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Is revenge really worth it?

After a messy breakup, it can be tempting to exact some kind of revenge on our ex.  I know rejection can hurt but cooking up some evil plan to make you feel better actually won’t make you feel better at all.  In fact, you end up feeling even more miserable.   So why do we try to get back at our ex?

One of my friends is so hurt and angry at her ex.   It seems that his life is continuing on without her and he seems happy.  This is starting to really get to her.  She asked, “Why does he get to move on and be happy after what he put me through?” Nothing I say to her is making her feel better.  She wants to serve up a cold dish of revenge. If you start getting crazy ideas of revenge, it is time to dial a friend or therapist!

Have you ever had such a hard time with a breakup that you wanted some kind of revenge?  Did you come to realize that it wasn’t worth it?

I can remember being very tempted to do some awful things using my ex-boyfriend’s social security number.  I just could not condone ruining his life to that degree, simply because I had my heart broken.  I get wanting to do something to take the pain and disappointment away.  I’m just here to tell you that it ends up doing the exact opposite! Well, I know that has been my experience. What about you?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of an angry revenge plan by your ex?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

232 comments Add your comment

Lee

June 7th, 2013
7:22 am

Have you ever been on the receiving end of an angry revenge plan by your ex? Yes i have, Krama came back and got him over and over again. You never win with revenge you only hurt yourself.
tgif

Hazel

June 7th, 2013
8:05 am

Happy Friday.
Taking revenge maybe a temporary satisfaction. but if you let karma take care of it, that is worth the time. Trust that who ever did you wrong will pay. It really does work this way, even when it may seem that the one who hurt you is happy and everything is find and dandy.

Hazel

June 7th, 2013
8:05 am

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

June 7th, 2013
8:29 am

If she’s out to get revenge, I laugh; because I know that I was.that.good. that she can’t get past it.

It’s happened and it’s funny, until it isn’t. That’s when you get that order of protection.

Durty Burd

June 7th, 2013
8:48 am

Good Morning Ladies of the blog!

Thanks Ex for pointing out Courtside is getting busy and I am moving too slow with the blog ladies… lol

Just maybe their will be no karma because dude may have not done anything wrong except break-up with you… Sometimes it’s all in a woman head because she was planning a life together with dude but did not get the dude’s confirmation that he wanted more out of the relationship…

If you tell a dude u are looking for marriage and dude states I am not ready then it is choice time either u stay like a knucklehead and get dump later or u keep it moving…

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
8:50 am

Revenge is never worth it because it usually backfires. Sure, it may feel good to exact some pain on the person who hurt you, but in reality, all you’re doing is showing him he still has the power! The best revenge is simply do you and live a life better than the one you had with him or her. Time heals all wounds, and when that painful cloud drifts away, you will see you’re a better and stronger person than you thought you were.

Happy Friday!

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
8:51 am

I see Dan’s post speaks of the “power” I was talking about.

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
8:51 am

Have you ever been on the receiving end of an angry revenge plan by your ex?

Not by an ex. I’ve only had three or four solid relationships, all of which I walked away. Whether it was timing or sumthin wasn’t right and didn’t sit well. Of them all, behavior wise? They were too classy for that…even the kid’s dad. He tried to get back together but he knew full well, “don’t even try it.” Naw, nobody didn’t act a fool.

Now if you ask me have I ever been a victim of revenge??

Hahahahaha, BOY HAVE I EVA!! Which I think is the dumbest…lol How you coming for someone that frankly don’t give a happy?? Words?? Please! They’re only as powerful as you allow them to be. And if you don’t give the (so-called) revenger(s) a lift, their actions and words have no power.

Like my mama told me, sticks and stones baby, sticks and stones :mrgreen:

And as the good book says, “vengence belongs to God.”

Alberta

June 7th, 2013
8:53 am

Geez, are any of your friends in a good relationship?

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
8:55 am

The best revenge is living well. Just told my cousin this. His wife has left him more than once. He was telling me all the stuff she did over the years to him. Never once has he done anything back to her. He raised the kids on his own. Now that she’s 40 something and “stuff” ain’t as saleable as it use to be, she wants to come home. Please! I told him, “keep on trucking.” Y’all remember that term? LOLOLOL

I will say, he still loves her. I can tell and hear it.

Durty Burd

June 7th, 2013
8:56 am

Life does not end of a bad break-up,but jail time will shole nuf set you back!… Wisdom from Sir Durty..

Durty Burd

June 7th, 2013
9:00 am

@Celisea your cousin needs to keep it moving….Get him some nu-nu..

@Leggs some people learn from their mistakes and some people keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Like the women who like unemployed thugs….Different person same circumstances…

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
9:01 am

And to think she and I use to be bffs…inseparable nearly. Bought the same cars (our first car), went EVERYWHERE together. Bought matching outfits. Ate the same thing. Stayed over at their house many many many times. I was her Maid of Honor.

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
9:02 am

Durty – I agree, with the K.I.M. Not so sure about the nu-nu. She’s circling though. She wants to come home.

I need coffee! BBL

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
9:14 am

and “stuff” ain’t as saleable – that is too funny! Amazing how many wake up and want to come back! Hell to the not happening!

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
9:14 am

I know it’s early but it can tie into the topic…So ya’ll remember I told you about the co-worker that got her tires slashed this week at dudes house she been messing with, and is only allowed over after the kids are sleep. Well she was over there again last night, took him to meet her son recently but got a text from him saying he’s been seeing some other chick and plans to spend the upcoming weekend with her. :shock: :shock: So i’m sure she’s feeling quite revengeful at the moment. I wonder if he decided to go with the other chick since she ’showed her crazy’ :???: I just don’t understand why he would involve his kids in letting them meet her if he’s actively dating several people.

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
9:14 am

Please! I told him, “keep on trucking.” Y’all remember that term? LOLOLOL

How can they forget, I use it all the time (lololol).

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
9:20 am

“I just don’t understand why he would involve his kids in letting them meet her if he’s actively dating several people.”

I do. It’s a ploy to give her the false sense of them having a connection and things are going smoothly. At the time he may have wanted to keep her in rotation.

Now for him texting her that mess was “wussy” on his part. There are a lot of men who are attracted to drama. It stirs their loins. I had a man tell me I was too nice and the other chick writing on his house, keying his car showed him that she really cared for him. Alrighty then, go for it dumba$$! Now, look who’s circling back all these years laters. Comical I tell ya, pure d comedy!

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
9:21 am

Amazing how many wake up and want to come back!

Mmm hmmm, no “stank” you…lol Raise those kids while she did whatever the heck she wanted…AND WITH WHOMEVER. Nobody wants you so nooow you wanna come back. Naw, I good…HE SHOULD SAY

Keep on trucking
Right on
Jive turkey

LOL

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
9:26 am

I got gypped on my hasbrowns this morning…lol Suppose to be hasbrowns with a little onion and cheese. Well, I got durty hashbrowns (clean the dern grill..lol), a ton of onions and too much cheese…lolol Oh well

Alright, I gotta get on the grind for a bit….

Check you kiddies a bit later :)

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
9:26 am

Leggs – That’s exactly what i’m thinking…you decide to chill with the chick slashing tires…obviously he does not think she’ll do anything like that to him. But you may be right, he may feel she went through all that for him means she REALLY likes him that much more.

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
9:28 am

Celisea – Please don’t start because I’m already thinking about lunch. I’m HONGRY! Just started back working out and it’s immediately affecting my desire for food lol

Button

June 7th, 2013
9:45 am

Good morning! when I was younger I wanted to do a real job on my ex husband but I the consequences would have not been in my favor so I squashed the idea, since I didn’t look good in orange and a mug shot.

Other than that, I’ve never had a thoughts on seeking revenge on any ex.

I did get the revenge on you for seeing my ex. I got my windows busted out by the ex of my then boyfriend. Talk about crazy. She used to follow me. Peep through his window. Knowck endlessly at his door. The craziness.

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
9:47 am

As for the topic, I have not done anything to get back at an ex. It may have crossed my mind but I like my freedom.

disco

June 7th, 2013
9:49 am

good morning.

revenge may not be the best thing in the long run but it sure as heck feels good at the time. why should we knock that? a lot of things feel good at the time. lol.

have I ever exacted revenge? yep. I sure have.

disco

June 7th, 2013
9:52 am

I hate that saying “the best revenge is a good life”. that’s only a good revenge if the other somebody cares about your life. if they’re not checking for you and don’t give a rat’s behind about your life, where’s the revenge in that?

Button

June 7th, 2013
9:53 am

disco- good point.

Durty Burd

June 7th, 2013
9:56 am

SlimNu…Good for you getting back into the gym…That scenerio is comical… Dude can go away from the kidsfor a weekend but your co-worker cannot come over until the kids are sleep… Your co-worker shole is hooked on the dizzle..

ITL so you were a victim of EX-GIRLFIEND REVENGE….

I did have an ex-girlfiend bust out my car windows as well…It took me about a week to find out who did and I promptly went over to collect my money and hit again, and again and and again. Then let her know I am not coming back…. Boy she had that fiya…. :)

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
9:57 am

Ironic the topic….

I was watching the story on Rae Carruth and how he had his son’s mom killed. I “heard” about it when it happened, but to hear the story like that and getting the play by play details was something to see/hear. He never planned on her living long enough to dial 911 nor write a note giving details on what happened. All because he didn’t want to have a son or pay child support (they say), he had her killed. Soooo tragic.

I just found this link on the son born through this tragedy. He’s about 12. Reading the link brought tears to my eyes. Wonderful wonderful story about her mom and teaching the son to forgive… I guess it didn’t help that I’m listening to a praise song right about now…that made me tear up.

Y’all didn’t know I was such a softie…didja?? :)

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/09/14/rae-carruths-son-and-an-incredible-story-of-forgiveness/

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
9:58 am

Durty done lost it…ITL ain’t been on this morning

Kra Kra will get you….hahahahaha

Back to working and lurking!!

disco

June 7th, 2013
9:59 am

my best property damage revenge was the time I squirted hair dye on the paint job of dude’s caddy AND stabbed the inside seats. the kicker was that he slept over my house that night. I crept outside and did the damage while he was asleep. got right back in bed and acted like I was just as surprised as he was. he figured his other chick had done it and I rolled with that. lol. a few years ago I went home and kicked it with dude and he was like “remember that time” and I was like “oh yeah. that was messed up”. we had a good laugh about it.

Durty Burd

June 7th, 2013
10:00 am

Oops that was for button…

Disco u r 100 percent correct. That statement sounds like some sale pitch to get you to buy something…

SlimNu what have you thought about doing? Do tell….

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
10:03 am

disco ~ no need to knock the “feeling,” but should always think about the consequences if that feeling is acted upon. Other than that, embrace the feeling, not the action.

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
10:04 am

Duryt – So is that really true that crazy puddy is the best puddy?

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
10:09 am

SlimNu ~ sorry, but your post made me think of with every thrust he or she is saying “This is mine, you hear me mfer, this isht is MINE!!!

Single & Happy

June 7th, 2013
10:23 am

Hello all

Got a life, don’t have time for revenge, and can recognize crazy early on and move on.

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
10:25 am

Leggs – :lol: :lol: :???:

Single – How do you recognize crazy early on?

disco

June 7th, 2013
10:28 am

slim – how do you recognize crazy early on? you look in the mirror. okay. maybe that’s just me. lol.

Button

June 7th, 2013
10:28 am

disco – LOL that’s a classic! he had no clue it was you!? wow, just wow.

durty – yup she did that!

Into the Light

June 7th, 2013
10:33 am

Morning, all.

Skimming to catch up. I knew disco would have some good stories to tell! :)

@Durty: You need more coffee? :)

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
10:36 am

When I first started here, there was all kinds of crap among the chicks, over dudes. Cars keyed and folks telling stuff, nearly going to blows. etc etc etc. I steered clear of that cause frankly, I’m not moved by some dude peacocking around the office and the bottomfeeders squabbling over him. Please! But those chicks did everything shy of throwing blogs. Nobody backed down.

Gotta be careful running up on someone trying do get back. You might bite off more than you can chew….lol

DuShawn

June 7th, 2013
10:36 am

Why do women beat up cars? I never heard of a dude slashing a chicks tires or keying her car. It must be estrogen driven.

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
10:38 am

disco – That’s why there aren’t any mirrors in my house. ;-)

Celisea

June 7th, 2013
10:38 am

I’m glad though, that I’m older and have grown and learned some thangs. Some stuff just ain’t worth your energy. Men (well not me, I never fought over dudes…you can have him), empty words, jealousy, etc. No sense in getting killed or catch a case number over something petty.

Leggs

June 7th, 2013
10:40 am

DuShawn ~ chicks beat up cars because you men hold them so dear to your heart! If you’re going to hurt someone, get them with what’s their pride and joy. Not all men cherish their cars, I realize this, but good night, some of you men are overboard with the love of you vehicle!

Single & Happy

June 7th, 2013
10:43 am

Slim instead of being caught of in the newness of the person, look closely at their actions and keep a level head about things.

Into the Light

June 7th, 2013
10:49 am

LOL@disco. Hey, recognizing is the first step. :lol:

SlimNu

June 7th, 2013
10:50 am

Dushawn – I suppose it’s because many men put lot’s of stock and care into their cars. So what better way to get yall where it hurts. What man wants to drive around with B I T C H keyed on their hood and the side of their car? lol I work at an auction and you’ll be suprised how many cars we see that have been damaged like that. Men tend to damage cars when they know it’s going to get repossessed. I saw a brand new mustang decked out but the owner spray painted it all over and all on the insides. lol

Into the Light

June 7th, 2013
10:52 am

Okay, y’all. I’m out to enjoy the day. Have a great weekend.