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Is your ex getting married?

I talked to my friend Leo last night who sounded a little down.  I asked him what was up with his melancholy and he was surprisingly candid about why:  The one that got away got married this weekend.   Now, he was the one that wrecked the relationship.   It could have been him at the alter this weekend.  Why is he so bothered that his ex moved on?

I believe there are a lot of men who claim not to be ready to take the big step and settle down.  They think they have more time, better  options, and let’s not forget about all that freedom.  When they are faced with the consequences of all those choices, it still gets to them.  Yes it is hypocritical and nonsensical but that doesn’t mean what they don’t feel is real.

A lot of women run from good men when for the same reasons and then feel bad when those guys move on.  How do you handle it when one of your exes get married?  What if it is the one that you actually thought you would end up with one day?

Have you ever tried to reconnect with the one who got away?  Is it ever worth a shot to find out where they are?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

245 comments Add your comment

Lee

June 10th, 2013
7:25 am

No i don’t care to ever get back with one of my EX’s. Leave them in the past where they belong. One guy i thought (he was never an X) we would one day be together, will never happened he died 14 years ago. No use dwelling on what might have been, you need to be in the now. :)

Wishing it was friday already.

Single and Happy

June 10th, 2013
7:38 am

Hello All

Congratulations, thought it should have been me!! Standing next to you! Cooonnnnnggggggrrrrrraaaaaattttttuuuulllllllaaaatttttooooonnnnsss!! (LOL)

Have you ever tried to reconnect with the one who got away? Is it ever worth a shot to find out where they are? Naw, some I’ve thought about, but life goes on and so will I, now I’ve had some reconnect with me and thought we could pick up where we left off, unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
8:29 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Now this is a topic I know about all too well. When you are really over your ex, it doesn’t matter what they do to include getting married.

Have you ever tried to reconnect with the one who got away? There is only 1 that I would refer to as the one who got away, but he’s married now and my outlook on it is that if it was meant to be then it would have been. Life goes on, move forward and live your life!!! :-D

Bluzgirl

June 10th, 2013
9:03 am

Good morning!

I haven’t yet experienced the ex getting married, but I know he is engaged. Even though it’s been almost a year and a half, I think it will still bother me when he does get married. I’m glad that he and I didn’t get married, but at the time, I wanted to marry him so badly. I think I groomed him and it will suck that he chose someone else over me.

Celisea

June 10th, 2013
9:12 am

No such thing as the one that got away….for me. I live in the now. :)

The only one that “sort of” caught me by surprised was the kid’s dad. As I’ve stated before on here, in my experience with him, he was never ready. Never grew up. For years and years and years he tried to get back. Funny, he got married (which he was the one to tell me) and almost never skipped a beat. After about a month, he was back to his “you need to give us another try.” As my momma would say, “it’s a bad wind that never changes.” You get married and go back to the same ole song and dance, wait…you married and never left the same ole song and dance? Nope, didn’t miss out on a dern thing.

And not to knock her, but I quickly shut down him calling or “dropping by” to bad mouth her. I told him get on away from me with that. You made a decision, now live with it. I told him, if you dish on her with me (or try), you’ll dish on me with another. I don’t know if they’re still married, but I know that chick caught hell. She called me a couple of times crying :shock:

Bluzgirl

June 10th, 2013
9:19 am

Wow…it’s a ghost town up in here this morning!!!

Celisea

June 10th, 2013
9:20 am

After he married, he would STILL show up, unannounced and she’d be riding around looking for her. Once she sent her kid to knock on the door. The was before I banned him from coming. Actually, he was back in my kid’s room “visiting” with her….I was in my room. So, I go to the door and the litte kid says, my mom wants to know if so and so is here. I answered “yes.” The kids says “she said to tell him to come out of there.” Iyayayaya, when he hit the door (to walk out), she gets out of the car screaming and yelling and cursing…I told them both to get away from my home and to keep that allebat stuff between the two of them. I told her “you will NEVER keep, get, watch, visit with my kid”, based on how angry she was. I also told her, I’m about the safest person he can be around cause trust me, NOTHING was EVER gonna pop off. That ship had sailed and docked on the other side of the world. DONE!

Celisea

June 10th, 2013
9:21 am

looking for him…not looking for her

SlimNu

June 10th, 2013
9:24 am

Good morning,

My first real ‘out of high school’ relationship lasted close to 3yrs. He ended up transferring from the college we originally were going to together. So I guess he started dating some other chick in the midst of our distance. So when I eventually moved back to the city he started acting weird and it just fell apart from there. I really thought we would be moving in the direction of a life together but he had other plans. So when I found out about him being engaged some time later, it hurt to the core. This was not a matter of letting a good one go, it was just a combination of things that caused our break up. I found out a lot about myself in our relationship but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

Now with my other long time ex, he flipped out when he found out I was in a serious relationship with the beau. Even though we were no longer together, he was seriously hurt…I guess he just felt like he’d always have that pull on me and not allow anyone else to have my heart.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
9:25 am

-Bluzgirl I too have groomed quite a few for marriage and initially I saw that as a bad thing, but now I view it as a major positive. It is a good thing when you can help to prep a man to be marriage material even if he doesn’t choose you. I know it stings, but it just means that the 1 who is for you will be even better than those that came before him.

Reio

June 10th, 2013
9:27 am

My EX’s were my EX’s because I gave them the boot. So, what they did afterwards was never relevant. I know one of them got married, but divorced three years later. I wish them all the best though.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
9:28 am

“I guess he just felt like he’d always have that pull on me and not allow anyone else to have my heart.”

-Slim Now that’s the sin that did Jezebel in, LOL! Guys are a trip when they realize that you have moved on for real, maybe it’s a blow to their ego. Some really think that you’ll never get over them & that they’ll always have a place in your heart. . . NOT!!! :-D

DreamsMaterialize

June 10th, 2013
9:30 am

Morning
I don’t have a “one that got away.” If I had someone like that come into my life, then I sure as he!! wouldn’t let them get away. I’d step up to the plate and be the man I needed to be to keep her.

MsAtl

June 10th, 2013
9:30 am

Morning All!

My ex married the mistress as soon as her divorce was final (I had already divorced him). Do I care? Nope! I was done with him so it is of no consequence to me whether he married her or just continued to have kids with her. That’s on them. He, on the other hand, went ballistic when he found out I was dating. The venom was unbelievable! It didn’t matter that she had just had his second child and was pregnant with their third, he still didn’t like it.

If I am not with someone, I don’t expect them to become a nun. Just move on; I am.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
9:32 am

“I quickly shut down him calling or “dropping by” to bad mouth her. I told him get on away from me with that.”

-Celisea This is a golden rule that more people should enforce.

SlimNu

June 10th, 2013
9:34 am

MissMoni – Yeah I think that’s what it was for the ex. He ‘found out’ about it from pics on fb of our trip to the cabins. The fact that the beau was around my family hit him hard. I knew it was bad when his best friend called me about how down & out he’d been. He’s moved on and is dating an old co-worker of his now though. (I think they probably messed around during our tenure) But word on the street is that NO ONE likes her at all. Oh well

DreamsMaterialize

June 10th, 2013
9:36 am

Now that’s the sin that did Jezebel in
“Who you gon’ tell when the repercussions spin?” Classic Lauren.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
9:38 am

-Dreams YES, I love her!!!

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
9:40 am

-Slim My friends seriously joke that my most ex (who got married last May) is going to need an intervention when I get into a serious relationship, LOL!

Celisea

June 10th, 2013
9:44 am

When I found out the stockbroker was married, I felt nothing as a couple of years had passed. I got that by wind of another coworker. He married a doctor, 12 years his senior. He never wanted kids (he told me) and I don’t think they have kids. He’d also told me that he had a plan to be making $250,000 within the next few years. I guess the doctor was his lift to getting to his goal…lololol

I walked away from that one, because at the time I couldn’t balance seeing him and my kid…didn’t know how. She was 3, turning 4. So, for me, he was really a great dude, a keeper, but not enough to compromise my beliefs in how I felt about raising my kid and (I felt at that time) sharing that space. No regrets though. I did see him a year or so after I broke it off. He worked in the building where I am now (I worked in a different building). He started in that building with me. When I saw him, he was parked out front. I was heading to lunch with my manager and another good friend. He flashed a smile when he saw me. I smiled back, waved and kept walking. I saw him again (post marriage), at the redlight in Vinings. I don’t know why, but I ducked….lol

Funny how dudes are, he was the one that had me getting a cell phone. He said, “I need to know where you are.” That was my first cell. Annnnd, he set up an interview (as he wanted me in the building with him…so he said). I didn’t get the job though. Guess it wasn’t meant to be…lololol

Naw, I don’t fret over stuff from the past. Move with life, no growth in being stuck or pining over something or someone.

Leggs

June 10th, 2013
9:46 am

The topic is comical and serious at the same time.

It all boils down to “you don’t miss the water until the well runs dry.”

When someone else has what you let go, you suddenly come to the realization of what you let go and might want it back. Unfortunately, they’re now dancing with another man/woman (ode to Bruno Mars).

Good morning!

Celisea

June 10th, 2013
9:46 am

MissMoni – Yep

Alright kiddies…I have 4 deadlines and I gotta hustle today. I’ll be working and lurking…I think. :)

Toodles!!!

Button

June 10th, 2013
9:46 am

Good morning! No experience in an ex getting married. I doubt it would bother me anyway, they have to live their life just as I have to live mine when it’s all said and done.

No matter how much you pout and cry that person has moved on with his/her life and it’s not you who they chose to do it with, so be happy and wish them much success.

Leggs

June 10th, 2013
9:49 am

Single ~ cracking up at your song choice…on point.

Leggs

June 10th, 2013
9:50 am

….what they did afterwards was never relevant.”

EXACTLY!!!!

Leggs

June 10th, 2013
9:52 am

I see a few songs are popping up (lol).

Bluzgirl

June 10th, 2013
9:53 am

Leggs – I love that Bruno Mars song! I think that one ex would have related to that song with me if he were still alive…

disco

June 10th, 2013
9:56 am

good morning. all through my 20s I was “grooming the groom”. little did I know that the 20s was prime time so to speak. after that you have to wait for them to divorce and recover from their failed marriages. lol.

do I have a one that got away? I sure do. two as a matter of fact.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
9:58 am

-Disco Checking in with 2 that got away. Are both of them married now?

Bluzgirl

June 10th, 2013
9:59 am

I thought I had one who got away…my ex fiance. He loved me deeply, but I just didn’t love him back like that. I’ve beaten myself up in the past, wishing I had just loved him back because he would have treated me like a queen. Then…a couple of years ago, I saw him and he didn’t speak to me…he looked like a mountain man and I found out he is still living in his parent’s basement. Sometimes, I wonder if I was his ticket out and when I left, he was too broken!

Leggs

June 10th, 2013
10:00 am

I wish my ex would meet someone nice and settle down. He’s not right for me, but he could be right for someone else.

disco

June 10th, 2013
10:06 am

moni – a good thing to prep a man for someone else??? bump that. lol.

moni – one is definitely married. the other I’m not sure. the married one I decided to “cyberstalk” one day only to find an image of him, wifey and barack obama out there. haven’t googled him since. lol. the other one played in the NFL. I never look for info on him but every now and again old friends keep me posted with what’s going on with him.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
10:12 am

-Disco LOL at bump that! Gotta love those old friends and how they volunteer info, LOL!

Button

June 10th, 2013
10:17 am

I gave my ex of 6 years an ultimatum that we get married or I move on. He didn’t come thru so I moved on, now fast forward 2 years later I’ve met someone, the ex is calling leaving vms and emails saying to give him a call. I gave in called him to see what was so urgent. Nothing was urgent just him wanting to find out if it was true that I was engaged. I told him yes. well it didn’t go well with him, he started saying how we would’ve been married had I not given him the ultimatum that he wanted to marry me but in his on time not mine blah blah blah. I told him well he had his chance, and now someone else has a chance and he took it. He wished me much happiness but said it with a stank attitude. He’s bitter. old and bitter. I’m glad I didn’t marry him, I thought it was the right thing to do since we had already intertwined our lives involving families and friends. I now see that he clearly wasn’t the one for me.

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
10:19 am

Good for you Button!!!

Beautiful

June 10th, 2013
10:27 am

first, i wanna say hi to Bluzgirl! LOL! i read you this weekend for fri. good job.

i think Wise is all up in my biz’Nass! these topics i can relate to. my ex married the homewrecker one year after i ran to GA to get away from him. he called me before he committed the lie and asked me was i sure that we were thru cause he will marry someone else.

yesterday he was here to pick up jr for the summer. rec’d a area code 510 text message late last night saying nice pic (his cell number is blocked on my phone for harassing me and telling me what i need to do… ninja puleeeeze, being a cop doesn’t move me). wt’heck! with the initials BD which stands for big D. smh. did he use his wife’s cell or someone else cell in his house to text me? idiot!

yea, he misses Beautiful. i miss him too. the sex was awesome LOL! but i refuse to be with a man who is a jerk. and i had to find out he was a selfish jerk by leaving him. good riddance.

Beautiful

June 10th, 2013
10:30 am

Button… we both missed that bullet LOL

Leggs

June 10th, 2013
10:31 am

Ultimatums aren’t good, but it does work for some. No one likes being pushed in the corner, but then again, no one likes being strung along on a pretense of marriage down the road.

disco

June 10th, 2013
10:34 am

leggs – your posts are rather middle of the road today. lol. where’s the angst? the drama? the oh no he didn’t? lol.

Exiled

June 10th, 2013
10:34 am

How bad is it that a man,any man can feel this way about an ex girlfriend?

Really?

Is it that bad that you can’t get another woman of ur choosing….All these women and u get get One?

Show me 10 good women and I can get 6 of them.

Leo has something else going on!

Good morning MIA!

Beautiful

June 10th, 2013
10:36 am

disco… my so called best friend called to tell me that he got married. for a minute i hated her for that. heffa!

i called and left him a vm telling him congrats, and i meant it with all my heart. it made me feel better and i moved on and dated a phine man named Donte’ in atl. yea, i messed that relationship up real good. wish i had Raqi as a friend during that time to give advice. we would be living happy ever after today

Exiled

June 10th, 2013
10:37 am

Bluzgirl

June 10th, 2013
10:38 am

Hi Beautiful!!!!! Thank you!!!!

Button

June 10th, 2013
10:40 am

Beautiful – yay! we dodged that bullet!

Leggs – yes ultimatums work for some but not for others. I’m all for ultimatums, telling a person either we do this or I’m out. There’s nothing wrong with that, hey it’s your life too. I have a co worker who used an ulitmatum, it worked for her. She got married.

disco

June 10th, 2013
10:41 am

beautiful – I don’t know what it is about menfolk that let them get married and then you have to hear it on the streets. lol. in general they don’t have to tell you. I get that. in my case, I’m talking about guys that I’m still cool with today. was cool with at the time they got married. am cool with now that those marriages didn’t work out. those jokers just weren’t going to tell me. one guy told me he had kids but didn’t tell me he’d married their momma. I didn’t find out until she went through his phone and called me at 4am. men…

MissMoni

June 10th, 2013
10:41 am

” I refuse to be with a man who is a jerk.”

-Beautiful DITTO!!!

SlimNu

June 10th, 2013
10:44 am

no one likes being strung along on a pretense of marriage down the road. AMEN!

My cousin-in-law said she was living with my cousin and basically told him that she needed to get out on her own because she was looking for someone ready to settle down & she wanted to keep her options open. After she moved into her own spot and became less available he proposed 3 to 4 months later. lol

disco

June 10th, 2013
10:48 am

slim – my cousin’s now ex-wife pulled a no-puddy ultimatum. it worked. he married her. they had a good run and 3 kids but ultimately divorced when she declared that it felt like her husband was cheating on his girlfriend to spend time with her. lol. ironically, his second wife divorced him because she felt like she was living in the shadow of the first wife.

Button

June 10th, 2013
10:49 am

Maybe in Leo’s mind he thought that the ex will never find anyone bettet than him so he just knew she wasn’t going anywhere. Some ppl actually think that way.