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Dating: Do you need titles?

One of our readers is a little upset with her man after he introduced her as a friend to someone.   They have not been dating that long and there actually has not been a talk of exclusivity.  So why would she get mad at the friend title? I will give you one little guess.  Here’s a hint: It starts with s and ends in expectations. Sexpectations!

No, it’s not a real word but it is a real emotion.  It is what happens when a woman sleeps with a guy without a clearly defined relationship.  Sex is added to the mix and suddenly she demands girlfriend status.  At the very least, she does not want to be introduced as a FRIEND.

Do you think it is necessary to have a title in dating?  What do you do when  you have not reached the stage of dating where things are ready to be defined?

Do you think our reader should mention how disappointed she was to her guy? Is that the way the exclusive topic should come up?

Do you think it is silly to call one another boyfriend/girlfriend after a certain age?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

305 comments Add your comment

Exiled

June 5th, 2013
6:54 am

Why is it that some women want to use s e x in order to contractualize(word) thangs. Why not ask before the smash? In my _____ that question was asked a bit….as we lay savoring what went down.. ‘So are We blah blah blah’ :lol:

Are we what? We just smashed,end of Story! :lol:

Hmmmppppffff!

Good morning MIA!

(good Lord,my bp went up trying to pacify this woman who is demanding most high,cootie of the highest finest order,girlfriend and wife to be ?? ..status) :lol:

MissMoni

June 5th, 2013
7:26 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Do you think it is necessary to have a title in dating? Absolutely! I believe it’s important & necessary for everyone to KNOW exactly where they stand. IMO it cuts down on miscommunication & misunderstandings.

In terms of the reader, can she really say that he is HER guy? He may not be seeing her exclusively, so she shouldn’t assume that he isn’t dating other women. She may very well be just his friend. Which brings me back to stating your intentions and expectations and standards up front. Women should stop being so quick to give up the cookie in hopes that it will solidify the relationship, don’t play yourself!!!

What we’re not gonna do is make things complicated that are really simple, you’re either in a COMMITTED relationship OR you’re NOT.

Single and Happy

June 5th, 2013
7:39 am

Hello All

Now this is an easy one, until things are defined, introduce people by their names and let it be.

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
7:47 am

Mmm hmmm, folks can say what they want about me and my constant mantra about standards, setting the bar, not diving in sexually first or too soon…..I not playing the give it up then guess away game. I’m talking, asking, making certain, and not doing jack until we’re crystal clear and on the same page. Until we know….the both of us. Folks loooooove to act like “what?”…..nuh uh. I’m not playing when it comes to my body and my heart. Both are sacred to me.

Y’all know how these cats do. Don’t let yourself get caught up and some dude spring the “dubbudodobaddubba dat’s all folks” on you……lololol Frankly, all of us are adults and you shouldn’t have to do all that mess of making certain, but sometimes folks wanna play….lol

Roberta

June 5th, 2013
8:26 am

I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I think I just may have come up with a solution. Follow me here because this gets very complicated: If you want to know how the person you’re dating feels about ANYTHING, simply ask.

Instead of saying “This is my friend Shaniqua”, one could say “This is Shaniqua”.

Durty Burd

June 5th, 2013
8:43 am

Good Morning!

The young lady is tying a title to her coochie…Look coochie is not exclusive but u are. Be grown and talk about topics that are important to you. The problem is not that she gave it up to fast,the problem is she did not define who she is to the young man.

Even if is the same day, tell the other person having sex means this to me…This will go along way in having an understanding with the other person…

Button

June 5th, 2013
8:58 am

Good morning, Do you think it is necessary to have a title in dating? Yes to avoid any and all confusion.

What do you do when you have not reached the stage of dating where things are ready to be defined? continue dating until you both have reached the point where you are ready to become exclusive. Also, keep your options open.

Do you think our reader should mention how disappointed she was to her guy? No, he’s clear of where she stands in his life. If he says you’re a friend then you’re a friend nothing more.

Is that the way the exclusive topic should come up? No, it should be brought up after her emotions are in a better place. Right now she’s hot about him introducing her as a friend when she thought they were more. It’s obvious they are not on the same level. But there are so many things missing. How long have they been dating? Did she tell him what she was looking for in a relationship, whether it’s long term or just for fun without any expectations? Obviously she didn’t bc if she did then she wouldn’t be hurt right now. and to add she’s bedding him isn’t helping.

Do you think it is silly to call one another boyfriend/girlfriend after a certain age? I think it’s silly but it’s standard and what we call each other. I perfer SO myself if you’re beyond the age of 30 and if you’re not engaged.

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:01 am

Durty – I agree w/everything you said except for the coochie part.

Exiled

June 5th, 2013
9:07 am

What bout coochie do u not agree with?

@Button

What Durty said?

:lol:

Exiled

June 5th, 2013
9:10 am

@Durty..’having sex means this to me’ LMAOF

Durty,that sounds like a trap!

Girl:see, I am nakkeid for u but if u smash it we Now an item

Dude: he’ll Naw,where they do that at? :shock:

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:17 am

Exiled- Durty said she’s trying to tie a tittle to the coochie I would hope that’s not the case. She could using the coochie to get the tittle.

kimmie

June 5th, 2013
9:17 am

Morning All!!

Why not ask before the smash?

Exiled – We definitely agree on this!!

Let me finish reading.

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:19 am

This situation is a classic! lol
smh I’m not judging :lol:

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:20 am

I hope she’s young and not a seasoned vet – my gosh I’m sounding like Exiled :lol:

[...] Dating: Do you need titles? [...]

disco

June 5th, 2013
9:26 am

good morning.

I’m not a fan of titles in relationships (or in general). you know who/what you are whether or not you know what to call it.

moni – re she may very well just be his friend. and she may very well not. she could just be a place keeper. he likes her well enough, they cool and all but let’s not get it twisted. friend can be a strong word with real meaning and friend can be a catch all word used simply for convenience. lol.

disco

June 5th, 2013
9:29 am

Roberta – I’ll say you had me thinking you were about to drop some serious knowledge and then all you said was “this is so and so”. dag.

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:32 am

disco- you say you’re not a fan of tittles so does that mean you never use it? How do you introduce the guy you’re dating/in a relationship with?

MsAtl

June 5th, 2013
9:34 am

Morning All!

I agree with just saying “this is___” and leave it at that. Again, this is why communication is so important. It appears obvious that they are not on one accord as far as the “relationship” stands. That is also the issue with getting intimate with someone too quickly. If you equate intimacy with being in an exclusive relationship, then you need to make that known up front. That way you are each free to make your own decisions regarding where the relationship is and is going.

Do you think it is silly to call one another boyfriend/girlfriend after a certain age?
I don’t know that I would say silly, but it does sound funny referring to a forty-something year old as boyfriend or girlfriend. At that age, the title is a bit awkward.- partner? significant other? lady friend? Btw- “my man” also sounds funny coming from a grown woman.

Single and Happy

June 5th, 2013
9:36 am

Disco let me handle that one

Disco: Button this is Joe

Button, is Joe your boyfriend

Disco: you need to mind you own bizness

(LOL)

disco

June 5th, 2013
9:37 am

button – I’m more of a “none of your business” kind of girl. I provide information on a need to know basis. quite frankly I’ve been in situations where I’ve run into folks and held a whole conversation WITHOUT bothering to introduce people. of course, this is a case by case kind of thing but everything ain’t for everybody and everything ain’t for everybody to know. sometimes you can see it’s killing folks not to be introduced (why? because they are nosey and can’t wait to go back and run that they saw you!!!). some folks get bold and go to introduce themselves. I nip that in the bud too. lol.

disco

June 5th, 2013
9:37 am

single – my man. lol.

kimmie

June 5th, 2013
9:39 am

She must be very young, because I just don’t see why she should be upset. If anything, be upset with herself for not making things clear before she smashed dude. She’s obviously has not reached a point of self-awareness. I learned rather early that I catch feelings when I go there with a man. Now that is MY standard. His may not be that. The only thing I could do is make it clear that before we went there, I had to get to know him a little better. If he needed it sooner, I’m not the girl for him. To thine own self be true. Some will end up falling by the wayside, but so be it. If I decided to jump into something, I was a big girl and ready to deal with my own emotions.

What “title” did she want?

A lot of issues can be avoided by simply introducing folks by their names!

Yeah, I felt kinda silly using boyfriend. I liked SO, and that’s what I used on here before we got married. I don’t remember actually introducing him as “This is XYZ, my significant other.” Saying “This is XYZ, my man” sounds kinda ghetto!LOL!!!

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
9:40 am

I like this statement….

Look coochie is not exclusive but u are.

Should you still be using “boyfriend or girlfriend”….ummm, no! Maybe at this age you shouldn’t be one…lololol I have said “my man”, but I was making a point. I don’t going around saying “my man blah blah blah.” All the more reason grown folks should “just know.” IMO, at this stage in life (that sounds reeeeally old, don’t it…lol), you show me you’re interested and I reciprocate, then we should just know. I don’t want to be sifting through or trrrryna understand where you’re coming from. Aside from the obvious, it should be about companionship, partnering.

COMPANION….that’s it!!! How about that word??

That’s why I’m closing shop…for sooooooo many reason…lololol

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
9:42 am

Also, I’m with disco….this is between us. If we’re together and he or I run into someone we know, I’m going to introduce you by name…and that’s all. That’s all folks need to know. Ain’tcha dang business

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
9:45 am

Let me clarify…I have said “my man”….ON HERE….noooowhere else…lol And again, I was making a point. I say “boo” OOOOONLY on here…lol Nooooway I’m saying that in public :) :) :)

kimmie

June 5th, 2013
9:47 am

Hey Disco!!

I have “avoided” introducing my hubs to people because I forgot their name!LOL! Or I will just say “hey, this is XYZ” kinda casually and the other person will volunteer their name – “Nice to meet you XYZ, I’m Disco”.

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:49 am

Single – feel better now? huh?

disco – whatever floats your boat. I myself have no problem introducing folks to ppl. What’s the big deal? I would feel a certian way if I’m with someone and they avoid making any kind of introduction of me whatsoever. I consider that very rude. Example– I was out with a date one night, I ran into a colleague I introduced him to my date by his name acknowledging him because he’s a PERSON a HUMAN BEING. It has nothing to do with what other will think or say it’s has to do with being courteous.

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:52 am

Kimmie- dontcha hate when that happen? lol
I can forget a name in a heart beat. Good thing I hardly run into folks when I’m out and about.

disco

June 5th, 2013
9:54 am

kimmie – this is why I said it was case by case. if we’re cool I have no problems with introductions. thing is I know that many folks are simply busybodies looking for information they can gather out of a 2-3 minute conversation. all up in your face with fake “how you doing, how yo momma’nem doing, you still at the same job” type stuff just so they can have something to talk about. not on my watch.

button – maybe you have a higher tolerance for fake folks than I do. lol. me? I don’t even really get into random small talk like all that with people I don’t really fool with. I’d rather be quiet than go through the back and forth of small talk when my truth is I don’t care how your kids are or about your new car or your new puppy. folks just talk too much.

kimmie

June 5th, 2013
9:55 am

Blog, how would this sound:

Single and Disco are out at Single’s fancy company Christmas party. Single & Disco have only gone out a few times and have not “gone there”, not that it matters.

Single: Disco, this is my coworker Joe. Joe, this is my date Disco.

?

Button

June 5th, 2013
9:58 am

disco – you make me lol
I”ve only introduce my SO to close family and select friends anyway. But I get your drift. Heck some folks have never met either of my husbands. Heck some didn’t even know I was married.

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2013
9:59 am

Morning all!

Titles can be important. I’d like to know where we stand after dating for a while. I guess the question is…how long have they been seeing each other at this point that he introduced her as a friend? If it’s been a couple of months, then heck yeah, I’d be mad. If it’s only been a couple of dates, then there is no need to be upset.

I do think it sounds silly at this age to say “my boyfriend,” but what do you say? My significant other is too long…my partner is too vague…I’ve said “my man,” but not a lot.

O/T – I have another lunch with my potential new boss today!!! Keep fingers crossed again!!!

Button

June 5th, 2013
10:02 am

Kimmie – Disco: Single you know I don’t like fake ppl and ppl all up in my buzness so don’t go telling folks I’m your date, it aint none of their buzness :lol:

disco

June 5th, 2013
10:05 am

kimmie – that was funny. lol.

button – I thought it was funny all by itself but if the point was to fill in the blank then I’d pleasantly say “Hi Joe” or “Nice to meet you” or whatever. I wouldn’t clam up until Joe started in on the “so what do you do” type questions at which point I’d excuse myself and mosey on away. joe don’t know me like that. lol.

disco

June 5th, 2013
10:05 am

hey bluz. you know you got this girl. do yo thang at lunch.

Button

June 5th, 2013
10:06 am

A colleague introduced me to his SO. He said “Button” this is J my Sig. I looked at him as said what? He said my significant other, I quickly responded with ohhh ok! shook her hand and said hi we all smiled. They walked away, end of story.

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
10:08 am

Single: Disco, this is my coworker Joe. Joe, this is my date Disco.

If you’re at a Christmas party (I believe you said), wouldn’t the assumption be, that’s your date? Why would you have to say, “this is my date, disco?” If disco or your date doesn’t work in the office and unknown to the other folks there and is the only other person with you, wouldn’t the assumption be, that’s your date?

Button

June 5th, 2013
10:11 am

Celisea- only a fool would assume…… isn’t there a saying to assume is to make an azz out of u and me? or something like that

SlimNu

June 5th, 2013
10:12 am

I’d rather be introduced than not at all….especially if the other person introduces who they are with.

Morning!

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
10:12 am

Off topic (and then on to working and lurking)….

Pet peeeeeeeve: I buy a bacon and egg sandwich, in which the cashier rings up at nearly 4.00. Now, had he not put on bread, but laid in the container separate, it would have come up to $2.39…mmm hmmm, I asked the cashier to ring it up separately…. Call me mean or cheap (which I’m neither), but I’m not about folks getting over on me. Relationships, the cafe, the grocery store…nowhere. I asked her why the difference, and all she could say is “that’s how we ring up sandwiches. NOT TODAY IT AIN’T….

Off the soapbox and working and lurking…

kimmie

June 5th, 2013
10:13 am

Celisea – Okay, you’re overthinking it!!LOL!!!

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
10:14 am

Kimmie – My baaaad

disco

June 5th, 2013
10:14 am

celisea – thing is folks start trying to pick “date” apart. they want to know if it’s just a placeholder date that you drug along just so you wouldn’t have to attend solo or they want to know if the two of you are actually dating. either way, most folks won’t just leave it at “this is my date”. folks for some reason feel entitled to more information.

kimmie

June 5th, 2013
10:15 am

Cel – No problem. The point I was making is that “date” could be considered kind of a “title”.

Leggs

June 5th, 2013
10:16 am

Do you think our reader should mention how disappointed she was to her guy? Is that the way the exclusive topic should come up? – I don’t think she should. Did she speak of exclusivity before she slept with him. What’s up with people sleeping together with no clear cut direction the relationship is going in and when it goes left attitudes rise. Establish what you want and/or expect then lay between the sheets.

Celisea ~ perhaps people at the Christmas party haven’t met his family members. He could have been with his sister, cousin, etc. He wanted them to know he was on a date and for anyone gawking at her to keep their distance else they’re pull back a nub.

kimmie

June 5th, 2013
10:17 am

Disco – I’m with you though, I hate nosey folks! Wanting me to give them a status report and a resume.

Celisea

June 5th, 2013
10:18 am

disco – Well, I think it’s what you said earlier…introduce and leave at that. Anything on the other side of that is for them to wonder and ponder over. Dontcha just love a mystery :)

Kimmie – I gotcha

Button

June 5th, 2013
10:18 am

disco- some folks are just plain nosey. do a switcha -a-roo and start questioning them or simply remove yourself from their presence.