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Coming on too strong

You have probably been in this situation before:  You reluctantly give someone your phone number and they immediately make you regret it.  They are eager to get to know you and may start to come on a little too strong.  It doesn’t mean you should cut them off, though.

My friend Lana told me about meeting her husband at Kroger.  He  talked to her from produce aisle to the frozen section.  He also called her every day until she finally relented and went out with him.  On their first date, she was blown away.  Somehow she missed how wonderful and good looking he truly was.  She was too busy dodging his calls!

Do you think that being persistent and coming on a bit strong is a good tactic?  Apparently, it works for some people!  If you like someone but they were coming on too strong, would you let them know to ease up?

How can you tell if you are going overboard in your pursuit?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

366 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
7:19 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Do you think that being persistent and coming on a bit strong is a good tactic? I wouldn’t necessarily say that it is a good tactic for everyone, but for some people it does actually work. This is my particular style, but if it works for you then go for it!

How can you tell if you are going overboard in your pursuit? If you’re the ONLY one doing the pursuing and it’s not being reciprocated.

Exiled

June 18th, 2013
8:36 am

If you are not ready to talk don’t give out your digits,plain and simple

Why give out the number then start to be cagey,hard to get,psycho analyzing how many calls dude is making etc.?

Secure Adults don’t games like that.

Problem is some of these women will still be running their issues by committee…she wants to wait and hear what Shanneque and Bomquesha are gon say bout him.

Quit that! :lol:

Good morning MIA and hello uall secure phoine ladies!

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
8:48 am

Hello All

To old for relationship games!! If I call and leave a message, with no reply, I’ll call one more time in a few days after that I’m loosing your number. Been told I’m to pushy, and also that I’m not pushy enough. What’s a guy to do?

DreamsMaterialize

June 18th, 2013
8:51 am

Morning
The relentlessly persistent strategy is not my style. Actually, I’m quick to back off if I get even an inkling that you might not be interested. It works for some dudes though, and in those cases I say, “go for what you know, get in where you fit in.”

If you are not ready to talk don’t give out your digits,plain and simple
Oh and this too.

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
8:52 am

-Ex You said a mouthful. I agree a person should be secure in who they are and who they’re with, the friend squad should not have the deciding or final vote.

-Single “What’s a guy to do?” Do what works best for you!

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
8:56 am

When people talk about being persistent, I always think about Steve Urkel. Clearly Laura wasn’t interested in him, but he continued to pursue her and eventually she feel hard for him. Again, that was a scripted tv show and this is real life. . .

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
8:56 am

Miss Moni, I always do :-D

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
8:58 am

MissMoni, TV does imitate life, not to that extreme, but it does happen.

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
8:59 am

I am not into stalker dudes….There is a thin line between persistent and bat ass cray! lol

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:00 am

-Slim You bring up a very good point. Which goes back to my original comment: “If you’re the ONLY one doing the pursuing and it’s not being reciprocated” then you need to get a grip and move on!

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:01 am

-Single I agree it does, but Steve pursued her for YEARS!!! Like seriously dude, know when to say when, LOL!!!

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
9:03 am

Slim people use that a lot and end up with “stalker dude” because they don’t show the signs that people associate with them (LOL) And bat azz crazy can’t usually hid it (LOL)

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
9:04 am

MissMoni – But didn’t Laura start looking at Urkel only after he turned into Stephan? lolol

GlammourGirl

June 18th, 2013
9:06 am

MissMoni – You can’t forget about Nikki Parker and Professor Oglevee from the Parkers! She wore him down too!

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
9:08 am

MissMoni, nothing wrong with pursuing for years “I’m wearing you down” (LOL) long as you don’t stop your life while doing it. :-)

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
9:08 am

Yeah met this guy one night out at Barnacles….we had some pretty deep converstation to be out ‘partying’. He walked my friend and i to the car and I obliged with the digits. It was like, after we left the parking lot his crazy kicked in. He called me like 3 times that same night…next day blowing me up because he wanted to do something and was literally upset that I already had plans that day. It festered in him and he texted me at like 3 in the morning calling me a liar and all this nonsense. He was like, you should’ve canceled any plans I may have had if I want to be happy and blah blah blah…Later on that day he texted me apologizing and told me how he just wanted to get started on our life together. :shock: Too close to the crazy line if you ask me.

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:09 am

-Slim YES honey, I even started looking at Urkel after he turned into Stephan! I wasn’t mad at Laura about that, LOL!!!

-GlammourGirl You bring up another relevant tv couple that perfectly fits the topic. The professor was all over Ms. Parker after YEARS of pursuing, LOL!!!

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
9:09 am

Slim in the end it was the original that she wanted.

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
9:10 am

Slim if that was too close to the crazy line, I would hate to see what you call crazy (LOL) for me that was way way way past the crazy line :-) )

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:12 am

-Slim That joker is off the chain!!! You did right by letting him go on about his business. Whew!!!

MsAtl

June 18th, 2013
9:12 am

Morning All!

I agree, there is a fine line between stalker and persistent. If I am not ready to talk, I will not give you my number. If I give you my number, please use common courtesy and common sense; don’t call me at midnight or call me 5 times back to back after you have left a message. On the other hand, I will return missed calls promptly and will let you know if you are giving me the creeps.

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:14 am

-Single Well in Steve’s case, most of his actions were directed at trying to win Laura over. He did date Myra and I think that’s when Laura started to realize that she actually liked him because he wasn’t giving her ALL of his undivided attention that she became accustomed to.

Single & Happy

June 18th, 2013
9:14 am

Now didn’t the professor fall for her after he hit rock bottom?

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
9:19 am

Ya’ll it was like watching someone with multiple personalities…how I meet you Saturday night and i’m just supposed to drop everything to “start our life together’ the very next day. He was like, you want to be happy right…He had a few more episodes where he would text me late at night ranting about stuff, of which I didn’t respond. I told my friend I was with that night and she was like, he seemed so cool. We never even made it out for a date, not even once. I’d hate to see how he’d act had we spent any time together or bumped uglies. Dayum!

Single – Yeah in the end she wanted Urkel but maybe we all want a lil Urkel and Stephan in our men. lol

Button

June 18th, 2013
9:20 am

Good morning! Dating is not a one size fits all, what worked in Lana’s case wouldn’t work for the next lady. I don’t like the persistent guy, to me that’s border line stalker personality to me. If I gave a guy my number and after talking to him I realize that I’m not interested and I tell him I’m not interested and he continues to call it would frighten me a bit. Coming on too strong sent me into panic mode, wondering what’s the rush for that guy. It also sends a message that he’s controlling and not compromising.

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:20 am

-Slim He needs to be on meds or maybe he took them Saturday night and they started to wear off before he texted you, LOL!!!

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:22 am

Button You brought up some very good points. Controlling and not compromising are 2 qualities that I absolutely don’t do.

Celisea

June 18th, 2013
9:24 am

My only recollection (off the top of my head) would be the Cobb County Cop. I would (and still do) see him in passing. Well he stopped me several times. Me being polite, would engage in light banter. Nothing overt or over the top…polite. “I’m well, thank you….” blah blah blah. Anyhoo, he kept on and on and on asking for my number. Sooo, I gave it to him with the disclaimer that he could call and talk sometimes, if I wasn’t busy I MIGHT hang out. Noooo, buddy sent a text THE NEXT FREAKING MORNING with that “hello my queen”….ummm dude, I’m NOT feeling you like that. Which in turn raised the “dislike-o-meter” even higher. That is suuuuch a turn off. Anyhoo, I politely (see a theme there) called him and asked him to lose my number. For a while when I’d see him, he would act distant. Ummm, coooool, buddy. Now, when I see him in Publix, he’ll exchange a couple of words or ask about my purchase. I’m always polite though.

I will say I’ve given my number out a couple of times, gave it a try and it didn’t work, but the person didn’t catch it right away, that I wasn’t feeling it. I will say, I’ve been feeling a dude (in the past), that didn’t “jump” right away and I took it that he wasn’t really feeling me. But in that case and as always, it’s noooo sweat off my nose. I have way too much pride to beg or chase or run after someone.

I’ve also had a dude busy saying he wants to do the dang thing and his words aren’t adding. I have asked in that situation, “dude let me know”…I can’t get a straight answer, Imma dismiss myself. I don’t hang on like that.

Now, the agent dude, ummmm Imma plead the fifth. Buddy is pretty hawt, all 6′2″ and stuff….lololol And yes he’s becoming “persistant.”

And lastly, in my experience don’t tend to be a bad thing, unless you ain’t feeling a person or unless you are and they kick it into overdrive waaaay too soon.

Celisea

June 18th, 2013
9:25 am

Ooop, sorry Diva I DID NOT realize it was going to be that long.

Button

June 18th, 2013
9:26 am

SlimNu- that dude was batshidcrazy! Dudes like that scares me. Just think if he knew where you lived. can you say diive by and pop up visits.

Celisea

June 18th, 2013
9:31 am

“persistence” don’t tend to be a bad thing…is what I meant

Button

June 18th, 2013
9:32 am

MissMoni – When people show you who they are, believe them! being persistent is a red flag for me. Its a sign of an abusive person. Always wanting his way, can’t take no for an answer.

Button

June 18th, 2013
9:32 am

meant overly persisitent.

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
9:36 am

It also sends a message that he’s controlling and not compromising

Button – Most definitely…over aggression puts my guards on high alert! Sooooo glad he had no idea where I lived.

MissMoni – You may have a point about the meds wearing off. I didn’t even know who that 2nd guy was. lol

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
9:36 am

-Button I’m tracking with you and I agree. I always say abusiveness starts with yelling. If he feels comfortable yelling at you, then he’ll upgrade to calling you out of your name and then to hitting. Nip that mess in the bud from the jump and when you see the tendencies, move on!!!

Leggs

June 18th, 2013
9:47 am

“Do you think that being persistent and coming on a bit strong is a good tactic?” – For some it works wonderfully, while for others it’s just plain annoying. I call those people “die hards.” They never stop. I’ve had a few. The more you say no, the more determined they become.

Good, good morning.

DreamsMaterialize

June 18th, 2013
10:03 am

Often the difference between persistent dude and a stalker dude is perception. If the chic is feeling dude already, then his actions are received as persistent and romantic. If she’s not interested in dude, then he’s a bug-a-boo and a stalker. lol Of course, it’s up to dude to guage how his actions are being perceived and act accordingly.

Leggs

June 18th, 2013
10:06 am

If one carrys the label of “stalker,” then he’s no longer wanted. His persistence and the perception of his conquest no longer matters to him.

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
10:08 am

Dreams – In theory yes, but in actuality a woman can be feeling a dude and he can do some questionable sh!t. I was feeling dude that night until his craziness kicked in. I burned my brakes out trying to stop that train wreck. lol

Celisea

June 18th, 2013
10:14 am

I’ve heard of gfs calling dudes stalkers and really, they were just trying to see if they could get an opportunity or a few minutes to cop a squat and chat it out.

IMO, stalker “feels” like stalker cause you ain’t digging them. If a dude calls you a couple of times, that ain’t stalking. Now, if you won’t return his call then he needs to buy a clue and move it along.

On the flip side, I’ve been afraid for gfs where the mess coming their way was dangerous and not cute, but they thought otherwise.

Celisea

June 18th, 2013
10:15 am

And then….there are true stalkers. What you feel is what’s real

MissMoni

June 18th, 2013
10:15 am

“I burned my brakes out trying to stop that train wreck.”

-Slim Again I say good choice, LOL!!!

Celisea

June 18th, 2013
10:16 am

When I broke it off with Silky, he was sitting outside my house. Now all my girls called him a stalker, but I knew that wasn’t true. He wanted to talk f2f and I wouldn’t take his calls. He wouldn’t hard a gnat.

Celisea

June 18th, 2013
10:16 am

DreamsMaterialize

June 18th, 2013
10:18 am

I was feeling dude that night until his craziness kicked in.
Slim Yeah you did the right thing by shutting that down.

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
10:18 am

MissMoni :lol: heyal yeah

Hazel

June 18th, 2013
10:20 am

Anyone coming off too strong right away is a turn off and comes off as being desperate. sure, call me the same day. However, there are certain unspoken rules that one must follow. And this has nothing to do with being insecure. nothing.

@Slimnu – Wow, that dude sounds crazy. Glad u didn’t go on a date with him.
@Celisea – I give you props for calling him and telling him not to call again. shows respect and maturity.

SlimNu

June 18th, 2013
10:21 am

Any of yall been accused of having stalker-like tendencies or are we too shy to say? lol

Button

June 18th, 2013
10:23 am

Dreams – the thing about being persistent, it’s not welcome! now consistent is another thing. It’s welcomed.