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Is infidelity human nature?

I can understand why so many people are apprehensive about monogamy.  While many can pledge to be committed to one person, infidelity is something that a lot of people struggle to uphold.   I have heard some men say that it is in a man’s nature to be unfaithful.

The interesting thing about this argument is that it places little focus on the choices people make.  I think it is human nature to be tempted.  I am not sure making the choice to do something about it is a part of it, though.

What do you think?  Is infidelity really something we can’t control?  Do you believe that we are attracted and drawn to people that we shouldn’t be because it is in our nature?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

207 comments Add your comment

Exiled

June 4th, 2013
6:57 am

Good Morning MIA!

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Lee

June 4th, 2013
7:25 am

Its nature that we are drawn to people, we are not animals we have choices either you choose to act right or you don’t.
Running late, have a great day everyone.

MissMoni

June 4th, 2013
7:29 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Is infidelity really something we can’t control? I believe that you can control whatever you want to control including infidelity. It’s all about how much effort you put into exercising your self-control. If you don’t use it, you lose it!!!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

June 4th, 2013
8:20 am

Lust is human nature.

Lust + opportunity + lack of control = infidelity.

However, I believe that the choices we make, including binding ourselves to another person, define who we are.

Having lust is not a bad thing. Placing yourself in situations were the opportunity to cheat could present itself is; as is not removing oneself from those situations. And lastly, self control is managing those habits and oneself.

Two of three of those are personal characteristics – flaws maybe – but things that a person can control within themselves, if/when they choose.

Button

June 4th, 2013
8:33 am

Good morning! Is infidelity really something we can’t control? For some it is. Not everyone is strong enough to fight the urge of stepping out. I’ve heard also that men were not made to be with only one woman. I’ve read some of the Bible and see that most of the patriarchs had several wives, just look at Solomon who had a plethra of wives/women. It’s a toss up for me when it comes to this subject. A Bishop is to have one wife—does that mean anyone who is not a Bishop can have 2 wives? It’s confusing. One thing I have not read is there were no sneaking around that’s for sure, all the women knew about each other.

GlammourGirl

June 4th, 2013
9:26 am

Button – would you be willing to be one of many women/wives?

disco

June 4th, 2013
9:27 am

good morning. I don’t think infidelity itself is human nature. I do think that trying to get over in any way shape form or fashion up to and including infidelity is human nature. from the time we are little kids we start doing stuff we know we aren’t supposed to do hoping and/or believing that we can get away with it. cheating is no different. the question becomes is it cheating if I don’t get caught.

lee – problem is acting right is relative. lol.

kimmie

June 4th, 2013
9:28 am

Morning All!!

On topic – We all have our weaknesses, things we struggle with. For some, it is monogamy. If you know you have a problem with this, govern yourself accordingly. I include in that not getting married. Just stay single, and everyone you meet, let them know you are not or cannot limit yourself to one person. Or find someone that would be cool with an open marriage.

But please, guys, don’t go marrying and fooling around and then try to blame it on your wife! Don’t come with the “if she would only cook more, give it up 5 times a day, dress sexier, lose 50 pounds, spend less money, talk less, let me be the man, let my mama move in, leave the kids with a babysitter more, agree to let another chick in the bed with us, etc” I would not have stepped out. Miss me with all that!!!LOL!!!

It was 2 years ago today in Vegas baby!! Our 2 year anniversary!! :)

SlimNu

June 4th, 2013
9:38 am

Morning

Soooo glad I finally got some sleep last night. SHAZAM!

disco

June 4th, 2013
9:38 am

congrats kimmie!!!

I suppose I’d rather take any of those raggedy excuses as opposed to willie lump lump standing there responding to “why did you do it” with “I don’t know”. that one really gets me. lol.

Button

June 4th, 2013
9:39 am

Kimmie- I agree….also there are women that cheat just as well and just as often.

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
9:39 am

Read the topic and instantly said “oh boy, this is going to be a doosey.”

Oh I can wish and hope for is the person I spend my life with will honor me as his woman and not disrespect what we have and poke another. If you don’t care to be faithful, then simply don’t commit. It’s really that simple (for me).

Morning!

SlimNu

June 4th, 2013
9:41 am

As far as the topic, I think it’s pretty much been said. People make choices they want to make. If they wanted to be faithful to their partner, then they would take actions to do so. If they do not, they take actions to get some on the side. Whether it be for excitement, to see if you still got it, curious about what bomquisha’s gap feels like etc…it’s still a choice made. Unless someone is forcing you against your will, you have that choice.

disco

June 4th, 2013
9:43 am

slim – don’t ask me why but your post made me think “the devil made me do it”. lol. man we about to turn today’s topic into excuses.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

June 4th, 2013
9:43 am

Congrats Kimmie

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
9:51 am

It is human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex. Since we have free will, it is up to us to act upon the attraction or not to. Too many don’t seem to weigh the pros and cons of cheating and jump in head first only to have their head in their hands wondering WTH happened. Nothing wrong with looking and admiring, but a helluva lot wrong with touching another while involved with someone else!

I’ll turn into a ninja and jump out with chinese knives thrown at your privates. Try me!

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
9:52 am

I’m kidding, you know I don’t stalk nor jump out of anywhere. However, I do have knives.

Mr_NYC

June 4th, 2013
9:55 am

Morning all, my thoughts on the topic:
Humans are imperfect creatures all around struggling against wrong thoughts, motives, and actions. We can hope to do the right thing and not just because we could get found out or caught. In the case of a monogamous relationship or marriage we should do it because we gave our word and if it is a spiritual commitment is tied into the vows, even more so.
Infidelity is part of human nature as much as the temptation of other forms of wrong, like lying, cheating,stealing, malicious gossip etc.
That said with the appropriate moral grounding, it can be resisted and contained.
The struggle is always going to be there. I remember Paul the apostle writing in Romans about fighting against the bad he did not wish so that he could do what is right.

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
9:58 am

Congrats, kimmie!

DreamsMaterialize

June 4th, 2013
10:00 am

Morning
Monogamy and polygamy for humans are social (sometimes economic) constructs. The ability to choose and reason separates us from other living things. Whether you decide to be monogamous or otherwise is up to you; just don’t go around blaming people, history, genetics, or whatever for YOUR choices.

SlimNu

June 4th, 2013
10:00 am

disco – I know you usually have great stories but why did a coworker of mine end up getting all four or her tires slashed last night. lol I think she just turned 40 and recently went through a divorce. Anyhoo, she has been…..how do I say it, um….getting around. So she just starts talking to this new dude a few weeks ago. He tells her she can only come over at night after his kids go to bed. Last night this fool calls her at 3:30 in the am to come over (knowing she has to work) She goes over there and gets up to go back home to get ready for work. All tires are on the ground…slashed. :lol: That is not your boyfriend, that is your booty call and some other chick apparently doesn’t like the fact that you were over there that late at night. Um…not sure why a chick would even be driving by ole dudes house that late anyway. The guy says his 19yr old nephew also lives there and he’s a ‘player player’ so it was probably someone he used to talk to and assume her car was there to see him :shock:

DreamsMaterialize

June 4th, 2013
10:00 am

Oh, and congrats to kimmie!

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
10:01 am

Mr_NYC ~ don’t forget Jimmy Carter who said anyone who has lust in their heart has committed adultery.

disco

June 4th, 2013
10:02 am

slim – well whoever cut the tires should have known that they should have only cut 3. lol. my bigger issue is why is she comfortable enough to share this info with co-workers? folks at work kill me with having all their business in the streets.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

June 4th, 2013
10:03 am

Morning folks…… ( Here I go)

If women would pay closer attention to Genesis 3:16, then the rate of cheating among men would fall like 75%!!!!

SlimNu

June 4th, 2013
10:07 am

disco – That’s how she is…a talker. Can’t hold water. Plus the person that works with me is the one she called for a ride to work today. lol

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

June 4th, 2013
10:08 am

Oh and I agree with Dreams….the concept of monogamy is man made…Just another one of those things created to keep society under the thumb of the church…

Celisea

June 4th, 2013
10:08 am

Temptations are around all of us everyday. What you do with that is on you. We are presented with choices and whether good or bad, we make a conscious decision to go right or go left, to do the right thing or take the path of wrong. Can’t blame it on nature or anything else. What’s natural to all of us are desires and a yearning. Whether or not we do ain’t got nothing to do with nature. If that was the case (a man being more tempted than a woman), God wouldn’t judge men…just the women would be standing in line. But, there will come a day when we all have to stand and give an account….based on the choices and decisions.

To MrNYC’s post:

Yes, Paul talked about the wretched man he was, and how no matter how much the will was there to do good, sin always takes over (in us all). But he found resolution to that…(and I’ll paraphrase), “thus knowing the terrible man I am due to uncontrollable sinful nature, one thing I can do is turn or give it to Christ and let him do the work of keeping sin in remission”

You didn’t finish it, my man….Noooo excuses…lolol

Celisea

June 4th, 2013
10:09 am

Mr_NYC ~ don’t forget Jimmy Carter who said anyone who has lust in their heart has committed adultery.

Actually, Christ gets the credit…he said it first :)

Celisea

June 4th, 2013
10:12 am

Funny today’s topic, I kinda have something I’m teetering on. I have an invite from another dude, not my boo..ut oh

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mr_NYC

June 4th, 2013
10:14 am

@Leggs – always look sideways at them politicians that start referencing scripture. At least with that thought the only one who can accuse you is yourself. I wonder if it is still adultery if you are single and the object of your lust is single too.

Mr_NYC

June 4th, 2013
10:17 am

@Celisea — oh I remember that part, that’s my personal struggle so didn’t feel right attesting to it yet. :-)
In time. I do remember him acknowledging that it is human for us to have the battle.

Celisea

June 4th, 2013
10:23 am

Celisea

June 4th, 2013
10:26 am

One more and Imma hush (for now)….since someone mentioned Genesis 3:16

Genesis 3:16 is only the woman’s punishment for disobeying God. Ummm, Adam got his too, as well as the serpent…

From that point, Adam had work….”earn his living by the sweat of his brow.” No more whooping it up in the Garden (of Eden) that God maintained, eating and chilling (cause y’all know God maintained the Garden. Didn’t have to do a thing but enjoy Eve :) Now he had to get out and plow the ground if he wanted to eat. And God told him, that might be hit or miss. Also, just as he was made out of dust, to dust he would return. He was no more spiritual immortal man.

The serpent? On his belly from that point on, and an enemy to man. Even though it was Satan in the serpent.

Okay…that’s all :mrgreen:

DuShawn

June 4th, 2013
10:30 am

God bless concubines

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
10:34 am

He tells her she can only come over at night after his kids go to bed

Remindes of the song “Ready Made Family”

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪You only come late at night,
after the kids are alseep. You tell me you love me
but you won’t commit to me.♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

I swear that song is so old (late 60’s I think), but I remember it like yesterday.

disco

June 4th, 2013
10:35 am

dushawn – and people who can keep their mouths shut. lol.

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
10:39 am

Ummmm, getting up at 3:30 to go over some dudes house and I have to go work and can’t go from there, ain’t happening. Not only that, doesn’t she recognize she’s a booty call. Why can’t he go to her place?

disco

June 4th, 2013
10:43 am

leggs – in general I agree but since I’m one of those that don’t allow the energy up in my house to be disrupted I ain’t mad at her for going over there messing up his. as for why she rolled out that time of the night. maybe it was just that good to her or maybe she’s stuck on stupid. either way, she bout to play herself if she doesn’t recognize four flats for what it is.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

June 4th, 2013
10:46 am

SlimNu

June 4th, 2013
10:57 am

Leggs – I’m not going to some dudes house at 3:30 either, especially on a weekday. He has small children and I guess do not want to leave them there alone. She always goes to his house after the kids are sleep. One day one of his daughters walked in and caught her in the bed. I believe this weekend she “officially’ met his kids OUTside of the bedroom lol

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
10:58 am

since I’m one of those that don’t allow the energy up in my house to be disrupted I ain’t mad at her for going over there messing up his. – :lol: :lol: :lol:

I gotcha!!!

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
10:59 am

SlimNu ~ how is he leaving them alone. Didn’t you say his 19 yr old nephew stays there too. Wait, what am I saying. He’s 19, still stuck on stupid. I won’t be leaving my child either.

“…it was just that good to her or maybe she’s stuck on stupid.” – disco, probably both!

SlimNu

June 4th, 2013
11:02 am

Leggs/disco – Now she does have a son but he’s 16 I believe. So i’m sure he has to see his mom’s sneaking off in the middle of the night, strolling back in to get ready for work the next morn. She complains that her son never wants to get up for school and all this mess since the divorce. Running off to get you some is not the answer to keeping him in line.

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
11:03 am

O/T: Just googled “Ready Made Family.” It was 1972, and apparently, I don’t remember it like it was yesterday because I got the second line completely wrong (lololol).

I was a mere teenager when that song came out, but it’s haunting sound resonated with me for some reason.

Leggs

June 4th, 2013
11:09 am

If I had a 16 yr at home, I would not be sneaking off 3:30 in the morning. Hell, I wouldn’t be sneaking off at any time of the wee hours.

He doesn’t want to get up in the morning, because he’s up watching his mother sneak out!

Beautiful

June 4th, 2013
11:09 am

what in the tar’nation does genesis 3:16 have to do with cheating?? and Leggs, Carter didn’t say that LOL! that verse gets a lot of us in trouble

kimmie

June 4th, 2013
11:09 am

just don’t go around blaming people, history, genetics, or whatever for YOUR choices.

Dreams – This is a biggie and what I was trying to say!!

Button – You are right, women cheat and blame their husbands too. Not right in either case.

Thanks for the congrats all!!!

disco

June 4th, 2013
11:11 am

slim – I for one ain’t judging this woman for going to get some (even if she might be going about it all wrong – lol). as for her 16 year old. 16 is old enough to do what he’s told and stay out grown folks’ business. at 16 you should not be getting morning wake up calls for school. get your behind up and do what you supposed to do. if he’s not, that’s a whole nother issue but I’d bust him upside his head and then I’d still go out in the middle of the night if that’s what I chose to do. he’s 16 not 6.