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Worried about marital sex?

My friend Howard has serious concerns about his sex life after he gets married.  He is convinced that married couples lose interest with one another after the first year.  Of course, he is getting his paranoia reinforced from all his married friends who tell him married sex is boring.

I have heard Howard and many guy friends  express actual anxiety about their sex drives, their physical attraction to their future mates waning, and other issues married men face.   Guess what, though. WOMEN FACE THE SAME ISSUES.

I get so annoyed when men talk as if they are the only one who worries about this kind of thing.  Do men think women can’t or don’t get bored too?  We can’t spend all our time reassuring you about your concerns because we are working through them too.  Why can’t this kind of thing be handled together, though?

I remember asking my newly married friend how she was going to handle it if or when the sex gets stale.  She basically said that she was committed to doing what she needed to do to fix it.  She made her husband promise to be honest when he wasn’t satisfied and she would do the same.

What is it about marital sex that makes single people apprehensive?  Unless you have a rocking sex life as a single person, why is there an expectation for marriage to be totally different?

Maybe some of us have unrealistic expectations about how many times a week a couple has sex.  Is this kind of thing important to talk about when considering marriage?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

306 comments Add your comment

Lee

June 19th, 2013
7:26 am

Us woman get bored also, those guys are just making excuses –if your guy is just using excuses he doesn’t want you like that.

I hurt my back, dr gave me some wonderful meds to see me though this troubling time. I feel good. :)

Happy Days!!!!

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
7:59 am

Good Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

What is it about marital sex that makes single people apprehensive? Answering as a single person, I am not apprehensive about marital sex. I’m actually looking forward to it and think that it will be the absolute BEST thing ever!!! :-D

-Lee Care to share any of those meds??? LOL!

Single and Happy

June 19th, 2013
8:22 am

Hello All

Now how you women gone get bored with all of this, even though I’ve put on 50 lbs, can’t keep it up as long and always tired , I’m still rocking your world!! Now you on the the other hand, have gained 10 lbs and it’s just not the same anymore (LOL)

SlimNu

June 19th, 2013
8:24 am

MissMoni – I’m going to tell the teacher you were looking at my paper over my shoulder. You stole my answer lol

I feel like once we have that type of committment that we should be balls to the wall & open to try different things to keep it fresh. Married or not, folks do get into routines even if it’s a loose type of routine so it’s important to get away or have things lined up to look forward to. It’s important to continue to have fun together. My aunt and uncle have been married over 20 yrs and they definitely keep the spice up in their life by traveling, partying together, getting together with friends etc. But as stated in the original post of this blog, it’s on BOTH parties to put for effort and try to be spontaneous. It should not be the sole responsibility of one person to keep it going for the both of ya!

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
8:26 am

-Slim You know what they say about GREAT minds!!! ;-)
“It’s on BOTH parties to put for effort and try to be spontaneous.” Oh YEAH!!! :-D

SlimNu

June 19th, 2013
8:27 am

Single – You’re going to get sent under the stairs early this morning I see. :lol: I know I’ve put on a few pounds but i’m just not used to it. So i’m trying to stay motivated enough to slip the gym in there a few times a week, but it’s been hard. I used to be the stay up all night, wanna dance until my knees hurt kinda chick but now i’m a severe couch-nodder and it just isn’t cute. I even fell asleep on the game last night :???: *sigh*

DreamsMaterialize

June 19th, 2013
8:29 am

Morning
We can’t spend all our time reassuring you about your concerns because we are working through them too.
Who needs reassurance? If you’re with a dude who needs reassurance about things, then that’s probably a bigger fish to fry than what your sex life will be like.

Celisea....vacay is here!!

June 19th, 2013
8:29 am

Goooood morning!!

I am officially on vacay!! YAY!! :mrgreen:

I have nothing to add on topic as I cannot speak on “marital” sex. My guess is though, as Diva stated, women have areas of concern when it comes to husbands as well. As with anything regarding relationships and marriages and stuff, everything is a two-street. You have to talk and communicate. You have to be understanding of kids and other distractions coming into play, that things won’t be the way they were when y’all was footloose and fancy free, when all you had was time to have hot crazy sex….IJS

Soooo, if I had to comment, I would say, men be understanding that things and duties and (free) time shifts. I would say women should consider that the men they married are still the men they married and what they liked premarriage or new in the marriage (cause some folks wait until marriage….woo hoo…go go go whoever you are), they still like and want on over into the marriage.

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
8:32 am

Single/Slim According to the latest health statistics, sex is the BEST total body workout handsdown!!! Just something to keep in mind, LOL! ;-)

Single and Happy

June 19th, 2013
8:33 am

Slim what game last night?? :-D If you’ve gained 10 lbs you need to slid into the gym everyday (LOL)

DreamsMaterialize

June 19th, 2013
8:34 am

I even fell asleep on the game last night
Slim Awwww then you missed one he!! of a game.

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
8:35 am

-Dreams/Slim I fell asleep as well, but thanks to SportsCenter I saw all the good parts!

Single and Happy

June 19th, 2013
8:36 am

MissMoni, not when it’s by yourself, then it’s just a one arm workout (LOL)

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
8:37 am

-Single Roger that, LOL!!!

Celisea....vacay is here!!

June 19th, 2013
8:42 am

Dudes are good for getting guts and bellies and stuff, post marriage. That mess is NOT cute. I definitely don’t want a big gut big bellied dude climbing on me.

Into the Light

June 19th, 2013
8:44 am

Good morning, all!

@Stamps: you need to quit! :lol: :lol:

Celisea....vacay is here!!

June 19th, 2013
8:57 am

Soooo, I’ll say I’m not worried AT ALL about sex :) I don’t have a big ole gut and junk…AND NEITHER DOES HE. We ain’t sweating before we’re sweating…lololol Now, if I were to marry my boo, it’s gonna be even better because we won’t have to worry about babies and weight gain and time being consumed with all those “early marriage” distractions. Shoot, now that I think about it, everybody should marry late…lololol
Just kidding. But seriously, I’m glad I’ve bypassed much of the stuff that sets folks apart and won’t have to worry about that. :mrgreen:

Kelly Rowland is on GMA….you go girl!!!

Button

June 19th, 2013
8:58 am

I’ve *heard* some men say that it gets boring after marriage, she doesn’t do the things she used to do pre marriage. Whose to blame? I never had that problem. I hope to not have that problem in the future. for me the anxiety is out the window bc I’m no longer fornicating. My inhabitions are released. I keep my bag of tricks loaded! lol

SlimNu

June 19th, 2013
8:59 am

According to the latest health statistics, sex is the BEST total body workout handsdown!!!

MissMoni – You know you’re out of shape when your partner notices how hard you’re breathing and he hasn’t even put it in yet :lol:

Celisea

June 19th, 2013
9:01 am

Whew buddy, I need coffee!!!

BBL…….

SlimNu

June 19th, 2013
9:01 am

Dreams/Single/MissM – Well when my eyes started getting heavy, the Heat were down so I let myself go off to lala land. I wake up and it’s a whole different story lol

Single – And who said I gained TEN pounds….lawd don’t jinx me. lol

Button

June 19th, 2013
9:02 am

Single – umm no, 50 lbs weight gain will get you a year membership to your nearest gym.

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
9:04 am

“For me the anxiety is out the window bc I’m no longer fornicating. My inhabitions are released.”

-Button These are my sentiments as well!!! Let the GOOD TIMES roll!!! :-D

-Slim LOL, that’s all the more reason to have daily “cardio” to get back in shape!

Single and Happy

June 19th, 2013
9:08 am

Button what am I going to the gym for, don’t need to when I have a wife (LOL)

Slim those tight clothes said it (LOL)

DreamsMaterialize

June 19th, 2013
9:14 am

that’s all the more reason to have daily “cardio” to get back in shape!
MoniLuv I’m on team “cardio”. Just make sure your “workouts” are at least 30 minutes to get the full health benefits. lol

Button

June 19th, 2013
9:14 am

@ number of times a week – I think it would have to do with your drive, if your partner has a low drive then you can’t expect him/her to go at it every night after you get married. I have a high drive so for it I was always ready unless I had a headache.

Bluzgirl

June 19th, 2013
9:15 am

Morning everyone! Sooooooo sleepy this morning and waiting for the coffee to kick in!

I’ve heard this concern come out of a few guy’s mouths. I always say that I won’t let it get boring and mundane with me. I love sex and I want to make sure it doesn’t change just because we’re married. I hope to always want it often with my partner!

Button

June 19th, 2013
9:20 am

My concern would be when/if he will suffer from ED. other than that, I’m looking forward to a long life of great schex well into the 90″s.

Into the Light

June 19th, 2013
9:21 am

@Dreamy: If it’s not at least 30 minutes, we prolly have another issue to discuss.

Bluzgirl

June 19th, 2013
9:25 am

ITL – Right?!?! It better be at least 30 minutes, unless both parties have agreed to a quickie…

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
9:25 am

-Button I think sex drive is something that should be discussed during Premarital Counseling. That is a deal breaker for some people.

-Dreams 30 whole minutes??? Ain’t nobody got time for that unless it’s on the weekends, LOL!!! High intensity for 15 and you’ll still get the same effects.

Speaking of frequency, I was watching one of my reality shows (Newlyweds: The First Year) on Bravo and one husband was complaining because they were ONLY having sex ONCE a week!!! I was where they do that at??? Granted they have a 15 year age difference, but still they were humping like rabbits BEFORE they said “I Do” and now it’s almost non-existent. Go figure!!!

MsAtl

June 19th, 2013
9:28 am

Morning All!

What is it about marital sex that makes single people apprehensive? I wouldn’t know; I am not apprehensive about marital sex. I believe it can be quite freeing and open you to do things you wouldn’t do if dating. As long as you keep the lines of communication open and don’t get lax, all should be well. It may be that some men are afraid of being “stuck” having sex with the same person for life. Easy fix- Keep it interesting.

Leggs

June 19th, 2013
9:29 am

“Do men think women can’t or don’t get bored too?” – that’s the part of the equation that seems to be rarely talked about. It’s not solely upon the woman to keep the sexual adventures on point, numerous times a week (or even a day, if possible), or maintain that slamming body. Guys, just like we need to keep you interested in us, you too need to keep us interested in you. You guys worry about “marital sex” being boring, while many of us worry about that horrendous “beer gut” you so proudly prounce around.

Good morning!!

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
9:29 am

-ITL/Bluzgirl Ya’ll do know how long 30 minutes is in sex time right??? Are ya’ll trying to make a dvd to sell for distribution?

Into the Light

June 19th, 2013
9:33 am

LOL@MissMoni. I was counting warm-up and cool-down in the workout, too. :wink:

Button

June 19th, 2013
9:35 am

MissMoni – I love watching that show. My favorites are Kim & Alaska and John & Kathryn. I can do without the other two couples. I fear for Kim, Alaska treats her so awful. They have zero chemisty. He’s always in LA and he’s very suspect in my eyes.

Bluzgirl

June 19th, 2013
9:36 am

MissMoni – I’m also counting the entire session…not just the banging part!

disco

June 19th, 2013
9:39 am

hey y’all. I’ve heard lots of big ups re “honeymoon sex”. I know some married couples who claim that things are all good in that department. maybe it’s true. maybe it’s not. I also know many many couples who probably avoid each other like the plague. wives who act like it’s a chore. husbands who treat it like an obligation. it’s a harsh reality. lol.

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
9:40 am

-ITL/Bluzgirl Oh ok, well since you’re counting that part too I can dig it. . . ;-)

-Button Alaska and John are buttholes!!! John is very selfish and I really think he’s going to compete for attention once the baby arrives, since he’s already doing it now. Alaska picks and chooses when he wants to let Kim in emotionally. She’s a good one because I couldn’t be married to a man who is emotionally detached from me. I find the other two couples humorous, the spouses are so over the top, LOL!!!

DreamsMaterialize

June 19th, 2013
9:40 am

If it’s not at least 30 minutes, we prolly have another issue to discuss.
ITL Hey, there are legends of the 2 Minute Man, at least I’ve heard women say that. lol Just trying to make sure you all get the most out of your total body workout. ;-)

Right?!?! It better be at least 30 minutes, unless both parties have agreed to a quickie…
Bluz Sometimes the quickie is just what you need.

Ya’ll do know how long 30 minutes is in sex time right???
MoniLuv Is it like dog years? lol

Celisea

June 19th, 2013
9:42 am

Well…..I’m headed to fornicate!! hahahaha As soon as I pull out of the drive-thru, getting coffee. Imma see if I can bang the hell out of morning sex…lol I ain’t gotta worry about married fat!! Judge,me, it’s totally okay!!!!

My vacation will then swing into hard drive…lololol

disco

June 19th, 2013
9:42 am

just yesterday I had a friend and a cousin express to me that their men are tripping with their expectations. lol. one of them had an anniversary on Monday and claimed that her hubs was tripping if he thought he was getting some when she just broke him off on father’s day (the day before). the other one went on and on about how don’t nobody want to do it everyday and how her dude was tripping for expecting it everyday. I told them both that they were the ones tripping and maybe they needed some kind of coochie workout plan. lol.

MissMoni

June 19th, 2013
9:42 am

-Dreams Yeah, something like that, LOL!!!

Leggs

June 19th, 2013
9:44 am

Button ~ I see very little chemistry between Alaska and Kym, but it is there. He’s rude and very inconsiderate. Did you notice Alaska on Love and Hip Hop when KMichelle was at the table with her mentor talking about how she needed to work on her image. That was Alaska sitting with them.

Oops, already broke the mandate on no reality talk before 3:00, BUT, didn’t someone already speak on bb game last night (lol).

Into the Light

June 19th, 2013
9:44 am

@Dreamy: Me imagino que su ejercicio es hermoso y agradable. :wink:

Celisea

June 19th, 2013
9:46 am

Y’all better quit talking tv!!!!! Sports and junk!!!!! Hahahahaha

Into the Light

June 19th, 2013
9:47 am

Leggs

June 19th, 2013
9:47 am

When I was married, he would always say “you know it’s Easter, you know what that means,” or “it’s Christmas, you know what that means,” or “its Flag Day, you know what that means.” Boy please….

disco

June 19th, 2013
9:48 am

single – you getting your comedy on this morning. lol.

button / single – 50 pound weight gain will get you single again. lol.