached by someone who used a really awful pick up line? Yep. one guy said to me to put my finger in his tea bc I look like sweet brown sugar, then he smiled and I was turned off. lol…I also don’t like the “have you been here before” I had one guy to lick my face bc I look like chocolate. yuck. I wanted to slap the mess out of him. I knew him but I still wanted to slap him.

When you spot someone you are interested in approaching, how do you step to them? I was usually in familiar territory mixing and mingling so it was rather easy. I’d bring up topics of interest and take it from there.

Good morning! today is my FRIDAY!! whoo hooo

Button

June 20th, 2013
8:37 am

MissMoni – what was the awful pick up line? I’ve yet to hear a good pick up line :( are there any?

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2013
8:43 am

Hey all

I didn’t know someone was supposed to teach how to approach someone to date. I guess I missed that class. For me I don’t use pickup lines unless I’m trying to make someone laugh, just act natural and start talking, if they respond continue, if not move on.

DreamsMaterialize

June 20th, 2013
8:43 am

Morning
Are there women out there that are impressed if a man start’s randomly quoting love/self-help books?
Apparently so. I think the love languages is garbage, but many have a different opinion. I’ve had women buy into it hook, line, and sinker. So did dude get the digits or what? That’s really all that counts. I’ve seen what I thought were unbelievably wack approaches get rewarded with the digits. Sometimes you just have to go for what you know. Some will think it’s lame, and others will eat it up. I’m more of the basic “Hi how are doing.” and chat it up kind of guy. Some prefer that, and some think it’s boring. If you want someone to swing from the chandelier with a red cape on and a rose in his mouth, telling gutbusting funny jokes, then that’s not me. lol

Whose job is it to teach people how to approach someone on the dating scene? Apparently, they have epically failed to teach the masses about basic dating etiquette.
A dude’s approach is often based on his prior rate of success with that approach. So, while there is certainly a need to teach some of these clowns how to approach a lady, there is also a need to teach some of the girls what behavior is acceptable from guys.

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
8:47 am

-Button I prefer not to get a pickup line, just introduce yourself and let it go from there. I don’t understand why some guys feel the need to come up with something corny/whack instead of just being who they are. Keep it simple!

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2013
8:54 am

I don’t understand why some guys feel the need to come up with something corny/whack instead of just being who they are. they are being themselves (LOL)

Button

June 20th, 2013
8:55 am

Dreams – are you saying the burden should fall on the women for a man’s unsavory advances?

Button

June 20th, 2013
8:55 am

Single- what’s you’re pick up line?

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2013
8:57 am

Button, I don’t use them unless I’m trying to be funny and then it’s what ever pops into my head.

Into the Light

June 20th, 2013
8:59 am

I think pickup lines are hilarious!! But personally, I just like the “hi how are you?” approach followed by good convo.

Morning, all!

LeeH1

June 20th, 2013
9:00 am

To be approached, you need to be approachable. This includes not only the site, but also the clothes, the attitude and the expressions. If you are dressed to kill, men won’t approach. If you are dressed to be friendly, they will. A comfortably dressed woman with a snarl and steely preparation for a war of the sexes won’t get men to approach them.

This is basic salesmanship, and is used by salespeople all over the country. It is also used by professionals, who need to be “approachable” in order to encourage people to speak to them, such as librarians or pharacists. The same mind set for getting children to feel comfortable enough to come up to you to ask questions or get directions are the same mindset for getting men to approach you in a bar. Hang out at your local public library for a few hours, and see how the female reference librarians work the floor. Somehow, people seem to know they are the one to go up to and start talking to. They are smart and knowledgable, but most importantly, they are approachable to men, women and children. And while they don’t always give the answer the person wants, few people leave the librarian dissatisfied.

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2013
9:06 am

This topic kind of reminds me of RHOA when Riley asked Kandi, why every time she meets a man he has to move into their house. Most of the time the only time the young ones see dating is on TV, if they come from a 2 parent household, they don’t see it, and if they come from a single parent household most of the time they don’t meet the other person until you’re in a full on relationship. So as far as they know that’s dating! So most of the time they never see the approach or the reaction.

Once I was out with my S/O and my sons at Underground for the peach drop. Stopped in Fat Tuesdays to get a drink, she asked was I going to drink in front of my sons, I replied how are they supposed to learn to drink responsibly if they never see any one else do it, if the only image they have is of people getting drunk that’s what they will think you’re suppose to do.

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
9:07 am

Leeh1 – I think you’re over thinking things. IMO, you have everything mapped out, defined and down to which outfits will send folks running. Confident men or people ain’t really afraid of the things you mentioned. Those folks looking or waiting for openings lose out. Confident folks make then take opportunities!!

Leggs

June 20th, 2013
9:12 am

WD ~ when did you meet my friend who drops “is” anywhere he cares to in a sentence (lolol).

I’ve most certainly have been approached by bad pick up lines. Because of my name, I’ve had a person tell me we would make beautiful babies and if it were a boy we could name him Scott. Weak as HELL! I’ve had many awful pickup lines, and I’m trying to remember some of them.

Good, good morning!

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
9:13 am

-Single You made some very valid points in your 9:06.

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
9:15 am

Celisea....blue skies smiling at me!!

June 20th, 2013
9:18 am

Some things are instincts.

Alright, I have a full day ahead. I was killing time waiting on folks to get ready.

Enjoy your day!

MsAtl

June 20th, 2013
9:18 am

Morning All!

Thus far I think NY is winning the war on awful pick up lines. The men there still have not learned that “hey light skin”, “hey brown skin”, “psst psst”, Waddup shotty” and “yo baby” are not flattering. If a man says good morning or some other respectful greeting, I will smile and return a greeting even if I am not interested. However, some fools have the nerve to get angry when they triy to shout at a woman and the woman is not trying to hear them. Don’t get angry; eveluate how you approached them in the first place…

MsAtl

June 20th, 2013
9:20 am

* try and evaluate…

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
9:22 am

-MsAtl That’s a pet peeve of mine too, when the dude gets angry because you aren’t responding to him yelling at you. Go figure.

GlammourGirl

June 20th, 2013
9:23 am

MsAtl – Someone psst’ed at me at the mall last week and I just laughed. I didn’t know men still did that. Or should I say I didn’t know men did that period. It’s probably been since high school since I’ve heard that.

Button

June 20th, 2013
9:24 am

Single – ^5 for that post.

Bluzgirl

June 20th, 2013
9:28 am

Morning everyone. Sure wish I could have stayed under the covers today. Feeling pretty down today, so hopefully, you guys will bring some comedy in today!

I don’t think I’ve gotten any cheesy pick up lines. I probably have, but the dude was so forgettable, so I don’t even remember it. The Ex had a book full of pick up lines, but he would say it jokingly.

I prefer you just come up to me and strike up a conversation. It’s probably a good thing for a man to compliment the woman on something…

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
9:33 am

-Bluzgirl Hope you feel better. Did you take anything? Eat any breakfast?

Leggs

June 20th, 2013
9:34 am

Hey there, MissMoni. Always good to see you.

If you are dressed to kill, men won’t approach. – By this do you mean too much makeup, attire not suitable for venue, what exactly is dressed to kill vs. dresses to be friendly? This is foreign to me.

Bluzgirl

June 20th, 2013
9:37 am

Thanks MissMoni – I ate a good breakfast. Have only taken my normal meds. Just have some personal things going on right now that are weighing heavily on my mind. I’ll be ok…just gotta wrap my brain around some things.

MsAtl

June 20th, 2013
9:38 am

Moni/ GlamourGirl- Unfortunately they still do that. I was visiting NY once and some fool “psst’d” at me. When I ignored him, he had the nerve to call me a b!tch. Now that right there ticks me off faster than losing a ten dollar bill!

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
9:44 am

-Alright Bluzgirl, you’ll get through this, just remember to RELAX, RELATE, RELEASE. . . Do the best that you can and don’t stress over what you can’t. :-)

Mike P

June 20th, 2013
9:46 am

Celisea, you could not be more wrong. Avoiding women who appears to be unapproachable has nothing to do with confidence or the lack of it. It just means that at some point in our lives, we learned not to waste our time. We are wise enough to make better choices and approach the more open and friendly women. We’ll let the unwise approach her. You must understand, we go with the BEST chance of success, whether its hitting “it” tonight or making a lasting connecting with “the one.”

Some men will go for “easy,” but all men go for best odds for him. Understand that there’s a big difference between the two.

Bluzgirl

June 20th, 2013
9:48 am

Thanks again MissMoni! Working on it! :-)

Into the Light

June 20th, 2013
9:51 am

@Bluz: Buck up, little camper. It’ll be okay. :wink:

Into the Light

June 20th, 2013
10:10 am

DreamsMaterialize

June 20th, 2013
10:11 am

are you saying the burden should fall on the women for a man’s unsavory advances?
Button
Nope, I’m not saying that. A guy should know how to be respectful. A woman should know what constitutes respectful behavior. Both have to be learned. Part of learning is being told what isn’t acceptable. So a guy may not think his approach is “unsavory” if that approach has been generally well-received by women in the past.

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2013
10:11 am

Ralph Lauren (LOL)

MissMoni

June 20th, 2013
10:13 am

LOL at Single’s response to ITL calling Marco!!!