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Dating a workaholic?

We all live busy lives but we should be able to make time for the people and things that are important to us.  So if you happen to find yourself dating – or attempting to date – a raging workaholic, you should be prepared.  People who are career-driven or supremely focused on work or school tend to neglect their mates.

You have to decide early on what you can and can not handle.  I remember dating one guy just as he was starting his own business.  His phone rang incessantly and he did not know the meaning of  “off” days.  I had to set boundaries!

His work schedule was a real problem at first.  I tried to throw tantrums, give ultimatums, and even staged a sit-in in my man’s office.   If you really care about your workhorse, you should speak up when you are feeling like you are all alone in the relationship.

Have you ever dated someone who was so driven and focused that it was difficult to maintain a relationship?

Are you guilty of neglecting your dating life or your relationship because of work?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

279 comments Add your comment

Exiled

June 13th, 2013
6:43 am

Hopefully,the workaholic is open to the idea of an open relationship! He he

Otherwise it is a problem!

Good morning MIA!

MissMoni

June 13th, 2013
6:59 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! :-) *Be sure to HYDRATE today!*

Have you ever dated someone who was so driven and focused that it was difficult to maintain a relationship? No, I can say that all of the guys I’ve dated knew how to divide their time. I do agree with Diva that if you’re feeling neglected in your relationship that you should speak up. Both parties have choices to make in a workaholic situation: Stay OR go.

Are you guilty of neglecting your dating life or your relationship because of work? Nope. I have mastered the art of leaving work at work. When I leave work, that is MY time.

Single & Happy

June 13th, 2013
7:58 am

Have you ever dated someone who was so driven and focused that it was difficult to maintain a relationship? Nope I don’t date people who don’t know how to balance their lives, be it work, school, church, sorority, or family. These are things you should learn in the getting to know you stages, not when you’re in the relationship.

Button

June 13th, 2013
8:05 am

Good morning, I have never dated a workaholic but I did breifly dated a guy who was in law school. Time was not on our side for sure. I work with workaholics and the divorce rate is high amongst that group of people. There should be a balance.

Hazel

June 13th, 2013
9:02 am

Yes I have but I knew that if I invested time in this now, the end results will be worth it. My husband was in his medical residency when I met him. We rarely did anything..anything at all. He needed a steady support, which I provided when he needed it the most. While it was tough, especially in the beginning, I looked at it as an investment.

SlimNu

June 13th, 2013
9:09 am

Good morning and Nope…but I have dated a busy guy that just seemed to have too many irons on the fire. It fizzled before it had time to get off the ground. So no emotional ties there….even though he does cross my mind from time to time :oops:

SlimNu

June 13th, 2013
9:16 am

Slim you can compromise, do you love him or do you love the idea of being married?

Single – Um, how is that I can compromise on that? Do I love him? Of course I do. But does that mean I have to forego what it is I want? Why not ask him to compromise and ask if he loves me? But i’ll let you go ahead with your line of thinking to see where you’re going with this lol

Bluzgirl

June 13th, 2013
9:19 am

Morning everyone! I have not dated a workaholic. I have been a workaholic, but only temporarily. When I have big benefits going on with the non-profit I work with, I don’t have much time to do anything else. When I was with the Ex, I would warn him that I would be stressed and busy for a couple of months and he understood. Once it was all over, I gave him plenty of attention.

I think that if you truly want to spend time with someone, you will make the time.

Celisea

June 13th, 2013
9:21 am

I hate to be redundant here, but you already know what I’m going to say….time and money. No one is THAT busy. If so, see it for what it is :)

I’ve NEVER dated a dude too busy. Well, wait….I’ve dated dudes where it never got off the ground, a bust, so maybe in that case. Didn’t stick around long enough to find out. But for folks I’ve been in relationships with, nah, not so much. They knew how to make that money and get their hustle on, but that didn’t have a thing to do with putting time in.

You can’t get no time? Consider your options.

Good day today? Everyone is good? Guuuuud :mrgreen:

Need java!!

Hazel

June 13th, 2013
9:27 am

It def requires patience and umm patience. There are days where I miss my husband so much because he is busy working and working and working. I don’t want to be another source of stress since work is already giving it to him so I don’t demand attention. I knew what I was getting in to before i got into it.

Button

June 13th, 2013
9:38 am

Somethings are just not for everybody. There are certian career type men I avoided: doctors, (unless he has his own practice) undertakers, medical examiners, crime scene investigators, firefighters, or any choice of career that he was always on call at anytime. I just can’t.

Hazel -Kudos to you, you have strength!

kimmie

June 13th, 2013
9:40 am

Morning All!!

I have experience with this and it was not that great. This is where timing can be everything. They were nice enough guys and we MIGHT have been able to make a go of it, but either the timing was off for us or I just was not the one for them. One was starting grad school in another state and the other was getting his career off the ground. I having been in both situations was very sympathetic and supportive of what they were doing, but it was very hard. Any time I mentioned even a little frustration with the situation I was accused of not being supportive. The grad student told me that he was the first male in his family to graduate from college, much less get an advanced degree and he could not allow a woman to come in and wreck it for him! I come from an educated family and understood the importance and what he was trying to do for his family so that hurt my feelings tremendously. I broke it off. He married another right out of grad school, I heard. That’s when I realized no matter how busy, folks make room in their life for what they want!!

kimmie

June 13th, 2013
9:41 am

Button – If he has his own practice he’s likely to be even busier.

Button

June 13th, 2013
9:50 am

Kimmie – hmmm never thought about it like that. Good point.

Willie the Wonka

June 13th, 2013
10:12 am

What it do folks

I’m rightly positioned for this topic. I am not committed right now. I date where it’s convenient. I agree with the others that you’ll find the time for a special love. If I happen to encounter someone special when I’m kicking back, I’ll definitely scale back, adjusting a few things on my plate.

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 13th, 2013
10:17 am

Good day,

“Have you ever dated someone who was so driven and focused that it was difficult to maintain a relationship?”

I have dated a workaholic and someone who just acts really busy but who may be bad at time management and I will agree with @exiled. They better be open to the idea of you moving on eventually. If they are busy, that is fine, but they should not expect you to wait around for them either.

The best thing is to be open and honest with them ESPECIALLY if you two aren’t really official. That way, when you are ready to bounce, you can do so with little to no drama.

kimmie

June 13th, 2013
10:20 am

Hey M.dot, have not read you i awhile!! Hope all is well.

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 13th, 2013
10:24 am

@Kimmie everythings is cool, how have you and the blog been, anyone married/engaged yet?

Celisea

June 13th, 2013
10:30 am

anyone married/engaged yet?

I’m not, but I’ve dodge the convo at least twice now :) He prefaces with “now you know we aren’t kids”…..yeah yeah yeah Not sure how long I can keep dodging before I have to discuss

I kind of feel like it’s too soon to talk about it…you know?

Bluzgirl

June 13th, 2013
10:31 am

Please don’t let the blog be this slow all day!!! I need this day to fly by cause it’s my Friday!

Hazel

June 13th, 2013
10:33 am

@Button – I have my days. thank u for the compliment

kimmie

June 13th, 2013
10:33 am

M.dot – I celebrated my 2nd anniversary on 6/4! As for the blog, we’re still here!!!

Celisea

June 13th, 2013
10:35 am

Soooo, if we get that far, it will be my second ring!!

Oh, I didn’t mention that in my “line-up of loves” yesterday…lol I was young and I still have the ring, but it’s not or it wasn’t a time that resonated with me. I guess because we were too young and not really in it deep enough to have gone through some thangs. That was the dude at the busstop…

My baaad, just sort of wondered off there for a second….lol

SlimNu

June 13th, 2013
10:38 am

Celisea – Did he tell you to keep the ring or you just felt like you didn’t need to return it?

Celisea

June 13th, 2013
10:45 am

Slim – I just kept it. That was some years ago. I think years ago, it was just sort of a given that if you parted ways, you just did so. She kept the ring, he went his way. He was in the military and honestly after we called it quits, we didn’t reconnect anymore.

We had a heart to heart when he was heading to Germany and when he asked me to (marry) and go. I’d already had the ring. I told him (like a baby…lol), that I was not leaving my family to trek to the other side of the world. NOT!!! We decided then to call it quits. Haven’t talked with him since. He’s never asked for it.

Although, the chick I mentioned that asked the kid’s dad if we’d had sex…remember her?? Well she sent me a message via my sister (ran into her) a message that he said, unless he knew I was coming to the 10 year reunion, he wasn’t coming. I didn’t want to go and I didn’t want to see him…after getting that message. Time had marched on…you know?

SlimNu

June 13th, 2013
11:00 am

Oh ok

Dern, where did everybody go? :cry:

Bluzgirl

June 13th, 2013
11:01 am

I’m feeling lonely in this blog today! Glad you’re here at least, Slim! :-)

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 13th, 2013
11:02 am

@Kimmie Cool congrats to you.

@Celisea so what are you feeling, you aren’t ready or don’t want to do it at all?

Celisea

June 13th, 2013
11:09 am

Hey MDot – Ummm, honestly I’m not sure. I have always said (within) that at this point, I don’t want to marry. I’ve raised my kid and I like where I am in life. I’m still learning and growing, so I’ve not “arrived”, but I like my flow. My kid is pretty much an adult and now making her own (dumb) decisions…lololol I like the company of “companionship”, but probably more so, not ready…at this point.

It’s not “real” pressure, but it’s been subtle hints to talk about it.

MissMoni

June 13th, 2013
11:19 am

-Bluzgirl/Slim I’m here, LOL! I was in a 2 hour meeting!!!

DreamsMaterialize

June 13th, 2013
11:19 am

Morning
People with a passion tend to fully immerse themselves in that passion, often to the detriment of their relationships/families. I’ve known many children of doctors, lawyers, soldiers, police officers, etc. While the children said they appreciated the sacrifices their parents made, they often wished they would have been around more. For the ladies, how many of you would have signed up to be Martin Luther King’s wife? He was always traveling and away from the family for extended periods of time. When he was home he was probably having meetings, planning the next march/event/speech, reading, researching, etc. I’m sure his family suffered to some extent, at least judging from how his kids behave sometimes.

SlimNu

June 13th, 2013
11:24 am

MIssMoni – You’re excused this time. lol At my job they usually cater lunch each month for those that have birthdays. So since there aren’t many June bdays, they are actually taking us out for lunch. I’m not sure where we’re going yet but looking forward to getting out of the office for a bit.

MissMoni

June 13th, 2013
11:29 am

-Slim Thanks for the pass, LOL! YES, a good ole out of the office lunch is always welcomed! :-)

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 13th, 2013
11:36 am

@Celisea

Oh ok. That brings up an interesting scenario, what if the hints ramp up and you confirm like you said that you don’t want to marry and he does, is he within his rights to end things with you and pursue something with someone who wants to marry?

abc

June 13th, 2013
11:41 am

Enter your comments here

abc

June 13th, 2013
11:43 am

Owner/operator, sole proprietorship, those folks are going to be constantly busy — if it’s open, they have to be there. It goes with the territory. But for others, it’s a conscious choice. If they choose work over you, well, there you are.

Button

June 13th, 2013
11:45 am

Bluzgirl – I’m here, back and forth but, I’m here.

Mdot – I’m engaged – 4 months in :) , he didn’t beat around the bush, he came straight out and said “woman we’re getting married and that’s how it is going to be” lol I kid I kid

SlimNu – what’s your work addy? – I need to be there for some free bday lunch, we gets nothing round here, but back in the day, mannnn they used to hook us up with free breakfast, lunch and when sales made their quota it was like margaritaville around here. I miss those days.

MissMoni

June 13th, 2013
11:52 am

-Button If you’re ever in NC, you are most certainly welcome to attend the monthly lunch potluck at my job. We have a separate ice cream & cake celebration for the birthdays and we do those weekly according to the person’s birthday!!! Let’s just say that you have to exercise self-control around these parts, LOL!!! :-)

Button

June 13th, 2013
11:53 am

do people still elope? hmmm
I remember I wanted to run off to and marry Craig lol we were in the 3nd grade, puppy love. He always shared his lunch with me and give his swing to me at recess.

Celisea

June 13th, 2013
11:54 am

M.Dot – If I were totally opposed then yes, he’s well within his rights. But I’m not “totally” opposed. If I can explain and make sense, it’s just taken me by surprise because it’s been the furthest thing from my mind…and certainly not top of mind when we decided to give it a go. I guess I’ve nested into where I am, never thinking this would come up….again. And I’m cool with that. And while it’s not top of mind for me, if he approaches and wants to outright discuss, I feel I owe him that. As long as he’s hinting, I’m not going to really touch it. Not yet anyway, because it’s too soon to talk about…for me.

Button

June 13th, 2013
11:59 am

MissMoni – we used to do the monthly bday cake as well. I was all for it for the first maybe 3 months but my waist started to expand and I had to gain the power of resist-of-the-cake.

I can not do potluck, noway jose, some of these folks around here don’t wash their hands after they use the restroom. My office is in earshot of the restroom and swear fo gwad folks go in and immediately come out without washing their hands. there is no way they washed their hands. just nasty, and one lady has cat hair all over her office and laptop. nasty.

MissMoni

June 13th, 2013
12:00 pm

-Button Have you 2 picked out wedding colors, theme, songs, etc? Are you a very detailed oriented person?

MissMoni

June 13th, 2013
12:02 pm

-Button I understand. I’m in earshot of the restroom as well & I also know who has pets at home. Honestly, for the most part I work with a bunch of OCD folks like myself, which is a good thing when it comes to food, LOL!!!

Bluzgirl

June 13th, 2013
12:05 pm

There seems to be some drama with the boss at work today…we’re all trying to figure out what’s going on…very interesting!

Need something to help this day go by! LOL

Bluzgirl

June 13th, 2013
12:07 pm

re: Do people still elope? That’s what I hope to do! I will not plan another wedding. I will plan a trip, where we happen to get married while there! :-)

MissMoni

June 13th, 2013
12:10 pm

-Bluzgirl That would be a destination wedding! ;-)

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 13th, 2013
12:11 pm

@Celisea

Oh ok, last question how long have yall been dating?

Bluzgirl

June 13th, 2013
12:16 pm

True MissMoni! I guess I wouldn’t be opposed to eloping if it was right…

Celisea

June 13th, 2013
12:16 pm

Mdot…lol

We started hanging out early last year. We got serious with it the latter part of the year.

Mdot – What are your thoughts on this…. Am I overthinking?

We were at Phipps looking at stuff, walking around, people watching and he takes my hand and walks into the jewelers and looks at me… I said “what?” And he just continued looking at me. So, I took his hand and walked back out…lol I just pointed something else out and didn’t ask what that was all about. I didn’t know if he was kidding, checking for a reaction or what.