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Dating: Never assume

The hardest lessons learned about dating can really bruise one’s ego.   It happens to most of us, unfortunately, at one time or another.   The reason it is important to know where things stand is to prevent any miscommunication.  This is really important when it comes to your competition.  Never assume you don’t have any.

My friend Linda was seeing a guy and they seemed to spending a lot of their free time together.  It wasn’t until she wanted to attend a concert with him that she found out he already had plans to go with someone else.   She seemed shocked and hurt that there was another woman in the picture.  She figured since they got along so great on their first few dates, he was only seeing her.

Dating lesson: Never assume anything.    She can be disappointed he is splitting his time, but honestly, she should have been doing the same thing.  Unless you both are in agreement that things are exclusive, it is probably best to keep things casual.  The thing is, many women don’t do casual dating well. Actually, I know some men that aren’t great at casual, either.

What does casual dating mean to you?  If you are seeing someone new that you really like, how long before you stop pursuing other romantic interests?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

299 comments Add your comment

Exiled

June 11th, 2013
6:34 am

It’s hard for most women to do casual dating unless the casual dating is missionary or monk dating;no sex.
Most dudes could do casual,sexful dating..in fact,they do it most times,unbeknown to the women.

In any case,a woman that does open casual dating is proly going to be for ever casually dated. Once dudes know her style,she won’t be taken seriously. Dudes are just gonna jostle to see who can hit and claim a notch on her.
If she is a true playa and a trooper,maybe she could just casually date with no sex.

Now,if any chic is that strong,she is going to get a Big rep!
Date and no smash? Seems she would have to be devoid of any feelings.

I don’t know,maybe…. unless ur name is Condolleza R! :lol: :lol:

Lee

June 11th, 2013
7:22 am

Time for your friend to find another to date.

This should of been stated at the beginning what both wanted or not wanted.

MissMoni

June 11th, 2013
7:44 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

“Dating lesson: Never assume anything.” That is the bottom line.

As far as casual dating, I take it to mean that we are not exclusive and free to date whomever we please. Which goes back to stating your expectations upfront. If this is not something that you’re interested in then you should make that known from Day 1!!!

Your friend Linda now has a choice to make: 1) Continue dating the guy AND date other guys as well OR 2) Stop dating him altogether and date someone who only wants to date her.

Button

June 11th, 2013
8:29 am

Good morning! I was were Linda is at many moons ago. I had that rude awakening one late summer day when I thought I was the only one he was dating, boy did I assume wrong! He too said he was going to a concert with another women. Talk about dropping the bomb on me. :( From that point on I never did think that way again. When I dated, I did it with both eyes open knowing that I wasn’t the only one he was dating even if he said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, I also kept myself open to dating others as well uintil I was it was exclusive.

What does casual dating mean to you? dating with no commitment and we can date other people. Nothing is exclusive.

If you are seeing someone new that you really like, how long before you stop pursuing other romantic interests? until the day we agree we are exclusive, I’ll still be dting other men.

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
8:45 am

Morning,

I’m not excited or any good at dating multiple people at one time. I’m more of a one-on-one type of chick and i do not like to share. So not sure how me and this dating world are going to get along now. As of lately, I’ve been attracting older guys and I’m not quite certain how I feel about that. Have I reached that threshold where the guys my age aren’t checking for me (other than stripper dude)? lol

Willie the Wonka

June 11th, 2013
8:47 am

never ain’t

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
8:53 am

This should of been stated at the beginning what both wanted or not wanted

Lee – From what I gather, I don’t think that much time has passed. When you first start dating someone, you cannot assume that they aren’t talking to ANYONE else in ANY other capacity. However, when she began to feel like they were spending most of their free time together, then maybe the topic should’ve come up. I’d really like to know how long they’ve been dating though, and how often they are seeing each other.

DreamsMaterialize

June 11th, 2013
8:54 am

Morning
This is really important when it comes to your competition. Never assume you don’t have any.

Dating lesson: Never assume anything.

These are contradicting statements. Never assuming you don’t have competition is logically equivalent to always assuming that you do have competition. So you’re advice is “Always assume that you have competition” and “Never assume anything” at the same time. Which one is it Wise?

Either way, I always assume that there’s a guy in the picture somehow, someway when I first meet a woman. 99.9999999% of the time, she wasn’t just twiddling her thumbs playing scrabble with her cat before I came along.

Button

June 11th, 2013
8:59 am

SlimNu – hopefully you’ll meet a guy who feels the same way you do. Some guys will give you the impression that you’re the only one their dating based on their actions. They are spending time with you and all. Doing the whole nine yards but, they are just good at juggling. Real pro!

Leggs

June 11th, 2013
9:00 am

“She figured since they got along so great on their first few dates, he was only seeing her.” = She should only feel disappointed in herself for being so naive, especially if they haven’t talked about being exclusive.

“What does casual dating mean to you?” = It means just that, we are casually dating each other where the door is still open for you to date others. Again, until you have the talk about just seeing each other, you’re casually dating. Even when actions appear to line up like in this woman’s case that so much time is being spent together, never assume you’re the only one until you know “you’re the only one.”

Good, good morning!

Button

June 11th, 2013
9:07 am

first few dates = maybe 3. I’m guessing here but it appears that they are fresh with each other and they’ve probably been on 3 or maybe 4 dates, with them talking everyday since they met and going out weekly so she assumed that they were exclusive.

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
9:12 am

Button – I don’t have enough energy or desire to try to juggle. I’ve done it maybe once or twice but I always found myself giving one guy waaaay more attention and energy than the next. Never really lasted long.

99.9999999% of the time, she wasn’t just twiddling her thumbs playing scrabble with her cat before I came along.

Dreams – Let Robert tell it, she probably was lol

DreamsMaterialize

June 11th, 2013
9:13 am

Dreams – Let Robert tell it, she probably was lol
That’s funny. Or the Stanley dude. Where’s he been? lol

Hazel

June 11th, 2013
9:17 am

So True. NEVER ASSUME. Only after they both have discussed the exclusivity of them dating.. they can stop persuing others. This happened to me. I was constantly seeing this guy..going to the gym together, going to the dog park etc etc. I thought we had “something” going, until he mentioned having some girl over his house that he was gonna cook for. I be dam*#*. Lesson here: Never assume.

Hazel

June 11th, 2013
9:19 am

@Button. We live and we learn. Did you still see him after that?
I never took a chance after my experience. I made it CLEAR..about where we stood

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
9:22 am

Dreams – I think Stanley and Robert are fraternal twins or at least related lol

Button

June 11th, 2013
9:31 am

Hazel, after he told me he was going to a concert with the girl whom which I knew, we lived in a small town, I lost interest. I was upset bc I just knew he was my boyfriend. lol I was so young and naive.

disco

June 11th, 2013
9:33 am

good morning.

first things first, I’m tickled at how folks say date multiple folks simultaneously. can’t speak for everyone but half the time it’s hard enough finding one decent somebody to date much less more than one. lol. now place fillers are a dime a dozen but folks you think you might really want to be with….

Hazel

June 11th, 2013
9:35 am

I totally understand that feeling. Now given that I wasn’t that young.. ( early 20’s) I felt that we did have something going as he was the one who approached me and showed interest. But like you mentioned, he must have been just good at playing. I left him alone too. But later when that didn’t work out, he tried to come back and I knew better.

disco

June 11th, 2013
9:36 am

dreams – there are cats that play scrabble? dang. I might have to re-think this whole I can’t stand cats thing. lol.

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
9:36 am

disco – Can you imagine dating multiple “no-goods’ at once? lol There are folks that piece together multiples in order to get all their needs met. Too much dayum work for me.

Single and Happy

June 11th, 2013
9:37 am

Hello all

So I spend a lot of time with a neighbor, we go walking, shopping, out to eat we’ve cooked for each other. Should I assume we’re dating? Umm no we’re just friends and that’s what friends do. If any woman tell me from the beginning what they are looking for, I’m more than likely going to KIM. It takes time to figure out if you’re looking for the same thing, and when you figure out you’re not then move on.

Button

June 11th, 2013
9:37 am

Most men are pretty honest about what they want from you. Whether it be verbally or his actions alone. It’s up to us ladies to smell bs when he puts it out there.My bs meter goes off when a man comes on too strong and call me everyday. If he’s too eager from the get go that’s some bs. If he calls me pet names or use terms of endearments too early that’s some bs.

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
9:38 am

This older dude approached me the other day and started out with talking about my toes. Some kind of way he brought up how much he travels and that his truck he’s had for years has over 600,000 miles on it. He said he takes care of his women like he does his truck. lol I thought that was so funny and wondered how many times he’s used that line.

Single and Happy

June 11th, 2013
9:40 am

Slim that means he’s going to ride the hell out of you (LOL)

disco

June 11th, 2013
9:40 am

slim – I can’t imagine that. even when I was dating “no-goods” they were hustling no-goods and there was something in it for me.

single – frankly I don’t have a problem saying what I want out the gate just like I don’t have a problem saying what I don’t want out the gate. all that riding it out, testing the waters, going with the flow tapers off after a certain age.

Button

June 11th, 2013
9:41 am

Dating mulitple is easy. If you’re attractive, somewhat attractive guys will approach you. No brainer there. Now sleeping with multiple ppl is hard….for some.

Single and Happy

June 11th, 2013
9:41 am

Umma use that line, I take care of my women like I take care of my vehicles, I trade them in before the warranty is up (LOL)

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
9:43 am

I briefly dated a truck driver once…I was under the impression that he was not seriously seeing anyone else. UNTIL one day his FIANCE called me from his cell phone. LOL! He had a house here but his fiance was still living back in LA. I guess she was going to move to Atl at some point. uh uh uh…trifling! :roll:

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
9:43 am

Single – You crazy! lolol I don’t think that’s the way he meant it but I suppose there’s always a flip side to a coin. :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

June 11th, 2013
9:44 am

Dreams – I think Stanley and Robert are fraternal twins or at least related lol
Slim On their self-appointed crusade to save women from themselves. lol

dreams – there are cats that play scrabble? dang. I might have to re-think this whole I can’t stand cats thing.
disco Shoot I don’t know. It just sounded far-fetched enough to get my point across. lol Why, you looking for a scrabble partner?

Button

June 11th, 2013
9:44 am

Single – I’ve never done any of those things with a neighbor and I highly doubt I will ever.

Single and Happy

June 11th, 2013
9:44 am

Disco for me it taper on at a certain age, no expectations, no disappointment. it goes where it goes. and it’s not riding it out, it’s enjoying today and not worrying about tomorrow, cause that’s not promised to you.

disco

June 11th, 2013
9:44 am

button – you can be ugly and guys will approach you. the question is do you want to be bothered with them? I turned down a dinner invitation over the weekend for no reason other than I didn’t want to waste 2 to 3 hours of my life talking about nothing.

disco

June 11th, 2013
9:48 am

dreams – I haven’t played a good game of scrabble in years. most of my friends will say out the gate that they aren’t interested. a few folks have attempted to play but it’s no fun playing scrabble with grown folks who can’t spell and make up words to boot.

single – yep. I get it but that’s how some poor chick will play herself. she’ll deny what she wants and fall for that tomorrow’s not promised, live for today crap. and that’s when the regrets sink in.

Sassy Me...Feeling like new ;-)

June 11th, 2013
9:48 am

I think Stanley and Robert are fraternal twins or at least related lol

True :lol:

Have I reached that threshold where the guys my age aren’t checking for me

Slim…of course not baby gurl…all in do time.

When you first start dating someone, you cannot assume that they aren’t talking to ANYONE else in ANY other capacity.

CHURCH!!…and I think that’s where alot of people make their initial mistakes. The Representative will show up first and then the “rest” AKA real individual eventually shows up. That in itself isn’t always bad,it’s only when the Rep and the actual person are POLAR opposites which is deceitful and duplicitous…

Button

June 11th, 2013
9:50 am

SlimNu- wow, see it’s stuff like that is why I never put all my eggs in one basket.

disco- you can be ugly and guys will approach you.—-really?? where??
mulitple dating is nothing new.

DreamsMaterialize

June 11th, 2013
9:53 am

it’s no fun playing scrabble with grown folks who can’t spell and make up words to boot.
disco lol nah that ruins the game.

deceitful and duplicitous…
Sassy I see you casually tossing out that alliteration. lol disco is looking for a Scrabble partner. ;-)

DreamsMaterialize

June 11th, 2013
9:55 am

you can be ugly and guys will approach you.—-really?? where??
mulitple dating is nothing new.

Button Think of it like this. If “ugly” people didn’t get approached, then there wouldn’t be any “ugly” people to speak of. lol

Celisea

June 11th, 2013
9:56 am

It’s hard for most women to do casual dating unless the casual dating is missionary or monk dating;no sex.

I agree. I know times have drastically changed in how the game is played, but women have never stopped being women. I got home pretty late last night and was watching the end of Love & Hip Hop (where the episode plays as a repeat), Scrappy and the “other” chick fell out because she felt like she was being used (i.e. sleeping together but no commitment). She said it…they’d slept together 6 days before he proposed to the other chick!! :shock: Ouch!! After much back and forth and cussing, and putting him out, Scrappy said “she’s mad at me cause she don’ caught feelings”….and that my friend is pretty much how it works with MOST women. So, yeah, I can date casually as long as we aren’t sleeping together. And how long will that last…NOWADAYS??? Hanging out but nothing physical????

Most dudes could do casual,sexful dating..in fact,they do it most times,unbeknown to the women

And I agree here as well. I don’t want to know (in the back of my mind) that when you leave me, you’re with another oooor on days when we’re not together, you’re doing and saying the same things to another, that you say to me. Yep, it’s old fashion, outdated, antiquated, but for me, it is what it is. If I get the slightest notion (and yes we should assume), that you’re “rotating” during the “unoffical days”, I can’t do it. IMO, yes folks are likely “casually” seeing others, but you can’t be sloppy with it and it should be that I can’t tell. I’m NEVER gonna be that chick where you tell me you’re having company or taking Shelly out tomorrow :shock: blah blah blah. That ain’t happening. I’m won’t clown, but I’m won’t be back either…lol

Into the Light

June 11th, 2013
9:57 am

Morning, all.

i’m no good at the multi-date thing. I’m too ADOS (ADOS=Attention defi ooooooh shiny) – I need one man to focus on at a time.

Scrabble-playing cats? I think mine has been holding out on me. She only wants to play Jenga. LOL

Sassy Me...Feeling like new ;-)

June 11th, 2013
9:58 am

I’m too ADOS (ADOS=Attention defi ooooooh shiny)

:lol:

:lol:

Button

June 11th, 2013
10:01 am

Dreams – roflmbo…… I was being facetious @ ugly comment.

Button

June 11th, 2013
10:06 am

Celisea – And how long will that last…NOWADAYS??? —as long as you want it to last.
I’ve dated where there wasn’t even as much as a kiss on the lips, no holding hands, no affection at all and I’ve also dated where there were plenty of affection but no schez.

Leggs

June 11th, 2013
10:08 am

“Slim that means he’s going to ride the hell out of you (LOL)”

DAMN GOOD ONE!

disco

June 11th, 2013
10:08 am

well back to dating assumptions. I won’t front. I make plenty of assumptions. if you live with your momma and there’s nothing wrong with her, I assume that there’s something wrong with you. if you seem to only make outgoing calls but don’t accept incoming calls, I assume you are turning your phone off when you are at home with your woman or visiting with your other woman. lol.

disco

June 11th, 2013
10:10 am

if you are always trying to get over to my house but never inviting me to your house, I’m assuming that you are some version of homeless or living with a chick you neglected to mention.

if you start a sentence with “what had happened was” I’m assuming you are getting ready to tell a lie. lol. okay, that one was kind of a joke.

Leggs

June 11th, 2013
10:11 am

disco ~ I love scrabble. In my eyes, my mother was a scrabble master so I played with her often.

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
10:12 am

Celisea – I sure hope Shay is doen with Scrappy after the thousands of times he always refers to her as his FRIEND. I don’t know about anyone else but i’m not about to give a guy friend a sensual massage or give him any of this gap. lol

SlimNu

June 11th, 2013
10:15 am

She only wants to play Jenga.

ITL – Good one! All my cat wanted to do was knock stuff on the floor. I sure do miss him. Oh well…