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What if you are the rebound?

One of the most frustrating misadventures in dating is meeting Mr/Miss Wonderful only to  find out you two have bad timing. Actually, it’s awful when only one of you has bad timing because you are being used as a rebound relationship.

There is no need to panic when faced with this conundrum, though. Technically, we are all someone’s rebound.  This is only a real problem when it is clear that the person you are seeing is still hung up in an emotional or physical tug-of-war with their ex.

Whenever the ex is still in the picture,  a relapse is possible.  One of our readers suspects that her new relationship is a rebound for him.  He slipped up and referred to her using his ex’s name.  Has that ever happened to you? Do you think this means he is not over his ex?

What do you do when you realize you are the rebound?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

296 comments Add your comment

Exiled

June 17th, 2013
6:39 am

I always chuckle when I hear the word,’used’ being used to describe an adult woman’s Willing participation in a relationship.

How does a woman get ‘used’ without equally using the man?
I can’t put my dumb finger on this one.

On topic: if u suddenly make the discovery that u are being ‘used’,then u got two choices:

stick around and equally ‘use’ him(her) or

Bounce!

Hopefully,after u bounce,u are going to find somebody that u can ‘use’ without being ‘used’ urself or one that is willing to go for 50/50 equal and mutual ‘use’! :lol:

Kinda hilarious!

Good morning MIA

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
7:10 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

What do you do when you realize you are the rebound? Like Ex said, you have a choice to make: Stick around or kick rocks! If you truly believe that the person you’re dating is still involved or attached to their ex then you have to make a choice as to how you’re going to deal with the situation. I’m not in the game of living in an ex’s shadow. I need for the guy’s heart and mind to be free, clear and ready to move on.

Bill Clinton

June 17th, 2013
7:14 am

In the content stated, it appears ‘used’ means ‘utilized’, over and above the meaning of ‘getting taken’, so it seems.

Lee

June 17th, 2013
7:21 am

I have nothing to add.

Happy Monday.

Madison

June 17th, 2013
7:26 am

Many rebound trysts have had happy endings.

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
7:39 am

Lee, it is a Happy Monday indeed!!! :-D

Hi Madison! You’re new to the blog???

Single & Happy

June 17th, 2013
8:11 am

Hello All

Get in where you fit in!

DreamsMaterialize

June 17th, 2013
8:40 am

Morning
Hey that’s life, it happens. Enjoy it for what it is. Every relationship won’t turn into The One. In fact, only one will. The thing is, when that right one comes, it’ll be crystal clear why all the previous relationships didn’t work…they just weren’t supposed to.

if u suddenly make the discovery that u are being ‘used’,then u got two choices:

stick around and equally ‘use’ him(her) or

Bounce!
Ex You got it. Quick and to the point man. We all have options…exercise them accordingly.

SlimNu

June 17th, 2013
8:55 am

Sounds like chica needed to sit down and talk to him after the mishap of calling her the exes name. I would’ve given him the side eye and been like let’s talk. Are you still harboring feelings for so and so
? Do you feel like you need a bit more time to deal with that situation before we carry on?

Button

June 17th, 2013
9:01 am

Good Monday morning! rebound – who hasn

talk about a freudian slip! The ex was on his mind. another good reason to not even tell the new prospect the name of an ex. I usually just say my ex this or my ex that but never said his name. If asked his name I would say it’s not important, he’s better to be known as the ex.

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
9:03 am

-Slim That is a very nice way of addressing the situation, which I agree definitely needs to be addressed.

Single & Happy

June 17th, 2013
9:04 am

One of the most frustrating misadventures in dating is meeting Mr/Miss Wonderful only to find out you two have bad timing. the only bad timing is if you’re in a relationship. Hell everyone is on the rebound at some point!

Single & Happy

June 17th, 2013
9:14 am

What do you do when you realize you are the rebound? continue on with the relationship, no big deal. you will never no where things will go if don’t try.

Reio

June 17th, 2013
9:14 am

Mornin all!

Some of you are probably familiar with my “give em the boot early” mentality. Well, that mentality would be most apropos indeed.

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
9:14 am

Morning All!!

Biding time until we take baby girl to the airport for her trip!

Dreams – You are so right about things being clear when you meet the right one! Everything really does fall in place as it should.

I don’t know of any rebound situations that have worked out. None for me anyway. The fact that one is not over their ex usually rears it’s head early on too, something happens to reveal the situation. One of the main things I like to find about in the beginning is when their last serious relationship ended. And IN MY OPINION, while a lot of men will jump back out there dating and sleeping with women rather soon, it does not mean they are truly over the ex. It may be awhile before they are truly able to give their heart to someone else.

I learned to run like the wind when I came across a dude not over an ex. They were the worst, for me.

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
9:19 am

Single – I’d rather go on what I do know, and make a decision based on that! :)

SlimNu

June 17th, 2013
9:24 am

Usually when you’re in the ‘getting to know you’ period of dating, how long was your last relationship and how long ago seem to come up pretty early. If ole dude or ole girl say it was a long relationship and they just broke up a month ago/week ago/few days ago, then you might want to proceed with extreme caution. I’m equally as cautious when they guy has a newborn with his recent ex. That’s just too much going on right there for me to want to sign up for that.

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
9:25 am

“I learned to run like the wind when I came across a dude not over an ex.”

-Kimmie That is a lesson well learned!!!

Single & Happy

June 17th, 2013
9:26 am

one little slip up isn’t the end of the world, we all slip up. now if you’re being constantly compared, and they’re always talking bout them, that’s a different story.Some times things don’t have to be talked all the time. You will never really know is someone is over it or not. Some have went for years with out ever getting over it.

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
9:26 am

Button – Never thought about that, but now that I think about it, I’ve never really told guys the names of my exes, just referred to them as ex the very few times they were even mentioned!

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
9:26 am

” I’m equally as cautious when they guy has a newborn with his recent ex.”

-Slim I agree, that’s definitely TOO SOON for him to be moving on with someone. They still have to work out how they going to be parents.

Celisea

June 17th, 2013
9:29 am

Me? I don’t have a speech on what’s not gonna be and no way in the world would I do this that or the other…blah blah blah. What’s the big deal?? Half the folks walking around are rebounders or reboundees and reboundees are likely none the wiser. What then? Heck, if you don’t know it, you skip right along believing otherwise…lol

And just because he slipped does not mean he’s still dreaming about the ex. It’s called making a mistake. He could have been oooor he could NOT have been. It could go either way. I can’t recall how many years I went out with others and was not over someone.

You can’t stop living and life. How else are you going to help the process to move on, other than to get back out there and do the dang thing?? “Taking time off”, is overrated…lol Unless you’re curled up in a fetus position and simply cannot function, as with everything else in life, you have to KIM. Your heart is broken?? Keep doing the dang thing until you’re on the mend.

All I need to be concerned about is me. If you’re just getting over and ex and want to take me out, and you ain’t whining and crying and can at least act like “out of sight, out of mind” and I’m not aware of it, cool, let’s hang out. You relapse, no worries, I’m simply gonna get my stuff and go home….once I find out. And I will find out!!

Celisea

June 17th, 2013
9:31 am

And if you’re discussing with me, the ex and when you broke up, move it along. I don’t want to talk about that. Unless it a “special” situation where there’s a need to talk about it, what the heck are we discussing the ex for?

Celisea

June 17th, 2013
9:31 am

rebounders or reboundess….is what I meant

Celisea

June 17th, 2013
9:33 am

And if there are small kids as in newborns or tots, naw I’m not touching that.

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
9:34 am

Single – You are right, some never get over past loves. But I think it’s a difference in getting over and moving on with your life. You may never truly stop loving someone, but is it stopping you from loving another? The “little slip” does need to be looked at in context, I think. Was the slip just one thing out of a pattern of behavior, or was it really just a slip? I accidentally call my kids the other’s name and they are different genders! That doesn’t mean I truly have them mixed up.

Only the person in the situation can make the call.

Willie the Wonka

June 17th, 2013
9:36 am

What it do folks,

Not a pressing matter. Get out and enjoy life.

Leggs

June 17th, 2013
9:37 am

It is hard trying to navigate not being a rebound, but if right questions are asked and you see a consistent pattern of them always bringing up their ex, or the conversation leads to realize they’re not ready for anything serious, bounce!

All you have to do is keep your antennas up, your legs closed and watch their actions. You’ll know if you’re a rebound or not. Now, if you just throw caution to the wind and think you can take the relationship to another level, you should not be surprised at the outcome because the writing was on the wall (and it wasn’t written with invisible ink). Tread cautiously…

Good, good morning!

Button

June 17th, 2013
9:40 am

If a guy is constantly talking about his ex then he’s certianly not over her imo. I would tread lightly if at all.

SlimNu- when you said guys with new borns I immediately thought about the new show called pregnant and dating.

abc

June 17th, 2013
9:41 am

If there’s an ex that’s around, I’d bounce, very early on. Someone else can deal with the drama, not me.

Button

June 17th, 2013
9:41 am

Kimmie – ” I accidentally call my kids the other’s name and they are different genders!” I do the dame thing! oh and with my sisters too. LOL

Single & Happy

June 17th, 2013
9:41 am

Kimmie yep, in context. even when it comes to kids, things need to be put in context.

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
9:42 am

Slim – I went on a blind date with a guy that had a 6 month old baby with his ex. That was the first time I had ever encountered such a situation. We did not hit it off at all anyway, not because of that, just absolutely no chemistry and a few other things that turned me off, but that would have been a major factor to consider had there been some interest on my part.

Gosh, I have not thought about that in years! I don’t even remember his name!LOL!!!

Leggs

June 17th, 2013
9:43 am

Hello, Madison. We love new participants. Hope you enjoy the twists and turns this day will take (lol). Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

Slipping up and using your ex’s name. As I have shared here, I’ve done it while engaged in the act. He slapped me saying “that’s not my name.” It wasn’t a hard slap, but this fool slapped me. To top things off, I called him his name again before him leaving. The evening was a wrap! I “had” the bad habit of calling people other people names for many years, not while engaged, just in everyday talk.

SlimNu

June 17th, 2013
9:44 am

The thing is, when that right one comes, it’ll be crystal clear why all the previous relationships didn’t work…they just weren’t supposed to.

Dreams – You are so right. I was chatting with my cousin that just got engaged not too long ago. She was telling me how her and her ex were trying really hard to have a kid. (she figured she’d forego the marriage thing) But it never worked out and come to find out, buddy was still messing with his ex girlfriend. Fast forward, she ended up reconnecting with a childhood friend but they have never dated. I guess they got to talking and he basically said he was always in love with her and refused to let her get away again. They are engaged and have a kid on the way…but she had me cracking up when she said God was trying to save her from her dumbass self. (I guess in regards to her trying to get preggo with her ex) :lol:

MsAtl

June 17th, 2013
9:48 am

Morning All!

Slim- I agree with your 8:55.

Leggs- Slapped you????? wth?

Welcome Madison.

Button- No words about “pregnant & dating;” just no words. -_-

Single & Happy

June 17th, 2013
9:49 am

Leggs now if you call me your ex’s name in the act, that’s when I start hitting it harder saying what’s my name. continue to call me the ex’s name Imma leave cause evidently I aint the one (LOL)

In the past I never had to ask if someone was over their ex, just talk to them and you’ll know.

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
9:49 am

WOW Leggs, he slapped you??? Was this in the face or on your backside???

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
9:54 am

but she had me cracking up when she said God was trying to save her from her dumbass self. (I guess in regards to her trying to get preggo with her

Slim – If it were not for the other details in the situation, I would swear you were talking about one of my good friends! She was dating this dude that was an absolute psycho. You could not tell her anything though, she was in love. They were trying their best to get pregnant! It did not happen!! I used to tell her all the time God saved her. She agrees now and says she can’t believe she was ever that dumb!

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
9:55 am

In the past I never had to ask if someone was over their ex, just talk to them and you’ll know.

Single, you got that right!

SlimNu

June 17th, 2013
9:55 am

They still have to work out how they going to be parents

MissMoni – Plus, after that 6 week penis freeze, ya never know if he’ll revisit that after she heals :shock:

Button – I have heard of that show but have not watched it…it just doesn’t interest me.

Leggs – Yogurt almost came out of my nose laughing at your post….Poor dude, called another dudes name in the act and again before he left the house. :lol: :lol: First good laugh of the day.

Leggs

June 17th, 2013
9:55 am

“She was telling me how her and her ex were trying really hard to have a kid. (she figured she’d forego the marriage thing) But it never worked out….” – God knew they wouldn’t be good parents together…point blank period!

Leggs

June 17th, 2013
9:57 am

Single ~ exactly! :lol: :lol: :lol:

It was in the face, MissMoni. Looking back with my mind’s eye, I can see my face. I too was stunned when his name came out my mouth and he was stunned when I had no choice but to end the evening.

SlimNu

June 17th, 2013
9:58 am

kimmie – I’m glad my ex did not work out…seems like he hasn’t gotten any more responsible than he was back when we were together. His mom still calls me to rant about him and his new girlfriend. She does not like her at all…matter of fact, from what i’ve heard, no one likes the new gf. Of course his mom wants us to get back together but I told her to hang that pipe dream up. Not gonna happen.

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
9:59 am

-Slim EXACTLY!!! Some guys feel “entitled” to sex at will with their child’s mother. . .

Single & Happy

June 17th, 2013
9:59 am

Leggs, maybe he thought you liked it ruff (LOL)

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
10:00 am

Slim – Are you talking about your recent ex?

MissMoni

June 17th, 2013
10:00 am

-Slim I’ve dealt with the ex’s mom who still wants me with her son. Do you think she’ll continue her friendship with you???

kimmie

June 17th, 2013
10:03 am

Some guys feel “entitled” to sex at will with their child’s mother. . .

Moni – In my friend’s case , I KNOW that psycho would feel entitled for LIFE. He would probably have freaked out if she even dated or married someone else, even though they were not together any more, just because they had a kid together. If would have been alright for him to get with someone else, but not her. I tell her she dodged a bullet with that one!