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How much should dates cost?

A friend of mine took a young lady out over the holiday weekend for the first time.  He thought that they had a great time, enjoying the weather and festivals in the city.  When he called to ask her out again, she commented that she hoped he planned to “spend more” than he did on the first date.  She was not joking.

First of all, what?  Is this something men deal with all the time?  Are women actually commenting on the amount of money that is spent on a date? If so, I am sorry.  I can’t imagine how dreadful it must be to take someone out and have them complain about money spent.

Second of all, I have to ask how men handle this kind of thing. Does it ever bother you when you are treated like a wallet?  Do you ever resent being judged  on your wealth or lack of wealth?  Women are judged on looks, which can also be harsh.  How do you handle having your “manhood” questioned if you don’t make loads of dough?

Ladies, have you ever been guilty of complaining to men when they don’t spend enough money?  If you are, stop it! If you hear of other women doing this, tell them to cut it out.  It makes it harder for the reasonable women of the world.

How much should dates cost, anyway?  I am not talking how much is required to make you happy.  I want to know what you think is a reasonable amount of money that should be spent on one date.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

288 comments Add your comment

Exiled

May 30th, 2013
6:56 am

How much should dates cost?

It depends on your social stratum. There is no standard!

But every man/woman has(have?) their own standards.

And men will temporarily ‘acquire’ a higher standard if they want to bed a woman of a perceived higher standard so so badly(bedly? Lol). It happens.

Ofcourse the bia_tch verbalizing that dude had not spend ‘enough’ money was just crass. It’s typical tho if u trying in ho land. :lol:
The classiest she could have done is to decline a second date. Nothing unusual about that if,dude,,to her,seemed ‘cheap’!.

Women rate men based on finances. Clothes,job,education(is money) etc. The money may not be spend on a date or rather,the woman may not necessarily want a dude to spend boatload cash on a date. But trust,a woman wants that ’security’,…that dude could handle abc simply because of what he is about.
I know they always speak of ‘cheap dates’. But she won’t accept your well laid out ‘cheap’ date if u tell her that u have No car! So y’all going to meet at Marta..and you are investigating the options of where to drop off etc! :lol:

Next phone call to her,? It’s going to voice mail! :lol:

So dont be fooled guys.

All women want money.. Their affinity for it depends on status,tastes,education etc.

And they All look at men’s pockets.

If ur package(shoe size) ain’t stella but ur money is str8,trust me,u get a dime! Money is a valued consolation! :lol:

Good Morning MIA!

Lee

May 30th, 2013
7:27 am

I don’t think she liked him that much and she went on the date hoping that he would of gave her more than what when on. I work with some chickens like that. smh

In the end he found out fast who and what she is about right away, glad he didn’t spend that much money. Good luck on the next date.
Good Morin

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 30th, 2013
8:00 am

Why is this a surprise to anyone????? Yea, she was off way out of line is putting it out there like that, but the sentiment is fairly common….. Every dude in the dating world knows that at some point, there is going to be a cost associated with male / female interaction. The question you have to ask is do you want to have “Family Dollar” relations or “Saks” relations?

Hazel

May 30th, 2013
8:00 am

While there are no “cost” obligations on a first date, the guy should def pay. If the first date happens to be at a coffee shop, doesn’t mean that it should be labeled as a “cheap date”. Its about quality time and getting to know the person. If she is complaining already about the first date cost to him, something isn’t right.
Are women actually commenting on the amount of money that is spent on a date? This happens all the time, Im sure.

Alouette

May 30th, 2013
8:04 am

Do I resent being judged? Absolutely. Who doesn’t? People who judge others typically have a problem with self confidence and self respect (read: they don’t have any).

MIA, wake up. EVERYONE is judged on looks.

Button

May 30th, 2013
8:10 am

Top of the morning to you!
Where did he take her for the first date? enjoying the weather and festivals in the city–means they went to piedmont park or some other park and the festivals prob was free! I can see where she was upset that he didn’t put forth more (money) effort to impress with the first date, heck I would rethink dating him too. Cheap first date mean there’s plenty more to follow. Although she was crude to announce her feelings toward the expense of the date, she could’ve been a bit more tactic about it or say nothing at all and let him figure it out. I bet you going forward he would dash out more cash and put more thought into the first date. HA!

MissMoni

May 30th, 2013
8:20 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Friday Eve!* :-D

How much should dates cost? I’ve never been the one to put a price limit on dates. Just know that in the beginning I’m not coming to your house for a date or vice versa, we should get to know each other first before bringing you into my private & peaceful domain.

Honestly, I don’t personally know any women that would require a man to spend a specific amount on a date. The amount of money spent depends on who you allow to take you out. I’ll say it again, before you say “OK I’ll go out with you” have some conversations with them to see where their mindset is. Well now the guy in Diva’s situation has a CHOICE to make: Keep it moving w/o old girl OR spend more money on their next date. Choose WISELY!!!

Button

May 30th, 2013
8:22 am

First dates should impress, why even bother if you’re going to go the base route or as Courtside said Family Dollar date. You’ve talked on the phone for a lenght of time working up the excitement and it’s time for the first date and you go the cheap route? gag

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 30th, 2013
8:26 am

I hate to take it here this early in the day, But sentiments like the one Button expressed are the reason why SOME guys are always in 100% RAW DOG mode!!!!! He invested his time and effort in an attempt to get to know her… According to Buttons logic, that should have come second to being a pay master. Yeah, Its that type of thought process that salts the game for everyone……

Button

May 30th, 2013
8:31 am

Courtside – what time an effort is invested in going to a park? heck there’s no thought or effort for that well except for maybe finding good parking. In the heat at that too?

SOME men need to stop being wussies and step up their game. Enough of this lazy mess.

GlammourGirl

May 30th, 2013
8:34 am

I think dude needs to keep it moving. She showed who she was, and what she’s interested in. I personally don’t know any women who think like this, but apparently she does. Maybe during their conversation she mentioned that she was a music lover or someone she liked was performing at the jazz festival, and he felt like she would enjoy it. Who knows.

Court, I hear what you’re saying about Button’s comments, but you can’t hold us all to that logic, because we don’t all think like that. I certainly don’t. One of my best first dates was a cheap date.

[...] How much should dates cost? [...]

MissMoni

May 30th, 2013
8:40 am

-Button I think the problem in the situation is that they did NOT spend a good length of time talking on the phone and getting to know each other.

Celisea: If at first you don't succeed, try try again....and again...and again :)

May 30th, 2013
8:45 am

Plainly, she’s tacky and crass. That dude should have given her the dial tone. I will forever believe you don’t have to ask a dude to step up his spending tab. A classy dude knows when and how. The right time for spending is not in the beginning. All you need to know initially is if the two of you are a good fit. A classy dudes knows when the time is right for taking EVERYTHING to the next level….money and time included. And trust me, as you move (in the right direction), so will she.

Two things folks, time and money that a dude will freely spend if he’s reeealllyy digging you. And if he don’t, then you know your worth with him. Don’t get me wrong, understand what I say. I didn’t say he’s willing to go broke for you….that’s crazy. I said he’ll spend time and money. And usually if his woman can “get it”, he knows she’s not the kind to take him for all he’s got. There’s a balance here though for both sides, cause if buddy is cheap, drop him like a bad habit.

But yeah, I’m all over agreeing with Diva’s stance. Drop her!!

Button

May 30th, 2013
8:46 am

I’m taking a big guess and say that most of the blog traffic is geared to ppl 30ish and above? Now if you’re young and starting out, you get a pass for cheap dates but when you become established and a certian age then you need to let the cheap date go.

MissMoni

May 30th, 2013
8:50 am

-Celisea I’m with you today, he needs to simply keep it moving.

Button

May 30th, 2013
8:56 am

I highly doubt the guy will drop her, right away anyway, why? bc his ego has been bruised. He’ll step up his game take her on an extravagant date to show her what he’s working with. He has a point to prove now. then he might drop her.

Durty Burd

May 30th, 2013
8:57 am

Good Morning!

Good points MissMoni and Celisea. :)

Why in the world would you go all out on the first date if you don’t know the person that well!
As Celisea would say K.I.M.

That the problem why you trying to impress someone instead of getting to know them. Too many folks fall for the lossing and glossing then find out the person is crazy.

Society is telling folks to lead with their wallets because this economy is based on spending money. Thus quick to bed,quick to break-up their was no bricks built in the relationship.

Durty Burd

May 30th, 2013
9:00 am

No if dude did not get the puddy this past weekend, he will plot to only get the puddy then dump….She has drawn the lines in the sand.

Wow, no one had ever mention that to me, about what I spend on a date. If u do u will get a click…

Exiled

May 30th, 2013
9:01 am

Button…me thinks u got stank date beliefs…if I knew u,I wld proly say Gold diggerish.

Classy women of value wld rather know the person first(30 is and above as u say) and do cheap dates that allow talking etc…than a date that flaunts All the money without necessarily knowing the person.
U get to the money or no money in the process of knowing the subject.

Button

May 30th, 2013
9:03 am

MissMoni- not sure how much time they spent taling on the phone, It’s not mentioned in the above. I was taking a wild guess they spent some time talking on the phone, I could be wrong. not enough info.

Single & Happy

May 30th, 2013
9:03 am

Hello All

First dates should impress BS If I take yo a$$ to Mcdonalds and get you happy meal, then that’s what it is, not going out my way to impress someone that I don’t even know if they’re worth it.

Button

May 30th, 2013
9:09 am

Exile – a closed mouth never gets fed! name calling eh? I’m far from a gold digger.

disco

May 30th, 2013
9:13 am

good morning.

before I even read any of the comments let me tell y’all what I said to someone just this morning. a friend said he’s a great person to vacation with because he’s so much fun. I responded “you don’t spend enough money for me to vacation with you”. yep. that’s what I said. lol. he rebounded with you don’t have to spend money to have fun. yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah. I get it but whatever. lol.

Button

May 30th, 2013
9:13 am

Exiled – you’re right classy women of value should get to know the guy but talking first before accepting a first date and men of value should come correct showing that he’s a MAN and not a boy.

MissMoni

May 30th, 2013
9:15 am

“U get to the money or no money in the process of knowing the subject.” Yep, I definitely agree with that!

-Hi Durty! Good points in your 8:57. :-)

disco

May 30th, 2013
9:18 am

button – I don’t necessarily think that an inexpensive first date means more to follow. no point going for broke out the gate. he or she may or may not be worth it.

button – the date shouldn’t be impressive, the company should.

MissMoni

May 30th, 2013
9:20 am

-Disco LOL, you mind was already on the topic. ;-)

Single & Happy

May 30th, 2013
9:24 am

men of value should come correct showing that he’s a MAN and not a boy. well I will never be a man if that’s what it takes to be one. You should never ever start something you don’t plan on finishing.

Single & Happy

May 30th, 2013
9:25 am

disco, clarify what not enough money is?

Button

May 30th, 2013
9:27 am

what classifies a cheap man? go ahead and go on cheap dates but don’t complain about your man being cheap chaep cheap lol

DreamsMaterialize

May 30th, 2013
9:29 am

Morning
It’s a jungle out there. I’ve never had a woman tell me I needed to spend more. I have had a woman tell me in the first few phone conversations that a guy had to “work his way up” to a cheap date with her, but that in the beginning he needed to be spending cash. I told her that any desire I had to take her to a nice spot dissipated when she made it a requirement. Funny thing is I never took her out, but she still wanted to spend time with me. Guess all that spending cash stuff was just a front.

Single & Happy

May 30th, 2013
9:34 am

Dreams, they want you to spend the money, but they really can’t stand the rejection!

SlimNu

May 30th, 2013
9:35 am

I for one would not have had ANY issue with attending any of the festivals as a first date…especially if we had the whole picnic thing going on. Honestly, that would make for a great time to lay out, listening to great music and chat it up getting to know the other. People never cease to amaze me. I would not want to be with a dude who felt his ONLY way to make me happy was through his wallet. Gifts and all are nice, expensive spots are nice but it’s really no REAL reflection of how he feels about me. His thoughtfulness would be the big thing for me to see if he’s listening to me, my needs, my wants etc. If a dude went out and bought me some expensive gift that, had he listened to me, would know I wouldn’t like, it would be a turn off.

Button

May 30th, 2013
9:36 am

Men you know how it goes, why act so primative? Ladies spend a lot of money too making sure she’s looking good smelling good for the first date too. You’re not the only one digging in your wallet. Lets’ say you take a woman on a first date, and she show up wearing a burlap hair all umkempt and smelling like 2 day old garbage would you take her on a second date? will you turn her down for a second date if she asks when will she see you again?

Coach

May 30th, 2013
9:38 am

Good Good Morning tho…..

This guy should be thankful, for the simple fact that this women did him a favor. He did not have to wait to try to figure out what kind of person she was, she showed him right away and he didnt spend much now he can move on, and she can find someone else….goood!

Into the Light

May 30th, 2013
9:38 am

Morning, all!

Just UGH @ this woman and all the ones like her. Diva, remind your friend that when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

MsAtl

May 30th, 2013
9:40 am

Morning All!

I don’t think of a date in terms of how much money a date should cost. I guess that would depend on the people and the activity involved. I think the woman in question displayed tacky behavior. She should have merely declined the second date if that’s how she felt about it. Would she be okay with him telling her to dress better on the second date because she was looking busted on the first? There is a way of speaking to people and treating people with dignity and respect and that was not it. If they had been going out on dates for a while and they were all “cheap” dates, then maybe she is right to say something, but again it’s how you say it.

I have gone on dates that would be classified as “cheap” dates, but it didn’t bother me because I enjoyed myself. I don’t expect to be jetted to Paris for a first date, the purpose of the first date (or first few) is getting to know the person. Thus, while I would not go to McDonald’s on a first date, I would go to Olive Garden, Applebee’s or something like that.

Slim- Great 9:35.

Into the Light

May 30th, 2013
9:40 am

@Button: So because there is a cost of maintaining personal hygiene, you should be “reimbursed” with an expensive date!?!?!? Miss me with that….

Coach

May 30th, 2013
9:40 am

A wise woman once told me “u cant buy someone’s friendship” and lord knows I have tried, but failed..

kimmie

May 30th, 2013
9:41 am

Morning Gang!

the date shouldn’t be impressive, the company should – LOVE this Disco!! That says it all for me.

Sad how when money creeps into the picture, things take an ugly turn! They enjoyed themselves, then chick threw a hatchett in it all. VERY LOW CLASS MOVE on her part.

There are no set parameters on how much one should pay on a date. It depends on the circumstances. On our first date, my husband and I met at Ruby Tuesday. Neither of us was hungry and just ordered drinks and talked, basically shut the place down. I doubt if the bill hit over $30, including tip. So how smart would I have been to pull a stupid topic chick move? Not very.

Now if topic dude had taken her somewhere unsafe and dirty, all in the name of being cheap, that would be different, but there is a way to respond to that in a classy way.

Diva does not say whether or not they just went to the free festival and that was it. Did he bring a bottle of wine or purchase them some drinks and snacks? Cheap is relative in a case like this. It might have been perfectly fine but since dude did not crack the $100 mark, chick might think he’s cheap and that’s on her.

Personally, I love festivals and concerts such as those that were held this past weekend. As long as we were enjoying ourselves and dude made sure I was hydrated and fed, I would have been fine with it. And being that I would have talked to him much even before the date and during, thus gotten to know him and his station in life, I would only assume the best is yet to come – as it was in my case.

But some folks just don’t have any sense of class about themselves and will say anything. Fellas, don’t put all of us in that catagory. There are still some good ones out here.

Single & Happy

May 30th, 2013
9:42 am

Button, I wouldn’t but it would only be because garbage smell! And if she showed up looking like looking like you described wouldn’t be a second date either. everyone likes different things. More than likely when I first approached you, that’s not how you looked.

SlimNu

May 30th, 2013
9:44 am

MsAtl – ;-) thanks

Single & Happy

May 30th, 2013
9:44 am

MsAtl, what if the first date is a lunch date, and Mcdonalds is the only thing in the area?

Button

May 30th, 2013
9:44 am

MsAtl – I agree

ITL – I’m not saying that — I don’t know too many women who ave’t gone out and spend money on manicure, pedicure or buy an outfit for a first date. Some folks do and have dished out some $$ on their appearance for a first date.

MissMoni

May 30th, 2013
9:50 am

-Slim/Kimmie YES, we’re all vibing this morning. BTW, Kimmie I love the “first date” story with you & hubby, thanks for sharing! :-)

Button

May 30th, 2013
9:50 am

Single – everyone likes different things. BINGO!!!!! we don’t live in a monolithic society. We all have different opinions about dating there’s no right or wrong but just what works for you! I know what works for me and it’s been working for two decades one marriage and going on 2nd. and I still stand firm in my belief. A man has to show me he can provide for me if he can’t he’s not for me.

disco

May 30th, 2013
9:54 am

single – no need to clarify. we’ll just say I know this guy well. I know his resources and his spending habits. he won’t be messing up my vacation.

Single & Happy

May 30th, 2013
9:56 am

Button so taking you out on an expensive first date would mean he can provide for you?