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Text message cheating?

A reader wrote in to ask whether or not inappropriate texts can be considered cheating.  She found her live-in boyfriend’s text messages to another woman.  (Ok, when I say found, I actually mean snooped!) He insisted that they have never hooked up but admitted to a few dirty text messages.

Do you think that sending texts to people who are not your significant other automatically classifies as cheating?  What if the nature of the text messages is harmless and simple flirting?

Would it bother you if you discovered that the person you are dating had a habit of sending texts to women from his past?  Would you ask them to stop or dump them?

What is the appeal of sending dirty texts to people you aren’t even dating?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

448 comments Add your comment

kimmie

May 29th, 2013
11:13 am

Light/Swiss – Sic em, Woof Woof!!! LOL!!!

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
11:14 am

“but of course I would sneak and get on 3-way with the boy and a girl”

How did I miss this? Man, I’m really off my game…

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:14 am

MsAtl – Thanks. So sad.

disco

May 29th, 2013
11:15 am

text messaging stays up on the chopping block. me? I don’t text. I have them blocked on my phone simply because they annoy me. guess I just got one “send to everybody in your contact list” greeting too many. countless times I’ve met new guys, given them my number, don’t hear from them, run into them again and they tell me they sent me a text. I just shake my head and tell myself it wasn’t meant to be. I’m also not on facebook. one of my little cousins had a baby and I requested a pic. that child told me to go on facebook to see the baby. puh-leeze. I told her I’d see the baby when the baby was big enough to come see me. lol. she emailed me some pics.

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
11:15 am

and the kids had a black and white (with pliers) 13 inch in the den… :lol: :lol: :lol: That’s what I’m talking about. Don’ forget about the foil on the tip of the rabbit ears.

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:16 am

I too was able to receive calls starting at the age of 15. My mama made no quams nor hid the fact that she just might pick up from another phone in the house and listen. I’d already prewarned…lol

Also, we got the brakes beat off of us if we called (as in initiated a phone call) a boy. Noooooo, that was a no no in my house. HE had to call YOU, or y’all didn’t talk.

Of course, I think my mama did a dang great job instilling in us principles and a back bone and low tolerance…lol Naturally, I had to learn a bit later in life how to relax some of what she instilled. But much of it, I still hold and keep with. It’s what made me the woman I am today :mrgreen:

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:16 am

Andre’s mom was in her early sixties.

SlimNu

May 29th, 2013
11:17 am

you guys were living large having your own phone line

Leggs – I lucked out because the house we moved into already had that extra line in the room that ended up being mine. It took my mom a while to be okay to even have the line turned on in my room. lol

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:18 am

I’m feeling all nostalgic now…

I remember fighting over watching The Flinstones (love love love Hanna Barbera cartoons) versus The Monsters and The Addams Family….lololol I was the baby so I tended to loose…unless my mama was there to intervene…lol

Durty Burd

May 29th, 2013
11:21 am

Hello MissMoni! :)

Recap ….Ms Button shows signs of insecurity…U should be getting to a stage in your life where you trust GOD and the wisdom/intuition that GOD gave you in order for you to make a decision.

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
11:22 am

I love the fact that we all lived along the same lines as it relates to rules and growing up, yet live in different parts of the country. Those old folks back then didn’t play that. Nuh uh!!

EXACTLY. And all that we experienced growing up helped to mold us into who we are today.

Celisea ~ I was the baby too, but I grew up being bossy and got my way A LOT! Heck with my brothers and sister wanted something they knew Mama would say absolutely no too, I was sent in as the negotiator. Many times I did shift her mind and others I was threatened if I didn’t leave her room (lol).

MissMoni

May 29th, 2013
11:23 am

-Daddy Swiss I was much too young at the time for that kind of 3-way. You know I was speaking of good ole Southern Bell, LOL!!!

kimmie

May 29th, 2013
11:23 am

Wow, you guys got me thinking back to those days! Funny how some “house rules” are almost universal!

MissMoni

May 29th, 2013
11:24 am

Hi Durty! Do you want to talk on 3-way???

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
11:24 am

Dudes who use texting as a form of personal communication and is constantly texting hourly is lacking some verbal communication skills. Man or woman thats talking or texting hourly may need to get a life IMO

there’s nothing wrong with texting talking, or what ever you chose to do, just like everything else in life you have to learn how to balance things,

Yea Disco, you didn’t miss out anything with those guys.

Beautiful

May 29th, 2013
11:24 am

love your 7:56 Single & Happy! the one time i snooped, one time, my life turns upside down. never again! i have no desire at all to look at another man’s cellphone etc. to date, i have not once looked at either of my son’s phones. why? because i know 100% i will see or read something i don’t like. so why do it?

and the man i’m dating or married to better text me throughout the day LOL! i love attention. yes, Beautiful is a attention’whore LOL! but for the record, i never have a problem with my man not texting or calling or not giving enough attention. texting is fun. i enjoy it, especially from someone i truly want to hear from.

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
11:25 am

MissMoni — From my experience, those good ole Southern Belles are often the most likely to go in on a 3-way.

Ahh, that’s more like it. Getting back in mid-season form… lol

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:25 am

And all that we experienced growing up helped to mold us into who we are today.

Bears repeating And we’re happy about how we turned out.

Leggs – Me too…I was bossy. My brother (right over me in age) and my sister that passes are the two I’d be home with afterschool. Man, if I got my way say a time mama was home, I paid dearly for it later…lol I got beat up by them and often…lol Not anything brutal, sibling rivalry.

MissMoni

May 29th, 2013
11:26 am

-Daddy Swiss Well you know what the Southern Belles say, it isn’t polite to kiss and tell, LOL!!!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 29th, 2013
11:27 am

Does anyone else here think that the dating rule book has gotten waaaaaaaaay to complicated….. So many effin’ “rules” ! All of the lines in the sand, all of the absolute dealbreakers…… Its no wonder folks can’t / don’t stay together……

Durty Burd

May 29th, 2013
11:27 am

What MissMoni in a 3-way….Well she was in the army,where they tend to be all they can be or is that the marines… :wink: Army strong

The AJC has some great stories of quite a few young ladies losing a lot of weight. Those are great stories.

disco

May 29th, 2013
11:28 am

speaking of nostalgia. I was in the store yesterday looking at the overpriced bottles of lotion when I saw a giant bottle of queen helene’s cocoa butter lotion for like $3. now that brought back memories. if the bottle wasn’t so big I would have bought it on GP. lol.

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2013
11:28 am

Hi everyone! Long time, no chat! :-) I just got back in the office after being out since Friday. Nice, long weekend with a trip up to Marquette, MI.

I haven’t had a chance yet to read everyone’s responses. Texting may not quite be cheating, but it sure is close and can lead to it. I had the situation with the Ex where he was texting one girl and facebook messaging another one. The Facebook one was pretty bad. I definitely did snoop with him because I didn’t trust him. Don’t ask me why I stayed with him when I didn’t trust him. He proved me right, although I never found that he actually did cheat. He may have and I just don’t know about it. I sure was suspicious. I’m afraid that I’ll feel the need to snoop with a future mate just because of the hell I was put through with the last one. I hope I’ll be able to get over the trust issue.

Back to trying to catch up…

kimmie

May 29th, 2013
11:29 am

Kids these days need those old rules we lived by growing up. I know mine will!!

Durty Burd

May 29th, 2013
11:31 am

Swiss….You are going to have to go ease on the sexual talk, some of the ladies are practicing absinence so we need to engage them in thought provoking conversation.

Uh Yes MissMoni I want to engage in 3-way! :) Oops!

kimmie

May 29th, 2013
11:34 am

Does anyone else here think that the dating rule book has gotten waaaaaaaaay to complicated

Court – It’s only complicated if you make it that way. Just conform and you won’t have any problems!!!!LOL

I am kind of kidding. Really I’ve found it only gets complicated when you try to decieve and play games. If you’re straight up about what you want and show others respect, it is not complicated or hard to figure out at all.

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:35 am

Does anyone else here think that the dating rule book has gotten waaaaaaaaay to complicated

Nope, you better have rules…that or the okie doke. If folks were more stand-up and honest, then yeah relax the rules. Folks headed to their sunset years still tryna have rotation…IJS

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
11:35 am

Kimmie my sister once asked me if I didn’t want my kids to have it better than I did, I replied NO, I don’t think I had it that bad, and the the things I went through then make me the person I am today, and I’m doing damn good. So I could only wish the same for them!

disco

May 29th, 2013
11:38 am

hey bluz!!!

kimmie – since we still on parenting and you brought up rules, which are your die-hards and which do you not sweat? me? I had zero tolerance for picky eaters but my son never ever had a set bed time or a general daily curfew. didn’t need it. I knew kids that would sit up all night if you let them but mine wasn’t one of them. I had a friend who had a strict 8pm bedtime for her kids. I was like “IT’S SUMMER. the sun is still shining”. she didn’t care. she said by 8 she needed the break. lol.

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
11:38 am

Court it’s not that complicate, remember everyone is NOT looking for the same thing in a relationship. It’s all about what you’re looking for.

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
11:40 am

“some of the ladies are practicing absinence”

Durty — And some of them really need the practice… (cue the rim shot)

Beautiful

May 29th, 2013
11:40 am

co-sign Kimmie, Celisea and Single!

kimmie

May 29th, 2013
11:42 am

Single – I feel I had the very best!! And I too turned out damn good!LOL!!

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
11:42 am

Bears repeating And we’re happy about how we turned out. Our life lessons ways back when were hard to swallow, but for the most part, I’m thankful I went through what I went through. Not only that, we have some damn good fun back in the day, from tag to dodge ball, double dutch, play house, green light, punch ball (loved, loved, loved punch ball), stick ball, etc. Even out of that short list, kids today probably may only know “play house!”

Hush, swiss, not the best game ever made (lol).

Durty Burd

May 29th, 2013
11:43 am

Speaking of sexting,

http://www.ajc.com/news/news/local/former-cobb-football-coach-arrested-for-allegedly-/nX5tM/

Another adult in age and a teenager in the mind is caught sexting a teenager.

A public service announcement: Attention all adults who are thinking about messing with a teenager u will be caught. Your life will be ruin forever… That is all!

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:44 am

Our life lessons ways back when were hard to swallow, but for the most part, I’m thankful I went through what I went through. Not only that, we have some damn good fun back in the day, from tag to dodge ball, double dutch, play house, green light, punch ball (loved, loved, loved punch ball), stick ball, etc. Even out of that short list, kids today probably may only know “play house!”

Me too…and I don’t regret one minute of what mama and daddy did for me. Not one single regret either with how life has carried me! :mrgreen:

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 29th, 2013
11:46 am

Single, Celisea, kimmie, We have spent at least some portion of today’s blog discussing the viability of text messaging!!! In fact most of the topics we have here at least on some level come back to some rule for him or for her….. This is a deal breaker or that is a deal breaker… What ever happened to being able to deal with each other and work thru issues without all of the absolutes???

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
11:49 am

Leggs we had to use our imagination back then, didn’t have all this stuff to entertain us. bored wasn’t in our vocabulary. and if it was you only used it once to you parents, cause they would find you something (work) to do (LOL)

Button

May 29th, 2013
11:49 am

Durty – if you say so—-also whose to say I don’t put my trust in the Most High?

MissMoni

May 29th, 2013
11:51 am

-Durty I still don’t get how adults don’t think they will get caught. Seriously, there is a mental illness going on to desire to have sex with a teenager.

-Daddy Swiss & Durty I’m successfully abstaining. . . Over a year and counting!!! :-D

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:52 am

Courtside – My thing is this…. I’m cool and open to hearing and working through stuff. I’m not right all the time and neither is he. I understand this. And this is really doable as long as both are adults and willing to bend for the relationship….legitimate stuff. But, if it’s a matter of a dude, my dude sending text messages to another, there’s nothing to work through. You violated the trust we supposedly had and you violated the bond between us. I can see a dude that catches my eye, but if I’m with you (SO,boo,spouse,mate), then it’s hands off. This I already know, before even going there.

That’s what I take a hardline against. Not personal differences and coming together…not that kind of stuff. That’s a part of being in relationships.

Durty Burd

May 29th, 2013
11:53 am

Swiss… I mean they are foresaking the human physical pleasure and one is partaking of the electrical pleasure.

@Celisea u are always mentioning when folks get older/sunset years they need to stop worrying or having sex. Are u planning to stop having sex when u reach say 52yrs? lol

Kimmie we need to ask someone if you turn out o.k.? miss straight no chaser lol

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:55 am

Durty – My reference to sunset years today was solely about playing games. After awhile, you should settle into what you have with whom you’re with.

Am I planning to stop having sex by 52? Can’t say. I’m a ways off from 52 :mrgreen: I just know I don’t want to be some foolish old woman. I want to move with the tide and time. Make sense?

kimmie

May 29th, 2013
11:57 am

disco – Well, the kids have a strict bedtime on school nights. Anything later than 9 and they just can’t get up. Other than that, I don’t sweat it. Baby girl is gonna fall asleep early anyway, she just can’t hang though she tries to! The boy would stay up playing video games as long as he can sit up and hold his eyes open, but its all good as long as it’s not a school night or we have to get up early for something like catch a plane.

I never had a curfew growing up. Mom said she raised us so be home at a reasonable time. If you’re gonna be out later than say 2am, we had to call her so she would not be up worrying. That did not happen too often. Anyway, that was how it was unless you abused it. None of us did, so things were cool there. I’ll probably do the same with mine.

Mom did not tolerate the picky eater thing, you ate what was on your plate. We learned to just finish up what we didn’t like first and get it out of the way. There were a few things Mom recognized we just did not like period, so she did not sweat those few things. But she did not play the stank attitude and the turning up your nose at things, especially out. You just calmly say you don’t care for something or no thank you. That would safely get you out of eating it.

A stank, snarky attitude would get you slapped. We lived in fear of Mom’s slaps. I don’t hit the kids, but I don’t tolerate it either. They get an almost cussing out and privileges taken away and they hear my mouth. I’ve moved baby girl to tears at times, but she knows where I stand on it. It kind of bothers hubs cause he’s not the disciplinarian I am, but he recognizes it’s necessary. THat’s all I need!

SlimNu

May 29th, 2013
11:59 am

it only gets complicated when you try to decieve and play games. If you’re straight up about what you want and show others respect, it is not complicated or hard to figure out at all.

Aaaamen!!!

czBrat ♀ island bound!!

May 29th, 2013
12:00 pm

Do you think that sending texts to people who are not your significant other automatically classifies as cheating? yes

What if the nature of the text messages is harmless and simple flirting?
“harmless”? huh???

Would it bother you if you discovered that the person you are dating had a habit of sending texts to women from his past? yes
Would you ask them to stop or dump them?
depends how much i’m into him. probably first ask, then end up leaving anyway.

What is the appeal of sending dirty texts to people you aren’t even dating?
immaturity.

good noon, good people.

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
12:01 pm

I got beat up by them and often…lol Not anything brutal – in my house, it was brual sibling rivalry.

“Does anyone else here think that the dating rule book has gotten waaaaaaaaay to complicated….. So many effin’ “rules” ! All of the lines in the sand, all of the absolute dealbreakers…… Its no wonder folks can’t / don’t stay together……”

Courtside – I don’t think it’s complicated if you know what you’re looking for and what you won’t tolerate. Staying true to what you’re looking for certainly will have you laughing at the BS in your rearview!!!!
Kids these days need those old rules we lived by growing up. I know mine will!! = Absolutely!!

“some of the ladies are practicing absinence” – What’s sad about this statement is the women are practicing because there aren’t coming into contact with men who deserves their honey pots OR they’re actually looking for something with substance and not just the substance oozing out. And, those that are practicing, Durty bet they have more will power than some of you men. Sexual convo won’t need them needing a wet one to clean up the mess they made under their desk like some of you men.

disco

May 29th, 2013
12:03 pm

re sexting teens – hate to play devil’s advocate but are we talking 13, 14 or are we talking 17, 18, 19?

brat – island bound? disco taking a deep breath and releasing a deep sigh. ahhhhhhh.

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
12:08 pm

re: bored :lol: :lol: You’re right. We found out with the quickness to never again say that word. One slip was enough. Main thing wrong with many children, they don’t use their imaginations. From one extreme of creating and selling Tumblr to sitting in their rooms making bombs to blow up their schools.

Mom did not tolerate the picky eater thing, you ate what was on your plate. – Mama tried with m, but wasn’t successful I don’t know how many times I got hit in the head w/a newspaper. Well, yeah I do (3x). Still picky, but better!

Beautiful

May 29th, 2013
12:08 pm

*What is the appeal of sending dirty texts to people you aren’t even dating?
immaturity.* i agree.